The reviews are not coming! I will set Missy loose on you all! And she is
very inventive, chewing, or gnawing ankles is merely the very least of her
repertoire. Do you really want to be responsible for setting Missy out on
to the real world? Yes, she does exist. She is based on a real live
breathing cat that I know. But she is contained. I can send her to America,
if you like. Mmmmwwwwaaaahhhhaaaahhhhaaahhhhaaaaa! No, even Dubya doesn't
deserve a menace like that.*glances around fearfully* I spoke wrongly in my
last chapter. The writer's block is back! Back! *hides under bed* It had
numerous progeny, each more terrible then the last! *cowers in fear*
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Run away! Run away! Say, can anyone hear coconuts?
lol! That is a good movie. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go and
be eaten by the Beast of Aaaaarrrggghhh. Or be carried off by swallows.
*shrugs* It's your choice. And no, I don't really care if they're European
or African swallows. But I would really like to see a swallow capable of
carrying a human. Wouldn't you? lol. I like that, lol. It carries such a
range of emotions in three letters. Laugh. I really am quite strange,
aren't I?
Well, the Fellowship and I are walking down the street. Yeah, walking down the street. A degenerate teeny bopper undulates past, and the eyeballs, they fall out and roll around on the ground. I guess they've never seen a girl wearing such skimpy, but strategically placed bits of cloth before. Skirts that are about 5 centimetres past exposure of panties must be new. And boob tubes. Really, the fashion industry has a lot to answer for. I walk up to Aragorn and slap him on the back of the head. "Ar-wen. Ar-wen. Repeat that. After me, Ar-wen." Aragorn growls. I walk on. Yep, Friday, and the teeny boppers are out in force. I shake my head in disgust. Do they have no pride, no scrap of individualism at all? I guess not. Sigh.
"Hey guys, what are you all dressed up for?" A skater guy yells.
"Lord of the Rings number two, The Twin Towers promotion! Go and buy the Fellowship of the Ring on DVD or video!" I yell back.
"Cool! When's the movie coming out?"
"December 26th! Go to your local cinema and see it!" We walk into one of the ground level doors of the Westfield. I mentally roll my eyes as I hear a chorus of femine gasps and coos. This is quite a sad reflection on the girls of Earth. Stupid sheep that they are. I feel strange as I walk down the corridor flanked by eight guys, well three of whom look like attractive 20+ guys. Gimli just looks odd. And the Hobbits look like children. From a distance. Then you get up close, and they look really strange. We walk to the Foodcourt, and weare followed by an ever increasing group of whipering teen girls. Are they mary sues? I certainly hope not. There are lots and lots of them.
"Hi, I'm, like, Tiffany. What's your name?" Oh dear. A very blond lipgloss girl. She gets out a container of lipgloss and smoothes it over her lips as she stares into Legolas' eyes. Her jeans are so tight, I'm surprised that she doesn't split them when she walks that way. But she has that semi- starved look that is so fashionable. See, this is what I don't understand about the skinny supermodels. Why is it so good to be that thin? It makes you look like a concentration camp survivor, and they do it willingly. Willingly! Truly, the overuse of nail polish and hairspray has mixed their brains. Or maybe lipgloss is a conspiracy to turn the next generation of women stupid. And make them die by making them anorexic.
Tiffany inhales, sticking her chest out. I cover my eyes, that top looks like it will split. But, thank god, it doesn't. "My name is Legolas. I am pleased to meet you, Lady Tiffany."
"Like, ohmigod, are you, like, Orlando Bloom, or something? Like, wow." Tiffany looks like she's about to faint. She puts on more lipgloss. It's pink, sparkly lipgloss.
"Orlando, Bloom?" Legolas frowns.
"Like wow. I just love him in that movie. It was really long though, and I got bored. What's the movie called?" She turns to another blond lipgloss girl. Even if it seems impossible, this one has larger breasts then Tiffany.
"Isn't it like, called Lord of the Rings, or something? I don't know, but it was a total babe fest."
"There were many children?" Legolas looks confused. I decide to come to his rescue, no matter how cute and blond he looks when he's confused. Ah! Mary sue thoughts going to get me! I grab Boromir's shield off his back and bang my head against it.
"Like, doesn't that hurt?" The other blond one asks. Then she forgets her question and focuses on Boromir. "Like, I'm Brittany, like Brittany Spears, she is just such the coolest singer. Do you like Brittany Spears?"
"Uh, yes?" Boromir offers with a bemused smile. Oh dear. This is getting out of hand.
"Come on guys, we have a movie to promote. Let's move it! Go and see the second Lord of the Rings movie. Like, all the babes are back!" I shudder as I drop my conversation level to what they can understand. I feel so dirty. "Go and see it when it comes out on the 26th of December. Elijah Wood, Orlando Bloom and all the others." I won't reccomend they buy the book. The level of their reading skills are trashy romance novels. "Go and buy the Fellowship of the Ring on video or DVD." I start pushing the Fellowship to get moving, smiling fixedly. The lipgloss girls pout.
"Like, what's your number? Here take mine! Call me!"
