Thanx to all my wonderful kind reviewers! You are sooooo beauutiifulll tooo
mmmmeeeeee! *sings off key* *Missy yowls along* Ahem. I am glad that now I
have ten reviews *heaves happy sigh* I feel such joy. I still wish to catch
and dismember the people who are reading and not reviewing though. It's not
polite. And how in the bloody hell do you set up anon reviews? Everyone is
telling me to do it, but not how to do it! The frustration! So you have to
review and tell me. Ner! *sticks tounge out* And thanks to my friend who
translated the Japanese for me.
Before I can slap that nancy Elf across the face, I am distracted by a group of screaming Japanese tourists. "Tasukete!! Kono neko wa watashno ashi tabeteiru!! (Help!! This cat is currently eating my ankle!!)" That is in a scream. Then a cheerful voice pipes up:
"Oha! Watashwa mayaku otsuka teimasu. (Hi! I use drugs.)" That was quite random. You know, as being different to the screams of pain. I don't understand Japanese. Then a small and furry bolt of lightening races out past the Japanese tourists. You can tell they're tourists because they have expensive looking cameras hanging around their necks. And they have furry clip-on koalas hanging off all their stuff. No-one else buys the annoying things except tourists because they're 'so cute!' and they 'would make such a nice gift for the folks back home!'. Please translate those into as many different languages as you think necessary.
This is what most tourists don't understand about Australian wildlife. It is not cute and cuddly. Koalas stink, have really large and sharp claws and don't like camera flashes. Possums are psycho maniacs which move fast, have sharp teeth, sharper claws and also stink. And don't even get me started on Skippy. That idea has caused more deaths then the Crocodile Hunter. Kangaroos don't like people! They will happily leave them to die. And do you know how they kill dingoes? They rip the dingoes' guts out with the sharp center nails that are on their hindfeet. And they smell. And dingoes are just plain nasty. Then there are the snakes. And the various insects. And spiders. Refer to Terry Pratchett's novel, 'The last continent'. In some places, it's not so far off. Except possibly about the sheep.
"Missy!"
"WHERE???!!!" Legolas jumps up, displacing Jenny, with a glazed look of terror on his face. Jenny pouts. "Where is it, that thrice accursed fiend from Mandos' halls?" He glares around wildly. His hair, I notice, has began to come undone from all his braids. So he doesn't have perfect hair all the time. Missy runs past him, giving him a passing gnaw on the ankles. He leaps into the air with a yell of pain.
"Missy, come here baby girl." I pick her up and start to fuss over her. "Aren't you just the smartest girl, to escape that way. Yes you are, yes you are!" Missy purrs happily and butts at my hand. "Are you hungry?"
*Ohhh yeeessss, gggiiiivvveee mmmeee thee Elllfffff! MMmmmm, Elf!*
"Here you are." I unwrap a cheeseburger for her and put her down.
*Cheeseburger! Yum! Macccaaddoonnnaaaalllddddssssssssss. Soft serve? Please? With chocolate topping!* Missy starts to devour the burger.
"Ok, I'll just get my lunch, then all the rest is yours." The Hobbits nod gleefully and start opening packets with gay abandon. Note, that is gay in the original sense of the word. Not the deplorable use it has been put to today. It's just not cricket, you know. Gimli growls and mumbles into his beard. Well, all the Fellowship, except Gandalf, are eating McDonald's. Jenny and Legolas keep flirting, they're feeding each other chips. It's quite sad. I shrug and start to eat my Quarter Pounder. It's her business, really.
The Hobbits are going really well on the food front. I have never seen four people, well sort of people, eat so much food in one sitting. I finish off my food and start eating nuggets, giving Missy some. Eventually, we finish off all the food. It was good. I love Big Macs, with secret sauce! Secret, secret sauce!
"Any more food?" Pippin says hopefully. I assume from this that the food is all gone.
"How about dessert?" Pippin nods enthusiastically to my question. "Ever tried a gelati? No, I wouldn't think so. Bet you haven't even tried icecream. That is definetly something you have to try before you go back to M.E."
"Em Ee?" Aragorn says, looking puzzeled.
"Middle Earth. Come on, Hobbits!" I lead the Hobbits off to the New Zealand icecreamery. Ice cream. Yum. The Hobbits cluster around the frosted glass and chatter excitedly about the icecream. "Any thoughts on what you'd like to try?"
"Any chocolate?" Merry asked.
"Several. There's Cookies'N'Cream, Spotted Dog, that's orange and choc, Chocolate Ecstasy, Mint Choc Chip, Double Chocolate, Chocolate Mud." The Hobbits' eyes light up. "And then there's others as well. Cafe latte, lemon sorbet, mango, rainbow, vanilla, English Toffee, Rum'N'Raisin, boysenberry...well, there's lots. Know what you want?"
"I think I would like to try the...Mint choc chip, please." Frodo says.
"Chocolate Ecstasy, thanks." Says Pippin cheekily.
"I'll have, er, what's it, the, um, English Toffee, thank you." Sam says very hesitantly. Merry is still gazing at the chocolate icecreams. I poke him in the side. He jumps and says:
"Chocolate Mud sounds good. I'll have that."
