Slam Dunk does not belong to me.
A/N: Ah.here's the epilogue. (AT LAST!!!) This chappy's a bit draggy.hope u guys won't mind. And the ending is kinda sudden as well..weird combination, huh? Draggy and sudden. Enjoy, even though it sux.
Epilogue
(Rukawa's POV)
They can't lie to me. I know what's happening to me. And I know what is going to happen to me. I've been in the hospital for five days already, and I'm not stupid enough not to know. But strangely, I don't feel afraid. She visits me everyday, sitting by my bedside watching me cough out blood, with pain in her eyes. She knows that my condition has worsened more than ever. My okaa-san. And every time she's here, she starts talking cheerily to me, trying to hide the dark truth from me. She promises me things that sound like heaven to my ears when I am out of this hospital. And then again, I wonder if those promises are going to be as empty as the ones she gave last time. But then, I banished that thought from my head. I know this time she is sincere.
Everyday, I look forward to seeing her. Her and her only. She does all the talking, while I listen. I am just contented to listen. I know she's wondering why I don't smile. Well, for three reasons I don't smile. But of course I'm not telling her why.
Reason number one, I don't feel like smiling. Hey, I'm the Ice King right?
Reason number two, I'm afraid of the pain I will feel if I smile. That morning before the match, I clearly recalled how hard it was for an ice block like me to smile. Not to mention all the pain and welling emotions of hell-knows-what inside me. And then again, I wonder whether I said that at all. Emotions? Is that word in the Ice King's vocabulary?
Reason number three, something, or rather someone is missing. Lately, I find that a mental picture of a face I know so well keeps popping out of nowhere into my mind. A man's face. He had very untidy hair like mine, only that it was brown in colour, like, say, onii-chan's. But his eyes were exactly like mine, two cerulean blue almonds gleaming out of a tanned face. I know whose face it was. My otou-san. Oh, hell. This is so weird. I can't understand it myself. I didn't care very much about otou-san since okaa-san left. I was too pre-occupied in my own world to even care anyway. I wasn't even sad when he died in a car crash last year. But, now, his face keeps popping out of nowhere in my mind. And suddenly, I realize how much I miss things before okaa-san left. My old life. His damned face that kept appearing in my mind was the face he used to have before she left us. Very unlike his true appearance before he died. Before he died, I still remember his brown hair streaked with gray and white, his step was weary and his tortured eyes had a haunted look in them.
I know what the memory of him live again in my empty mind. When okaa- san returned to my life, she made all those happy memories of childhood live again. And they were not happy memories unless Kiyo, okaa-san and otou- san were in it. Oh, and of course me. Damn. I never realized in all my wildest dreams that I would miss otou-san. I still don't believe it. He never cared much about me when okaa-san left us. He would be away from home for days, sometimes even weeks. And it had been such a bloody long time since he had actually spoken to me. Partly because I never bothered to speak to him either.
I had been so disgusted with him, with okaa-san, with onii-chan, and with life. I allowed my anger and bitterness to create a barrier between the both of us. A barrier that grew stronger each passing day. I could feel all his regret and guilt when I grew up to be cold and indifferent. I knew he was sorry that he had not brought me up properly, and I lacked love. Dammit, I just hate saying that word. It makes me feel all mushy and sappy all over. Anyway, yeah, I knew he felt guilty. I knew he wanted me back. But I didn't. I know this will sound cruel, but I was actually amused at him. Hell, yeah, that's the f*cking truth. When he did try to speak to me, I rejected him cruelly. I lost my temper and I let all my bitter feelings out of me.
~Flashback~
Rukawa started slightly when he heard his bedroom door creak open slightly. Through glassy eyes and an indifferent expression on his face, he stared disinterestedly at the familiar face of his father entering.
"Yeah, what d'you want?" were the first cold words that came out of his mouth.
"Kaede, I - I know that I haven't given you much attention lately," said Takeshi Rukawa rather stiffly and awkwardly. He opened his mouth to continue but Rukawa cut him short.
"Damn right, you haven't."
