Disclaimer: I own none of these characters - J. K. Rowling owns them all... wait, may be except a certain new name of a certain old character... (oh by the way, if I owned them then Voldemort would be still as handsome as Tom Riddle, no matter he is evil or not... Yeah...)
The New Defence Against Dark Arts Teacher
Voldemort was reading a Muggle newspaper to inspire himself the ways of world domination. Suddenly he read a piece of news about an accident of drunk driving.
Sounds like that the Muggles would gone crazy after getting drunk, Voldemort thought idly, What would happen if Dumbledore gets drunk?
Suddenly, an evil thought came into his mind.
Yeah, if Dumbledore gets drunk, then I can kill him and Harry Potter and dominate the world - without Dumbledore to protect him, Potter would die without a trace on the Earth! Ahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa.....
But first... How to get this "beer"? Voldemort thought with wonderment. He continued to read the newspaper. A bar? Why people have to go to a bar for beer? (clearly Voldemort was thinking the meaning of "a bar" as "a court") But never mind, a Muggle court means nothing to me...
He put down the newspaper and then took out his make-up box. He took out the mirror, and then carefully removed his mask... It took hours each morning to put on his face so nicely! But never mind, it is for world domination. Then he removed his red glowing contact lens from his eyes and revealed his watery turquoise eyes. Lastly, he drew out a little bottle and drunk some hair-growing potion. Within a few seconds, beautiful black and curly hair threaded out of his head. He looked into the mirror again.
He smiled at the reflection. I am over seventy now, but thanks to my immortal power, I look only twenty years old. He hid his made-up box under his table, and then covered it with an invisibility cloak carefully... if one of his Death Eaters found out his secret habit of using cosmetics, he would get the nickname of Pansy Voldemort and die of embarrassment immediately. Although it was not really likely that he would actually die.
He drew out his wand. With a tip of the wand on his clothes, his black, silk, heavy robe with silver fastenings turned into a nice black Muggle suit and a silver tie. I am handsome even dressing in these stupid Muggle suit. Voldemort smiled lovingly to his image and then disapparated to a Muggle bar.
After apparating into a Muggle bar, Voldemort found that it was not a court, but a dark place where Muggles were served with wines and... beers.
"I want a beer." Voldemort said with an thick, alto voice. He feared his soprano voice would drew the others' attention to him, and he didn't need any attention now, not before he get the beer.
The barhop got him a glass of beer.
"Ah... Tha...thanks." The Dark Lord was feeling very uneasy about thanking Muggles. After all, he did not thank the others since he left the orphanage. He didn't even thank any wizards or witches before, except in Parseltongue, when he thanked his loyal pet Nagini for helping him to regain his power. He then stared into the glass. So, is this beer? He doubted. I can't see how powerful it is. Perhaps it isn't that powerful as the Muggles said in their newspaper... Yes, Muggles are always too stupid. They always overlook the power of the wizards, and now they have exaggerated the power of beers. Full of anger , he felt he was fooled by the Muggles, and the desire of drawing out his wand and Avada Kedavra all the Muggles around him was too strong to be controlled.
When he going to drew out his wand, he stopped.
Well, in order to show the Muggles that we wizards are more excelsior than them, why don't I conquer the beer first before I finish them? The Dark Lord delighted by his own idea and laughed with amusement. He then drank all the beer without hesitation.
He felt exhilarated. God! (only if there was one) It feels good!! Voldemort couldn't help himself ordering more and more beers. He just completely forgot about killing Muggles for fun and kept on drinking. He could not even sure about whether he hates Muggles now.
After several hours in the bar, Lord Voldemort thought that was enough and disapparated back to home.
After back to home, he suddenly felt he was doing something wrong. Oh Lord! What have I done? I disapparated before those Muggles!! They must be badly frightened!! (surely he was drunk now) I must find Headmaster Dumbledore!! He waved his wand at a book on the table and turned it into a portkey. I hope Headmaster won't be angry with my misbehaviour. He thought miserably and sobbing quietly when he touched the portkey, and reappeared right inside Dumbledore's office after a few seconds.
In his office, Dumbledore was playing with Fawkes. Then suddenly there was a pop sound behind him. He turned around slowly, wondering which student's practical joke it would be.
And he found out himself standing face-to-face with a 20 years old Tom Marvorlo Riddle/Voldemort.
