Hey all ppls! Yes it is true, this is merely here to criticise everything!
Oh the fun of it! lol! I like exclaimation points, don't you? *dances
oddly* But basically everyone likes my stories, all of them! I feel so lov-
ed. So very lov-ed! *blows kisses to nice reviewers* Well, I am quite
cynical, so to criticise is one of my pleasures in life. Oh the cynicism!
So evil! *Missy agrees* Well, really could I create a character like Missy,
if I wasn't evil? I like cats lots, and I thought it was unfair that there
are no fanfics (at least I think so) with pet animals in them. So I
imagined up Missy *shudder*. It's quite sad, but thanks to all ppls who
like Missy, I know she didn't do much in the last chapter but that will
change! So forward, once more onto the breach dear friends, and so forth.
*trumpets* *cavalry charge noises* *cries of lets get the bastards!*
There is nothing quite as amusing as a Dwarf with a cream moustache. Gandalf swallows the Nurofen. I turn away to scold Legolas for bleeding on the carpet, and I hear an ominous thump. I turn around.Oh ####! Gandalf is out for the count! Jeez, I've been taking Nurofen for years, and nothing like that has ever happened before. At least, I don't remember it happening. The Fellowship gasps.
The Fellowship: GASP!
"Oh bugger! Help me get him up to my room, before my parents get home. Come on Aragorn and Boromir." Together we lift Gandalf and hobble up to my room. For a skinny old man, he's really heavy. Bormir is holding his head, then lets go with a yelp of disgust.
"He drooled on me!"
"Yes, yes. Get his head and keep going! He's ####ing heavy!" Boromir groans and picks up his head. We slog along until we reach my room. "Just" puff "Put him" pant "on the" wheeze "bed." We dump him on the bed. I collapse, Aragorn and Boromir stare at me, they're not even puffed. Not fair! "Oh sweet mother of god..." I clutch at my back. I glare at the two people who are not affected in the slightest. Stupid warrior types. I sit up right on the bed "Oh my goodness the chips!" I run out of the room, detouring slightly into a wall to kill the urge to flick my hair. Bang! Owww...
This mary sueness really hurts. I speed up as I hear screams from the living room.
"Aaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhhh! Get it off, for Elbereth's sake!" Legolas again. I burst into the room and dive for Legolas' ankle. I grab Missy who is furiously gnawing at his ankle and jerk her off. What is it about the Elf that drives her so insane?
*Eeelllllfffff...blllooooodddd. Ssssooooo good. I want more and more and more and more and more! Elf! Elf! Elf! Mmmmmmm...*
Aragorn and Boromir blunder into the room after me. I am holding Missy who is still straining to reach Legolas. She chewed through her harness to get him. She's so very determined! Then I remember the chips which are probably burning in the oven. I rush out to the kitchen and rescue the chips. Ow, hot, hot, hot! I quickly place the baking tray on the bench then dance around blowing on my burnt fingers and swearing. After running them under cold water for a while, I turn my attention to the chips. Thankfully, they're not burnt. While I can swear, I know I'm not turning into a mary sue. They don't swear, at least not usually.
I hear screams again, so I repeat my journey. Legolas is cowering in a corner, with a chair in front of him. "Get it away, get it away!" He looks up at me with anger in his eyes "If it wasn't for you, I'd kill the wretched thing." His eyes start to glaze over, that's not good. I slowly step forward and grab Missy, who is concentrating on ripping the chair to shreds. I slowly step back again, holding her. "Oh beloved, why do you leave, nay, stay!" He holds a hand out in entreaty.
"Back, back, or I'll set Missy on you!"
*Oooohhhh yyyeeeessss please! Elllffffff*
"Why do you torment me so my love?" Legolas rises to his feet, hand still outstretched. His face twitches, and his eyes shimmer betwen glazed and lucid looks.
"Somebody hit him on the head, or something! Legolas, bang your head on the wall!"
Aragorn nods, and with the hilt of his sword hits Legolas on the head.
"Why you!" Legolas rubs his head, glaring.
"Justified. Mary sueness can even get an Elf, it seems. Oh well, Sam come and help me." I wander off to the kitchen with Missy tucked under my arm. She growls. I retreive a pair of tongs and start dishing the chips into a large bowl. Sam trails after me, why I keep asking for his help, I don't know because I end up doing everything myself anyway. Oh well. I can make him carry stuff. He's useful that way. "Take this." I hand him the bowl of chips. "Put them on a table or something." Sam toddles off with the chips. "You eat them!" I call out after him.
