Sorry a million times over about the long wait peoples! But you know how it
can be. This fic is nearly over, which will be the first fic I've ever
finished! Squuueeeeee! Oh the funness! The sheer ecstatic relief!
Okay, small grey fishy smelling thing in the middle of my lounge room floor, unconscious and dripping ick all over my floor. I am like, so going to enjoy this! Ah! Bad mary sueness! I slap myself, then smile brightly at the rest of the people in the room. "Well? Let's get on with it." Everyone bar Gandalf sits down to watch the show. Gandalf does all these weird passy things and says weird goobleydook, then Gollum vanishes. Well, that was surprisingly easy. I frown winsomely. Something tells me that the Author is not finished yet. "A thought, like, how do we tell if that icky thing, like, went back to its home planet, like?" Slap for you. I slap myself in the face again and wait for the ringing to stop.
"I'll bring it back." Yeah, didn't we want to get rid of the slimy thing? Wait a mo, it was my idea! Gandalf does more wizardly stuff in the voice that sounds like he's stoned. Wait a min, pipe is where? There. Smoking? Yes. Oh fudge. Agh! Where is the swear? Where is the firetrucking swear?! Darn. Ok, small glowing patch of light growing bigger. Then pop! there is a white haired tall sexy guy standing there, instead of what should be there. Namely small grey ugly supposedly masculine thing. But a definite improvement. Then he turns around.
"Ohmigod! Spike! You brought Spike here! Spike the firetrucking vampire, from Sunnydale! William the Bloody! Like, wow!" I jump up and down squealing until I realise everyone is staring at me. Including Spike. I fold my arms over my chest as I am now incredibly aware of larger tits.
"Well, hello luv." Oh the accent is to DIE for. "What the f*** is Bit up to now? Or is it Red?"
"None of them. Gandalf, send him back. Wrong evil guy. At least you managed to pick an attractive one this time." I say crossly.
"Thanks luv. Who are you lot again?"
"Spike also known as William the Bloody, I'm Sandy, and this is the Fellowship of the Ring."
"The what?" Spike looks really confused.
"Never mind. Send him ba...on second thoughts, he can stay here." This sexy guy, I'm keeping.
"No, Lady. He must return to whence he came." Boromir says all serious.
I pout cutely. "All right." Under compulsion of mary sueness, or so I tell myself, I run up and pash the vampire. Then I step back. Gandalf starts all weird stuff again and pop! Spike is gone. Pity. He was incredibly sexy. Must be the vampirishness. Gandalf tries again. Oh, now that right there, that was messed up. "Gandalf, this time it's not even humanoid. It's the Luggage from the Discworld series." If I've ever seen a box with lots of little legs looks confused, this is a very confused box. Oh, it's sweet. "Gandalf, if you don't get this right soon, I'm going to set Missy on you." Gandalf looks scared and the Luggage disappears faster then Spike. Pop!
Sexy looking dark and dangerous man. Then man turns into a big black dog. "Sirius Black! Harry would be ashamed of you!" Why is it that I am constantly thinking sexy man? And the Luggage was cute? The dog whines and turns back into sexy man.
"What am I doing here?" His expression goes all snarly. In fact he actually snarls. Ooo, scaryness. "Is this a plot of Voldemort?"
"No. Byebye! Say hi to Harry for me! My name's Sandy and I'm a fan." Sirius reaches out to me, then goes pop! Pop! Ooo, Darth Vader. Aahhh! Lightsaber thingy! Burning, dangerous lightsaber thingy! Pop! Pop! Gandalf's getting quicker at this. That hair is definitely weird. And those pants look like they've been sprayed on. "Who are you?" I say confused. Who is that guy?
"I am the Goblin King, why have I been summoned?" He notices me and smiles. "But you can call me Jareth."
"Ok, Labyrinth guy. Buybuyyee now!" Pop! "Can we get it right now?" Pop! OK, we now have small grey ugly thing. "Good work Gandalf!"
"Nnnnoooooo! Small biting thing eat precious! Save precious!! Oh gollum, gollum!" Gollum cowers on the floor. "Send precious hhoommmee! Was home, but now am here!"
