Well, as I have not had one review from a person wanting to save Gollum,
guess what? He's gonna bite the dust! Sort of. In a way. Actually, I've had
this thing planned out since I wrote the Very Private Diary of Missy, which
you aren't going to get to read until I finish this. AND that is another
reason to review. So I am encouraged to write more. Which you want, right?
Right?!! *sniffs* No-one loves me! *bawls* Ditzah loves me! *perks up*
Sqquuuueeeee! lol. Well, this time when I went to check on reviews, I wrote
down the names of my reviewers! Sooooo, tank 'oo! Thanx to Blue Kat, who
wast my very, very first review ever! Awww.
And also, Starbrat, Ju, ZombieGurl, Seal, mAgIcHaRm, EntSpinster and
Souless-Wonders. And also Scathy, because if I don't say something, I'll be
in trouble because Missy will get me! Hide! *burrows under bed* *peers
around cautiously* *screams* *hides back under bed* She'll get you too!
Scary, scary cat! *hides behind couch* 'Do you know where I am?
Snehsnehsneh.' 'You're behind the couch. I can see your feet.' Hehehe! That
movie rocks! Parodies are awesome! Rock on, all parodies and their
creators! *thinks for a moment* *smiles broadly* Hey, that's me!
Ssqquuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Legolas is a useless bastard. "Gandalf!!!" I scream. Legolas winces. What, Jenny's screams were twice as loud as that was. At least. Jenny pouts and goes back into the bedroom. Legolas ducks down and pulls up his pants. Ew. Bad bad bad bad bad bad BAD!! Mary sue thoughts! Can't use pain to distract! Must not let Gollum out! Must resist! I feel my mind slipping into pink and fluffiness. Ohmigod, someone save me! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This is getting beyond a joke, really. Legolas grabs his sword, (no not that, you dirty, dirty people!) and comes to stand near the side of the door. Must...restrain...mary sueness... Gimli rushes up panting, holding his axe.
"What is it?"
"Gollum." By concentrating on Gimli, I find the mary sueness retreating. Then, it surges back and I start getting these insane urges to plait his beard. Heeeelllllppppp! I blink rapidly, and look upwards at the ceiling.
I start chanting to myself. "Gimli is a Dwarf and beards are not cute, I do not want to plait his beard," Gimli looks startled, "Legolas is a slut, " Legolas turns red," who just ####ed one of my friends, he is a flirt and bloody useless, I do not want to kiss him." At this, his eyebrows shoot up. "I am not a mary sue, not a mary sue..." I start thinking rapidly for a change of topic. Ah no! "Frodo is a Hobbit, a Hobbit with large hairy ugly feet..." My vioce starts to rise as I try to stop the mary sueness. "No, I do not want to kiss Frodo. Nonononononono...I am not a mary sue! Not a mary sue." I can feel my mind disintegrating into mary sueness. I start screaming "I am not attracted to any of the Fellowship! They're all ugly! Legolas has bad hair! Aragorn never washes! Boromir has a beard! Gimli is a Dwarf! Hobbits are not cute, no oh no, not in the slightest! Gandalf is old! Where the hell is he anyway?!!!!!"
I stumble from the door and Gollum starts to shoot out. Starts to, because first Legolas, then Gimli fetch him a good one with the hilts of their weapons. Gollum screams, then drops to the ground, out cold. I huddle against the wall, banging my head rhythmically against it. I hear Legolas scream. He's always so sexy when he does that. "Not a mary sue, not a mary sue, not a mary sue..." I chant to myself. "They're all ugly, Jenny has bad taste, Arwen must be blind, Rosie is a silly village git, Galadriel is silly, Elrond must be mad, annnndddd, um, I can't actually think of any more, Pippin is mad, Merry is annoying, Sam is a little #####, Frodo is definitely insane 'cause he said he would carry the Ring to Mordor..." It's not working! I get up and stagger blindly into the loungeroom. "Gandalf, you've got to go home! And take all these sexy, no damn it!" I slap myself across the face, "Freaks, yes strange ugly freaks that I am in no way attracted to, in no way at all, back to Middle Earth." I yelp, a little insanely it's true.
