Disclaimer: Me? Own Redwall? No, you must be confused. You see, I am a tourist.

Mali: Okay, everyone, sorry about the wait, but my ISP decided to act up and not load anything for two weeks.

Veil: Dad-

Swartt: Don't pester me, you insolent brat.

Mali: Thanks to all those kind people who reviewed. Now, there is something I must do...

(Anvil lands on Swartt)

Veil: (Like Nelson) Haw-haw!

Mali: My business here is finished. Let the story begin!

***

Sunflash The Mace's Halloween Sleepover Chapter 3 - The Gremlin

Sunflash was sitting on the sand, sobbing hysterically. "My mountain...."

"Matti!" Matthias said sharply, smacking his son. "That was not nice! Normal teenagers do not disfigure people's homes!"

"Actually-" Bryony began.

"Shut up!" snapped Matthias. "Matti, you apologise to Mr. Mace and promise you'll never change another creature's home to the perfect likeness of Mount Rushmore again!"

Sunflash howled in grief. His mountain was ruined! It was no longer the only one of it's kind! Now they'd have to call it Mount Salamore or Rushmandastron.

Come to think of it, he liked Mount Salamore better. It was easier to spell, so he wouldn't struggle when filling out the Census form.

Because he needed to fill out the Census form.

Or else they wouldn't know how many people who lived in the country.

Then they couldn't send out fliers, packages or bills.

Bryony turned to Veil. "You know, the only thing we've seen that's remotely scary is Sunflash's costume."

"So?"

"This is supposed to be a Halloween fic!"

"Fine, fine, I'll pump up the weasel 'til it goes pop!"

"Uh, guys-" began Skipperjo.

Veil screamed hysterically, making everyone jump.

"What!?" yelled Matthias.

"GREMLIN!" was the reply, as Veil pointed to the very top of Mount Salamore.

"Are you still on about that?!" demanded Skipperjo.

"Yes!" sighed Veil, pumping up the weasel until it went pop.

"Ewww!" shrieked everyone, wiping guts and all that other gory stuff off their clothes.

"Sorry...." blushed Veil, throwing the skin to the ants, or the "little folk".

"Sunflash?" asked Matti.

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Now go sit in the car!" snapped Matthias, pointing.

"Yes, dad....." said Matti, hanging his head in shame.

As he opened the door, Cornflower's skeleton fell out.

"......." said everyone.

Cornflower stuck her head out the door. "April Fools!"

"...... But it's Halloween." said Mortimer, climbing out of a hole in the sand.

"So?"

"That means it's October, not April."

"You jerks!" screamed Cornflower, slamming the door.

There was an immense amount of silence, in which Rose stuffed burning toilet paper into the nearest mailbox, remarking, "There's nothin' like the ol' bonfire, nosiree!"

"Okay, Matti, come back. Your mother's gone absolutely insane." called Matthias.

Matti ran back, sobbing in fear, and clung to his father.

"There, there. We can afford her rehabilitation."

Veil grinned slyly. "My favourite thing in the world is REVENGE." he smirked, glancing at Swartt, who backed away in fear.

Bob the Mailman came by, and saw the burning toilet paper in the mailbox. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sunflash said, "Oh, get over-"

The badger was interrupted by Matti doing a flying kick into the nearest telegraph pole.

Actually, it wasn't really there. Matti was still suffering side-effects from the M&M's Incident.

So, really, he did a flying kick into thin air, which carried him into the ocean.

"Ooooh, SALTY!" he screamed over the crashing of the waves.

A mysterious figure watched the scene from down the beach, but we'll find out more later.

Martin smiled. "Hey-heya!" he said, goofily.

Matthias sighed. Him and his innocence.....

"We're gonna play Nightmare!" exclaimed the colourful Badger Lord.

"Isn't there too many of us for that?" asked Skipperjo, impatiently.

"That's why some of us have to team up, you goose." sighed Fordpetal.

"I'm not a goose, you dum-dum, I'm an otter!" screeched Skipperjo.

So everyone went inside.

Except the mysterious figure, who we will only describe as Basil Stag-Hare.

Oh, no. I just completely stuffed the most exciting part of the story.

So, anyway, Sunflash popped the video into the VCR.

"Which one's this?" asked Veil.

"The Gatekeeper."

"Oh. He sucks."

"Yeah, I know...."

The creepy lighting thing flashed, and Matti screamed and fell over backwards.

