Magical Girl Adorable Achika
By Justin "J-Pikachu" Palmer
MGAA2.2 and MGAA2.2 Special Edition - certified 31/12/2002 - 13:53 GMT
MGAA2 Final Version – certified 30/09/2001 – 10:25 BST
MGAA2 beta 50 RC-2 – certified 27/09/2001 – 10:36 BST
MGAA2 beta 47 RC-1b – certified 11/09/2001 – 08:59 BST
MGAA2 beta 45 RC-1a – certified 01/09/2001 – 14:18 BST
MGAA2 beta 41 RC-1 – certified 01/09/2001 – 12:25 BST
MGAA2 initial creation – 01/05/2000
Disclaimer: Celebrity voices are impersonated. All animal, alien,
cabbit, and celebrity action was conducted under strict supervision
with the utmost concern for their well-being and safety, where
possible using animatronics. No animals, aliens, cabbits, or
celebrities were harmed, mistreated or in any way abused during the
writing of this work. The characters herein are the property of
Pioneer LDC and AIC. I'm just borrowing them, such as humans are wont
to do with folklore. Apparently. Some other characters and products
are trademarks of Nintendo and their slaves… I mean, subsidiary
companies. If you wish to reprint this, let me know beforehand, and
remember to credit me. Unauthorised MSTing of this work is frowned
upon; if you absolutely, positively, have to MST this work, please
let me know beforehand. Your home is at risk if you build it in the
carpool lane.
Certain portions of this work were inspired by the novel The Dark
Season, by Russell Davies. Apologies also to the Estate of Stanley
Kubrick. Achika's wardrobe supplied by MegaTokyo ( to K'thardin, STRIKES TWICE, Cav and Davner for
proofreading, technical advice, and their support. You can call
Richard Simmons off now, guys.
And to everyone, Hope you had a good Christmas and I hope you have a
happy and prosperous 2003.
Author's Foreword: Well, welcome to part two. I was stunned at how
well part one went down. This in turn led me to be a lot more
cautious with this part, to refine quality control and ensure it
lived up to its precursor. This is the result. I hope it's succeeded.
BTW, I'd meant to put this up on sooner, but the edits took longer than I'd expected. Some of them were enough to bump the version number up. Sorree...
Way back in 1990-1991, there was a series on BBC's Children's segment
called 'The Dark Season', a very good SF series dealing with one very
evil head of a computer company, trying to take over the world way
before Bill Gates became a household name. The means of doing so were
just perfect, I would come to realise, for Biff Standard's similar
designs on the world. Thus, after a few concept revisions and
refinements, mixed with a good opportunity to try out a new dimension
to Achika's character, I managed to come up with this continuation of
the story arc. Submitted for your approval, I present…
Part Two: The Plot of the Standard Megalomaniacal Corporation
-oOo-
Dawn broke over the city that was the administrative capital and
namesake of the Okayama prefecture. It was a nice peaceful dawn,
fairly typical of early April. Other than birdsong, there was no
other noise in the air.
But this was because a forcefield had been erected around a
single garden in one of the larger housing estates of the town. Were
this not the case, this peaceful morning would have been underscored
with heavy artillery instead of birdsong.
Within the forcefield, energy weapons exploded with devastating
force. The shields served not only to contain the damage of the
blasts, but also the percussive noise. Outside them, all was quiet
and peaceful; inside, the noise was deafening.
Within it all, a leggy, raven-haired girl wearing a Sailor
Mercury outfit yelled out with both effort and rage as she sailed
through the air, indiscriminately firing at humanoid objects closing
on her. She swung a baton around in her hands, which readily deployed
bright blue shots of energy, each of them finding their mark.
"ADORABLE HEART BOOMERANG!" the girl screamed. Her baton
responded by firing a heart-shaped projectile at a group of targets
ahead of her. The projectile struck and vaporised all five of them,
and, true to its name, returned to the girl's baton.
Another three animated humanoids – each of which was at least
ten feet tall – appeared right behind her. The girl's reaction was
immediate. She came about on her feet and flourished her baton.
