Disclaimer: I don't own Lucius Malfoy and he'd probably run screaming from me if I did. He belongs to JK Rowling. I also don't own the lyrics, they belong to U2.
Notes: I should be asleep, but this haunted me until I got up to write it. It was inspired partly but The Phantom's fic 'I Weep For Thee', a story where the girl doesn't get her man.
One
She wasn't prepared for him when he came, stacking books in the back shelves of Flourish and Blotts, preparing to close the store for the night. She'd been working there for years, for as long as anyone could remember. Her first day on the job two years after graduation from Hogwarts, the day Lucius Malfoy had refused to break his engagement and left her standing alone with tears in her eyes. Twenty years had passed since that night, twenty years since the only man she'd ever loved had left her standing in the middle of the street with nothing tangible left of their four year relationship. After twenty years she had stopped dreaming that he would return for her, but after twenty years he did.
He watched her for a long time, watched as she bent and picked up books that were piled on the floor, sliding them carefully onto their places on the shelves. Her dark hair had come undone from the ribbon that was holding it back and curling wisps fell over her face and eyes. He didn't need to see her eyes though to remember how startlingly black they were. Lucius had known her better than he had known anyone his entire life and one didn't forget a person like her. One didn't often forget their real love.
She had looked so exotic, that's what had attracted him in the first place. Wild hair, dark eyes and a full body where Narcissa was only skin and bone under his fingertips. She had been an outspoken, recklessly bold Gryffindor girl and her attitude had aggravated him as much as it had aroused him. He had loved her, he would never deny that, but he had been engaged to Narcissa. Narcissa was of the correct bloodline and the girl from school would never be right. She wasn't a pureblood, her mother was a Muggle and because of that Lucius couldn't have married her. He had loved her, pined away for her, yearned and ached for her over the years, but it had done nothing but drive a bitter space between himself and his wife.
She heaved a sigh, rolled her shoulders and leaned her head back. Lucius wanted nothing more than to go to her and wrap his arms around her like he had done in the past, but he resisted. She wasn't his to touch anymore, he could only look on and remember what he had been lucky enough to once possess.
The sun had set outside, throwing the bookstore into shadows and Lucius lit a few candles with a wave of his wand. She gasped and glanced backward, startled at his presence. She hadn't known he was standing there, watching her silently like he had done for so many years. Her hand went to her mouth and she stared at him, unable to believe that he was standing in front of her.
"Lucius?" she asked softly.
A hesitant smile touched his lips.
Her eyes hardened at this and she pointed to the door. "I'm closed."
//Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you wanted me to go without//
He frowned. "I came to see you."
"Why? To remind me of what you did to me?" she asked, still pointing to the door. Her hand was trembling. "Go."
"Why do you want me to leave?" he asked, staring at her. She was the one person in the world that he was sure would remember who he had been before Voldemort. He had counted on her to remember the person he still held inside of him.
She shook her head and dropped her head. "It's too painful, Lucius. Even after twenty years it's still too painful."
"I just wanted to see you."
"Seeing me won't make it easier."
He nodded slowly. "I know."
She bit her lip and turned away, not wanting Lucius to see the tears collecting in her eyes. He wanted so badly to go to her, his gloved hands twitched against his staff but he remained perfectly still.
"How's Narcissa?" she asked coldly.
Lucius flinched slightly, knowing that was the exact reaction she had wanted from him. Even after twenty years apart she still knew how to make him hurt and he was sure that she would do plenty of it that night.
"She's . . . cold," he replied.
A bitter smile twitched at the corners of her lips. "Do you expect me to be surprised by that revelation? I could have told you that twenty years ago."
"I already knew it twenty years ago," Lucius said.
"Then why did you marry her?"
He shrugged helplessly. "Her bloodline."
"It didn't matter what we had, did it?" she asked. "Even love doesn't surpass power, does it?"
Lucius drew in a deep breath, unsure of what to say.
"I can't do this now," she said softly, then sighed. "After all this time I can't do it."