Tom Riddle/ Voldemort was holding a book and his wand. His face was very red and he was sobbing. And he was, much to Dumbledore's surprise, wearing a Muggle suit.
"Why are you here, Mr. Riddle?" Dumbledore asked without any expression showed on his face. What's this, he muttered to himself. Another diary?
"Headmaster... I, I had done something wrong!" Voldemort broke out into tears.
So he wants to rejoin the Light now? This child... I used to know he is in fact not as evil as he appears... Dumbledore smiled delightedly inside his mind, but still showing no expression on his face. "So, Mr. Riddle. What have you done?"
"Sir... I...I... I disapparated before the Muggles!!!"
"Wh-at?" Dumbledore just couldn't believe his ears. The Heir of Slytherin, the Biggest Muggle-hater, the Darkest Wizard of all the Time, the most Powerful Practicer of Dark Arts was crying like a little boy... because he disapparated in front of the Muggles.
"I... I went to home from the bar by apparating! And I swear that I am not intended to do this, I can swear to you, Sir! And... and I am really sorry..." Voldemort was crying louder and louder now.
"Bar? You mean you have drunk wines and beers?" Dumbledore suddenly wanted to laugh. The Greatest Dark Lord was defeated by a Muggle invention - beers.
"I... I have drunk beers... Sir..." Voldemort nodding with sorry tones and suddenly fell onto the ground, kneeling. "But I can swear that I would do this again!! I can swear!!!"
Voldemort was crying so loudly that Snape recognized his voice and went into the Headmaster's office. "Oh... God!!! It's He-who-must-not-be-named!!!!!!" He exclaimed with fears when he saw Voldemort (no, it should be "heard" as the Dark Lord was now so handsome and so young that even Harry Potter, who had saw the 16-year-old Tom Riddle before, might not be able to tell who he was). And Dumbledore signalled him to come inside the office to see Voldemort.
"I never seen any wizard effected by Muggle beers so seriously as he is!" Dumbledore whispered slowly to Snape. "Can you explain why?"
Snape stared at the fine hair of Voldemort in surprise. Voldemort has hair? He wondered. He had saw Voldemort before, but Voldemort hadn't have hair at that time. Could it be... He walked near to the unexpected Dark Lord, staring really hard at his Lordship's hair, then turned to Dumbledore again and broke out into a little snigger.
"Dumbledore... it must be the hair-growing potion."
"The hair-growing potion?"
"Yes." Snape turned to glare at Voldemort again. "The Dark Lord must have had some hair-growing potion before drinking beers. The chemical reaction of beers and hair-growing potion could made the drinker forget some important things about themselves."
"So you are suggesting that Riddle has forgotten about the fact that he is a Dark Wizard?"
"May be he has forgotten the fact that he was no longer a student of Hogwarts too! Dumbledore, I think it is really a good chance to destroy him... I am sure that within several hours his memory would return and he would ruin the Hogwarts."
"But I can't see how." Dumbledore replied quietly as Voldemort looking up at him, still sobbing.
"Why?!" Snape asked doubtfully. Is Dumbledore also drunk?
Dumbledore offered his hands to Voldemort with a warm expression. "Okay, good boy. I know you are not intended to do this. Now have a rest first." He helped Voldemort stand up and put him onto a seat. Then he waved his wand and a cup of tea appeared right in front of Voldemort.
"Now have a cup of tea first and then take a rest. You must feeling very miserable now." Voldemort put his wand and his book aside without a care and accepted Dumbledore's offer graciously. After finishing the tea, Voldemort fell asleep with a smile on his face. Snape watched these all with amazement.
"Dumbledore, he trust you soooooooo much." Snape said with wonderment.
Dumbledore turned to Snape again, after made sure that Voldemort was sleeping deeply. "I really can't see how."
"It's easy, just summon a dementor to kiss him or simply kill him."
"The case of Mr. Potter has shown us that no killing method was useful in Voldemort's case. Nor even Lord Voldemort himself could commit suicide successfully with his powerful Avada Kedavra." Dumbledore paused for an instant, then added. "Nor dementors could destroy him as dementors are in fact his followers."
"So, is it no way to destroy the Dark Arts completely?" Snape asked eagerly.
