Hiya alls! I am now on the fav lists of eight ppls! Sssqqqqquuueee! I am
writing this and watching 'Notting Hill'. Hughie is all flustered, awwww.
And just out of interest, I actually do have a cat. And her name is Ditzah.
Yes, my author name is based on her, so I have to give her lots of kisses
for letting me use her name. She's my ditzcat, and seriously, she is a bit
of a ditz. Has anyone watched Vicar of Dibley? She's like that girl, Alice
I think her name is, but she's a cat. But Missy is the evil side of my cat.
The evil, ankle biting part. Lol. Ditzey, ditzey ditzcat! But when she's
being evil she's just 'Cat!'. Ah, onwards I think would be in order.
Well, the long and short of it was that we got chucked out. After Missy bit the security guard, it was a foregone conclusion. And then Boromir threatened to cut off the guy's head. And Legolas drew his bow. And it all went downhill from there. Have you ever seen a Dwarf lose his temper? Not pretty. But Legolas managed to pull it off and look damn sexy at the same time. Oh the mary sueness! Dear Lord, how do these thoughts get in my head??!! I need desperate psychiatric help. But I think Jenny needs more. I wince and turn up my Discman as a particularly loud scream rips through the air.
"Ooohhh, Legolas!"
The Fellowship, minus Legolas and Gandalf are sitting in the lounge room. They're polishing their weapons and so on. You know, I never knew that Hobbits could turn that particular shade of red? I just hope Gandalf is still asleep.
"Ai, Valar!"
"Oh yeeessss!"
This is kind of disgusting. Scratch that. Really disgusting. I can't hear them, can't hear them! Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala! Concentrate on the song. The song! 'A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Naboo was under an attack. And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn, could talk the Federation into, maybe cutting them a little slack. Their response it didn't thrill us..."
"Oh sweet motherfucking Christ! Oh yeesss!" She can think that coherently? Bad thoughts!
"Elbereth! Ai, Gilthoniel! Aaaahhh!" Even worse images. I turn on the TV and turn the sound up, hoping to drown them out. Frodo gives me a look of gratitude. Heaven knows what the neighbours think. Well, they saw Jenny come in with me, necking with Legolas, so I hope they carried that thought through to its natural conclusion. I scrunch back into the lounge and close my eyes. Then I feel someone's hands massaging my shoulders. It feels good. I open my eyes and look up into Aragorn's eyes. I yelp and shoot up from my reclining position.
"You are betrothed, or however you say it! Remember Arwen? You know, pretty She-Elf, Lord Elrond's daughter, giving up her immortality for you, ringing a bell?" Aragorn looks at his hands as if he didn't know what they were doing. His eyes are wide and horrified.
A piercing female scream interrupts my rant. Then all is blissfully silent. We all give a collective sigh of relief. Then our eyes all turn to the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway. Dear god, they couldn't be finished and dressed that fast, could they? No, it's Gandalf. Thank goodness, though looking at him I can't say whether a sex rumpled Legolas would be an improvement. In fact, I think it would be. And that is just normal, healthy female interest, not mary sueness. I hope.
"What is going on?" Gandalf says blearily.
"Legolas has just finished ####ing one of my friends, I don't know whether you could call it making love exactly." I say in a brittle matter of fact voice. "Frankly, I can't wait until you all go home. Any advancement on that?" My voice goes high on the last bit, I cough as there's a frog in my throat. Maybe a toad.
"Perhaps." Gandalf sits down heavily on an unoccupied chair.
"Pippin, get off Merry." They spring apart with a guilty look. I'm not taking any chances, and they shouldn't either. I sigh and get up. I wander down the hallway to the bathroom. Strange, the door is closed. I open it and scream as a grey, slimy, fishy smelling creature looks up at me from the bathtub.
"Gollum, gollum! Nasty Bagginses!" It says hissingly. I slam the door shut and lean weakly against it. Good Lord. Legolas pokes his head around my parents' bedroom door. I can still hear Gollum through the door, hissing and whispering to himself. Oh dear, that sounds quite painful, that threat. I'm glad my last name isn't Baggins.
"What is it?" Legolas asks.
"Gollum." I say, holding the door closed. "Get Gandalf. He can experiment on Gollum. You know, how to get you guys home." Legolas eyes go wide. Jenny pokes her head around the door.
"What's going on?" Well, she looks like the cat that ate the canary and no mistake. Bloody mary sue. I don't know if I can ever face her again. I mean really, does she have no pride? And it's not as if she can tell anyone. Yes, that would go down well. Guess what I did yesterday? I shagged Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Yeah right, dream on fangirl.
"Um, a minor baddie has just shown up and is in my bathtub. Do you remember Gollum?" Now the door is shuddering under Gollum's blows. How I am going to explain whatever Gollum has done in there, I don't know. Missy comes in and curls around my feet. "I appreciate the thought Missy, but I'm going to tread on you or something." She meows up at me. Suddenly the bathroom goes silent.
"No oh no, not the small biting thing!" Gollum shrieks. Missy cocks her head to one side and looks at the bathroom door. "No no no! Oh gollum, gollum. Save precious!"