But I'm being turned into a mary sue! That is a fate worse then death, but I wouldn't think that when I was one! I look down at myself and shriek. My breasts have grown larger, and my tummy is perfectly flat. I pull my hair around over my shoulder and look at it. It has no split ends and has changed from its usual brown to a platinum blonde. "Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!" I feel the tips of my ears. They're pointy. "I don' wanna be an Elf!!" I scream and run into my bedroom and collapse onto the bed. This just keeps getting worse.
I really don't want to be an Elf. They run around being nice to people, and hugging trees and stuff like that. I get up and stride back out to the lounge room. "Right. I need a knife, or a sword or something sharp." The Fellowship stares at me. "A sharp thing so I can cut my hair." Okkkaaayy then. I take Legolas' sword out of his hand, and holding my hair firmly, raise the sword and cut it off. Then it grows back. Longer. And keeps getting longer. Finally, it reaches down to my knees and stops. "Oh foul Author, why hast thou done this to me? Eep!" I clap my hands over my mouth. That was a very mary sueish thing to say. I start feeling insanely attracted to Boromir and under the grasp of a terrible compulsion, though I try to fight it, walk over to him and sit down in his lap and bawl. He pats me on the back, looking helplessly around at the rest of the Fellowship. "I don't want to be an Elvish mary sue. It's...demeaning! I'm sure I have much more intelligence then any Elf, especially Legolas." Legolas humphs. "And really, my hair? Wait a minute, what colour are my eyes?" I swivel and stare at Boromir.
"Blue?"
"What type of blue?"
"Very blue?"
"Christ. Well, maybe if you all go home, I'll go back to being me. I mean, I like me. I'm comfortable. This," I gesture at my mary sue body, "Will take too much time and effort, and I'm not me anymore. I don't look like me." I get up. "Gandalf, guess who showed up? Gollum! So you can experiment on him." Gimli drags Gollum in. Now we're going to have some fun...
Oh, poor Sandy! I truly think that the Elvish mary sues are the worst ones, though some of the human ones are pretty bad too. Mary sues, mary sues, are you one too? I'm a mary sue, oh, I'm a mary sue. Snehsnehsneh. That's the way the Death of Rats laughs. Except he does in capital, italic letters. SNEH SNEH SNEH. Lol. Any one out there know some good Elvish or Dwarfish swear words? Send 'em to my e-mail address- lady_of_the_crystal_tower@yahoo.com.au. Danke schon! Bye for now, until I decide exactly how to torture Gollum. lol. I like torturing people, but it's the most fun of all to mess with their minds.
Legolas is a useless bastard. "Gandalf!!!" I scream. Legolas winces. What, Jenny's screams were twice as loud as that was. At least. Jenny pouts and goes back into the bedroom. Legolas ducks down and pulls up his pants. Ew. Bad bad bad bad bad bad BAD!! Mary sue thoughts! Can't use pain to distract! Must not let Gollum out! Must resist! I feel my mind slipping into pink and fluffiness. Ohmigod, someone save me! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This is getting beyond a joke, really. Legolas grabs his sword, (no not that, you dirty, dirty people!) and comes to stand near the side of the door. Must...restrain...mary sueness... Gimli rushes up panting, holding his axe.
"What is it?"
"Gollum." By concentrating on Gimli, I find the mary sueness retreating. Then, it surges back and I start getting these insane urges to plait his beard. Heeeelllllppppp! I blink rapidly, and look upwards at the ceiling.