"That's all we needed to hear. Bye Gollum!" Pop! I rub my arms. "Well, I suppose this means goodbye, then." I run around and kiss the Fellowship. Except for Gandalf and Gimli. Ew, like yuuuccckkk. Don't go there girlfriend! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. "Here we go, here we go!" I do a weird cheerleader dance then stop and twiddle with my hair. GodDAMN the marysueness all to hell! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I scream and run full tilt into a wall. I rebound and collapse onto the floor, holding my throbbing head. Owwie, owwie, owwie! And the whole no saying naughty naughty words is annoying me all over. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? "You guys going now?" I say through gritted teeth.
"Thank you for your hospitality, fair lady. Fare thee well." Gandalf bows and gathers the Fellowship around him. Glowingness and they start to fuzz out. Then Missy leaps past me and dives into the white mistyness.
*EELLLLLFFFF!!!!! Gimmegimmegimme!*
"Missy! NO!" I scream as the Fellowship disappears to the sound of Legolas' agonized screams.
*What in the name of Bastet? Mm-*
"Damn it all to hell and back! Give me back my cat!" I start to cry. My poor ickle Missykins. She'd be so lonely and afraid. Then Jenny saunters into the room.
"Hi, where'd the Fellowship go?" She flips her hair. Dear god.
"Home. Get out Jenny. Just go away. I'm so ashamed of the mary sueness of you." Jenny wanders out of the room, and soon I hear the front door slam. Fuck. I grin suddenly. I can swear again! I run to my room and study myself in the mirror. Ok, hair shrinking back to original length, ears round but rest of body shows no sign of change. I can cope. Might be fun to turn up at school this way. I cross my eyes and giggle at my reflection.
Well, really, did you think I'd leave Sandy to her normalness? Maybe I should turn her into a vampire. No, just kidding. Ask any female, we're all dissatisfied. So I leave Sandy with a better body then when she came in. Meh. I'm allowed too, she's my fugging character! Thank you all for sticking this out, amongst my long periods of non-writing nessesesesesss. Neway, be all good peeps! Nearly, nearly done. And besides wouldn't you want to turn up and shock the people you know by turning up marvelously attractive? And then laughing in their faces? I know I would. Hehehehe. Gollum rocks. Let's play with peoples minds. And their souls. Do I have a soul? I can't remember...
Okay, small grey fishy smelling thing in the middle of my lounge room floor, unconscious and dripping ick all over my floor. I am like, so going to enjoy this! Ah! Bad mary sueness! I slap myself, then smile brightly at the rest of the people in the room. "Well? Let's get on with it." Everyone bar Gandalf sits down to watch the show. Gandalf does all these weird passy things and says weird goobleydook, then Gollum vanishes. Well, that was surprisingly easy. I frown winsomely. Something tells me that the Author is not finished yet. "A thought, like, how do we tell if that icky thing, like, went back to its home planet, like?" Slap for you. I slap myself in the face again and wait for the ringing to stop.
"I'll bring it back." Yeah, didn't we want to get rid of the slimy thing? Wait a mo, it was my idea! Gandalf does more wizardly stuff in the voice that sounds like he's stoned. Wait a min, pipe is where? There. Smoking? Yes. Oh fudge. Agh! Where is the swear? Where is the firetrucking swear?! Darn. Ok, small glowing patch of light growing bigger. Then pop! there is a white haired tall sexy guy standing there, instead of what should be there. Namely small grey ugly supposedly masculine thing. But a definite improvement. Then he turns around.
"Ohmigod! Spike! You brought Spike here! Spike the firetrucking vampire, from Sunnydale! William the Bloody! Like, wow!" I jump up and down squealing until I realise everyone is staring at me. Including Spike. I fold my arms over my chest as I am now incredibly aware of larger tits.
"Well, hello luv." Oh the accent is to DIE for. "What the f*** is Bit up to now? Or is it Red?"
"None of them. Gandalf, send him back. Wrong evil guy. At least you managed to pick an attractive one this time." I say crossly.
"Thanks luv. Who are you lot again?"
"Spike also known as William the Bloody, I'm Sandy, and this is the Fellowship of the Ring."
"The what?" Spike looks really confused.
"Never mind. Send him ba...on second thoughts, he can stay here." This sexy guy, I'm keeping.
"No, Lady. He must return to whence he came." Boromir says all serious.