"And mine!" They scribble out their phone numbers and put their names on them. Boromir and Legolas take the slips of paper with confused looks on their faces. Then the lipgloss girls flounce off, waving their hips and flicking their hair. I shudder. That so easily could be me, if I forget myself and fall into mary sueness. How utterly horrifying.
"Um, what are these lady? And what is your name anyway?"
"Sandy. And those are telephone numbers. They're a way to contact those girls. Let's go, isn't anyone else hungry? I still have to introduce you to the wonders of fast food. And icecream. Mmmm. Come on, guys." I walk off and the confused Fellowship follows me. Lipgloss girls are too much for them, they are frightening in ways you can't imagine.
Well, the Fellowship and I are walking down the street. Yeah, walking down the street. A degenerate teeny bopper undulates past, and the eyeballs, they fall out and roll around on the ground. I guess they've never seen a girl wearing such skimpy, but strategically placed bits of cloth before. Skirts that are about 5 centimetres past exposure of panties must be new. And boob tubes. Really, the fashion industry has a lot to answer for. I walk up to Aragorn and slap him on the back of the head. "Ar-wen. Ar-wen. Repeat that. After me, Ar-wen." Aragorn growls. I walk on. Yep, Friday, and the teeny boppers are out in force. I shake my head in disgust. Do they have no pride, no scrap of individualism at all? I guess not. Sigh.
"Hey guys, what are you all dressed up for?" A skater guy yells.
"Lord of the Rings number two, The Twin Towers promotion! Go and buy the Fellowship of the Ring on DVD or video!" I yell back.
"Cool! When's the movie coming out?"
"December 26th! Go to your local cinema and see it!" We walk into one of the ground level doors of the Westfield. I mentally roll my eyes as I hear a chorus of femine gasps and coos. This is quite a sad reflection on the girls of Earth. Stupid sheep that they are. I feel strange as I walk down the corridor flanked by eight guys, well three of whom look like attractive 20+ guys. Gimli just looks odd. And the Hobbits look like children. From a distance. Then you get up close, and they look really strange. We walk to the Foodcourt, and weare followed by an ever increasing group of whipering teen girls. Are they mary sues? I certainly hope not. There are lots and lots of them.
"Hi, I'm, like, Tiffany. What's your name?" Oh dear. A very blond lipgloss girl. She gets out a container of lipgloss and smoothes it over her lips as she stares into Legolas' eyes. Her jeans are so tight, I'm surprised that she doesn't split them when she walks that way. But she has that semi- starved look that is so fashionable. See, this is what I don't understand about the skinny supermodels. Why is it so good to be that thin? It makes you look like a concentration camp survivor, and they do it willingly. Willingly! Truly, the overuse of nail polish and hairspray has mixed their brains. Or maybe lipgloss is a conspiracy to turn the next generation of women stupid. And make them die by making them anorexic.
Tiffany inhales, sticking her chest out. I cover my eyes, that top looks like it will split. But, thank god, it doesn't. "My name is Legolas. I am pleased to meet you, Lady Tiffany."
"Like, ohmigod, are you, like, Orlando Bloom, or something? Like, wow." Tiffany looks like she's about to faint. She puts on more lipgloss. It's pink, sparkly lipgloss.
"Orlando, Bloom?" Legolas frowns.
"Like wow. I just love him in that movie. It was really long though, and I got bored. What's the movie called?" She turns to another blond lipgloss girl. Even if it seems impossible, this one has larger breasts then Tiffany.
"Isn't it like, called Lord of the Rings, or something? I don't know, but it was a total babe fest."
"There were many children?" Legolas looks confused. I decide to come to his rescue, no matter how cute and blond he looks when he's confused. Ah! Mary sue thoughts going to get me! I grab Boromir's shield off his back and bang my head against it.
"Like, doesn't that hurt?" The other blond one asks. Then she forgets her question and focuses on Boromir. "Like, I'm Brittany, like Brittany Spears, she is just such the coolest singer. Do you like Brittany Spears?"
"Uh, yes?" Boromir offers with a bemused smile. Oh dear. This is getting out of hand.
"Come on guys, we have a movie to promote. Let's move it! Go and see the second Lord of the Rings movie. Like, all the babes are back!" I shudder as I drop my conversation level to what they can understand. I feel so dirty. "Go and see it when it comes out on the 26th of December. Elijah Wood, Orlando Bloom and all the others." I won't reccomend they buy the book. The level of their reading skills are trashy romance novels. "Go and buy the Fellowship of the Ring on video or DVD." I start pushing the Fellowship to get moving, smiling fixedly. The lipgloss girls pout.
"Like, what's your number? Here take mine! Call me!"
"And mine!" They scribble out their phone numbers and put their names on them. Boromir and Legolas take the slips of paper with confused looks on their faces. Then the lipgloss girls flounce off, waving their hips and flicking their hair. I shudder. That so easily could be me, if I forget myself and fall into mary sueness. How utterly horrifying.
"Um, what are these lady? And what is your name anyway?"
"Sandy. And those are telephone numbers. They're a way to contact those girls. Let's go, isn't anyone else hungry? I still have to introduce you to the wonders of fast food. And icecream. Mmmm. Come on, guys." I walk off and the confused Fellowship follows me. Lipgloss girls are too much for them, they are frightening in ways you can't imagine.