Disclaimer: Suki Dakara Suki is a creation of Clamp
(though now on hiatus).
When You Grow Up
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 2 - Without a word.
The wind's cold hands could not, however, over power
Touko-chan's warm grip on my shoulders as I turned
around with a face that explained almost everything.
Everything except if He was there.
But the empty room spoke silently what I wouldn't
admit.
I wanted to give up right then. I wanted to give up
anything you had said, did, or meant to me because
this was the explanation. You left me without any and
that would just tip off something to anyone.
As naive as I was, yes, even I understood this
unspoken rule that rested inside of the recesses of my
mind unable to be comprehended my heart at that
moment.
I think that's when I learned what denial was at full
force. You become so blind that you lose feeling to
the rest of your body.
"Don't give up," it had come out in a soft whisper
from a distance.
I was so fazed that I couldn't even hear Touko-chan
even though she was shouting in my face these words of
encouragement.
Again, she said, "DON'T GIVE UP!!!"
That's right! I finally understood.
No matter where this may lead to, I promised myself
this time that I would be different. I would not care
if he hurt me or not...and I shouldn't care if I hurt
him either.
That's what had me leave my home: I didn't want
them to care so they wouldn't worry about me anymore.
But I was wrong...
I ran through the town to find Tomo-kun writing his
story as usual on his laptop. Even now, I sigh and
laugh at the same time while smirking at the thought
of that laptop. That thing that made so many
problems...and worked out some also.
I didn't realize how important it was then. If I did,
I may have thought twice about what I was
doing...thinking...feeling...
(Then again, everything was new to me when it came to
Asou-I mean Shirou. * laughs * I think I'll always
get mixed up with that. I'll think later about when
_did_ I start calling him that?)
He slyly gave me the location of where he had gone and
I was thankful for this.
When I got there, Touko-chan was so out of breath that
she said she'd just catch up with me. But that just
made me run even quicker as my heart beat faster and
faster. The wind ran through the sides of my face and
I was reaching out for someone that maybe was already
gone.
The sweat fell down my face like the seconds that
passed making me worry more and more if I had been
late.
Was I too late?
Why the hell was I here in the first-
That's when I couldn't think straight anymore. Well,
even more so, I would say.
I saw that familiar face.
He may have gotten upset at my outburst, but I cannot
describe unto this day my relief when I shouted,
"Asou-sensei!"
(Nor can I deny the repeat performance way later when
I shouted, "Shiiiiroooouuuu!!!!")
My whole heart was dependant on that shout as if I
could just grab him with my voice. I wanted to just
hug him and cry while holding onto his shirt saying,
"You're here. You're really here. This isn't a
dream."
It has all been a bad dream, ne? Hasn't it?
Would you even look at me right now?
Are you going to ignore me, Asou-sensei?
With these thoughts in mind, I slowed down and stood
in front of him out of breath. I don't know how a few
minutes passed when it felt like an eternity as I
folded my hands with a smile to say, "Dakara suki
desu."
Yes, it is truly because I love you. I found myself
doing even stranger things and feeling things that
maybe I shouldn't have, but I didn't care. What was
important was right in front of me in glasses and a
white polo shirt.
I didn't care if he didn't feel the same, but I had
wanted to know if I was special in his heart. Even if
it wasn't in the same way I felt.
It was then that he looked at Ki-chan, I mean Kitzu-san
at the time, in a bit of frustration and embarrassment
as he cleared his throat and leaned closer to me. He
was so close that I could feel the mm away his lips
were from my ear and the feel of his breath made my
ear tickle so my nose crinkled. "What I meant was
that I...love you too."
As he stood back up, I knew this could only be me as I
remember putting my hands together in fists and loudly
waking up the whole establishment by saying, "HOUNTO
NI?! HOUNTO NI?!"
Well, this was big news for me and as I think back, he
was blushing so much that he looked the other way and
said in response, "Yeah, and everyone else can hear
too."
Kitzu-san smirked from the corner of my eye.
"Wait. Here." Asou-sensei had given me a piece of
paper as he announced that they may have been late.
"What's this?" I asked. "A phone number? Yours?"
"Well, do you want another guy's number?" He closed
his eyes in more frustration, but now I understood
that it was all at my naiveness.
(He now says to me that if it weren't for that
cuteness, he wouldn't have let his guard down.
I say that it just came naturally and if he didn't
recognize it, then he would have been blind.
