How Vegeta Stole Christmas
Vegeta was in the car with Bulma at the time our story begins. Ever since he had landed on this planet he had to celebrate Christmas, a strange holiday that certain Earthlings celebrated, on the 25th of their twelfth month.
"It's a foolish holiday," he muttered under his breath. "On good old Vegeta we had no time for such foolishness. While these idiots celebrated Christmas we were out conquering planets,"
"Vegeta!" scolded Bulma, as she never let Vegeta think out loud without her knowing it. "Don't say that in front of Trunks!"
"And why not?" scowled Vegeta. "It's entirely true!"
"Yes, but you know those ideas he gets!" Bulma replied, then, whispering, she said, "You don't want another Dinosaur Incident, do you?"
Vegeta shuddered and stopped talking. When Bulma was right, she was right. He couldn't help but hate the holiday though. Worst of all was this horrible ritual.
"I still don't understand why we have to go to Kakkarot's home for Christmas," he shuddered at the "C" word. "I'd go anywhere else more willingly than there,"
"Well, Vegeta, we owe it to him," Bulma said. "After all, you did almost kill him."
"Yes, that's right," he said. "I did almost kill him," Vegeta laughs. "Good times," he boasted.
As much as he tried during that long drive to Kakkarot's house, he couldn't understand Christmas. Was it the happiness? The lack of screams? Or perhaps something locked deep into Vegeta's memory that he couldn't remember? Whatever it was, it had him stumped, and the meaning of the wretched occasion slipped through his fingers whenever he tried to figure it out.
********
"Merry Christmas!" this was the greeting call from the entire Son family. Not only the Son family, in fact, but also Krillin's family, Master Roshi, Turtle, Oolong, Puar, Piccolo, and Yamcha. Piccolo was the only one who hadn't yelled it, being too embarrassed at Goku (somebody had spiked Goku's drink).
Vegeta once again shook at the "C" word. No one seemed to notice, as the festivities commenced the moment Vegeta stepped in. Everyone went to different areas of the house for the party. Goten and Trunks, quite obviously, ran off to find something to destroy or to scheme some twisted plot.
Vegeta strayed away from everyone else. He leaned against a wall, watching an incredibly annoying television special about a flying, hoofed creature with a shining nose. The "C" word turned up so many times that Vegeta had an urge to blow up the television set. He would've, in fact, had Oolong not interrupted his thoughts.
"Merry Christmas!" said Oolong. He looked a little drunk himself, and was carrying an empty glass of punch. In the background Trunks and Goten were laughing hysterically.
"Beat it, pig, before I develop a hunger for pork," said Vegeta, glaring at poor Oolong. Oolong ran away as fast as he could.
Goku decided to come over and cheer Vegeta up. He wanted to do so because Vegeta looked a little grumpy. Of course, Goku was so drunk he forgot that Vegeta was grumpy all the time.
"Hey Vegeta!" Goku said, swaying side to side. "Some party, huh?"
"Kakkarot," Vegeta said. "You know I despise Chri.Chri."
"Christmas!" Goku finished for him.
"Yes, Christmas," said Vegeta, shuddering once more. "How do you expect me to enjoy the party if I hate its very essence?"
Goku seemed perplexed by this question. He walked off, arguing with himself about the answer.
*******
"All right everyone, dinner!" yelled ChiChi.
"That means you, Vegeta!" yelled Bulma. Vegeta headed toward the table.
All seats had already been taken except one. Puar sat next to Yamcha, who sat next to Oolong, who sat next to Turtle, who sat next to Master Roshi, who sat next to Piccolo, who sat next to Gohan, who sat next to Krillin, who sat next to #18, who sat next to Marron, who sat next to Bulma, who sat next to Trunks (who was tied to the chair), who sat next to Goten (who was also tied), who sat next to ChiChi, who sat next to Kakkarot, who sat next to.
The empty chair!
"Well, Vegeta, it looks like we're sitting next to each other this Christmas!" said Goku cheerfully. "Just don't set the table on fire like last year,"
"I'll try my best," mumbled Vegeta, and he sat down.
The only ones that ate were the saiyans. The others were too busy staring and wondering where all the food went. It didn't matter that they didn't eat, since the saiyans ate enough for all of them.