"TURTLE ENGINES – ATTACK!" she cried out. Instantly, two
ornamental turtles that formerly adorned the heart-shaped attachment
at the head of the baton became gold and silver energy planes. They
streaked out to the oversized humanoids, destroying all of them, then
returned to the baton again.
Finally, a group of ten of these monsters appeared before her.
They were reasonably close together, in a formation the girl had been
trained to recognise… and exploit.
She propelled herself into the air, once again flourishing her
baton. A bright blue aura flared up around her as power built up
inside her. She released this with one final, almighty attack.
"ADORABLE COQUETTISH BOMBER!"
To that, a huge bright blue energy projectile spat out of the
baton as it was swung towards the monsters, sucking the aura off the
girl in the process. It careered across the garden toward its target,
a point that would affect all of them at once, and then detonated,
consuming all within the expanding projectile.
The girl dropped to a graceful landing on her knee, ready to
react to any further threats. There were none.
"Wow, that was great, Achika!" a voice called out. "You did
that one with style!"
Achika Kekoi, alias Adorable Achika, aka the leggy raven-haired
girl in the Sailor Mercury outfit, got to her feet and turned to the
source of the voice, to see an eleven-year-old blue-haired girl run
to her. Achika smiled. "Thanks, Sasami! I'm glad you think so."
Sasami Kawai, the other girl, was more than qualified to pass
critique on Achika's performance. Her alter ego was Pretty Sammy,
Magical Girl and Achika's partner. Indeed, Sasami was transformed
into Sammy right now, and stood in her miniskirted Chinese-style pink
and green dress and a baton identical to Achika's.
Someone else approached them. A brown and white furry animal, a
cross between a cat and a rabbit, hopped onto Sammy's shoulder.
"Yeah, Achika, that was great!" it said in a slight male register.
"Well, you got me started, Ryo-ohki," Achika replied. "Rumiya's
just bringing me up to speed."
"He's done a good job of that," the one named Ryo-ohki said.
"I'm glad to see you don't get wiped out by doing the Bomber any
more."
"That's because the psycho keeps waking me up at three in the
morning and dragging me out here," Achika gestured to the garden, her
own garden in back of the two-storey detached house that was her
home. Surprisingly, it was completely unscathed. "The guy takes
training way too far. I can still hear his lecture about the baton."
"Hey, I got a test tomorrow! I need my sleep!" Sammy mused. "I
really don't need to be out at this time of the morning!"
"Oh, don't give me that, Sasami. I could see you were enjoying
yourself while you were training!" Achika smiled mischievously.
"Yeah, you're right. I never figured myself to be much of a
night owl!" she chuckled. Her laughter was infectious, and soon
Achika and Ryo-ohki had joined her.
At that time, the topic of discussion appeared. A small, purple
bird fluttered in and landed gracefully on Achika's shoulder. "Good
job, Achika," it said, his seemingly immobile beak forming words
quite amicably. "But, uh, your bomber was a bit off. It's best to
fire it after you finish the baton's down stroke, not during it.
Otherwise your aim goes off."
"Thanks, Rumiya, I'll bear that in mind," Achika replied. "I
thought you brought us here to show us a new attack?"
No one, with the exception of Ryo-ohki, noticed that Sammy was
glaring at Rumiya with suspicion. Ryo-ohki was about to bring it up,
but thought better of it. There would be a better time.
"Of course," Rumiya retorted. "But you've still got to keep
yourselves up on the basics. Now I'll show you this new attack. I'll
let Ryo-ohki fill you in."
"Thanks, Rumiya. I recently made an update to the command
programs in your batons, girls. I've added a few new attacks, one of
which is a modification of a Demon-summoning attack. It's called the
'Pokémon Battle'."
Achika and Sammy facefaulted. "Well, I s'pose it had to happen
eventually," Sammy mused.
"What? You've heard of Pokémon?" Rumiya asked.
Achika recovered. "Rumiya, what rock have you been hiding under
the past five years? EVERYBODY's heard of Pokémon!"
Rumiya flashed Ryo-ohki a glance. "I suppose you have too?"