"Coolies! Ok," I say to the guy on the counter. "All waffle cones, single scoops. We'll have one mint choc-chip, one chocolate ecstasy, one english toffee and one chocolate mud." The icecream guy scoops them out and sets them on the counter.
"Do you want chocolate fudge and whipped cream wit' that?"
"Yes please. And a double waffle cone with cookies'n'cream on the bottom, and cafe latte on top. With cream and fudge." I pay him and start handing out the cones to the Hobbits. Missy meows at my feet, eyeing the icecreams hungrily. The Hobbits are very interested in their icecreams and are all comparing what they got with what the others got. It's very cute watching them. Awwww, da ickle Hobbits.
We walk slowly back to the table where, thank goodness, all the wrappers are gone. It was a very messy table. Missy meows angrily. She wants an icecream. "Jenny? Could you manage to detach yourself from the Elf and go get Missy an icecream?"
"All right. Come on Legolas." She gets up off his lap and smooths her skirt back down. I do not want to know. Legolas slaps her on the ass. She squeals and jumps forward a little bit.
"Buy Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir some icecreams too." I say, trying to send her telepathic messages. Stop being a mary sue. Stop being a mary sue. She shrugs and sways off. I didn't know you could produce that effect unless you're wearing a skirt or dress. Legolas follows, Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir shrug then follow the two. Dear God, where does the horror stop? Now, that is bad. I shudder as Legolas kisses the back of her neck. Get a room, Elf boy! Gimli, Aragaorn and Boromir are very carefully looking away. It has a certain horrible fascination to it, like car accidents. You know, you want to look away but you just can't? It's kinda the same thing.
Eventually, Jenny comes back, blond Elf in tow. She sets down a dish of icecream for Missy. You know, I never realised before how many sexual innuendoes could be made with an icecream cone? It's very bizzaire. Boromir eyes me speculatively. "No, Boromir. Go and flirt with someone else." He shrugs and looks away. Then a security guard rocks up. This will be interesting.
Legolas is the biggest flirt. Really. And you know, it is surprising to find out that he doesn't have perfect hair all the time. And the icecream thing is sorta like the lollipop thing. You watch a 'cute' girl with a lollipop when she knows that a group of guys are watching her. Ah, the endless need to procreate. We wrap it up in so many ways. *laughs hysterically* Ahem. *sniggers* It is funny though, the endless mating rituals. True lurve, chivalry, marriage...So many, many ways...*laughs* Like Christmas. Commercialism. Spend, buy, consume! *rolls around on the floor laughing* *Missy sniggers* *Sandy looks affronted* *gets up* But what's with the security guard? Oh, just stuff. Loads and loads of stuff. In big purple boxes! With stars on! And more gratutious Missy attacks and mary sues!
Before I can slap that nancy Elf across the face, I am distracted by a group of screaming Japanese tourists. "Tasukete!! Kono neko wa watashno ashi tabeteiru!! (Help!! This cat is currently eating my ankle!!)" That is in a scream. Then a cheerful voice pipes up:
"Oha! Watashwa mayaku otsuka teimasu. (Hi! I use drugs.)" That was quite random. You know, as being different to the screams of pain. I don't understand Japanese. Then a small and furry bolt of lightening races out past the Japanese tourists. You can tell they're tourists because they have expensive looking cameras hanging around their necks. And they have furry clip-on koalas hanging off all their stuff. No-one else buys the annoying things except tourists because they're 'so cute!' and they 'would make such a nice gift for the folks back home!'. Please translate those into as many different languages as you think necessary.
This is what most tourists don't understand about Australian wildlife. It is not cute and cuddly. Koalas stink, have really large and sharp claws and don't like camera flashes. Possums are psycho maniacs which move fast, have sharp teeth, sharper claws and also stink. And don't even get me started on Skippy. That idea has caused more deaths then the Crocodile Hunter. Kangaroos don't like people! They will happily leave them to die. And do you know how they kill dingoes? They rip the dingoes' guts out with the sharp center nails that are on their hindfeet. And they smell. And dingoes are just plain nasty. Then there are the snakes. And the various insects. And spiders. Refer to Terry Pratchett's novel, 'The last continent'. In some places, it's not so far off. Except possibly about the sheep.
"Missy!"
"WHERE???!!!" Legolas jumps up, displacing Jenny, with a glazed look of terror on his face. Jenny pouts. "Where is it, that thrice accursed fiend from Mandos' halls?" He glares around wildly. His hair, I notice, has began to come undone from all his braids. So he doesn't have perfect hair all the time. Missy runs past him, giving him a passing gnaw on the ankles. He leaps into the air with a yell of pain.
"Missy, come here baby girl." I pick her up and start to fuss over her. "Aren't you just the smartest girl, to escape that way. Yes you are, yes you are!" Missy purrs happily and butts at my hand. "Are you hungry?"
*Ohhh yeeessss, gggiiiivvveee mmmeee thee Elllfffff! MMmmmm, Elf!*
"Here you are." I unwrap a cheeseburger for her and put her down.