Thankfully the display of gluttony drove everyone speechless, and Vegeta didn't need to talk at all. He didn't need to, that is, until dessert.
"This year I decided to make something festive," said ChiChi. "Fig pudding!"
She placed the bowl on the table. Trunks and Goten somehow untied themselves and were nowhere in sight. Gohan reached a finger toward the bowl and ChiChi smacked it with a frying pan that seemingly came from nowhere.
They were all served pudding and they started to eat. Goten and Trunks still weren't there. Just as Vegeta started to eat the dessert, though it exploded all over his face.
Everyone could hear Goten and Trunks laughing from upstairs. Bulma and ChiChi looked at each other, nodded, and grabbed frying pans. They rushed upstairs as everyone else laughed at Vegeta.
"Looks like YOU brought us some figgy pudding!" said Krillin, and everyone laughed (with the exception of #18 and Piccolo, not understanding why it was so funny.)
This was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Vegeta had his final reason to hate Christmas. He would do something about it, and nothing could stop him.
********
The party was over, and Vegeta was home. Trunks was sleeping over Kakkarot's home (the frying pan marks put him out of commission and he couldn't move.), Bulma was watching Christmas specials with Mr. And Mrs. Briefs, and Vegeta was training in the gravity room.
As he trained, Vegeta thought about how to stop Christmas. The next morning the foolishness would be at its prime. With the horrid date but 4 hours away, Vegeta was racking his brains.
He finally decided to stop training and go to bed. Maybe if he were lucky he would sleep straight through it.
As he passed through the living room, he realized the television was on. He went to turn it off, but the song on the special gave him an idea.
"You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout I'm tellin' you why! SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!!!"
An idea came to him. All of these insane specials end with someone getting toys, or some other gift. That is how to ruin Christmas! Take away its meaning!
He ran to the closet. Inside, instead of clothes he found Dynocaps. He grabbed the case labeled "Costumes". Inside of it, he grabbed the cap labeled "Santa Suit" and opened it.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "This year will be the first Christmas in a series of Christmases to be ruined!"
He put on the Santa suit and ran out the door. He'd do his house last. He took off and flew extremely fast to the next house. He'd simply devastate West City and the surrounding houses. "No, even better," he thought. "I'll steal Christmas from all the world!"
He landed, but decided he'd do West City last. He flew off into the distance.
********
He was doing a good job. The fat old man was apparently done with his shift, because presents were already in the houses. He must have done over 10,000 houses before he came to a familiar place.
"Krillin's house, eh?" he said, smirking. "This should prove interesting,"
He jumped down the chimney and held on tight to his sack. He kept emptying it in a burrow by his house. He checked under the tree, and the presents were there!
"Yes!" he said softly. "Now to take the presents, tree, decorations, and any other Christmassy things that they have here,"
He continued to stuff the bag with presents. As he was stuffing up the tree, though, an ornament fell off. It made a huge crash, but neither Krillin nor #18 woke up. Instead, only Marron did, and she came down, rubbing her eyes.
"Santa," she said drowsily. "Why are you stealing our things?"
She obviously hadn't seen Vegeta's face, because as soon as he began to answer he showed her his face. She screamed, turned around and ran. She ran into a wall, though, and fell over, unconscious.
"That is an alternative, I suppose," said Vegeta, and he brought her to her bed. As he slipped up the chimney, though, he wondered how in the world Krillin and #18 slept through a shatter and the thump of their daughter's head on the floor.
********
It was close to midnight by the time Vegeta landed on Master Roshi's island.
"Looks like the last stop until West City," sniggered Vegeta. "I'll cherish this night forever,"
Having said that he jumped down the chimney. Something under him pushed upwards, though, and eventually, after struggling for a while, he came out. Who should come out the chimney but.
Santa Claus!!!
Vegeta was shocked. "I thought you rode reindeer," said Vegeta, staring at the fat, floating man.
"Ho ho ho!" said Santa, and he pointed across the roof where, sure enough, a sleigh and reindeer stood.
"I'm so close to stopping this infernal holiday! You can't stop me!" yelled Vegeta, powering up to Super Saiyan. "The Saiyan Prince will be bothered no more by it!" Vegeta flew forward, fist extended.
