The Prince and The Princess

by Aoko

Email: noodlepower@hotmail.com


"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;

I lean my head against the smooth, cool glass window. I close my eyes. I know that if I open them, I will see them. I will see Heero and Duo out in the backyard, holding each other, kissing each other. I will see Duo laughing and Heero mock-glaring at his lover. I have to close my eyes. The vision of them hurts me beyond words.

I lift my lids and all is born again.

I open my eyes as I hear my door creak. Zechs or Milliard (I never know what to call him these days) does not bother to knock. I glance at him. He enters my room with his graceful stride. It's the walk of a true prince... No, a king.

"Relena," he says as walks to me, "You should come out of your room."

"Concerned?" I ask. I can't help feeling a bit of anger from all this recent brotherly love. He is probably right, though. I haven't left my room since my return from Germany a week ago. Not since the soldiers unhappy with the outcome of the war has joined together and made threats against my well-being. I'm not afraid of them. Not in the least bit. It's just that there was a bomb planted in my limo... and Pargan was in it. I still grieve for him. Out of everyone, he is the one that cared the most. Now, he's gone. Just like that.

"Of course. Your well-being is important to me."

So lost within myself, I almost miss Zechs reply. I answer with the only thing that seems appropriate. "Yes, of course. Big brother."

He walks towards me and places a hand on my shoulder. He leans so close to me, I can feel the warmth of his breath against my cheek. His platinum locks, so much more beautiful than my caramel-colored hair, grazes my face. He smells like roses... like beautiful, red, red roses. I close my eyes again and just focus on inhaling the scent of my brother.

"See anything interesting?" I ask after a long silence between us.

"Just Heero and Duo."

I open my eyes again. They are still out there and I am consumed, not by jealousy, but by loneliness.

"You shouldn't stand so close to me. You might catch my cold." I don't know why, but lately I haven't been feeling well. I might be coming down with the flu or maybe my whole equilibrium feels off and I'm just imagining I'm sick. Or maybe my life is draining away, but I'm too tired to do anything about it because my life's not beautiful. It's not filled with love and friendship. It's just one long debate, proper etiquette, and loneliness.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

"Heero and Duo make a wonderful couple, Relena. Can't you see it?" He kisses my cheek. I blush, as that was something totally unexpected. "I've never been sick. Injured, yes, but sick... no."

"Heero," I sigh, ignoring Zechs' remark about being sick. I love the way Heero's name rolls off my tongue. I can never say his name enough.

Zechs pulls me away from the window. "You shouldn't hate Duo. He's done nothing wrong."

"I don't hate Duo. Why must it always be about Duo?"

"Then stop acting so childish and come down. Talk with them. We are all going to be here for awhile. Or at least until the threats are over and the people behind it are caught."

"I want to stay in my room." There's nothing out there for me, I add silently.

Zechs gracefully sits on my bed. Everything he does is always so graceful and elegant. "I care about you, Relena. I don't want you unhappy."

"You care?" I ask. My voice is filled sarcasm. "Since when?"

"I have always cared about you. Every since you were little."

I stare at him for a long time, truly studying him for the first time. I notice his lean but muscular body... his beautiful platinum hair... his eyes. My brother's ice blue eyes always seem to haunt me. Even in my dreams. "Stop pretending."

"What?"

"You don't care about me. What you care about is the little Relena you knew back then. And the Relena who will lead the world into peace. You've created an image of me in your head, but I can't live up to that image."

"That's not true," Zechs insists.

"But it is."

"Relena, why must you say such negative things?"

I quirk my eyebrow. "Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."

"So I'm not the most optimistic person in the world."

"I don't know," I interrupt, "You seemed pretty optimistic about dropping a colony on the Earth."

"The war wasn't easy for me," he answers quietly.

"And peace isn't easy for me." Zechs looks up at me, his long bangs covering his beautiful, azure eyes. "I'm broken. Just like you."

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,

Something in his eyes soften. He gets up and pulls me into an embrace. "I'm an awful brother. A complete idiot. A poor excuse for a man. A broken warrior." He sighs heavily, gently stroking my hair. "To the world, I am Zechs. And he is a soldier. But Relena, I will always be Milliard to you. I will always be your brother. And I will always care."