//Well, it's too late tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We got to carry each other
Carry each other ...
One ...//
"Do what?" he asked.
Her dark eyes flew to his grey ones and he could see the anger flashing in their depths. He had learned to read those eyes over the years they had spent together and he knew exactly when he had gone too far. The light in them would turn dark and a fire would begin to burn inside of them, flashing angrily every time she rounded on him for another argument. Their fights had been frighteningly passionate, but so had everything else about their relationship. Lucius often wondered how long it would have been before they hd both been burned by the fire they shared. If he had let it go on, would they still be together today?
"I can't deal with your narcissistic behaviour," she spat angrily. "Get over yourself, Lucius. I loved you a long time ago."
"You don't love me anymore?"
Her nostrils flared angrily. "Does it matter? It didn't matter before, so why would it matter now?"
"Because I need to know."
"Go back to your ice queen," she growled, turning and slamming a box closed. "I don't need this. Go back and play with your Death Eaters and your Dark Lord and see what you can come up with together. See if you can come up with some kind of revenge for me, okay? Do your worst, Lucius, I don't care anymore."
She stalked past him, shoving him angrily out of the way and went into the main room of the store. Candles went out in a flash of light as she passed by them and by the time she reached the door the entire store had gone dark.
"I'm closing," she repeated. "Get out."
Lucius followed her voice in the dark and stood a few feet away from her. "Aren't you the least bit curious as to why I'm here?"
He could see her eyes shining in the light of the moon and she hesitated slightly.
"After twenty years," he continued, "you're not at all curious?"
She laughed harshly. "Do you want my forgiveness, Lucius? Do you need peace of mind?"
//Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head?//
He finally smiled, a smile free of malice for the first time in years, then took another step toward her. The air grew heavy around them as they both fell silent, her chest rose and fell with each breath she forced into her body. The tension grew as he continued to close the distance between them. She could lie to him and she could lie to herself, but as the room began to close in there was no one in the world who would watch them and believe they didn't love each other.
He peeled off the leather gloves he always wore, then Lucius reached out and took her hand. Her skin warm and smooth beneath his fingers and his eyes fluttered shut. She was exactly as he remembered, soft, warm and alive, so different from the woman he had married. In the darkness he heard her breath quicken and felt the sob that she choked down.
"I came here because I need you to know something," he said quietly.
She remained silent, unwilling to open her mouth and break the moment.
"I need you to know that I really did love you."
She swallowed hard and he opened his eyes to see her nod slowly.
"I know."
"I never meant to hurt you."
"You've changed," was the only reply he received for this. "You're so different. Even your hand feels different."
His eyes shut again. "You feel exactly the same."
//Did I ask too much?
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one, but we're not the same
We hurt each other then we do it again//
"You have to go," she whispered.
Lucius nodded. "I know I do."
"And you can't come back."
He sighed, then said, "I know I can't."
They stared at each other for a long moment, then Lucius dropped her hand and slid his fingers back into his gloves. She was so different from everything he thought he had believed in, so different from the world he had envisioned with Voldemort as ruler and yet she felt so right by his side. His heart would never belong to another, but he would move on through life and go on without her. He would never forget, but he knew there was no way they could ever go back to the way things had been.
She opened the door of the book store, then stood aside to let him pass her. He tried to smile again, but it felt cold and mechanical on his face. Instead, he just looked at her, drinking in the face he might very well never see again, yet the one face that would linger in his mind forever.
She looked away, then reached for his hand once more, stroking his fingers through the gloves.
"I do still love you," she whispered, then stood on tiptoe to brush her lips across his cheek.
A moment later, Lucius was standing alone in the street as the door to Flourish and Blotts was closed and locked behind him. Her scent lingered around his face and the feeling of her mouth on his face haunted him. It would be torture to remember what they had once had, but he had a position to uphold and she would never fit into it.
Straightening his shoulders, Lucius Malfoy walked away from the book store.
Inside, the woman with dark hair watched him leave, tears streaming down her cheeks.