"I AM THE GATEKEEPER." said the Gatekeeper.

"No, really?" asked Matthias, smacking himself in the forehead. "We didn't know that!"

"Actually-" began Bryony.

"Shut up!" snapped Matthias.

"WHEN I SAY STOP, YOU WILL STOP. THIS IS MY GAME. YOU PLAY BY MY RULES. WHEN I ADDRESS YOU, YOU WILL ANSWER, "YES, MY GATEKEEPER"."

"I'm already sick of him...." said Rose, rolling her eyes.

The Gatekeeper said some more stuff, then the game started.

"Damn, black hole!" snapped Swartt angrily, after a few minutes.

A few minutes later....

"Damn, black hole!" snapped Swartt angrily.

A few minutes later....

"Damn, black hole!" snapped Swartt angrily.

A few minutes later....

"Damn, black hole!" snapped Swartt angrily.

"You're not having much-" began Skipperjo.

"STOP!" screamed the Gatekeeper.

Matti leaped fifty feet in the air, shrieking.

"YOU WHO'S TURN IT IS NEXT! ANSWER ME!"

"Yes, my Gatekeeper?" answered Veil.

"...... WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"

"Veil."

"HMMM?"

"I said Veil, you old bat."

"I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR LAST NAME."

"Sixclaw. Veil Sixclaw."

"THAT IS A STUPID NAME."

"..... THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!" shrieked Veil, diving at the TV with a led pipe which had come out of thin air.

"NO, VEIL!" yelled Sunflash. "THAT TV COST ME SEVENTY-NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS!"

But Veil had had enough (That is in no way affiliated with Jennifer Lopez's movie). He smashed and bashed and crashed until the TV was no longer a TV, not even a pile of rubble, but a pile of dust, because it had been smashed and bashed and crashed until it had become so refined that it was, in fact, a pile of dust with an antennae sticking out of it.

The desecrated ferret bent the antennae into the shape of a broom and swept the remains of the TV valued at seventy-nine thousand dollars out the front door.

"All done!" he said cheerfully.

Sunflash, dismayed and saddened at having lost both his mountain's original image AND his favourite TV in the same night, was muttering incoherent things under his breath, trying to keep himself from lashing out at the young, ignorant ferret.

"What did he say?" asked Skipperjo to Rose.

"Sounds like 'Stupid colours connecting blinds' to me." replied Rose.

Suddenly, Tagg/Deyna ran in. "WHERE THE HELL DID I GO?!" he screamed. "NO ONE EVEN SAID WHAT COSTUME I WAS WEARING!"

Tagg was going as Pete Sampras.

"I don't THINK so!"

Who then?

"Guess."

Klaus Baudelaire?

"You can do better than that!"

Ron Weasly?

"No way!"

Holly Valance?

"That's not even worth considering!"

Vesna Pisarovic?

"I didn't even watch the Eurovision this year!"

Plastic Bertrand?

"Absolutely not!"

TELL ME!

"The Crayola Crayon." said Tagg, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Okay, fine. Tagg was going as the Crayola Crayon.

"The blue one."

He was going as the blue Crayola Crayon.

"Thank you."

Matthias, for some unknown reason, was looking at the window. A purple Volkswagen Beetle pulled up. "OH, DEAR GOD, NO!" he screamed. "SUNFLASH! THE VERMIN ARE AMASSING!"

Sunflash was not happy. All he was trying to do was have a Halloween sleepover! Was that too much to ask?!

"Sunflash, where's your bathroom?" asked Veil.

"Upstairs on the left."

"Okay."

So Veil walked upstairs and went to the left, opening the door.

Something behind him sneezed, and he whirled around.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" he took a deep breath. "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (etc.)"

Meanwhile, downstairs.....

"I'M COMING VEIL, HOLD ON!" yelled Bryony. She raced upstairs.

She ran into the bathroom, and saw Veil, petrified and clinging to the towel rack.

"What's the matter?" cried Bryony.

"G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g!" he stammered.

"Wha?"

"Gremlin." he squeaked in a tiny voice. "Shiny.... blue... scary.... cheese.... sneezing..."

"Again with the gremlins!" cried Bryony, throwing her arms up in the air.

"They ARE real! They-" he was interrupted by a scratching noise outside. "What was that?" he whispered.

"A scratching noise." replied Bryony, now shivering.

They both crept over to the window, and looked out.

"AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screamed hysterically. "GREMLIN!"

Downstairs.....

