The Silent Clown and The Princess

By Aoko

Email: noodlepower@hotmail.com

Trowa walks into the living room and stops in front of the couch I am stretched out on. I look up from the book I am reading, raising an eyebrow to silently ask what he is doing here. Trowa shrugs and then goes to sit in the pale, blue recliner. He's here to keep watch I see.

Just as I'm about to continue with my book, Trowa tosses a package towards me. It lands near my feet. I sit up and examine the small, square package. It's a cd. I look at Trowa for an explanation.

"From Duo."

I nod. So Duo bought me a cd. A servant walks in. She's a short, young girl with dark hair and cat-like eyes. She's always very nice to me, but I can't remember her name. She sets a tray of powdered doughnuts in front of me. "Here Miss Relena. I know they are your favorite."

"Could you put this in the cd player for me before you leave?"

The girl nods eagerly and walks to the sound system. She inserts the cd and hands me the remote to the stereo. "Enjoy yourself, Miss Relena. You deserve it!"

Trowa looks curiously at the doughnuts, but otherwise remains silent.

"Would you care for one?"

He shakes his head and I shrug. I push play on the remote and the first thing I hear is the strumming of a guitar, perhaps acoustic, followed by a deep, sultry voice. I skip through the cd, smiling to myself. The music is so relaxing.

But there's one song, one single song that grabs my attention.

The heavy, drumbeat and acoustic guitars flow together to create this peaceful, melodious song. I nod my head as the singer begins the song....

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags

For a minute, I just nod my head, with my eyes closed. A smile slowly creeps to my face.


And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning

To see the bright sun shining. I allow myself to think that maybe I will see that. Or do I need to find it?


And I want to live inside the glow
Yeah

I want to go there too. I want to live inside a soft, warm glow where love and comfort surround me... where gentle arms embrace me and make me feel accepted.

I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna go to a place time has consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go there too. I want to be nothing and everything. I want to exist and not exist. I want to experience a life without time... where the worlds stops and hangs suspended in a one, joyous moment that is shared with everyone. I want the sky to open up and lift me towards the stars. I want that so badly I could almost actually envision it.

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

I feel myself rise to my feet. I feel Trowa's eyes on me. But I don't care. The soft, slow melody is drifting to my soul. My body sways and then I feel myself turning. My hands and arms move in wavy motions and I toss my head. It's a dance that has no one has ever danced before and I love the way it makes me feel. Or perhaps it's the simple fact that I feel after all.

Beautiful... this is my dance to beauty. Though I may not be beautiful on the outside, maybe I can be beautiful on the inside. Maybe this inner beauty will reflect and I will appear beautiful. Maybe beauty isn't anything physical.... I want to be beautiful.

Please understand that it not that I don't care
But right know these wall are closing in on me
I love you more than I love life itself

I do care. I care about all of them. How could I not love them all? They've done so much. Even still, I need to take care of me for a little while. I need space to grow and fly. I need time to sort it all out. Or else I might suffocate.

The dance is coming from a place inside. I twirl and twirl, stopping to sway my hips and smile. I move my hands across my body, revealing in this feeling of escapism. In this single moment, I am free of everything that constrains me.

But I need to find a place were I can breathe
I can breathe
I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible
And let go of the pain with all my might

I wish I could share this feeling with the world; you know, what it feels like to just let go. I love the feeling of letting go. I laugh to myself. Because I am everything! I am swimming in the ocean, marveling at the sight of all the animal creatures. I am floating among the clouds in the big, blue sky. I am stretched out in a tree watching the little critters play.

I love this dance of freedom. I love not that feeling awful, horrible pain when I'm alone, even in huge crowds.

I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy
Some where between dark and light
Where wrong becomes right

I want to feel this ecstasy within me. I want to run through a field of flowers and scream wildly. I want time to stop for me. I want to dance with the fairies, creatures of neither dark nor light. I want to scream until my voice is raw. I want to show them all the true me... the person they've ignored.

And I am struck with a vision as I dance--- I see the world, the entire world, dancing and rejoicing life. We all laugh and dance and play. We all glow with this newfound inner peace and when people say peace, they can say it as if it were another word, and not something so scared that if you say it, something bad might happen. We have peace.

I am the visionary. So I shall see that the world dances together. We shall sing together. And peace won't be some rich, kid's ideal. It'll be a reality. Because I have seen it. So then, I shall make it happen.

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Someone grabs my arm. I snap out of the trance I was in and find myself staring into Trowa's beautiful, emerald eyes. It's funny. I never really noticed his eyes...

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

Trowa pulls me against him. I rest my head against his chest and we just sway to the beat of the music. I wonder what's running through his mind as he gently strokes my hair.

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,

He lowers his head, so that his mouth is next to my ear. "You are so fragile in heart and that makes you look so beautiful; but your will is strong, Relena, which makes you absolutely stunning. It's not that we don't truly care. It's because you don't need us. Are you really that weak?"

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,


I pull away from Trowa and gently touch his cheek. "You've got it wrong," I say, "It is you all that doesn't need me, but I need you. I need you all to be my strength. Am I asking for too much, Trowa?"

He shakes his head. Trowa smiles. He kisses my hand and then grabs a doughnut. "See ya later."

I fall on the couch as the next song starts up. Am I really as weak as I think I am? No matter. I have work to do. I pause the cd. I get up and walk into the study. I sit and my desk and type in my secretary's code.

I hear the ringing of her vid-phone, and three rings later, her face pops up. "Yeah?"

"Mokoto, how are you?"

A look of shock passes over her face. "Miss Relena!" she shouts. "What can I do for you?"

"I had a vision."

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Thanks for all the reviews. In the next fic, The Dragon and The Princess, there might be some spoilers for the Ground Zero manga. If so, I'll have a warning at the top. And don't worry, there's no yuri in my fic. There's only Wufei, Hilde, Sally, Une, Dorothy (not necessarily in that order), and a final wrap-up left.