Our daughter thinks that it's amusing so she gurgles
at this 'argument' of ours.)
It was then that I said, "Can I call you?"
He smiles and nods at me, "Yes."
I hugged that paper as I left with Touko-chan that
night.
As I said goodbye to her, I closed the door and stare
at my two precious bears in front of me. I could feel
my mother smiling at me at that moment as I looked at
them.
"Are you happy?" she would have said.
Because of illness, I had lost my mother. But I knew
it was more than that. It was more than anyone could
understand...
I wish I could think my mother was happy despite
everything. I know some part of me believes she is...
I walked up the stairs and changed into my pajamas.
As I was going to turn off the light, I noticed a note
on Waka with the front saying in black ink, "Hina."
Opening the envelope carefully, I put it to one side
and started to read the note aloud,
"Dear Hina,
You probably thought I left you without saying
anything. Well, that's what I had planned to do, but
I guess that didn't happen if you're reading this
right now, aren't you?
I don't know how to say this or explain it, but you
reminded me of something a long time ago. And that
person hasn't left my memory since.
She was also a 'shigoto' as you would put it. But
then, she liked me. She liked me very much...but I
lost her because I didn't perform my job so well.
And then I'm confused whenever you tell me, "Dakara
suki." I don't think I can handle something like
that. I thought that when you first told me.
So, to make a long story short, I know I'm not a man
for words or say very much, you are not a 'shigoto'.
It would be like saying that I like leaving you a note
right now to say I love you very much instead of
saying it in person so that I could be honest with
myself."
(I love how now that I think how he always liked to
slip things like that without a hint of doing so...)
"Well, you'll probably never be seeing me again, but I
didn't want to miss the chance this time. Not like
last time.
Take care of yourself, Hina. Best wishes,
Asou-sensei."
Then, I saw the crossout through the blur of my tears.
"No, Shirou," I read. "Always, Shirou."
I looked at that note in my lap and a tear almost fell
on it if I didn't pull the note away just as quickly.
I saw the tangible form of my stupidity.
How much I had doubted him....and how much he doubted
himself also.
It was then that I hugged the note though it was
creased a bit as I sobbed while rocking back and forth
in my bed unable to say anything.
To be continued...
--
Author's note: Hope it's going well so far!
(though now on hiatus).
When You Grow Up
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 2 - Without a word.
The wind's cold hands could not, however, over power
Touko-chan's warm grip on my shoulders as I turned
around with a face that explained almost everything.
Everything except if He was there.
But the empty room spoke silently what I wouldn't
admit.
I wanted to give up right then. I wanted to give up
anything you had said, did, or meant to me because
this was the explanation. You left me without any and
that would just tip off something to anyone.
As naive as I was, yes, even I understood this
unspoken rule that rested inside of the recesses of my
mind unable to be comprehended my heart at that
moment.
I think that's when I learned what denial was at full
force. You become so blind that you lose feeling to
the rest of your body.
"Don't give up," it had come out in a soft whisper
from a distance.
I was so fazed that I couldn't even hear Touko-chan
even though she was shouting in my face these words of
encouragement.
Again, she said, "DON'T GIVE UP!!!"
That's right! I finally understood.
No matter where this may lead to, I promised myself
this time that I would be different. I would not care
if he hurt me or not...and I shouldn't care if I hurt
him either.
That's what had me leave my home: I didn't want
them to care so they wouldn't worry about me anymore.
But I was wrong...
I ran through the town to find Tomo-kun writing his
story as usual on his laptop. Even now, I sigh and
laugh at the same time while smirking at the thought
of that laptop. That thing that made so many
problems...and worked out some also.
I didn't realize how important it was then. If I did,
I may have thought twice about what I was
doing...thinking...feeling...
(Then again, everything was new to me when it came to
Asou-I mean Shirou. * laughs * I think I'll always
get mixed up with that. I'll think later about when
_did_ I start calling him that?)
He slyly gave me the location of where he had gone and
I was thankful for this.
When I got there, Touko-chan was so out of breath that
she said she'd just catch up with me. But that just
made me run even quicker as my heart beat faster and
faster. The wind ran through the sides of my face and
I was reaching out for someone that maybe was already
gone.
The sweat fell down my face like the seconds that
passed making me worry more and more if I had been
late.
Was I too late?
Why the hell was I here in the first-
That's when I couldn't think straight anymore. Well,
even more so, I would say.
I saw that familiar face.