Ryo-ohki grinned imperceptibly. "Yep. Okay, Achika, you go
first."
"Sure, Ryo-ohki," Achika replied. "How do I call the attack?"
"Just say 'Adorable Pokémon Battle, Calling…' and insert the
name of the Pokémon you want."
"Right."
Achika leapt into the air, her baton flourished above her head.
"ADORABLE POKÉMON BATTLE! CALLING PIKACHU!"
In response, the heart of her baton flashed brightly, and a
bolt of blue energy struck the floor. Instead of being destructive,
however, the energy coalesced, became solid. It took on the form of a
small animal, about a foot tall, with a tail, round body… and scales.
"Karp, Karp, Karp, Magikarp, Karp, Karp…" the animal said as it
floundered in search of water.
Achika was clearly disappointed. "Rumiya, what the hell is
this?"
"Uh… it appears to be a Magikarp," Rumiya replied. "Number 129,
if I recall."
"Spare me the Pokédex entry, Rumiya. I know it's a Magikarp.
What I want to know is why it is here instead of the Pikachu I
requested."
"You don't have a Pikachu programmed into it, that's why."
"Oh. Okay. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT SOONER!" Achika
screamed at the bird perched on her shoulder.
If it was possible for a bird to wince, Rumiya did. He quickly
regained his composure, and replied. "You didn't ask."
Achika fell like a tree.
Opening theme: 'Dream Away', sung by Chisa Yokoyama and Megumi
Hayashibara (or Sharon Scott)
-oOo-
Somewhere on the outskirts of Okayama lay a very isolated building,
miles from any semblance of an urban environment. Surrounding it was
an ominous cloud. Then again, insane asylums always did seem to
attract any local storm, and the Arukamu Sanatorium for the
Criminally Insane was no different.
Arukamu was one of few such facilities in Japan – surprisingly,
for such a pressure-cooker culture, few people actually went
criminally insane, a statistic some thank hentai anime for… However,
on occasion, it did happen, and when it did the prospective loony
went all out. If the police didn't kill them, chances were they'd end
up in a place like this.
Arukamu's residents were the typical array of barking mad
rejects of every slasher film ever made. Together, they brought that
age-old cliché of the demented screams to haunt the already unnerving
architecture of the building.
Not all of Arukamu's inhabitants, however, fit this bill. There
was one man who was comparatively sane. He was Biff Standard,
formerly the richest man in the world and the owner of StandardSoft
Corporation, the world's largest software company. That was, of
course, right up until he cracked. His eternal dream was one parallel
to his motto – 'peace through conformity'. Through his software, he
attempted to 'standardise' the world's computer systems, and then by
extension, the people who used them. Part of that plan was to use
electromagnetic field manipulation, furnished by the computers
running his software (and the innumerable giant magnets located at
the international headquarters of his company), to draw the moon into
a devastating collision with Earth, levelling modern civilisation and
allowing him to rebuild it in his image – assuming he, or anyone
else, survived. That plan had about as much logic as a bash fic, and
when it failed – which was inevitable – he lost it. Nothing more than
a babbling madman, he was taken into the custody of the Japanese
government and offered for extradition to America. The Americans
responded with as much as "We don't want him." Later on, they reached
a compromise – the Japanese government would try and make him sane
enough to stand trial, and then the Americans would extradite him.
Biff didn't know it yet, but he was now 48 hours from release,
at which time he'd be thrown in the diplomatic bag and carted back
home, where he would stand trial for innumerable counts of attempted
murder, property destruction on a scale never before seen in
peacetime or wartime, conspiracy to overthrow every government on the
planet – something the whole UN were queuing up to have him on – and
a number of other charges that the prosecution had yet to invent,
which meant everything bar making the grass green. Indeed, this was
news he was about to hear from Arukamu's governor.
Biff had been in the governor's office many times. During his
stay here, he had earned trustee status, allowing him to work with
the facility's staff doing menial jobs. Still, it beat being with the
others…
With his escort of two muscular orderlies, Biff stood before
the desk of the stern-looking old man who ran this facility, a Doctor
Kusanagi. Twiddling his thumbs, Kusanagi spoke in broken English with
little or no attempt to circumvent the Japanese accenting of his
words. "Mister Standard, you have made very good progress here. It is
hard to believe you came here… uh, what is the word?"
