The Desert Child and The Princess

By Aoko

I rest now in my bed. Finally, they've released me from that torturous hospital. I will be fine they say. I should rest awhile they say. Sally agrees and I won't be going anywhere for the next two weeks. Now, I get two, wonderful weeks to contemplate the meaning of life.

There is a knock on my door. I roll my eyes and pleasantly call out to the visitor, "Please, come in."

Quatre enters. He is holding flowers and wearing a charming smile. His eyes twinkle with a mixture of concern and friendliness. "Hello, Miss Relena. How are you today?"

"Lovely," I reply, "And you?"

"Wonderful." He walks up to my bed and hands me a bouquet of freshly cut, green roses. "For you."

"Thank you. It must have cost you a lot. Green roses are rare." I look at the nightstand next to my bed. "Could you set them there?"

Quatre nods and places the roses on the table. "I wanted to see how you are doing. I was worried."

"About what would happen to the peace?"

Quatre glances at me. "No. About you."

I hate Quatre. He's killed more people than I could count; yet they proclaim him as the innocent one. Everyone loves Quatre, for he could do no wrong in their eyes. Yet, I am the one they can't stand... the annoying, bratty, idealistic rich girl who only fights to lose. Yes, I hate Qautre deeply.

"How are really doing, Relena?" Quatre asks, staring at me with those beautiful, marine-blue eyes.

"I'm okay."

"Really?"

I sigh deeply. "Stop it. You're getting on my damn nerves."

"Sorry."

"I don't like you, Quatre." I suppose bluntness is usually best in some situations.

"Why not?" He sounds so hurt, but I truly do not care.

"Because, everyone loves you."

"I don't quite follow."

I shrug. "I don't know if I'm coming or going these days, Quatre. I think I'm going insane."

"Define insane."

I look at Quatre as if he's grown a second head. "What?"

"Define insane," he repeats.

"Hmm," I think, "Insane is when reality makes no more sense and it all seems to go so fast and you need a moment to rest and catch up, but you can't because the ride never stops."

"Great news, Miss Relena," he beams, and yes, I mean he really does beams. "You are not going insane. Everyone feels that way."

"Quatre, you're full of it."

"So, what do you want me to say?"

I look at Quatre, my gaze never faltering as I take in every single detail of the so-called golden child before my eyes. "I want you to drop the mask for once. You're just as tainted as the others by war. You're not innocent and you're not naive. You were what the others needed you to be. You played your role as the angel of mercy during the war. You played it well."

"Well," he says. The innocent light in his eyes fades and is replaced by a more serious, worldly look. "You are the first to see me for who I am. Not the child, but the killer."

"And that's why I hate you. Because they can't see through you."

"Maybe. Or perhaps they do and choose to ignore it."

I laugh. "Yes, perhaps. What did you lose Quatre? Why are your eyes as empty mine?"

"No one fights a war and remains untainted Relena. No one survives the war and lives happily ever after."

I saw a flash of Prussian blue eyes in my mind's eye... the sting of reality hit me once again and tears threatened to fall. "You're right. No one survives the war and lives happily ever after. Too many tainted memories. Too many illusions. Right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right. Allies become enemies and enemies become allies."

"But we have peace now, Relena. No need to dwell in the past."

"No, if I am to keep the universe at peace, I must always dwell in the past. I can't let another war happen. It's my duty."

"We all care about you, Relena," Quatre sighs, "But I must admit, I didn't like you because the others didn't seem to like you. I purposely didn't invite to many occasions I held. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

I turn my head and stare at the white ceiling. Quatre and I are so much alike. We are both the baby of the family. We both lost our fathers to war. We both grew up privilege. We both played a part in war. We both come from pacifist families. We are both broken inside.

I always did have this soft spot for Quatre, and I hate myself for it. Yet, I allow my mind to wonder for a moment, and I think that in another lifetime, I could have loved Quatre.

Before I could think, my mouth spills the words I never meant to say aloud. "I could have loved you."

"Define love."

I look at Quatre. The knowing look in his eyes is enough to make me want to hit him. I can only glare at him as I curse his name in seven different languages. "You may leave now."

He turns away and walks towards the door. He places a hand on the brass doorknob, and hesitates. "I came to make amends, Miss Relena, because I was wrong. My whole notion of you was wrong."

He leaves the room and I glare after the door that he has shut. He's back to his innocent, naive role again.

The door pops open again, and Quatre sticks his head in the door. "Oh, I'll be waiting on your definition of love."

With that said and done, he closes the door. Quatre is such a bastard. He asked me to define love. I can't define love and he knows it. I don't even know what love is anymore. I wonder to myself if I'll ever know.

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Gundam Wing.

Oh, and thanks for the reviews. Thanks for the idea, but Relena is not going to kill herself. This part with Quatre was hard and I think from this point on, it will get harder.