"Kaede, let me explain, please," began Takeshi after an awkward pause at Rukawa's sudden outburst.
"What is there to explain?" demanded Rukawa bitterly. "There's nothing to explain. We're just two people under the same bloody roof, nothing more. I don't need an explanation and I don't want one."
He tried to be patient again, but his son's cold attitude was beginning to create an edge to his patience. "Kaede, be reasonable. I've not been a good father lately, and - "
"Lately?" Rukawa sneered suddenly. "Is eight years considered as lately?"
"Kaede, I know you miss her and - " but he was cut short by Rukawa again.
"Don't talk about her," said Rukawa, his quiet voice filled with hatred.
"What?" demanded Takeshi, thunderstruck.
"Don't ever mention that bitch in front of me."
"Kaede, what the hell is WRONG with you?" he shouted back, his anger finally getting the better of him. "When did you have so much hate in your heart? Since when were you like that?"
"Oh, it was there all the time, okaa-san," Rukawa said coldly. "Except that I never bothered to show it."
Takeshi sighed heavily. "You were not like that, Kaede. Do you see what you have become? You have become a silent, brooding person brimming with hatred."
Rukawa suddenly could not take all of this anymore. "SO? Would you have cared? Dammit, do you know why?"
"Kaede, I - ," began Takeshi again, but was cut short by Rukawa again.
"You don't even have a single clue to what I feel, do you? Then stop messing with me! Leave me alone, I never asked for all this," he paused to take a breath. "Stop treating me like a toy, dammit! You, okaa-san and onii- chan. Why do all of you have to play around with my feelings? Why do you people have to walk out of my life just like that? You only seem pre- occupied in your own world. Stay that way, then. Don't try to make up for your absence. You will never even realize how I feel."
Never even realize how I feel.
Shocked, Takeshi got up and walked to his son. Rukawa must have been suffering badly, all because of their thoughtless actions. "Kaede -,"
But Rukawa rose, "I'm sorry, otou-san, but I don't want anything from you anymore." Then he walked out slamming the door behind him.
* * *
Some days later, Rukawa staggered into the dark, empty house, he called home. There was no one at home, just as he expected. He had just finished with basketball practice, and he still could feel the beads of sweat trickling down his cheeks. He slumped down on the sofa, exhausted, when the telephone started ringing.
He let it ring on. Why can't that asshole answer the phone? He thought, fuming inwardly. It still continued to ring. Then he remembered. There was no one at home.
"What the hell do you want?" he snapped irritably down the phone.
"Is this Rukawa Kaede?"
"Yeah, who's this?"
"This is the Kanagawa Hospital."
Rukawa froze. Why would the hospital be calling him? "What do you want?"
"Your father Rukawa Takeshi is currently in the ICU in the hospital. He was involved in a car crash. Would you please come to the hospital right now?"
For the second time he froze. He let the receiver drop from his limp fingers. The news was so.sudden. He could feel nothing. His mind was empty with shock. He decided to make his way to the hospital.
Rukawa stared at the form of his father lying on the white hospital bed. He was all in bandages, and machines were beeping and buzzing. He just stared and stared, with his usual expressionless gaze. He noticed Dr. Itaki staring at him, an odd expression on his face.
He's probably wondering why I don't cry or look worried, Rukawa thought. Why should I be? It's no big deal. I mean, hell, doesn't everyone have to die and go to hell?
After some time, Dr. Itaki came out and told him soberly, "He's dead."
Without showing any emotion, Rukawa nodded. He picked up his jacket and proceeded to the exit. "Aren't you staying to see your father?" the doctor asked.
"What for? He's dead," came the indifferent reply as he walked out of the hospital.
He reached the dark house and entered it, like he always did. There was no change. And there would never be. At least that was what he thought. Finally I'm free of that useless bastard.
~End of Flashback~
Yeah, that was about it. Those were the very last words I uttered to him before he died several days later.
I'm sorry otou-san, but I don't want anything from you, anymore.