"Ho ho hohoho!" yelled St. Nick as he flew forward, fist outstretched.
Their fists met, and they continued to punch and kick so rapidly you could only see 1/100 of the attacks. Santa finally smashed Vegeta hard into the ground, leaving a smoldering crater.
Vegeta flew out and released a series of ki blasts 10 times the speed of a machine gun. Santa dodged every one, and proceeded to zap Vegeta with a huge beam of his own.
"I can't stop!" thought Vegeta. "I'm so close!" He flew up and grabbed Santa. Santa simply grabbed Vegeta, shook him off, and launched him into the water.
Vegeta finally got an idea. He went up to Santa, but instead of attacking he said, "Look! Cookies!" Santa turned around as fast as he could.
"Ho?" said Santa, confused. Realizing his chance, Vegeta smashed Santa into his reindeer. They flew away, and soon Santa was just a dot on the horizon.
"There goes another threat," said Vegeta. "Hopefully it won't come back,"
Having said that, he began to loot Roshi's house.
******** Vegeta had finally looted all the houses, including his.
"What a wonderful non-Christmas this will be!" he yelled, excited. "It almost makes me want to do it every day!"
He was about to step in his house, but froze. He had forgotten Kakkarot's house! Kakkarot lived in the middle of nowhere, and he only did the cities and villages!
"How could I forget?" he whispered to himself. "I forgot to loot the reason for my stealing! The home of the final straw!" H flew extremely quickly to Kakkarot's house.
When he finally got there, he stared for a moment. He felt strange. It was a feeling he had never experienced before, yet he was full of it.
"Odd." he said, wondering. He simply shook it off and slid down the chimney.
Kakkarot had an unusually large chimney. He got stuck several times, and sometimes his bag wouldn't move, but he finally fell into the fireplace.
"Yyyyeeeeeeoooowwwww!!!" he yelled. He had landed on something that was now wrapping around him. He could hear familiar voices from outside the chimney.
"It worked, Trunks!" said one voice. "Your idea to put a Dinocap with live rope in it worked!"
"I know," said Trunks. "Now we caught Santa!"
"We caught Santa! We caught Santa!" said the boys in unison. The smoke finally cleared, and Vegeta saw Trunks and Goten dancing around like idiots.
Goten finally saw Vegeta, and he said, "Your dad is Santa!?" Trunks was staring in shock. He couldn't believe that his dad, the Christmas hater, was Santa.
Vegeta was hit by a question. "You mean the real Santa hasn't come yet?" he said.
"No, not yet," said Goten. Trunks was still too shocked to say anything. As if to prove Goten's answer, a hand grabbed Vegeta and pulled him up the chimney. When Vegeta was dropped on the roof, he was staring into the face of Santa.
"Why hello again, Santa," said Vegeta. "Lose your appetite for cookies, did you?"
Santa just stared at Vegeta. "Ho ho ho ho!" he said in an angry tone. He held his gloved hand up to Vegeta's face, and images flooded into Vegeta's mind.
Images of little boys and girls rejoicing over the coming of Christmas. Of Children hugging their parents by the Christmas tree. Images of all aliens and other species celebrating some holiday, and then.
Images of him as a child. He saw others outside his palace windows celebrating. Only the women, as the men were all ravaging other planets. But even so, he also saw men on other planets celebrating with a rousing game of "kill the city". He was always at home, though. He was royalty, and thus did not conquer. So he gained a personal hate to all holidays on the 25th day of the 12th month.
Vegeta did not cry. He simply stood up and looked at Santa. He nodded, and flew off to return the presents. He now realized that Christmas is a time to be thankful for others, not only yourself. As he flew into the horizon, he finally placed the strange feeling. It was guilt.
The End
You're a Mean One Vegeta Briefs
(Sung to the tune of "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch")
You're a mean one,
Vegeta Briefs,
Your heart is made of stone,
All that time on other planets
Has you rotten to the bone Vegeta Briefs!
You're idea of a good time is. Blowin' up your home!
You're a mean one,
Vegeta Briefs, Your friends all tell me so, You're rotten, creepy, nasty, You aren't nice at a'ol Vegeta Briefs!
I wouldn't touch you with. Goku's Power Pole!