I start chanting to myself. "Gimli is a Dwarf and beards are not cute, I do not want to plait his beard," Gimli looks startled, "Legolas is a slut, " Legolas turns red," who just ####ed one of my friends, he is a flirt and bloody useless, I do not want to kiss him." At this, his eyebrows shoot up. "I am not a mary sue, not a mary sue..." I start thinking rapidly for a change of topic. Ah no! "Frodo is a Hobbit, a Hobbit with large hairy ugly feet..." My vioce starts to rise as I try to stop the mary sueness. "No, I do not want to kiss Frodo. Nonononononono...I am not a mary sue! Not a mary sue." I can feel my mind disintegrating into mary sueness. I start screaming "I am not attracted to any of the Fellowship! They're all ugly! Legolas has bad hair! Aragorn never washes! Boromir has a beard! Gimli is a Dwarf! Hobbits are not cute, no oh no, not in the slightest! Gandalf is old! Where the hell is he anyway?!!!!!"
I stumble from the door and Gollum starts to shoot out. Starts to, because first Legolas, then Gimli fetch him a good one with the hilts of their weapons. Gollum screams, then drops to the ground, out cold. I huddle against the wall, banging my head rhythmically against it. I hear Legolas scream. He's always so sexy when he does that. "Not a mary sue, not a mary sue, not a mary sue..." I chant to myself. "They're all ugly, Jenny has bad taste, Arwen must be blind, Rosie is a silly village git, Galadriel is silly, Elrond must be mad, annnndddd, um, I can't actually think of any more, Pippin is mad, Merry is annoying, Sam is a little #####, Frodo is definitely insane 'cause he said he would carry the Ring to Mordor..." It's not working! I get up and stagger blindly into the loungeroom. "Gandalf, you've got to go home! And take all these sexy, no damn it!" I slap myself across the face, "Freaks, yes strange ugly freaks that I am in no way attracted to, in no way at all, back to Middle Earth." I yelp, a little insanely it's true.
But I'm being turned into a mary sue! That is a fate worse then death, but I wouldn't think that when I was one! I look down at myself and shriek. My breasts have grown larger, and my tummy is perfectly flat. I pull my hair around over my shoulder and look at it. It has no split ends and has changed from its usual brown to a platinum blonde. "Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!" I feel the tips of my ears. They're pointy. "I don' wanna be an Elf!!" I scream and run into my bedroom and collapse onto the bed. This just keeps getting worse.
I really don't want to be an Elf. They run around being nice to people, and hugging trees and stuff like that. I get up and stride back out to the lounge room. "Right. I need a knife, or a sword or something sharp." The Fellowship stares at me. "A sharp thing so I can cut my hair." Okkkaaayy then. I take Legolas' sword out of his hand, and holding my hair firmly, raise the sword and cut it off. Then it grows back. Longer. And keeps getting longer. Finally, it reaches down to my knees and stops. "Oh foul Author, why hast thou done this to me? Eep!" I clap my hands over my mouth. That was a very mary sueish thing to say. I start feeling insanely attracted to Boromir and under the grasp of a terrible compulsion, though I try to fight it, walk over to him and sit down in his lap and bawl. He pats me on the back, looking helplessly around at the rest of the Fellowship. "I don't want to be an Elvish mary sue. It's...demeaning! I'm sure I have much more intelligence then any Elf, especially Legolas." Legolas humphs. "And really, my hair? Wait a minute, what colour are my eyes?" I swivel and stare at Boromir.
"Blue?"
"What type of blue?"
"Very blue?"
"Christ. Well, maybe if you all go home, I'll go back to being me. I mean, I like me. I'm comfortable. This," I gesture at my mary sue body, "Will take too much time and effort, and I'm not me anymore. I don't look like me." I get up. "Gandalf, guess who showed up? Gollum! So you can experiment on him." Gimli drags Gollum in. Now we're going to have some fun...
Oh, poor Sandy! I truly think that the Elvish mary sues are the worst ones, though some of the human ones are pretty bad too. Mary sues, mary sues, are you one too? I'm a mary sue, oh, I'm a mary sue. Snehsnehsneh. That's the way the Death of Rats laughs. Except he does in capital, italic letters. SNEH SNEH SNEH. Lol. Any one out there know some good Elvish or Dwarfish swear words? Send 'em to my e-mail address- lady_of_the_crystal_tower@yahoo.com.au. Danke schon! Bye for now, until I decide exactly how to torture Gollum. lol. I like torturing people, but it's the most fun of all to mess with their minds.