*Cheeseburger! Yum! Macccaaddoonnnaaaalllddddssssssssss. Soft serve? Please? With chocolate topping!* Missy starts to devour the burger.
"Ok, I'll just get my lunch, then all the rest is yours." The Hobbits nod gleefully and start opening packets with gay abandon. Note, that is gay in the original sense of the word. Not the deplorable use it has been put to today. It's just not cricket, you know. Gimli growls and mumbles into his beard. Well, all the Fellowship, except Gandalf, are eating McDonald's. Jenny and Legolas keep flirting, they're feeding each other chips. It's quite sad. I shrug and start to eat my Quarter Pounder. It's her business, really.
The Hobbits are going really well on the food front. I have never seen four people, well sort of people, eat so much food in one sitting. I finish off my food and start eating nuggets, giving Missy some. Eventually, we finish off all the food. It was good. I love Big Macs, with secret sauce! Secret, secret sauce!
"Any more food?" Pippin says hopefully. I assume from this that the food is all gone.
"How about dessert?" Pippin nods enthusiastically to my question. "Ever tried a gelati? No, I wouldn't think so. Bet you haven't even tried icecream. That is definetly something you have to try before you go back to M.E."
"Em Ee?" Aragorn says, looking puzzeled.
"Middle Earth. Come on, Hobbits!" I lead the Hobbits off to the New Zealand icecreamery. Ice cream. Yum. The Hobbits cluster around the frosted glass and chatter excitedly about the icecream. "Any thoughts on what you'd like to try?"
"Any chocolate?" Merry asked.
"Several. There's Cookies'N'Cream, Spotted Dog, that's orange and choc, Chocolate Ecstasy, Mint Choc Chip, Double Chocolate, Chocolate Mud." The Hobbits' eyes light up. "And then there's others as well. Cafe latte, lemon sorbet, mango, rainbow, vanilla, English Toffee, Rum'N'Raisin, boysenberry...well, there's lots. Know what you want?"
"I think I would like to try the...Mint choc chip, please." Frodo says.
"Chocolate Ecstasy, thanks." Says Pippin cheekily.
"I'll have, er, what's it, the, um, English Toffee, thank you." Sam says very hesitantly. Merry is still gazing at the chocolate icecreams. I poke him in the side. He jumps and says:
"Chocolate Mud sounds good. I'll have that."
"Coolies! Ok," I say to the guy on the counter. "All waffle cones, single scoops. We'll have one mint choc-chip, one chocolate ecstasy, one english toffee and one chocolate mud." The icecream guy scoops them out and sets them on the counter.
"Do you want chocolate fudge and whipped cream wit' that?"
"Yes please. And a double waffle cone with cookies'n'cream on the bottom, and cafe latte on top. With cream and fudge." I pay him and start handing out the cones to the Hobbits. Missy meows at my feet, eyeing the icecreams hungrily. The Hobbits are very interested in their icecreams and are all comparing what they got with what the others got. It's very cute watching them. Awwww, da ickle Hobbits.
We walk slowly back to the table where, thank goodness, all the wrappers are gone. It was a very messy table. Missy meows angrily. She wants an icecream. "Jenny? Could you manage to detach yourself from the Elf and go get Missy an icecream?"
"All right. Come on Legolas." She gets up off his lap and smooths her skirt back down. I do not want to know. Legolas slaps her on the ass. She squeals and jumps forward a little bit.
"Buy Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir some icecreams too." I say, trying to send her telepathic messages. Stop being a mary sue. Stop being a mary sue. She shrugs and sways off. I didn't know you could produce that effect unless you're wearing a skirt or dress. Legolas follows, Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir shrug then follow the two. Dear God, where does the horror stop? Now, that is bad. I shudder as Legolas kisses the back of her neck. Get a room, Elf boy! Gimli, Aragaorn and Boromir are very carefully looking away. It has a certain horrible fascination to it, like car accidents. You know, you want to look away but you just can't? It's kinda the same thing.
Eventually, Jenny comes back, blond Elf in tow. She sets down a dish of icecream for Missy. You know, I never realised before how many sexual innuendoes could be made with an icecream cone? It's very bizzaire. Boromir eyes me speculatively. "No, Boromir. Go and flirt with someone else." He shrugs and looks away. Then a security guard rocks up. This will be interesting.
Legolas is the biggest flirt. Really. And you know, it is surprising to find out that he doesn't have perfect hair all the time. And the icecream thing is sorta like the lollipop thing. You watch a 'cute' girl with a lollipop when she knows that a group of guys are watching her. Ah, the endless need to procreate. We wrap it up in so many ways. *laughs hysterically* Ahem. *sniggers* It is funny though, the endless mating rituals. True lurve, chivalry, marriage...So many, many ways...*laughs* Like Christmas. Commercialism. Spend, buy, consume! *rolls around on the floor laughing* *Missy sniggers* *Sandy looks affronted* *gets up* But what's with the security guard? Oh, just stuff. Loads and loads of stuff. In big purple boxes! With stars on! And more gratutious Missy attacks and mary sues!