Vegeta was in the car with Bulma at the time our story begins. Ever since he had landed on this planet he had to celebrate Christmas, a strange holiday that certain Earthlings celebrated, on the 25th of their twelfth month.
"It's a foolish holiday," he muttered under his breath. "On good old Vegeta we had no time for such foolishness. While these idiots celebrated Christmas we were out conquering planets,"
"Vegeta!" scolded Bulma, as she never let Vegeta think out loud without her knowing it. "Don't say that in front of Trunks!"
"And why not?" scowled Vegeta. "It's entirely true!"
"Yes, but you know those ideas he gets!" Bulma replied, then, whispering, she said, "You don't want another Dinosaur Incident, do you?"
Vegeta shuddered and stopped talking. When Bulma was right, she was right. He couldn't help but hate the holiday though. Worst of all was this horrible ritual.
"I still don't understand why we have to go to Kakkarot's home for Christmas," he shuddered at the "C" word. "I'd go anywhere else more willingly than there,"
"Well, Vegeta, we owe it to him," Bulma said. "After all, you did almost kill him."
"Yes, that's right," he said. "I did almost kill him," Vegeta laughs. "Good times," he boasted.
As much as he tried during that long drive to Kakkarot's house, he couldn't understand Christmas. Was it the happiness? The lack of screams? Or perhaps something locked deep into Vegeta's memory that he couldn't remember? Whatever it was, it had him stumped, and the meaning of the wretched occasion slipped through his fingers whenever he tried to figure it out.
********
"Merry Christmas!" this was the greeting call from the entire Son family. Not only the Son family, in fact, but also Krillin's family, Master Roshi, Turtle, Oolong, Puar, Piccolo, and Yamcha. Piccolo was the only one who hadn't yelled it, being too embarrassed at Goku (somebody had spiked Goku's drink).
Vegeta once again shook at the "C" word. No one seemed to notice, as the festivities commenced the moment Vegeta stepped in. Everyone went to different areas of the house for the party. Goten and Trunks, quite obviously, ran off to find something to destroy or to scheme some twisted plot.
Vegeta strayed away from everyone else. He leaned against a wall, watching an incredibly annoying television special about a flying, hoofed creature with a shining nose. The "C" word turned up so many times that Vegeta had an urge to blow up the television set. He would've, in fact, had Oolong not interrupted his thoughts.
"Merry Christmas!" said Oolong. He looked a little drunk himself, and was carrying an empty glass of punch. In the background Trunks and Goten were laughing hysterically.
"Beat it, pig, before I develop a hunger for pork," said Vegeta, glaring at poor Oolong. Oolong ran away as fast as he could.
Goku decided to come over and cheer Vegeta up. He wanted to do so because Vegeta looked a little grumpy. Of course, Goku was so drunk he forgot that Vegeta was grumpy all the time.
"Hey Vegeta!" Goku said, swaying side to side. "Some party, huh?"
"Kakkarot," Vegeta said. "You know I despise Chri.Chri."
"Christmas!" Goku finished for him.
"Yes, Christmas," said Vegeta, shuddering once more. "How do you expect me to enjoy the party if I hate its very essence?"
Goku seemed perplexed by this question. He walked off, arguing with himself about the answer.
*******
"All right everyone, dinner!" yelled ChiChi.
"That means you, Vegeta!" yelled Bulma. Vegeta headed toward the table.
All seats had already been taken except one. Puar sat next to Yamcha, who sat next to Oolong, who sat next to Turtle, who sat next to Master Roshi, who sat next to Piccolo, who sat next to Gohan, who sat next to Krillin, who sat next to #18, who sat next to Marron, who sat next to Bulma, who sat next to Trunks (who was tied to the chair), who sat next to Goten (who was also tied), who sat next to ChiChi, who sat next to Kakkarot, who sat next to.
The empty chair!
"Well, Vegeta, it looks like we're sitting next to each other this Christmas!" said Goku cheerfully. "Just don't set the table on fire like last year,"
"I'll try my best," mumbled Vegeta, and he sat down.
The only ones that ate were the saiyans. The others were too busy staring and wondering where all the food went. It didn't matter that they didn't eat, since the saiyans ate enough for all of them.