Now, I feel guilty. I know that I am beginning to miss him. Miss the warmth and closeness of the word family. Ever since okaa-san came back to me, she turned my life upside down. I was confused. It was a long time since I had ever felt emotions for anyone.
Okaa-san is here now. In the ward, sitting by my bed, talking to me.
"Kaede, when you recover -," she began.
"Or maybe not," I replied sardonically, cutting her sentence short. Then I slumped back onto the pillows. I could not take it anymore. Why did she keep talking about recovering? We both knew very well that I was not going to live much longer. Those three words I had just uttered had already exhausted me. I was panting, reaching for the tissue. Again.
Oh, and speaking of dying, I know that my pathetic life is about to be finished. My lungs burned constantly. And I was constantly cursing the pain and the blood. Other than that, I was not afraid. Seriously. I'm not trying to be a superhero or something, but I just feel, there's nothing to fear. Yeah, everyone's going to die someday, and I'd rather die young than die of old age. Even now, I can feel the life slowly leaving me. Slipping away like a thief in the night. Breathing is a torture to me now, and my chest, my lungs..
"Kaede, why are you saying this?" came Mizuki's worried voice. "What are you talking about?"
"You know very well, okaa-san," I gasped. Yes. Gasped. "Don't pretend."
Kiyomuri standing nearby spoke, "You speak like there's no hope."
I grasped his wrist and pulled him close to me. Then I murmured slowly in his ears, so only the both of us could hear, "I'm not stupid."
The door opened. My eyes widen in surprise. The Shohoku and Ryonan basketball team were here! Were they coming to visit me? Deep inside me, I felt touched. Yes, touched. Don't be surprised, but if you were in my place, you would feel the same, too. I mean, I've been just one ice block in the team. I did not bother to be friendly with anyone, yet here they all were, coming to visit me. And Ryonan, too. They care. For me. I am not alone.
They have come to visit me. Or rather, watch me die. Sardonic, isn't it? Yes, my hour has come. I can feel the cold chill of death running through my bones. I see all of them, their worried, concerned faces. Let go. Let go. This will be more of a blessing to me than anything else. My eyes appear unfocused, and my vision is slowly darkening, becoming hazy, distorted. Like I want to black out. To faint from dizziness. Only that I won't ever wake up again.
"Rukawa-kun, daijoubu desu ka?" came a familiar voice. I see an even more familiar spiky head.
Or course I'm not all right. But I'm not going to say that, of course. I'm no weakling. I whisper something to Sendoh. "I have finally beaten you, Sendoh," I paused, having a coughing fit again. "There will be no other time to beat me."
I could hear Mizuki crying softly beside me. Okaa-san. I - I love you. It's so hard for me to say those words. So hard. But from her face, I can see she understands. She knows I'm going. She is learning to let go. She is learning to say goodbye. They all are. It's a sad scene for them, but not for me. In fact, I'm happy. To die like this, amongst the ones you love, amongst faces who care. They care. They care.
And then, suddenly, I see a vision. Outside in the streaming sunlight, a face. Brown hair, tanned skin, ice blue eyes like mine. Only things was, they were laughing, joyful eyes. I strained to get a better view of that face. I know that only I can see him. Everyone else is looking out of the window, too, to see what I am so wildly staring at. But from their puzzled expressions, I know that only I can see him.
I let my head drop back on the pillow. At last, I am drained of my energy. The last substances of life are disappearing fast. But I still had enough energy to do one thing. I could finally fell all the bitterness in me gone for good, all the self-pity, hatred. My lips slowly curve upward. Yes, into a smile. Even without a mirror I knew it was a warm, sincere one. And it didn't hurt one bit at all. Satisfaction. I felt happiness, warmth, and.peace.
I'm coming, otou-san. Wait for me.
~OWARI~
OMG!! Its finally done..it ends just like that.sorry about that.
Anewayz, arigato 2 all those nice people out there who took the trouble 2 read AND review my fic. PLS R&R me one last time.and I won't eva bother you again. I know this chappie's kinda sappy and soft.ah.nvm. Tell me whether this fic sucked or not.I bet it does.well, in my opinion that is. ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!!!!!