"There is a way, and it is only theoretically possible." Dumbledore said while running his fingers through Voldemort's fine head of hair lovingly. Voldemort/ Tom was once one of his most favourite students as Tom always studied very hard.
"What's that?"
"To help his light side of mind control his dark side." Dumbledore said while still looking at Voldemort's young face. It was almost angelic.
"How to do that?"
"The Imperius Curse." Dumbledore turned around and looked deeply into Snape's eyes.
"It's one of the Unforgiveable Curses!!! But..." Snape was in doubt once again. "Who is powerful enough to control the Dark Lord's mind for even longer than a life's time, I mean, Voldemort's life time?"
Dumbledore pointed at Voldemort and didn't reply.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaat??? Himmmmmmm???? How the hell would he --"
"I am sure that no one on Earth could use the Unforgiveable Curses as good as he does. And I am quite sure that as the Dark Lord, he understands the Imperius Curse well enough to fight off the curse within a few minutes after he recovered his memory. He is the only one who is powerful enough to control himself."
"But how?"
"I am still not completely sure about whether this method would works on him, but it's worth for a try." Dumbledore draw out his wand again and then pointed to Voldemort, "But first we have to made him forget about what a wizard he was. Obliviate!"
Voldemort felt the "attack" and opened his eyes in a sleepy manner.
"Imperio!" Dumbledore cried before Voldemort show another reaction. Surely Dumbledore had caught Voldemort by surprise and Voldemort's eyes glazing over.
Imperio yourself, Dumbledore commanded Voldemort in his mind. And tell yourself that you were a good Auror who defeated Grindlewald, and you are now the new teacher of Defence Against Dark Arts of Hogwarts. Just like Slytherin, you practice Dark Arts but you won't use it against human again.
Voldemort took his wand from the table next to him, and pointed his wand towards himself and obediently called out, "Imperio!"
Besides hatred, show the others your true feelings about Muggles. You won't express your disappointments about the Muggles with hatred... Admit your true feelings...
"Yes! I am full of sadness which I knew I would never admit publicly!!!" Voldemort cried out, he seemed so weak now that he was no longer the most fearful Dark Wizard, but the feeble Tom Riddle who was abandoned by his own father. It seemed that Dumbledore's Obliviate was not succeeded in wiping Tom's bad memory about Muggles. "I knew I hated them was because I would like to be with them. I hated them was because I was never one of them. I longed for their love!!! I felt upset about what they did to me was simply because I considered myself as one of them, but they never treat me with the proper respect that might make me feel like I was one of them.... I returned to my schoolmates for comfort, and this marked the beginning of another rejection and another isolation. Even my schoolmates disliked me, for I am a half Muggle! I felt myself being condemned by everyone else in the school. First the Muggles and my father, then my schoolmates. So, when's the third? I always asked myself bitterly. My fury towards the people who abandoned me seems never end. But what's the point of telling them all these kind of things? They would not give a damn, they simply did not have that compassion to care..."
Tom Riddle's emotion got so out of control that he collapsed on the floor, kneeling before Dumbledore and Snape and screaming. Being a little frightened, Snape drew out his wand to prepare any unforeseen action of this helpless boy, who was also the Most Powerful Dark Wizard of all the time. Even Fawkes flew from its resting place and rested on Tom's side.
"I should know that this before." Dumbledore also kneeled down on the floor. He got Tom in his arms. "Wiping one's memory is never the answer to a problem like this. I should know this before..."
Give them another chance... Tom... Give them another chance.... also give yourself another chance...
"But I am a Dark Lord! They hate me!" Tom stopped screaming now, but tears still rolling down his cheeks. Although Dumbledore knew that Tom had started fighting off the Imperius Curse bit by bit, he still talking to Tom in his mind. But the commanding voice of his had now trued into a loving soft little voice.
Dumbledore looked up to Snape. He asked Snape with his expression, "Is Tom recovering from drunk?"
Snape gave him the expression of "though I don't dare to believe this, but I think he had recovered already".
...Tom. Help your Light side conquer the darkness in your mind. You are the only one with enough power to do so, and you have both the markings of a great wizard of either the side of the Light and the side of the Darkness... I know you can change...
"Can I...? Headmaster... you think I can really change...?"
"Of course you can!" Another voice came from the door as Harry walked into the office. Harry had heard enough for him to understand the situation.
