I own Mario. Nintendo owns muffins. You own neither.
(Above statement is not true. Nintendo owns Mario, I own you. Muffins own us all.)
Chapter 6
They Finally Fucking Meet. Hopefully Not Literally.
It was 10 o'clock AM, and Mario had just finished his fourth hour of cartoons, and his thirty-seventh bowl of Fatty Lumps Breakfast Cereal. He mumbled the jingle for Fatty Lumps as he wallowed in his own filth.
"Fatty Lumps,
Fatty Lumps,
Oh so good,
You'll think you're eating
Lard soaked wood!"
"Mmmmmm.wood.."whispered Mario, remembering Luigi the night before.
Suddenly, there came a rapping at the door.
"Damn ravens," muttered Mario at the door, a tap tap tapping at the door.
"Go away,
you fucking birds,
tapping at my chamber door.
I will not answer,
go away,
Stop rapping at my chamber door."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" bellowed a deep voice from the other side of the door.
"Hmmm," thought Mario, "ravens don't have deep voices."
He opened the door, and Donkey Kong came in.
"Hey, Luigi! What a second.you're not Luigi! You're Mario!"
"Yeah, all my clothes are dirty," said Mario truthfully.
"Where's Luigi?" asked Donkey Kong.
"I killed him," said Mario truthfully.
"Oh, okay," said Donkey Kong. "I brought some beer. You wanna have a good time?"
"WOULD I?!" exclaimed Mario gleefully.
"Uhhh.yeah.." said Donkey Kong, setting the beer down on the coffee table, "I brought some DVDs. We can watch them.
"Uh.huh."mumbled Mario, confused. He and Donkey Kong sat down, and began watching DVDs and drinking the beer.
"Why are you rubbing up against me like that?" asked Donkey Kong, obviously agitated.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Hey, let us in!"
"The door's unlocked, dipshit!" replied Mario.
"Oh." said the voice.
In strode Bowser and Peach.
"Hey, Luigi." Peach greeted Mario. "We're going to go to Hawaii to get married in a few days, so can we stay here until our flight? I'm sick of living apart from my Bowsie, especially with that imbecile Mario!"
"Uh oh," groaned Donkey Kong, "Here it comes.."
"WHAT?!" screamed Mario, leaping up to look at them. "YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY THAT FUCKER, AFTER ALL THE TIMES HE'S KIDNAPPED YOU?! AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES I KICKED HIS ASS FOR YOU?!"
"Mario!" cried Peach, "He's a good man, and a great lover! I love him!"
"Great lover?" pondered Mario, intrigued by a new notion.
"You know, Mario," commented Bowser, "I've always loved you as much as I love Peach. That's why I always kidnap her, so, at least for a while, we can all be together."
"And I've always loved peach," said Donkey Kong, "that's why I kidnapped her all those years ago."
"You know," Peach soothed, "I've just gotten a new idea that will make us all happy."
******************
"I now pronounce you man, and turtle, and monkey, and wife," said the preacher, "You may now all kiss each other."
And they did. They had a beautiful honeymoon in Hawaii with lots of sex, and all lived happily ever after.
Fin.
Well, looks like there really are happy endings, even in this horrible piece of garbage. And, if any of you are wondering about Luigi, he just continued to rot, until he spontaneously combusted and burned the mansion down.
Please review.
(Above statement is not true. Nintendo owns Mario, I own you. Muffins own us all.)
Chapter 6
They Finally Fucking Meet. Hopefully Not Literally.
It was 10 o'clock AM, and Mario had just finished his fourth hour of cartoons, and his thirty-seventh bowl of Fatty Lumps Breakfast Cereal. He mumbled the jingle for Fatty Lumps as he wallowed in his own filth.
"Fatty Lumps,
Fatty Lumps,
Oh so good,
You'll think you're eating
Lard soaked wood!"
"Mmmmmm.wood.."whispered Mario, remembering Luigi the night before.
Suddenly, there came a rapping at the door.
"Damn ravens," muttered Mario at the door, a tap tap tapping at the door.
"Go away,
you fucking birds,
tapping at my chamber door.
I will not answer,
go away,
Stop rapping at my chamber door."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" bellowed a deep voice from the other side of the door.
"Hmmm," thought Mario, "ravens don't have deep voices."
He opened the door, and Donkey Kong came in.
"Hey, Luigi! What a second.you're not Luigi! You're Mario!"
"Yeah, all my clothes are dirty," said Mario truthfully.
"Where's Luigi?" asked Donkey Kong.
"I killed him," said Mario truthfully.
"Oh, okay," said Donkey Kong. "I brought some beer. You wanna have a good time?"
"WOULD I?!" exclaimed Mario gleefully.
"Uhhh.yeah.." said Donkey Kong, setting the beer down on the coffee table, "I brought some DVDs. We can watch them.
"Uh.huh."mumbled Mario, confused. He and Donkey Kong sat down, and began watching DVDs and drinking the beer.
"Why are you rubbing up against me like that?" asked Donkey Kong, obviously agitated.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Hey, let us in!"
"The door's unlocked, dipshit!" replied Mario.
"Oh." said the voice.
In strode Bowser and Peach.
"Hey, Luigi." Peach greeted Mario. "We're going to go to Hawaii to get married in a few days, so can we stay here until our flight? I'm sick of living apart from my Bowsie, especially with that imbecile Mario!"
"Uh oh," groaned Donkey Kong, "Here it comes.."
"WHAT?!" screamed Mario, leaping up to look at them. "YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY THAT FUCKER, AFTER ALL THE TIMES HE'S KIDNAPPED YOU?! AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES I KICKED HIS ASS FOR YOU?!"
"Mario!" cried Peach, "He's a good man, and a great lover! I love him!"
"Great lover?" pondered Mario, intrigued by a new notion.
"You know, Mario," commented Bowser, "I've always loved you as much as I love Peach. That's why I always kidnap her, so, at least for a while, we can all be together."
"And I've always loved peach," said Donkey Kong, "that's why I kidnapped her all those years ago."
"You know," Peach soothed, "I've just gotten a new idea that will make us all happy."
******************
"I now pronounce you man, and turtle, and monkey, and wife," said the preacher, "You may now all kiss each other."
And they did. They had a beautiful honeymoon in Hawaii with lots of sex, and all lived happily ever after.
Fin.
Well, looks like there really are happy endings, even in this horrible piece of garbage. And, if any of you are wondering about Luigi, he just continued to rot, until he spontaneously combusted and burned the mansion down.
Please review.