Grrrrrrr. School is bad. Bad, bad, bad! Thanx to my reviewers! I have more
reviews then I ever thought I would. *faints in happiness* *Sandy throws a
bucket of cold water* Ip! Cold! *shivers* SO onwards to the rabid mary sues
and McDonald's. Mmmm, fries and a big Mac! Has anyone else tried Vanilla
Coke? It is soooo good! I crave it! I crave coffee! I need caffeine! *foams
at mouth* Yaaaarrrgggghhhh! *falls over* Oh dear. I have fallen over and I
can't get up! Help! *calls vainly for help* *Missy laughs* *Legolas helps
me up* What a gentleman! *flutters eyelashes* *Legolas looks uneasy* Oh
he's such a cute Elf! So blond and Elvish! *Legolas shrugs* Oh well, you go
on and read while I . . . talk with Legolas. *licks lips* *Legolas smiles*
Shoo! Some things are not for being public. *giggles*
Legolas' eyes brighten as he sees Jenny and he starts to make sure that he's presentable. I think I shouldn't have said that Jenny had a crush on him. If he slicks his hair back with his hand, I know there's something wrong. I wince as he does it. Not a good sign. I straighten up as Jenny comes around to me. "Hi Jenny."
"Sandy you didn't tell me that they were gorgeous spunks!" She whispers furiously in my ear. Legolas is looking at her with supreme interest, and smiles. "Why didn't you call me?"
"I don't know, how about it's all just too ####ing weird? Stay here, while I feed these guys. Hey, with three hobbits I'm probably going to be broke from this lovely visit."
"We can pay, I'm sure. I have some money on me somewhere. . ." Aragorn says smoothly, as he detaches a bag from his belt. "How much do you need?" He rifles through it and withdraws a gold piece. "Will this do?"
"Sorry Aragorn, but you have to have a particular type of money."
"This is a Gondorian noble," Aragorn objects affrontedly, "It is almost pure gold! See?" He bites into the edge of it, and holds it up to show the toothmarks.
"I believe you, but we don't use gold pieces anymore. We don't barter either, just to warn you. Here," I get out my wallet and show them some money. "This is our money now, and if you have money from another country, you have to get it changed into Australian money. And that's why you can't use that to pay for things. But I will take that gold, maybe I can get it changed, or something." I pluck the gold piece out of his hand and put it away in my bag. It's heavy, and maybe I can sell it to a coin collector or something who will decide that it's an absolute find. I gag as I remember that Aragorn bit it. Ew. I need disinfectant in a big way. I get up from the table. "Well, I'll go and get food. Anyone here not like meat?" They all shake their heads. "Good-oh. Be back soon."
I leave and walk over to the McDonald's outlet. How much to buy? Lots. At least I have a bit of money, I've been working extra shifts at my work, which pays well because its not a fast food place. Working as a casual secretary for one of my mother's friend's husband is good. At least he doesn't go after me like he does the other women in the place. He knows I know his wife. Pay's better, conditions are better, disregarding the boss and his wanderin' hands, and I really don't have to do that much. I don't usually spend my money, as I'm saving to go backpacking in Europe, so I have several thou' in the bank. I'll Eftpos it. Hurrah (in plummy English accent of course!) for tha' absa-bloody-lutely wonderful wonders of modern civilization! Spiffin' chaps! Hehe! English accents. . .drool.
"Hello and welcome to McDonald's! What would you like?" Well, she sounds like a bright and cheerful little daisy. Oh no. She has a trainee badge. Why wasn't I concentrating? Oh yes, memories of sexy guys with British accents, or Irish accents, or basically any accents, really, I kid thee not, accents turn me on. Lustful shudder. She's still smiling in a fixed and happy way.
"Let me think . . . four large Big Mac meals, one with Fanta, one with Coke, one with Sprite and one with Diet Coke." I pause as she labouriously taps it in. "Four large McChicken meals, same drinks. Four Big Mac burgers. Four McChicken burgers. One medium Quarter Pounder meal, with a chocolate thickshake. Five cheeseburgers." I wait for her to catch up, she has the corner of her tounge sticking out of her mouth. So much concentration! "Six large fries. Three of the largest containers of nuggets. One mild curry sauce, one sweet and sour sauce, one barbeque sauce. Oh and four Quarter Pounders. You got that?" She nods with grim concentration, then looks up and smiles sweetly at me.
"Would you like some of our fine deserts with that?" Oh that horrible inbred chirpiness!