Thankfully the display of gluttony drove everyone speechless, and Vegeta didn't need to talk at all. He didn't need to, that is, until dessert.
"This year I decided to make something festive," said ChiChi. "Fig pudding!"
She placed the bowl on the table. Trunks and Goten somehow untied themselves and were nowhere in sight. Gohan reached a finger toward the bowl and ChiChi smacked it with a frying pan that seemingly came from nowhere.
They were all served pudding and they started to eat. Goten and Trunks still weren't there. Just as Vegeta started to eat the dessert, though it exploded all over his face.
Everyone could hear Goten and Trunks laughing from upstairs. Bulma and ChiChi looked at each other, nodded, and grabbed frying pans. They rushed upstairs as everyone else laughed at Vegeta.
"Looks like YOU brought us some figgy pudding!" said Krillin, and everyone laughed (with the exception of #18 and Piccolo, not understanding why it was so funny.)
This was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Vegeta had his final reason to hate Christmas. He would do something about it, and nothing could stop him.
********
The party was over, and Vegeta was home. Trunks was sleeping over Kakkarot's home (the frying pan marks put him out of commission and he couldn't move.), Bulma was watching Christmas specials with Mr. And Mrs. Briefs, and Vegeta was training in the gravity room.
As he trained, Vegeta thought about how to stop Christmas. The next morning the foolishness would be at its prime. With the horrid date but 4 hours away, Vegeta was racking his brains.
He finally decided to stop training and go to bed. Maybe if he were lucky he would sleep straight through it.
As he passed through the living room, he realized the television was on. He went to turn it off, but the song on the special gave him an idea.
"You better watch out, You better not cry, You better not pout I'm tellin' you why! SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!!!"
An idea came to him. All of these insane specials end with someone getting toys, or some other gift. That is how to ruin Christmas! Take away its meaning!
He ran to the closet. Inside, instead of clothes he found Dynocaps. He grabbed the case labeled "Costumes". Inside of it, he grabbed the cap labeled "Santa Suit" and opened it.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "This year will be the first Christmas in a series of Christmases to be ruined!"
He put on the Santa suit and ran out the door. He'd do his house last. He took off and flew extremely fast to the next house. He'd simply devastate West City and the surrounding houses. "No, even better," he thought. "I'll steal Christmas from all the world!"
He landed, but decided he'd do West City last. He flew off into the distance.
********
He was doing a good job. The fat old man was apparently done with his shift, because presents were already in the houses. He must have done over 10,000 houses before he came to a familiar place.
"Krillin's house, eh?" he said, smirking. "This should prove interesting,"
He jumped down the chimney and held on tight to his sack. He kept emptying it in a burrow by his house. He checked under the tree, and the presents were there!
"Yes!" he said softly. "Now to take the presents, tree, decorations, and any other Christmassy things that they have here,"
He continued to stuff the bag with presents. As he was stuffing up the tree, though, an ornament fell off. It made a huge crash, but neither Krillin nor #18 woke up. Instead, only Marron did, and she came down, rubbing her eyes.
"Santa," she said drowsily. "Why are you stealing our things?"
She obviously hadn't seen Vegeta's face, because as soon as he began to answer he showed her his face. She screamed, turned around and ran. She ran into a wall, though, and fell over, unconscious.
"That is an alternative, I suppose," said Vegeta, and he brought her to her bed. As he slipped up the chimney, though, he wondered how in the world Krillin and #18 slept through a shatter and the thump of their daughter's head on the floor.
********
It was close to midnight by the time Vegeta landed on Master Roshi's island.
"Looks like the last stop until West City," sniggered Vegeta. "I'll cherish this night forever,"
Having said that he jumped down the chimney. Something under him pushed upwards, though, and eventually, after struggling for a while, he came out. Who should come out the chimney but.
Santa Claus!!!
Vegeta was shocked. "I thought you rode reindeer," said Vegeta, staring at the fat, floating man.
"Ho ho ho!" said Santa, and he pointed across the roof where, sure enough, a sleigh and reindeer stood.
"I'm so close to stopping this infernal holiday! You can't stop me!" yelled Vegeta, powering up to Super Saiyan. "The Saiyan Prince will be bothered no more by it!" Vegeta flew forward, fist extended.