"Wacked out?" Biff offered. "Upton Park?"
Both metaphors had obviously flown over the poor governor's
head; he looked nonplussed.
"A couple of chopsticks short of a banquet?" Biff tried again.
This one was immediately understood by the old man, who nodded
enthusiastically. "Yes! That's it! Your recovery has been remarkable.
Therefore we see no need to keep you here any longer."
"I'm free?" Biff asked gleefully.
"In a way. In two days you will be released from here, into the
custody of the American Department of Justice."
"Why? If this is about buying out all those companies, my legal
staff put many hours into reaching an agreement with them; I
personally put in several hours!"
No one in the room understood a word he'd just said.
"Or is it because of all that stuff I did…?" Biff added with
just a hint of exasperation. He sighed in resignation. "I knew it
would happen eventually. I guess I should prepare to accept my
punishment…"
"Good. Oh, and, while you're at it, there's a pile of vomit in
ward 3 that hasn't been cleaned up…"
Biff smiled. "Of course, sir," he said, bowing. Excusing
himself, he turned away and left, with his escort following him.
Kusanagi sighed in relief. That wasn't as difficult as he
thought it would be. He swivelled about in his chair to face the
monitor of the computer terminal on his desk. In a sequence he had
trained himself to do, he swiftly brought up the case notes for the
next person he was to see this morning. Almost automatically, he
clicked on the icon on the screen that would bring up the document.
What greeted him instead was most definitely not the next
inmate's case notes.
Something caused the EM field of the monitor to modulate
wildly. The modulation engulfed Kusanagi in a field of pulsing white
energy. He tried to avoid it, but found he could not get out of his
seat. The sense of urgency built up in him as he tried to figure out
what was happening to him.
Then, after thirty seconds, it didn't matter any more.
As Biff was escorted down the labyrinthine corridors of
Arukamu, he covertly smirked to himself, ensuring his escort didn't
see. It would all unfold soon, he thought.
This quiet reflection was promptly interrupted by just that, as
Kusanagi's voice rang out through the PA system. "Please bring Mr
Standard to my office."
A couple of things just did not tally about that. One, Biff had
already been to Kusanagi's office. Two, Kusanagi's voice sounded
different… flatter. Shrugging to each other, the orderlies reversed
course, leading their charge back to Kusanagi's office.
Minutes later, they had returned, to see Kusanagi face them as
they entered, a blank expression on his face.
"I am glad you have returned," he said in a near monotone, but
in Japanese. Fortunately, Biff understood enough Japanese to get the
gist of the conversation. "It would appear I have seen something in
Mr Standard's file that has made me reconsider what I am going to do
with him. I would appreciate your taking a look."
The orderlies exchanged a puzzled glance, before walking behind
Kusanagi's desk to see what he was on about. They scanned his
computer's monitor for just that. "Doctor, we don't see any---"
At that point, Kusanagi pressed the 'return' key on his
keyboard. Instantly, the monitor began to flash wildly, as before.
Biff stood and watched, well out of the way, with a sinister grin.
Within seconds, the orderlies' puzzled expressions were gone,
replaced by blank one. Biff looked closely at their eyes, and smiled
with pride. Their normal iris colouration was gone, replaced by
white, making them look more like billiard balls than eyes.
"I assume that the standardisation has taken effect?" Biff
said, sternly.
"Yes, Master," the three men droned in reply.
"Very good. Give me access."
They stepped away from the desk in near reverence as Biff
approached it, and plonked himself in Kusanagi's chair. He looked to
the computer and smiled in malevolent glee.
"They tried to stop me before… Now no one will stand in my way!
My little virus will see to that."
Biff clicked on an icon on the computer's desktop. After a
small eternity while the hard drive whirred and buzzed, a dialogue
box appeared on screen: 'Transmitting standardisation virus.'