//You say love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
One love, one life
We get to carry each other
One ...//
End
Reviews are adored and appreciated beyond belief. :D
Notes: I should be asleep, but this haunted me until I got up to write it. It was inspired partly but The Phantom's fic 'I Weep For Thee', a story where the girl doesn't get her man.
One
She wasn't prepared for him when he came, stacking books in the back shelves of Flourish and Blotts, preparing to close the store for the night. She'd been working there for years, for as long as anyone could remember. Her first day on the job two years after graduation from Hogwarts, the day Lucius Malfoy had refused to break his engagement and left her standing alone with tears in her eyes. Twenty years had passed since that night, twenty years since the only man she'd ever loved had left her standing in the middle of the street with nothing tangible left of their four year relationship. After twenty years she had stopped dreaming that he would return for her, but after twenty years he did.
He watched her for a long time, watched as she bent and picked up books that were piled on the floor, sliding them carefully onto their places on the shelves. Her dark hair had come undone from the ribbon that was holding it back and curling wisps fell over her face and eyes. He didn't need to see her eyes though to remember how startlingly black they were. Lucius had known her better than he had known anyone his entire life and one didn't forget a person like her. One didn't often forget their real love.
She had looked so exotic, that's what had attracted him in the first place. Wild hair, dark eyes and a full body where Narcissa was only skin and bone under his fingertips. She had been an outspoken, recklessly bold Gryffindor girl and her attitude had aggravated him as much as it had aroused him. He had loved her, he would never deny that, but he had been engaged to Narcissa. Narcissa was of the correct bloodline and the girl from school would never be right. She wasn't a pureblood, her mother was a Muggle and because of that Lucius couldn't have married her. He had loved her, pined away for her, yearned and ached for her over the years, but it had done nothing but drive a bitter space between himself and his wife.
She heaved a sigh, rolled her shoulders and leaned her head back. Lucius wanted nothing more than to go to her and wrap his arms around her like he had done in the past, but he resisted. She wasn't his to touch anymore, he could only look on and remember what he had been lucky enough to once possess.
The sun had set outside, throwing the bookstore into shadows and Lucius lit a few candles with a wave of his wand. She gasped and glanced backward, startled at his presence. She hadn't known he was standing there, watching her silently like he had done for so many years. Her hand went to her mouth and she stared at him, unable to believe that he was standing in front of her.
"Lucius?" she asked softly.
A hesitant smile touched his lips.
Her eyes hardened at this and she pointed to the door. "I'm closed."
//Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you wanted me to go without//
He frowned. "I came to see you."
"Why? To remind me of what you did to me?" she asked, still pointing to the door. Her hand was trembling. "Go."
"Why do you want me to leave?" he asked, staring at her. She was the one person in the world that he was sure would remember who he had been before Voldemort. He had counted on her to remember the person he still held inside of him.
She shook her head and dropped her head. "It's too painful, Lucius. Even after twenty years it's still too painful."
"I just wanted to see you."
"Seeing me won't make it easier."
He nodded slowly. "I know."
She bit her lip and turned away, not wanting Lucius to see the tears collecting in her eyes. He wanted so badly to go to her, his gloved hands twitched against his staff but he remained perfectly still.
"How's Narcissa?" she asked coldly.
Lucius flinched slightly, knowing that was the exact reaction she had wanted from him. Even after twenty years apart she still knew how to make him hurt and he was sure that she would do plenty of it that night.
"She's . . . cold," he replied.
A bitter smile twitched at the corners of her lips. "Do you expect me to be surprised by that revelation? I could have told you that twenty years ago."
"I already knew it twenty years ago," Lucius said.
"Then why did you marry her?"
He shrugged helplessly. "Her bloodline."
"It didn't matter what we had, did it?" she asked. "Even love doesn't surpass power, does it?"
Lucius drew in a deep breath, unsure of what to say.
"I can't do this now," she said softly, then sighed. "After all this time I can't do it."
//Well, it's too late tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We got to carry each other
Carry each other ...
One ...//
"Do what?" he asked.