A/N: Ah.here's the epilogue. (AT LAST!!!) This chappy's a bit draggy.hope u guys won't mind. And the ending is kinda sudden as well..weird combination, huh? Draggy and sudden. Enjoy, even though it sux.
Epilogue
(Rukawa's POV)
They can't lie to me. I know what's happening to me. And I know what is going to happen to me. I've been in the hospital for five days already, and I'm not stupid enough not to know. But strangely, I don't feel afraid. She visits me everyday, sitting by my bedside watching me cough out blood, with pain in her eyes. She knows that my condition has worsened more than ever. My okaa-san. And every time she's here, she starts talking cheerily to me, trying to hide the dark truth from me. She promises me things that sound like heaven to my ears when I am out of this hospital. And then again, I wonder if those promises are going to be as empty as the ones she gave last time. But then, I banished that thought from my head. I know this time she is sincere.
Everyday, I look forward to seeing her. Her and her only. She does all the talking, while I listen. I am just contented to listen. I know she's wondering why I don't smile. Well, for three reasons I don't smile. But of course I'm not telling her why.
Reason number one, I don't feel like smiling. Hey, I'm the Ice King right?
Reason number two, I'm afraid of the pain I will feel if I smile. That morning before the match, I clearly recalled how hard it was for an ice block like me to smile. Not to mention all the pain and welling emotions of hell-knows-what inside me. And then again, I wonder whether I said that at all. Emotions? Is that word in the Ice King's vocabulary?
Reason number three, something, or rather someone is missing. Lately, I find that a mental picture of a face I know so well keeps popping out of nowhere into my mind. A man's face. He had very untidy hair like mine, only that it was brown in colour, like, say, onii-chan's. But his eyes were exactly like mine, two cerulean blue almonds gleaming out of a tanned face. I know whose face it was. My otou-san. Oh, hell. This is so weird. I can't understand it myself. I didn't care very much about otou-san since okaa-san left. I was too pre-occupied in my own world to even care anyway. I wasn't even sad when he died in a car crash last year. But, now, his face keeps popping out of nowhere in my mind. And suddenly, I realize how much I miss things before okaa-san left. My old life. His damned face that kept appearing in my mind was the face he used to have before she left us. Very unlike his true appearance before he died. Before he died, I still remember his brown hair streaked with gray and white, his step was weary and his tortured eyes had a haunted look in them.
I know what the memory of him live again in my empty mind. When okaa- san returned to my life, she made all those happy memories of childhood live again. And they were not happy memories unless Kiyo, okaa-san and otou- san were in it. Oh, and of course me. Damn. I never realized in all my wildest dreams that I would miss otou-san. I still don't believe it. He never cared much about me when okaa-san left us. He would be away from home for days, sometimes even weeks. And it had been such a bloody long time since he had actually spoken to me. Partly because I never bothered to speak to him either.
I had been so disgusted with him, with okaa-san, with onii-chan, and with life. I allowed my anger and bitterness to create a barrier between the both of us. A barrier that grew stronger each passing day. I could feel all his regret and guilt when I grew up to be cold and indifferent. I knew he was sorry that he had not brought me up properly, and I lacked love. Dammit, I just hate saying that word. It makes me feel all mushy and sappy all over. Anyway, yeah, I knew he felt guilty. I knew he wanted me back. But I didn't. I know this will sound cruel, but I was actually amused at him. Hell, yeah, that's the f*cking truth. When he did try to speak to me, I rejected him cruelly. I lost my temper and I let all my bitter feelings out of me.
~Flashback~
Rukawa started slightly when he heard his bedroom door creak open slightly. Through glassy eyes and an indifferent expression on his face, he stared disinterestedly at the familiar face of his father entering.
"Yeah, what d'you want?" were the first cold words that came out of his mouth.
"Kaede, I - I know that I haven't given you much attention lately," said Takeshi Rukawa rather stiffly and awkwardly. He opened his mouth to continue but Rukawa cut him short.
"Damn right, you haven't."