"Ho ho hohoho!" yelled St. Nick as he flew forward, fist outstretched.
Their fists met, and they continued to punch and kick so rapidly you could only see 1/100 of the attacks. Santa finally smashed Vegeta hard into the ground, leaving a smoldering crater.
Vegeta flew out and released a series of ki blasts 10 times the speed of a machine gun. Santa dodged every one, and proceeded to zap Vegeta with a huge beam of his own.
"I can't stop!" thought Vegeta. "I'm so close!" He flew up and grabbed Santa. Santa simply grabbed Vegeta, shook him off, and launched him into the water.
Vegeta finally got an idea. He went up to Santa, but instead of attacking he said, "Look! Cookies!" Santa turned around as fast as he could.
"Ho?" said Santa, confused. Realizing his chance, Vegeta smashed Santa into his reindeer. They flew away, and soon Santa was just a dot on the horizon.
"There goes another threat," said Vegeta. "Hopefully it won't come back,"
Having said that, he began to loot Roshi's house.
******** Vegeta had finally looted all the houses, including his.
"What a wonderful non-Christmas this will be!" he yelled, excited. "It almost makes me want to do it every day!"
He was about to step in his house, but froze. He had forgotten Kakkarot's house! Kakkarot lived in the middle of nowhere, and he only did the cities and villages!
"How could I forget?" he whispered to himself. "I forgot to loot the reason for my stealing! The home of the final straw!" H flew extremely quickly to Kakkarot's house.
When he finally got there, he stared for a moment. He felt strange. It was a feeling he had never experienced before, yet he was full of it.
"Odd." he said, wondering. He simply shook it off and slid down the chimney.
Kakkarot had an unusually large chimney. He got stuck several times, and sometimes his bag wouldn't move, but he finally fell into the fireplace.
"Yyyyeeeeeeoooowwwww!!!" he yelled. He had landed on something that was now wrapping around him. He could hear familiar voices from outside the chimney.
"It worked, Trunks!" said one voice. "Your idea to put a Dinocap with live rope in it worked!"
"I know," said Trunks. "Now we caught Santa!"
"We caught Santa! We caught Santa!" said the boys in unison. The smoke finally cleared, and Vegeta saw Trunks and Goten dancing around like idiots.
Goten finally saw Vegeta, and he said, "Your dad is Santa!?" Trunks was staring in shock. He couldn't believe that his dad, the Christmas hater, was Santa.
Vegeta was hit by a question. "You mean the real Santa hasn't come yet?" he said.
"No, not yet," said Goten. Trunks was still too shocked to say anything. As if to prove Goten's answer, a hand grabbed Vegeta and pulled him up the chimney. When Vegeta was dropped on the roof, he was staring into the face of Santa.
"Why hello again, Santa," said Vegeta. "Lose your appetite for cookies, did you?"
Santa just stared at Vegeta. "Ho ho ho ho!" he said in an angry tone. He held his gloved hand up to Vegeta's face, and images flooded into Vegeta's mind.
Images of little boys and girls rejoicing over the coming of Christmas. Of Children hugging their parents by the Christmas tree. Images of all aliens and other species celebrating some holiday, and then.
Images of him as a child. He saw others outside his palace windows celebrating. Only the women, as the men were all ravaging other planets. But even so, he also saw men on other planets celebrating with a rousing game of "kill the city". He was always at home, though. He was royalty, and thus did not conquer. So he gained a personal hate to all holidays on the 25th day of the 12th month.
Vegeta did not cry. He simply stood up and looked at Santa. He nodded, and flew off to return the presents. He now realized that Christmas is a time to be thankful for others, not only yourself. As he flew into the horizon, he finally placed the strange feeling. It was guilt.
The End
You're a Mean One Vegeta Briefs
(Sung to the tune of "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch")
You're a mean one,
Vegeta Briefs,
Your heart is made of stone,
All that time on other planets
Has you rotten to the bone Vegeta Briefs!
You're idea of a good time is. Blowin' up your home!
You're a mean one,
Vegeta Briefs, Your friends all tell me so, You're rotten, creepy, nasty, You aren't nice at a'ol Vegeta Briefs!
I wouldn't touch you with. Goku's Power Pole!