"How much do you reckon Veil paid Bryony to join him in his little game?" asked Skipperjo to Tagg.

Tagg looked out the window. "Four dollars."

SUDDENLY!

Three minutes later....

"Well?" asked Tagg.

What?

"What's SUDDENLY!?"

Oh, sorry. I had to go have my coffee.

SUDDENLY!

Tagg saw a horrifying sight.

It was short, shiny, blue, but above all scary. It had red eyes the size of Russia. When Russia was reduced to the size of an eye, that is. It's teeth were curved, pointed and yellow. It was holding a wedge of cheese.

It sneezed.

It was the.....

"GREMLIN!" screamed Tagg, jumping up and running away, screaming.

Skipperjo sighed. "Not you, too........"

Meanwhile, somewhere else....

Matti was over the M&M's.

For the time being, anyway.

And now he was singing along with the radio.

"I'm sorry mama.... I never meant to hurt you..... I never meant to make you cry, but tonight, I'm cleanin' out my closet. One more time y'all...." sang the guy dressed as Eminem.

Matthias walked in angrily. "MATTI! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO LISTEN TO THIS JUNK!"

"But-!" said Matti.

"No buts, Mister! You are banned!"

"But Dad!" exclaimed Matti.

"BANNED!"

Matti fell silent, glaring at his father. "Well, stuff you." he muttered.

"What was that!?"

"I said the stuffed canoe ." repiled Matti.

"Alright." repiled Matthias.

The lighting failed, quite suddenly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone in the mountain as one voice.

Swartt clung tightly to Sunflash. "I want my mommy!" he said, tears running down his face.

"Let go, let go, let go, LET GO!" screamed Sunflash.

Avril Lavigne stuck her head into the room. "Hi! Buy my album!"

"No, Avril. Now get out!" snapped Sunflash, pointing towards the door.

Suddenly, the lights came back on.

Basil Stag-Hare finally made his grand entrance. "WOT-WOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!" he sang.

Veil ran in, with a top-hat and a cane, and began to sing in a show-tuney kinda way.

"Yeah, making those crazy-"

BAND HIT!

"Koo-koo-"

BAND HIT!

"Mental-"

BAND HIT!

"Thingssocomplicateddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!" he finished in an off-key way.

"Why are we advertising Avril Lavigne?" questioned Bryony.

"Because the Author likes her." said Matthias.

"Actually-"

"Shut up!"

"What's up with Veil?" asked Matti, pointing at the ferret who was now sitting in the corner, twitching spastically and muttering deliriously.

"Gremlins." sighed Bryony.

"What happened to those villains?" asked Matthias.

Everyone shrugged.

"DIE GREMLIN!" shrieked Veil, attacking the lamp.

Everyone looked at each other, and nodded. Matthias got out his rope, and prepared for a long, hard struggle....

Half an hour later....

Well, he had succeeded in his quest, and lashed Veil to the conveniently placed brackets on the wall.

Veil displayed a colourful vocabulary at his captors.

"Where in the name of %$#@ did he learn those words?" wondered Swartt.

"I wonder...." sighed Bryony.

Suddenly, Martin and Gonff returned.

"And where were you?" asked Rose sharply.

"At the NRL Grand Final from three years ago." said Gonff.

"At the corner shop." said Martin.

"Fair enough."

Basil cleared his throat. "Ahem, ahem. I propose we ship young Veil off to the mental home. Wot-wot."

"Who asked you, Mr. I-THINK-I'M-SO-GOOD!" yelled Matthias, starting a punch-up.

Which everyone totally missed because they were looking the other way.

"Hey, Swartt," said Martin. "How do you spell 'it'?"

"M-A-R-T-I-N-I-S-A-M-O-R-O-N." replied Swartt, rolling his eyes.

"... It thought 'it' only had FOUR letters." said Martin thoughtfully.

Swartt smacked his head on the wall.

Basil, now covered in Band-Aids, smiled at Bradders.

"'Allo." he said. "Are you a hare?"

"Yep." replied Bradders, proceeding to ignore him.

Suddenly, "The Tide is High" started up.

"NO!" screamed Matthias.

Matti twitched. "At least we know where the villains went....."

End Chapter 3

- Does the Gremlin exist?

- Will more artists be advertised?

- Is someone gonna die?

- Will more unexpected guests arrive?

- What's with the remake of the Blondie song?

- What's with the purple Beetle?

- What's with Matti's Eminem fixation (and mine....)?