Her dark eyes flew to his grey ones and he could see the anger flashing in their depths. He had learned to read those eyes over the years they had spent together and he knew exactly when he had gone too far. The light in them would turn dark and a fire would begin to burn inside of them, flashing angrily every time she rounded on him for another argument. Their fights had been frighteningly passionate, but so had everything else about their relationship. Lucius often wondered how long it would have been before they hd both been burned by the fire they shared. If he had let it go on, would they still be together today?
"I can't deal with your narcissistic behaviour," she spat angrily. "Get over yourself, Lucius. I loved you a long time ago."
"You don't love me anymore?"
Her nostrils flared angrily. "Does it matter? It didn't matter before, so why would it matter now?"
"Because I need to know."
"Go back to your ice queen," she growled, turning and slamming a box closed. "I don't need this. Go back and play with your Death Eaters and your Dark Lord and see what you can come up with together. See if you can come up with some kind of revenge for me, okay? Do your worst, Lucius, I don't care anymore."
She stalked past him, shoving him angrily out of the way and went into the main room of the store. Candles went out in a flash of light as she passed by them and by the time she reached the door the entire store had gone dark.
"I'm closing," she repeated. "Get out."
Lucius followed her voice in the dark and stood a few feet away from her. "Aren't you the least bit curious as to why I'm here?"
He could see her eyes shining in the light of the moon and she hesitated slightly.
"After twenty years," he continued, "you're not at all curious?"
She laughed harshly. "Do you want my forgiveness, Lucius? Do you need peace of mind?"
//Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head?//
He finally smiled, a smile free of malice for the first time in years, then took another step toward her. The air grew heavy around them as they both fell silent, her chest rose and fell with each breath she forced into her body. The tension grew as he continued to close the distance between them. She could lie to him and she could lie to herself, but as the room began to close in there was no one in the world who would watch them and believe they didn't love each other.
He peeled off the leather gloves he always wore, then Lucius reached out and took her hand. Her skin warm and smooth beneath his fingers and his eyes fluttered shut. She was exactly as he remembered, soft, warm and alive, so different from the woman he had married. In the darkness he heard her breath quicken and felt the sob that she choked down.
"I came here because I need you to know something," he said quietly.
She remained silent, unwilling to open her mouth and break the moment.
"I need you to know that I really did love you."
She swallowed hard and he opened his eyes to see her nod slowly.
"I know."
"I never meant to hurt you."
"You've changed," was the only reply he received for this. "You're so different. Even your hand feels different."
His eyes shut again. "You feel exactly the same."
//Did I ask too much?
More than a lot
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one, but we're not the same
We hurt each other then we do it again//
"You have to go," she whispered.
Lucius nodded. "I know I do."
"And you can't come back."
He sighed, then said, "I know I can't."
They stared at each other for a long moment, then Lucius dropped her hand and slid his fingers back into his gloves. She was so different from everything he thought he had believed in, so different from the world he had envisioned with Voldemort as ruler and yet she felt so right by his side. His heart would never belong to another, but he would move on through life and go on without her. He would never forget, but he knew there was no way they could ever go back to the way things had been.
She opened the door of the book store, then stood aside to let him pass her. He tried to smile again, but it felt cold and mechanical on his face. Instead, he just looked at her, drinking in the face he might very well never see again, yet the one face that would linger in his mind forever.
She looked away, then reached for his hand once more, stroking his fingers through the gloves.
"I do still love you," she whispered, then stood on tiptoe to brush her lips across his cheek.
A moment later, Lucius was standing alone in the street as the door to Flourish and Blotts was closed and locked behind him. Her scent lingered around his face and the feeling of her mouth on his face haunted him. It would be torture to remember what they had once had, but he had a position to uphold and she would never fit into it.
Straightening his shoulders, Lucius Malfoy walked away from the book store.
Inside, the woman with dark hair watched him leave, tears streaming down her cheeks.
//You say love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
One love, one life
We get to carry each other
One ...//
End
Reviews are adored and appreciated beyond belief. :D