"Kaede, let me explain, please," began Takeshi after an awkward pause at Rukawa's sudden outburst.
"What is there to explain?" demanded Rukawa bitterly. "There's nothing to explain. We're just two people under the same bloody roof, nothing more. I don't need an explanation and I don't want one."
He tried to be patient again, but his son's cold attitude was beginning to create an edge to his patience. "Kaede, be reasonable. I've not been a good father lately, and - "
"Lately?" Rukawa sneered suddenly. "Is eight years considered as lately?"
"Kaede, I know you miss her and - " but he was cut short by Rukawa again.
"Don't talk about her," said Rukawa, his quiet voice filled with hatred.
"What?" demanded Takeshi, thunderstruck.
"Don't ever mention that bitch in front of me."
"Kaede, what the hell is WRONG with you?" he shouted back, his anger finally getting the better of him. "When did you have so much hate in your heart? Since when were you like that?"
"Oh, it was there all the time, okaa-san," Rukawa said coldly. "Except that I never bothered to show it."
Takeshi sighed heavily. "You were not like that, Kaede. Do you see what you have become? You have become a silent, brooding person brimming with hatred."
Rukawa suddenly could not take all of this anymore. "SO? Would you have cared? Dammit, do you know why?"
"Kaede, I - ," began Takeshi again, but was cut short by Rukawa again.
"You don't even have a single clue to what I feel, do you? Then stop messing with me! Leave me alone, I never asked for all this," he paused to take a breath. "Stop treating me like a toy, dammit! You, okaa-san and onii- chan. Why do all of you have to play around with my feelings? Why do you people have to walk out of my life just like that? You only seem pre- occupied in your own world. Stay that way, then. Don't try to make up for your absence. You will never even realize how I feel."
Never even realize how I feel.
Shocked, Takeshi got up and walked to his son. Rukawa must have been suffering badly, all because of their thoughtless actions. "Kaede -,"
But Rukawa rose, "I'm sorry, otou-san, but I don't want anything from you anymore." Then he walked out slamming the door behind him.
* * *
Some days later, Rukawa staggered into the dark, empty house, he called home. There was no one at home, just as he expected. He had just finished with basketball practice, and he still could feel the beads of sweat trickling down his cheeks. He slumped down on the sofa, exhausted, when the telephone started ringing.
He let it ring on. Why can't that asshole answer the phone? He thought, fuming inwardly. It still continued to ring. Then he remembered. There was no one at home.
"What the hell do you want?" he snapped irritably down the phone.
"Is this Rukawa Kaede?"
"Yeah, who's this?"
"This is the Kanagawa Hospital."
Rukawa froze. Why would the hospital be calling him? "What do you want?"
"Your father Rukawa Takeshi is currently in the ICU in the hospital. He was involved in a car crash. Would you please come to the hospital right now?"
For the second time he froze. He let the receiver drop from his limp fingers. The news was so.sudden. He could feel nothing. His mind was empty with shock. He decided to make his way to the hospital.
Rukawa stared at the form of his father lying on the white hospital bed. He was all in bandages, and machines were beeping and buzzing. He just stared and stared, with his usual expressionless gaze. He noticed Dr. Itaki staring at him, an odd expression on his face.
He's probably wondering why I don't cry or look worried, Rukawa thought. Why should I be? It's no big deal. I mean, hell, doesn't everyone have to die and go to hell?
After some time, Dr. Itaki came out and told him soberly, "He's dead."
Without showing any emotion, Rukawa nodded. He picked up his jacket and proceeded to the exit. "Aren't you staying to see your father?" the doctor asked.
"What for? He's dead," came the indifferent reply as he walked out of the hospital.
He reached the dark house and entered it, like he always did. There was no change. And there would never be. At least that was what he thought. Finally I'm free of that useless bastard.
~End of Flashback~
Yeah, that was about it. Those were the very last words I uttered to him before he died several days later.
I'm sorry otou-san, but I don't want anything from you, anymore.