I bury my face into his chest. Everything fades out to a deep, blood red. I feel weak. "I'm an awful sister. A complete idiot. An absolutely, pathetic woman. A lost, little girl."

"Must be that old Peacecraft blood, eh?"

"Must be," I reply.

And arbitrary blackness gallops in:

I pull away from Milliard (not Zechs anymore) and smile at him. It's a true, genuine smile. It's the kind of smile that only a sister could give her dearest and only brother... her only true, living relative. Things go from red to black and I feel myself falling through darkness.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

My vision clears for a minute and I see Heero looking over me. I'm in somebody's arms, probably Milliard's arms. Someone is touching my forehead, probably Sally. Is Quatre biting his lower lip? That seems rather typical. Trowa. I imagine him frowning. Wufei has his head bowed. Dorothy? I don't know where she is. I don't know why I care where she is. Une and Noin are probably nearby, yelling at my workers trying to figure out what happened.

What did happen? Why do I feel as though my insides are on fire? Why is it so hard to breathe? It hurts to think. Perhaps if I just sleep.... I look at everyone just one last time.

I can see them but I can't hear them. Doesn't matter though. When I close my eyes again, they won't exist anymore. Or is it me who won't exist?

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed

It's that same dream I have every night. Heero and Trowa are best friends. Heero and I meet during the war. He is on another continent. I just know he is. I have to cross a sea of dead bodies, but all the dead bodies look like Duo. I cross anyway. For Heero, I would move mountains. When I reach the other continent, I find myself aboard the Peacemillion. I am in a wedding dress and everyone is there. Noin is my maid of honor and Dorothy, Hilde, Une, and another girl are my bridesmaid. Quatre is the ring bearer and Trowa is the best man. Zechs is going to give me away. Mariemaia is the flower girl. It's great. It's so perfect.

But outside, people are fighting. They are dying and screaming. Yet there was one voice that stands out among the millions of other screaming people. It was Duo's voice. He's screaming for Heero to save him. Heero wants to leave, but I tell him that this is way it's suppose to be. He agrees with me.

Inside the Peacemillion, all my dreams are coming true.

And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.

I dream that after the wedding we were at my palace in Cinq. At my palace in my bedroom. Heero kissed me tenderly, gently at first. It was a chaste kiss, our lips barely touching, that quickly turned into a passionate, lustful kiss. I felt like I was on some sort of drug. Nothing meant anything except for the feel of Heero's soft lips kissing me insane. Not even the people dying outside. It meant nothing to me.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

Heero. I dreamed of Heero, in a world with no Duo. It was a beautiful dream.

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:

He stopped kissing me. He kept asking who was crying, and I pleaded with him to ignore the voice. He would kiss me and stop. He would stare outside longingly, and then look at me sadly. He wanted so badly to save Duo, but I held on to him, begging him and pleading with him how much I needed him... I needed his touch, his kiss... his presence.

He says my name slowly, as if it were the name of a divine angel. His eyes are so clouded with confusion and I hate the inner war he is going through at the moment. Yet, I refuse to let him go. I know that if I do, my world will fall apart.

Exit seraphim and Satan's men:

Dreams end though.

I don't know had long I had been dreaming. I didn't really care. The first sound I heard was a steady beeping noise. Then, I opened my eyes to find a white ceiling. And finally, I was greeted by the smell of antiseptic. My mind registered that I was in a hospital, in a hospital bed, with a heavy weight on me.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I look down and find Milliard laying on my stomach. He is asleep. I try to smile but I can't.

Once, I wished upon a star. I wished for an eternal, dreamless sleep. I love to sleep these days. Every problem seems to fade away for a few moments. I am at peace when I sleep. Sure, I have nightmares and my rest is disturbed, but every now and then, I am at peace when I am sleeping and I am grateful for those rare, precious moments.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. My normal sleep pattern is broken and Milliard wakes. He looks at me for a long time, as if he is seeing me for the first time in his life. And perhaps he really is seeing me for the first time because he smiles. It is a true, genuine smile; a smile one can only give as he realize his savior has not abandoned him. My brother is so beautiful in this moment. I am moved to tears.