"Harry Potter! How did you get the password?" Snape's anger failed him to suppress himself, although he was well aware of the situation of the time.
"Only because I know how to prononuce the word 'chocolate frog' properly." Harry ignored Snape's question and walked towards Dumbledore and Tom Riddle.
"Yes, I hate you, Lord Voldemort. But I don't hate Tom Riddle." He also kneeled before Tom. "Yes, we cannot change the past nor the fact, but we can always change the future. Voldemort murdered my parents, and I really hate him --" Harry stopped for a while and looked into the turquoise eyes of Tom Riddle -- how wonderful! It looked really like the reflection of his own eyes. "--But not Tom Riddle. We are in fact very alike each other, aren't we? Our parents both left us when we were young. Our childhood were both full of unpleasant experiences. The only difference was that you were rejected by your schoolmates, but I am fortunate enough to befriended with them. I could say that it is them who saved me... If they were not here, probably I would become another Death Eater of yours. It was your fault that my parents died, but it was only partly your fault that you joined the Dark. But now..." Harry said as he held out his hand to Tom Riddle. "It would be totally your fault if you don't take this chance and joined us again."
"Ha...Harry..." Tom sobbed as he holding his hand to Harry Potter, his ex-enemy. Then, he said the most bewildered thing he even said in his life to his enemy. "Can I adopt you as my son?"
Everybody, except Tom Riddle himself, stared at Tom Riddle, bewildered. Dumbledore stared at Snape and made an "are you sure that he is not drunk now?" expression.
Harry looked at Tom Riddle more carefully... Tom's black hair was just like his father's, and Tom's eyes looked just like his mother's... a perfect combination, but...
"No." Harry said, and Tom reacted with a depressing expression shown on his face. "I prefer an elder brother instead. But..." Harry stared up at Dumbledore seriously and wishfully. "What's the point of having another relative running all around the world to hide from the dementors from Azkaban?"
"Harry, do you think the dementors would kiss me? No, although rejoining the Light, I am still the greatest Dark Heir ever existed. Even if I don't do any evil things, the dementors would still obey my command and it is their characteristic to obey the Dark Heirs. Please, Harry..." Tom Riddle spoke up and explained the situation to Harry before Dumbledore tried to open his mouth.
Dumbledore thought about it for a while.
"You want to change your surname?" Dumbledore spoke up suddenly.
"Are you talking about me?" Tom Riddle asked in Voldemort's soprano voice. Dumbledore suddenly remembered something, he drew his wand, pointing towards Tom and muttered something under his breathe. Tom wanted to ask why, and when he spoke up...
"Hey, your voice is now perfectly normal again!" Harry was the first who noticed the change in Tom's voice.
"Surely no one could recognize who you once was again." Dumbledore turned and winked at Snape. "I think that Professor Snape will do us all a favour. Am I correct, Professor Snape?"
"Yes... you are." Quite different from usual, Snape answered in a willing voice.
"Professor Snape! I could kiss you!!!"
"No, Harry Potter! One kiss and I will take 150 points from Gryffindor!"
"Hey! Snape, are you here bullying my Harry? My new post as the teacher of the Defence Against Dark Arts could surely always take more points from Slytherin than you take from Harry's House!!"
"Ex... excuse me, Gentlemen, are we going to have our dinner? We are going to miss it now."
................................
About one year later, Professor Tom, Thomas Slytherin Salamair (Tom picked his father's name and his mother's surname, and the middle name was to remind him Dark Arts were only for practicing, not using), the teacher of the Defence Against Dark Arts in Hogwarts, sitting behind a table in a little restaurant in Hogsmeade with his brother Harry Potter and Harry's friends, Hermione and Ron. And Salamair's pet, Nagini, settled herself under the table and was now lying inside an extra long sock to keep herself warm. Being both Parseltongue, Harry and Tom both had no difficulties in communicating with Nagini.
"..." They had been waiting too long that Harry simply fall asleep, and Ron and Hermione kept talking and talking and talking. Tired of his little friends' jokes, Tom stared out of the window wishfully. "Oh... Headmaster and Professor Snape please come here quicker... I cannot wait for the Christmas meal...!" He then drew out his wand and conjured up four little balls of blue fire to warm Harry, his friends and Nagini, hoping that they wouldn't catch cold.