Hehe! Should I save Gollum, do ya think? Or should I leave him to the tender mercies of Missy? Leave him to Missy!!! But does anyone out there like Gollum? If so, my most sincerest apologies. I just pity him because he's all evil and used to be good. I feel the same way about the Ring Wraiths, for anyone who's interested. Which I sppose you're not. But Ring Wraiths rock! Should I write a fic with them? R+R all ppls! The button is calling you **does Jedi mindtrick** it wants you to review. . .review!
Well, the long and short of it was that we got chucked out. After Missy bit the security guard, it was a foregone conclusion. And then Boromir threatened to cut off the guy's head. And Legolas drew his bow. And it all went downhill from there. Have you ever seen a Dwarf lose his temper? Not pretty. But Legolas managed to pull it off and look damn sexy at the same time. Oh the mary sueness! Dear Lord, how do these thoughts get in my head??!! I need desperate psychiatric help. But I think Jenny needs more. I wince and turn up my Discman as a particularly loud scream rips through the air.
"Ooohhh, Legolas!"
The Fellowship, minus Legolas and Gandalf are sitting in the lounge room. They're polishing their weapons and so on. You know, I never knew that Hobbits could turn that particular shade of red? I just hope Gandalf is still asleep.
"Ai, Valar!"
"Oh yeeessss!"
This is kind of disgusting. Scratch that. Really disgusting. I can't hear them, can't hear them! Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala! Concentrate on the song. The song! 'A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far away, Naboo was under an attack. And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn, could talk the Federation into, maybe cutting them a little slack. Their response it didn't thrill us..."
"Oh sweet motherfucking Christ! Oh yeesss!" She can think that coherently? Bad thoughts!
"Elbereth! Ai, Gilthoniel! Aaaahhh!" Even worse images. I turn on the TV and turn the sound up, hoping to drown them out. Frodo gives me a look of gratitude. Heaven knows what the neighbours think. Well, they saw Jenny come in with me, necking with Legolas, so I hope they carried that thought through to its natural conclusion. I scrunch back into the lounge and close my eyes. Then I feel someone's hands massaging my shoulders. It feels good. I open my eyes and look up into Aragorn's eyes. I yelp and shoot up from my reclining position.
"You are betrothed, or however you say it! Remember Arwen? You know, pretty She-Elf, Lord Elrond's daughter, giving up her immortality for you, ringing a bell?" Aragorn looks at his hands as if he didn't know what they were doing. His eyes are wide and horrified.
A piercing female scream interrupts my rant. Then all is blissfully silent. We all give a collective sigh of relief. Then our eyes all turn to the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway. Dear god, they couldn't be finished and dressed that fast, could they? No, it's Gandalf. Thank goodness, though looking at him I can't say whether a sex rumpled Legolas would be an improvement. In fact, I think it would be. And that is just normal, healthy female interest, not mary sueness. I hope.
"What is going on?" Gandalf says blearily.
"Legolas has just finished ####ing one of my friends, I don't know whether you could call it making love exactly." I say in a brittle matter of fact voice. "Frankly, I can't wait until you all go home. Any advancement on that?" My voice goes high on the last bit, I cough as there's a frog in my throat. Maybe a toad.
"Perhaps." Gandalf sits down heavily on an unoccupied chair.
"Pippin, get off Merry." They spring apart with a guilty look. I'm not taking any chances, and they shouldn't either. I sigh and get up. I wander down the hallway to the bathroom. Strange, the door is closed. I open it and scream as a grey, slimy, fishy smelling creature looks up at me from the bathtub.
"Gollum, gollum! Nasty Bagginses!" It says hissingly. I slam the door shut and lean weakly against it. Good Lord. Legolas pokes his head around my parents' bedroom door. I can still hear Gollum through the door, hissing and whispering to himself. Oh dear, that sounds quite painful, that threat. I'm glad my last name isn't Baggins.
"What is it?" Legolas asks.
"Gollum." I say, holding the door closed. "Get Gandalf. He can experiment on Gollum. You know, how to get you guys home." Legolas eyes go wide. Jenny pokes her head around the door.
"What's going on?" Well, she looks like the cat that ate the canary and no mistake. Bloody mary sue. I don't know if I can ever face her again. I mean really, does she have no pride? And it's not as if she can tell anyone. Yes, that would go down well. Guess what I did yesterday? I shagged Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Yeah right, dream on fangirl.
"Um, a minor baddie has just shown up and is in my bathtub. Do you remember Gollum?" Now the door is shuddering under Gollum's blows. How I am going to explain whatever Gollum has done in there, I don't know. Missy comes in and curls around my feet. "I appreciate the thought Missy, but I'm going to tread on you or something." She meows up at me. Suddenly the bathroom goes silent.
"No oh no, not the small biting thing!" Gollum shrieks. Missy cocks her head to one side and looks at the bathroom door. "No no no! Oh gollum, gollum. Save precious!"
Hehe! Should I save Gollum, do ya think? Or should I leave him to the tender mercies of Missy? Leave him to Missy!!! But does anyone out there like Gollum? If so, my most sincerest apologies. I just pity him because he's all evil and used to be good. I feel the same way about the Ring Wraiths, for anyone who's interested. Which I sppose you're not. But Ring Wraiths rock! Should I write a fic with them? R+R all ppls! The button is calling you **does Jedi mindtrick** it wants you to review. . .review!