Now, I feel guilty. I know that I am beginning to miss him. Miss the warmth and closeness of the word family. Ever since okaa-san came back to me, she turned my life upside down. I was confused. It was a long time since I had ever felt emotions for anyone.
Okaa-san is here now. In the ward, sitting by my bed, talking to me.
"Kaede, when you recover -," she began.
"Or maybe not," I replied sardonically, cutting her sentence short. Then I slumped back onto the pillows. I could not take it anymore. Why did she keep talking about recovering? We both knew very well that I was not going to live much longer. Those three words I had just uttered had already exhausted me. I was panting, reaching for the tissue. Again.
Oh, and speaking of dying, I know that my pathetic life is about to be finished. My lungs burned constantly. And I was constantly cursing the pain and the blood. Other than that, I was not afraid. Seriously. I'm not trying to be a superhero or something, but I just feel, there's nothing to fear. Yeah, everyone's going to die someday, and I'd rather die young than die of old age. Even now, I can feel the life slowly leaving me. Slipping away like a thief in the night. Breathing is a torture to me now, and my chest, my lungs..
"Kaede, why are you saying this?" came Mizuki's worried voice. "What are you talking about?"
"You know very well, okaa-san," I gasped. Yes. Gasped. "Don't pretend."
Kiyomuri standing nearby spoke, "You speak like there's no hope."
I grasped his wrist and pulled him close to me. Then I murmured slowly in his ears, so only the both of us could hear, "I'm not stupid."
The door opened. My eyes widen in surprise. The Shohoku and Ryonan basketball team were here! Were they coming to visit me? Deep inside me, I felt touched. Yes, touched. Don't be surprised, but if you were in my place, you would feel the same, too. I mean, I've been just one ice block in the team. I did not bother to be friendly with anyone, yet here they all were, coming to visit me. And Ryonan, too. They care. For me. I am not alone.
They have come to visit me. Or rather, watch me die. Sardonic, isn't it? Yes, my hour has come. I can feel the cold chill of death running through my bones. I see all of them, their worried, concerned faces. Let go. Let go. This will be more of a blessing to me than anything else. My eyes appear unfocused, and my vision is slowly darkening, becoming hazy, distorted. Like I want to black out. To faint from dizziness. Only that I won't ever wake up again.
"Rukawa-kun, daijoubu desu ka?" came a familiar voice. I see an even more familiar spiky head.
Or course I'm not all right. But I'm not going to say that, of course. I'm no weakling. I whisper something to Sendoh. "I have finally beaten you, Sendoh," I paused, having a coughing fit again. "There will be no other time to beat me."
I could hear Mizuki crying softly beside me. Okaa-san. I - I love you. It's so hard for me to say those words. So hard. But from her face, I can see she understands. She knows I'm going. She is learning to let go. She is learning to say goodbye. They all are. It's a sad scene for them, but not for me. In fact, I'm happy. To die like this, amongst the ones you love, amongst faces who care. They care. They care.
And then, suddenly, I see a vision. Outside in the streaming sunlight, a face. Brown hair, tanned skin, ice blue eyes like mine. Only things was, they were laughing, joyful eyes. I strained to get a better view of that face. I know that only I can see him. Everyone else is looking out of the window, too, to see what I am so wildly staring at. But from their puzzled expressions, I know that only I can see him.
I let my head drop back on the pillow. At last, I am drained of my energy. The last substances of life are disappearing fast. But I still had enough energy to do one thing. I could finally fell all the bitterness in me gone for good, all the self-pity, hatred. My lips slowly curve upward. Yes, into a smile. Even without a mirror I knew it was a warm, sincere one. And it didn't hurt one bit at all. Satisfaction. I felt happiness, warmth, and.peace.
I'm coming, otou-san. Wait for me.
~OWARI~
OMG!! Its finally done..it ends just like that.sorry about that.
Anewayz, arigato 2 all those nice people out there who took the trouble 2 read AND review my fic. PLS R&R me one last time.and I won't eva bother you again. I know this chappie's kinda sappy and soft.ah.nvm. Tell me whether this fic sucked or not.I bet it does.well, in my opinion that is. ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!!!!!