He may have gotten upset at my outburst, but I cannot
describe unto this day my relief when I shouted,
"Asou-sensei!"
(Nor can I deny the repeat performance way later when
I shouted, "Shiiiiroooouuuu!!!!")
My whole heart was dependant on that shout as if I
could just grab him with my voice. I wanted to just
hug him and cry while holding onto his shirt saying,
"You're here. You're really here. This isn't a
dream."
It has all been a bad dream, ne? Hasn't it?
Would you even look at me right now?
Are you going to ignore me, Asou-sensei?
With these thoughts in mind, I slowed down and stood
in front of him out of breath. I don't know how a few
minutes passed when it felt like an eternity as I
folded my hands with a smile to say, "Dakara suki
desu."
Yes, it is truly because I love you. I found myself
doing even stranger things and feeling things that
maybe I shouldn't have, but I didn't care. What was
important was right in front of me in glasses and a
white polo shirt.
I didn't care if he didn't feel the same, but I had
wanted to know if I was special in his heart. Even if
it wasn't in the same way I felt.
It was then that he looked at Ki-chan, I mean Kitzu-san
at the time, in a bit of frustration and embarrassment
as he cleared his throat and leaned closer to me. He
was so close that I could feel the mm away his lips
were from my ear and the feel of his breath made my
ear tickle so my nose crinkled. "What I meant was
that I...love you too."
As he stood back up, I knew this could only be me as I
remember putting my hands together in fists and loudly
waking up the whole establishment by saying, "HOUNTO
NI?! HOUNTO NI?!"
Well, this was big news for me and as I think back, he
was blushing so much that he looked the other way and
said in response, "Yeah, and everyone else can hear
too."
Kitzu-san smirked from the corner of my eye.
"Wait. Here." Asou-sensei had given me a piece of
paper as he announced that they may have been late.
"What's this?" I asked. "A phone number? Yours?"
"Well, do you want another guy's number?" He closed
his eyes in more frustration, but now I understood
that it was all at my naiveness.
(He now says to me that if it weren't for that
cuteness, he wouldn't have let his guard down.
I say that it just came naturally and if he didn't
recognize it, then he would have been blind.
Our daughter thinks that it's amusing so she gurgles
at this 'argument' of ours.)
It was then that I said, "Can I call you?"
He smiles and nods at me, "Yes."
I hugged that paper as I left with Touko-chan that
night.
As I said goodbye to her, I closed the door and stare
at my two precious bears in front of me. I could feel
my mother smiling at me at that moment as I looked at
them.
"Are you happy?" she would have said.
Because of illness, I had lost my mother. But I knew
it was more than that. It was more than anyone could
understand...
I wish I could think my mother was happy despite
everything. I know some part of me believes she is...
I walked up the stairs and changed into my pajamas.
As I was going to turn off the light, I noticed a note
on Waka with the front saying in black ink, "Hina."
Opening the envelope carefully, I put it to one side
and started to read the note aloud,
"Dear Hina,
You probably thought I left you without saying
anything. Well, that's what I had planned to do, but
I guess that didn't happen if you're reading this
right now, aren't you?
I don't know how to say this or explain it, but you
reminded me of something a long time ago. And that
person hasn't left my memory since.
She was also a 'shigoto' as you would put it. But
then, she liked me. She liked me very much...but I
lost her because I didn't perform my job so well.
And then I'm confused whenever you tell me, "Dakara
suki." I don't think I can handle something like
that. I thought that when you first told me.
So, to make a long story short, I know I'm not a man
for words or say very much, you are not a 'shigoto'.
It would be like saying that I like leaving you a note
right now to say I love you very much instead of
saying it in person so that I could be honest with
myself."
(I love how now that I think how he always liked to
slip things like that without a hint of doing so...)
"Well, you'll probably never be seeing me again, but I
didn't want to miss the chance this time. Not like
last time.
Take care of yourself, Hina. Best wishes,
Asou-sensei."
Then, I saw the crossout through the blur of my tears.
"No, Shirou," I read. "Always, Shirou."
I looked at that note in my lap and a tear almost fell
on it if I didn't pull the note away just as quickly.
I saw the tangible form of my stupidity.
How much I had doubted him....and how much he doubted
himself also.
It was then that I hugged the note though it was
creased a bit as I sobbed while rocking back and forth
in my bed unable to say anything.
To be continued...
--
Author's note: Hope it's going well so far!