"No." She looks hurt. I sigh and get my mobile out of my bag. No way am I carrying this by myself. "Hey Jenny?"
"Yes?"
"This is Sandy. Can you send some of the guys over to help me carry stuff?"
"Oh good, because I was feeling guilty that I had food and they had none. The Hobbits especially seem to be taking it hard. Legolas!" That last in a furious whisper. "Sorry, they're pinching my food. Ep! Legolas, stop that!" Pinching food, or pinching her? I promise that the Elf will die! Die in pain, pain of which there is no escaping! Or I'll keep him around as a playtoy for my cat. Heheh. "Ok, I'm sending some of them over. They'll be there in a minute. Legolas!" She squeals then hangs up. I grind my teeth. Evil Elf, I should have let Missy have him. Oh well, there's always time for that.
My food starts arriving, and then Aragorn and Boromir arrive. She wouldn't send Legolas would she? No, she's being a flirt! And a ####ing mary sue! But you know, I always thought better of Legolas from the books. And he's always oh so restrained in all the fanfics. I would have to get the sleazy one, wouldn't I? Oh yes, I bet that just suits my Author, who is a dirty sadistic bastard, right down to the ####ing ground! I swipe the Eftpos with my card and start loading the guys up with food. "Table. Go." I stick straws in the drinks, picking the trays up and follow them back to the tables. They make excellent crowd parter thingies, what can I say? And that is what all males' roles are anyway. Men were put on the earth to serve women. It's a good philosophy, all right? And if you're a male, you should be bowing down and worshipping me. And all other women on the planet. You know it's true!
I need food, greasy fast food that pretends to be worth eating! Sawdust in the form of food. That's how they keep the cost down, you know. Health regulations, my arse! I put my stuff down and stretch my back. Damn, that was heavy. Then I glance over at Legolas. Damn it. The pair of them, flirting like there was no tomorrow. Gimli is growling and the Hobbits look embarassed. Aragorn is regally ignoring them but Boromir is jealous. Interesting. Oh how bad! She just leant over and brushed his arm with her fingertips. Excuse me while I throw up. I shake my head in disapproval. You enjoying this, Author?
Well, Sandy's right. I am enjoying this. And I am a cruel, sadistic person, but I prefer the term bitch to bastard. And I can have a filthy dirty mind. I need brainwashing. With soap! *laughs* Missy is going to turn up, trust me. She wants to be greeted by her adoring public, honestly that cat is vain! Will you just pretend to adore her for a minute? Please? And wave your 'Go Missy' flags? Thank you! *Missy walks out* *Meows* *Walks back inside her box* *signals enthuastic applause* Yay! Whoo! Go Missy! We love you, Missy! *glances around warily* Thank goodness she was satisfied with that! See youse next time!
Legolas' eyes brighten as he sees Jenny and he starts to make sure that he's presentable. I think I shouldn't have said that Jenny had a crush on him. If he slicks his hair back with his hand, I know there's something wrong. I wince as he does it. Not a good sign. I straighten up as Jenny comes around to me. "Hi Jenny."
"Sandy you didn't tell me that they were gorgeous spunks!" She whispers furiously in my ear. Legolas is looking at her with supreme interest, and smiles. "Why didn't you call me?"
"I don't know, how about it's all just too ####ing weird? Stay here, while I feed these guys. Hey, with three hobbits I'm probably going to be broke from this lovely visit."
"We can pay, I'm sure. I have some money on me somewhere. . ." Aragorn says smoothly, as he detaches a bag from his belt. "How much do you need?" He rifles through it and withdraws a gold piece. "Will this do?"
"Sorry Aragorn, but you have to have a particular type of money."
"This is a Gondorian noble," Aragorn objects affrontedly, "It is almost pure gold! See?" He bites into the edge of it, and holds it up to show the toothmarks.
"I believe you, but we don't use gold pieces anymore. We don't barter either, just to warn you. Here," I get out my wallet and show them some money. "This is our money now, and if you have money from another country, you have to get it changed into Australian money. And that's why you can't use that to pay for things. But I will take that gold, maybe I can get it changed, or something." I pluck the gold piece out of his hand and put it away in my bag. It's heavy, and maybe I can sell it to a coin collector or something who will decide that it's an absolute find. I gag as I remember that Aragorn bit it. Ew. I need disinfectant in a big way. I get up from the table. "Well, I'll go and get food. Anyone here not like meat?" They all shake their heads. "Good-oh. Be back soon."