I pout cutely. "All right." Under compulsion of mary sueness, or so I tell myself, I run up and pash the vampire. Then I step back. Gandalf starts all weird stuff again and pop! Spike is gone. Pity. He was incredibly sexy. Must be the vampirishness. Gandalf tries again. Oh, now that right there, that was messed up. "Gandalf, this time it's not even humanoid. It's the Luggage from the Discworld series." If I've ever seen a box with lots of little legs looks confused, this is a very confused box. Oh, it's sweet. "Gandalf, if you don't get this right soon, I'm going to set Missy on you." Gandalf looks scared and the Luggage disappears faster then Spike. Pop!
Sexy looking dark and dangerous man. Then man turns into a big black dog. "Sirius Black! Harry would be ashamed of you!" Why is it that I am constantly thinking sexy man? And the Luggage was cute? The dog whines and turns back into sexy man.
"What am I doing here?" His expression goes all snarly. In fact he actually snarls. Ooo, scaryness. "Is this a plot of Voldemort?"
"No. Byebye! Say hi to Harry for me! My name's Sandy and I'm a fan." Sirius reaches out to me, then goes pop! Pop! Ooo, Darth Vader. Aahhh! Lightsaber thingy! Burning, dangerous lightsaber thingy! Pop! Pop! Gandalf's getting quicker at this. That hair is definitely weird. And those pants look like they've been sprayed on. "Who are you?" I say confused. Who is that guy?
"I am the Goblin King, why have I been summoned?" He notices me and smiles. "But you can call me Jareth."
"Ok, Labyrinth guy. Buybuyyee now!" Pop! "Can we get it right now?" Pop! OK, we now have small grey ugly thing. "Good work Gandalf!"
"Nnnnoooooo! Small biting thing eat precious! Save precious!! Oh gollum, gollum!" Gollum cowers on the floor. "Send precious hhoommmee! Was home, but now am here!"
"That's all we needed to hear. Bye Gollum!" Pop! I rub my arms. "Well, I suppose this means goodbye, then." I run around and kiss the Fellowship. Except for Gandalf and Gimli. Ew, like yuuuccckkk. Don't go there girlfriend! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. "Here we go, here we go!" I do a weird cheerleader dance then stop and twiddle with my hair. GodDAMN the marysueness all to hell! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I scream and run full tilt into a wall. I rebound and collapse onto the floor, holding my throbbing head. Owwie, owwie, owwie! And the whole no saying naughty naughty words is annoying me all over. Whatever happened to freedom of speech? "You guys going now?" I say through gritted teeth.
"Thank you for your hospitality, fair lady. Fare thee well." Gandalf bows and gathers the Fellowship around him. Glowingness and they start to fuzz out. Then Missy leaps past me and dives into the white mistyness.
*EELLLLLFFFF!!!!! Gimmegimmegimme!*
"Missy! NO!" I scream as the Fellowship disappears to the sound of Legolas' agonized screams.
*What in the name of Bastet? Mm-*
"Damn it all to hell and back! Give me back my cat!" I start to cry. My poor ickle Missykins. She'd be so lonely and afraid. Then Jenny saunters into the room.
"Hi, where'd the Fellowship go?" She flips her hair. Dear god.
"Home. Get out Jenny. Just go away. I'm so ashamed of the mary sueness of you." Jenny wanders out of the room, and soon I hear the front door slam. Fuck. I grin suddenly. I can swear again! I run to my room and study myself in the mirror. Ok, hair shrinking back to original length, ears round but rest of body shows no sign of change. I can cope. Might be fun to turn up at school this way. I cross my eyes and giggle at my reflection.
Well, really, did you think I'd leave Sandy to her normalness? Maybe I should turn her into a vampire. No, just kidding. Ask any female, we're all dissatisfied. So I leave Sandy with a better body then when she came in. Meh. I'm allowed too, she's my fugging character! Thank you all for sticking this out, amongst my long periods of non-writing nessesesesesss. Neway, be all good peeps! Nearly, nearly done. And besides wouldn't you want to turn up and shock the people you know by turning up marvelously attractive? And then laughing in their faces? I know I would. Hehehehe. Gollum rocks. Let's play with peoples minds. And their souls. Do I have a soul? I can't remember...