"Thanks, Professor Salamair." Ron and Hermione thanked him. They had never figured out where Harry's elder brother from, how Harry knew him, who he really was and why he got a serpent as a pet. What they only knew was that Harry's brother, Tom S. Salamair, was always very nice to them. He cared and loved Harry so much that Harry sometimes tried to avoid meeting Salamair on the corridor, for Salamair would embrace him immediately and ask him whether he was hungry or thirstry, or was he feeling cold.
"The name's Tom. There is not Hogwarts and I am Harry's brother, not your teacher."
Suddenly, Dumbledore and Snape apparated right in front of them. Snape, in the last year, seemed more delighted to meet his students. Sometimes he even smiled at Harry. Salamair and Snape had became great friends, as they shared the same secret: they were both dark wizards who turned to the light. Snape and Dumbledore had brought the younger ones a lot of Christmas gifts. And, being forever young, although at the age of 70, Salamair recieved a lot of gifts too this year.
As Dumbledore sat down in front of Salamair and start to chat, Snape started his "complain", "Oh... what a touching scene! Family reunited?"
"Gracious, you are a member of our happy family too! He is, isn't him, Harry?" Tom woke Harry up. "See, Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape have arrivied! The late Christmas meal could start finally!"
"Oh, today is the Boxing Day, so I would like to open our gifts first. I only wish I could get a nice pair of socks this year."
"Yeah!" Tom, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape and Dumbledore opened their gifts as quickly as possible.
"Tell us what you've got, Headmaster!" Salamair asked eagarly. He was especially bright this Christmas, as he had never celebrated Christmas nor getting any Christmas gifts before.
"Nuh... let me see..." Dumbledore opened his gifts one by one. "I got... a pair of nice, long, blue wool socks from Professor Salamair, a book History of Wizard Socks from Hermione, a pair of long turquoise wool socks from Harry, a pair of black socks with white strips from Professor Snape and a book Charms for making socks look more Beautiful from Ron... Thank you, I am sure that this year I would have enough of socks to wear already..."
"And you, Professor Snape?"
"Me...? Well, a set of crystal bottles for potions from Salamair... thank you, it's very nice. A book 101 Strange poions and How to Make Them from Dumbledore... thank you, it is the exactly book which I want to buy. Another set of crystal bottles from Harry... why, these bottles looking exactly the same as the ones from Salamair, although they are smaller in size... thanks, and next time you don't need to do this to remind me how close you two brothers are. And... Famous Potion Masters in History Vol.1 and Vol.2 from Hermione and Ron, thanks, but why it seems that every gift you send to the others is a history book, Hermione? In fact, are you very good in History?"
"No, she isn't. Sorry, joking only. Yes, she is. She's the first in the class."
"Abnormal!"
"And you, Professor Salamair?"
"Let me see... A book from Hermione called the Magical Serpent's Book of History... Really nice, there are snakes introducing history of England .. Thanks. A white toy snake from Harry... Oh, thank you, my dear, see! It can move!! A book All the Snakes in the World from Dumbledore... see here! This one looks really like Nagini. Thank you, Headmaster. 101 Strangest curses for Fun and Practical Jokes... nice book, Professor Snape! Thank you!! Surely I could make those noisy first year Gryffindors some good targets... joking only. And from Ron... What? How to make a Love Spell? Do I really look like I need it?"
"Yes, you do." Snape answered even faster than Ron.
"Okay... well, thanks, Ron. I would make good use of it when I need it... but it is like a practical joke, isn't it? Wait! Who's this for?"
"For Nagini from us all."
"Oh! A nice long wool sock!!! Nagini, (changing to Parseltongue) My friendssss jusssst send you a wool ssssock! You want to have a look of this beautiful ssssock of yourssss, Graciousss...?"
"No, Massster. You better cover me with it, I am freezzzzzing!"
"You want the pair on my feet too?" Harry also hissed to Nagini.
"No! It'sssssss smelly!!" Nagini threatened to bite Harry before he withdrew his foot from in front of Nagini's nose rather unwillingly.
"And now, what've you got, Harry...?"
~The End of Chapter One~
Weird? Yes it is! I promise you next chapter would be more weird... Next Chapter we would have our favourite Professor Salamair and Professor Snape doing something really weird... something really secret and dark...