The I hear a knock at the door, and one of the Fellowship gets up to answer it. "NO!" I yell out, but it's too late.
"Hello." I hear Frodo say, "Who are you?"
Who are the mysterious visitors? Do I even know?
There is nothing quite as amusing as a Dwarf with a cream moustache. Gandalf swallows the Nurofen. I turn away to scold Legolas for bleeding on the carpet, and I hear an ominous thump. I turn around.Oh ####! Gandalf is out for the count! Jeez, I've been taking Nurofen for years, and nothing like that has ever happened before. At least, I don't remember it happening. The Fellowship gasps.
The Fellowship: GASP!
"Oh bugger! Help me get him up to my room, before my parents get home. Come on Aragorn and Boromir." Together we lift Gandalf and hobble up to my room. For a skinny old man, he's really heavy. Bormir is holding his head, then lets go with a yelp of disgust.
"He drooled on me!"
"Yes, yes. Get his head and keep going! He's ####ing heavy!" Boromir groans and picks up his head. We slog along until we reach my room. "Just" puff "Put him" pant "on the" wheeze "bed." We dump him on the bed. I collapse, Aragorn and Boromir stare at me, they're not even puffed. Not fair! "Oh sweet mother of god..." I clutch at my back. I glare at the two people who are not affected in the slightest. Stupid warrior types. I sit up right on the bed "Oh my goodness the chips!" I run out of the room, detouring slightly into a wall to kill the urge to flick my hair. Bang! Owww...
This mary sueness really hurts. I speed up as I hear screams from the living room.
"Aaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhhh! Get it off, for Elbereth's sake!" Legolas again. I burst into the room and dive for Legolas' ankle. I grab Missy who is furiously gnawing at his ankle and jerk her off. What is it about the Elf that drives her so insane?
*Eeelllllfffff...blllooooodddd. Ssssooooo good. I want more and more and more and more and more! Elf! Elf! Elf! Mmmmmmm...*
Aragorn and Boromir blunder into the room after me. I am holding Missy who is still straining to reach Legolas. She chewed through her harness to get him. She's so very determined! Then I remember the chips which are probably burning in the oven. I rush out to the kitchen and rescue the chips. Ow, hot, hot, hot! I quickly place the baking tray on the bench then dance around blowing on my burnt fingers and swearing. After running them under cold water for a while, I turn my attention to the chips. Thankfully, they're not burnt. While I can swear, I know I'm not turning into a mary sue. They don't swear, at least not usually.
I hear screams again, so I repeat my journey. Legolas is cowering in a corner, with a chair in front of him. "Get it away, get it away!" He looks up at me with anger in his eyes "If it wasn't for you, I'd kill the wretched thing." His eyes start to glaze over, that's not good. I slowly step forward and grab Missy, who is concentrating on ripping the chair to shreds. I slowly step back again, holding her. "Oh beloved, why do you leave, nay, stay!" He holds a hand out in entreaty.
"Back, back, or I'll set Missy on you!"
*Oooohhhh yyyeeeessss please! Elllffffff*
"Why do you torment me so my love?" Legolas rises to his feet, hand still outstretched. His face twitches, and his eyes shimmer betwen glazed and lucid looks.
"Somebody hit him on the head, or something! Legolas, bang your head on the wall!"
Aragorn nods, and with the hilt of his sword hits Legolas on the head.
"Why you!" Legolas rubs his head, glaring.
"Justified. Mary sueness can even get an Elf, it seems. Oh well, Sam come and help me." I wander off to the kitchen with Missy tucked under my arm. She growls. I retreive a pair of tongs and start dishing the chips into a large bowl. Sam trails after me, why I keep asking for his help, I don't know because I end up doing everything myself anyway. Oh well. I can make him carry stuff. He's useful that way. "Take this." I hand him the bowl of chips. "Put them on a table or something." Sam toddles off with the chips. "You eat them!" I call out after him.
The I hear a knock at the door, and one of the Fellowship gets up to answer it. "NO!" I yell out, but it's too late.
"Hello." I hear Frodo say, "Who are you?"
Who are the mysterious visitors? Do I even know?