"Relena," he whispers, moving to wipe away my tears. His hand is calloused, but his touch is gentle. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," I whimper. My voice is hoarse and sore. Milliard notices this. He grabs a cup from the nightstand and walks to the sink to pour me some water. He hands the cup to me, but my arms are so stiff and have that feeling like a million needles are pricking me. Milliard puts the cup to my lips instead and the water feels so good going down my throat. I feel so much better.

But I grow old and I forget your name.

"What's wrong?" he asks again.

I shake my head. "Why am I here? In the hospital?"

"The doctors found traces of arsenic in your blood. It was given to you regularly in such small amounts, it really didn't do anything noticeable to you, but the gradual build-up. It absorbs in your system. You get little things like head-aches and stomach aches that can be easily explained. We figured it was something you must eat everyday...."

"Except none of you know enough about me to know what it is I crave that I must have it everyday?"

He answers me with guilty silence. He doesn't know and I refuse to volunteer the answer.

"When arsenic is mixed with powdered sugar, you can't taste it's bitterness, you know."

"How long have I been here?" I change the topic. After all, why must I nearly die for him to take an interest in what my favorite snack is?

"A week now. It was really bad. I thought you weren't going to make it."

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

"Again? I survived."

"Of course. You're a survivor."

I stare at him, frowning. I always survive. It's like fate is refusing me death. She teases me, always making me think I'm on the verge of leaving this material world forever, but in the end, I unexpectedly survive. "Of course."

"Relena, the others are worried. We feared the worse ever since that night you..." His voice trails off and he suddenly he finds the white, tile floor so very interesting. "You threw that gun at Duo. I don't want you to die. You're all I have left, as selfish as that may be."

This is the man who tried to destroy the Earth. How many people have died because of him? No, he's the man who hugged me on the Libra. He's the man who fought to make my ideals a reality. No, he was a loyal Oz soldier, fighting for control of the Colonies. He tried to kill Heero. No, this is the man who claims to be my brother. He claims to care deeply about me. Who is he? It's so hard trying to separate one persona from the other.

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;

The mental dialogue is hurting my head, so opt for my favorite subject. "Where is Heero?"

"He's at home."

Well, what did I expect? For him to be here, concerned over the welfare of little, old me? "How nice."

"He and Duo have been searching relentlessly for the ones responsible for poisoning you."

"Because they care or because it's their duty?"

"Both." Milliard brushes my hair out of my face. "Relena, what's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, Milliard."

"Oh," he says, "Then I shall leave you to your rest. Good-bye, Relena."

The sound of the door closes and the tears I held back comes. The tears represent my pain... the times when I wanted to shout out to everyone. All those times when I wanted to just hang out, but they refused due to my status, concerned for my safety... my importance to peace. All those times I quietly came stumbled upon the others and heard them talk about my ignorance, naivety, and my fashion sense. When I heard them talk about obsession with Heero and stalker-like ways. I heard them laughing at me. But when I entered the room, it was all smiles and politeness.

At least when spring comes they roar back again.

At least Dorothy never hid her true opinion of me. But she's too obsessed with seeing me break than being a friend. A friend... the word sounds so foreign to my lips. Those I knew back in high school were not friends. They were acquaintances... just people I knew so I wouldn't feel lonely.

I don't think they realize how much it hurts to hear their words. Why do I even defend their actions? I wish these damn tears would stop. But it only makes me cry even harder.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I close my eyes and the tears still spill out. I close my eyes and I pretend that nothing exists. I pretend that I am only energy with no thought in an ever-changing universe.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

I pretend... I'm so good at pretending. So when will I stop pretending that everything is alright?

I hear the door open.

"Relena, I'm sorry."

"For what?" I whisper. I know he can see the tears, but I won't open my eyes. I won't look at him. If I do, then my walls will fall down and I'll be naked in front of him.

"For pretending that you could do it all by yourself. For pretending that I knew you."

So now I open my eyes. I know they are red and puffy as my tears spill forth. It seems we all pretend, don't we?

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Disclaimer: Me not own nothing.

A/N: The words in bold and italics are lines from a poem called Mad Girl's Love Song by Slyvia Plath. I've been editing this part for awhile now. I may edit it in future parts, but for now, this is it. If you see any mistakes, let me know. And the part about arsenic... I got the idea from the book, Flowers in the Attic. The evil grandmother poisoned her grand-children by giving them a powdered doughnut laced in arsenic everyday.