I leave and walk over to the McDonald's outlet. How much to buy? Lots. At least I have a bit of money, I've been working extra shifts at my work, which pays well because its not a fast food place. Working as a casual secretary for one of my mother's friend's husband is good. At least he doesn't go after me like he does the other women in the place. He knows I know his wife. Pay's better, conditions are better, disregarding the boss and his wanderin' hands, and I really don't have to do that much. I don't usually spend my money, as I'm saving to go backpacking in Europe, so I have several thou' in the bank. I'll Eftpos it. Hurrah (in plummy English accent of course!) for tha' absa-bloody-lutely wonderful wonders of modern civilization! Spiffin' chaps! Hehe! English accents. . .drool.
"Hello and welcome to McDonald's! What would you like?" Well, she sounds like a bright and cheerful little daisy. Oh no. She has a trainee badge. Why wasn't I concentrating? Oh yes, memories of sexy guys with British accents, or Irish accents, or basically any accents, really, I kid thee not, accents turn me on. Lustful shudder. She's still smiling in a fixed and happy way.
"Let me think . . . four large Big Mac meals, one with Fanta, one with Coke, one with Sprite and one with Diet Coke." I pause as she labouriously taps it in. "Four large McChicken meals, same drinks. Four Big Mac burgers. Four McChicken burgers. One medium Quarter Pounder meal, with a chocolate thickshake. Five cheeseburgers." I wait for her to catch up, she has the corner of her tounge sticking out of her mouth. So much concentration! "Six large fries. Three of the largest containers of nuggets. One mild curry sauce, one sweet and sour sauce, one barbeque sauce. Oh and four Quarter Pounders. You got that?" She nods with grim concentration, then looks up and smiles sweetly at me.
"Would you like some of our fine deserts with that?" Oh that horrible inbred chirpiness!
"No." She looks hurt. I sigh and get my mobile out of my bag. No way am I carrying this by myself. "Hey Jenny?"
"Yes?"
"This is Sandy. Can you send some of the guys over to help me carry stuff?"
"Oh good, because I was feeling guilty that I had food and they had none. The Hobbits especially seem to be taking it hard. Legolas!" That last in a furious whisper. "Sorry, they're pinching my food. Ep! Legolas, stop that!" Pinching food, or pinching her? I promise that the Elf will die! Die in pain, pain of which there is no escaping! Or I'll keep him around as a playtoy for my cat. Heheh. "Ok, I'm sending some of them over. They'll be there in a minute. Legolas!" She squeals then hangs up. I grind my teeth. Evil Elf, I should have let Missy have him. Oh well, there's always time for that.
My food starts arriving, and then Aragorn and Boromir arrive. She wouldn't send Legolas would she? No, she's being a flirt! And a ####ing mary sue! But you know, I always thought better of Legolas from the books. And he's always oh so restrained in all the fanfics. I would have to get the sleazy one, wouldn't I? Oh yes, I bet that just suits my Author, who is a dirty sadistic bastard, right down to the ####ing ground! I swipe the Eftpos with my card and start loading the guys up with food. "Table. Go." I stick straws in the drinks, picking the trays up and follow them back to the tables. They make excellent crowd parter thingies, what can I say? And that is what all males' roles are anyway. Men were put on the earth to serve women. It's a good philosophy, all right? And if you're a male, you should be bowing down and worshipping me. And all other women on the planet. You know it's true!
I need food, greasy fast food that pretends to be worth eating! Sawdust in the form of food. That's how they keep the cost down, you know. Health regulations, my arse! I put my stuff down and stretch my back. Damn, that was heavy. Then I glance over at Legolas. Damn it. The pair of them, flirting like there was no tomorrow. Gimli is growling and the Hobbits look embarassed. Aragorn is regally ignoring them but Boromir is jealous. Interesting. Oh how bad! She just leant over and brushed his arm with her fingertips. Excuse me while I throw up. I shake my head in disapproval. You enjoying this, Author?
Well, Sandy's right. I am enjoying this. And I am a cruel, sadistic person, but I prefer the term bitch to bastard. And I can have a filthy dirty mind. I need brainwashing. With soap! *laughs* Missy is going to turn up, trust me. She wants to be greeted by her adoring public, honestly that cat is vain! Will you just pretend to adore her for a minute? Please? And wave your 'Go Missy' flags? Thank you! *Missy walks out* *Meows* *Walks back inside her box* *signals enthuastic applause* Yay! Whoo! Go Missy! We love you, Missy! *glances around warily* Thank goodness she was satisfied with that! See youse next time!