"This time, NO ONE will stop me from creating my Standardised
world!" Biff proclaimed, before cackling maniacally.
Within moments, the 'standardisation virus' had been
transmitted to every computer on Arukamu's network. Everyone even
looking at the screen at the time was promptly engulfed by the same
phenomenon as Kusanagi and the orderlies. Within the space of five
minutes, the ambient tortured screams of Arukamu's residents fell
silent, as even they succumbed. With Arukamu secured, the virus was
ordered to go play in a much bigger field – the Internet.
At that moment, somewhere in the Magic Kingdom of Juraihelm,
Tsunami, heiress apparent to the throne, bolted awake from her sleep
in her futon. She clutched at her chest to try and steady her
breathing.
"I sense a disturbance! I feel something terrible is about to
happen!" she exclaimed to no one in particular – her room was empty.
Then her hand wandered down to the small of her back, and where it
had been laying. "No, wait, it's a pea." She extracted and discarded
the minute green vegetable, and promptly fell back to sleep.
Achika stumbled into her room, utterly exhausted. Still in her
school uniform, she crashed into her bed face first. Allowing the
mattress to take her weight, she sighed loudly.
"You have no stamina, you know that?" a voice said. Startled,
she flipped over so she could see who said that; so fast that she
almost did her back in. Perched on her footboard was Rumiya, looking
at her disdainfully.
"Don't give me that look, Rumiya," Achika muttered. "You're not
the one who's been up since the crack of dawn shooting at stuff, only
to go to school straight after. I don't have any stamina because you
drained the last dregs of it out of me by seven."
"If you're going to be a Magical Girl, you gotta do a lot
better than that. Tiredness can be your undoing."
"I really didn't need to hear that." Achika attempted to lift
herself off the bed, but failed to do so. "Oh, man… I'll have to call
Sasami later, and tell her to tell her mom I won't be able to come in
tomorrow… that's if I can think of a good excuse…"
As she spoke, the telephone on her bedside table rang. Achika
did not move to pick it up; she knew someone else would. Indeed, the
ring abruptly stopped as someone picked up one of the other
extensions.
A few seconds later, another voice rang out: "ACHIKA! PHONE!"
"THANKS, MOM!" Achika called back. "Rumiya, if you could…?" she
looked at her companion pleadingly. Rumiya got the gist, and took
off, landing on the phone's receiver, picking it up, and carrying it
to her. Achika took the device and held it to her ear. "Hello--?"
"HI, ACHIKA!" an extremely cheerful voice bubbled loudly, in
fact too loud for the acoustic range of the phone, causing the sound
to crackle a little; the volume was still enough to make the rather
sensitive Achika wince. "It's me, Chihiro! I'm just calling to tell
you that I'm closing the store tomorrow!"
A smile crossed the raven-tressed girl's weary face.
"Instead, I'm putting on a little performance at my house! I
expect you to be there bright and early at nine! And bring some
snacks!" Chihiro's cheerful laughter could be heard as she pranced
off into the distance, not bothering to hang up the phone. It could
still be heard as Achika's receiver clattered to the floor.
"So much for a rest tomorrow… Rumiya?"
"Yeah?" Rumiya inquired.
"If the thought of waking me up at three tomorrow morning so
much as appears in your head, I swear I will shove you in the
microwave."
"I won't. You'd be no good to me like this anyway. Tell you
what, I'll leave you your baton so you can upload your Pokémon into
it whenever you're ready."
As Rumiya materialised Achika's baton and deposited it on her
desk, Achika looked up. "Thanks, Rumiya, but where are you going?"
"I, uh, need to see someone," Rumiya replied cryptically. With
that, he took flight through Achika's window, screeching loudly as he
flew – that didn't exactly do much for Achika's hearing, either.
"I have got to talk to him about that," Achika said to herself
as she rubbed her ears in a vain attempt to stop them ringing. After
lying still for a few more seconds, she resolved herself and got out
of bed.
She moved over to a fabric carrying case resting atop her
dressing table. She unzipped it to extract her Gameboy. Fortunately,
she'd left her Pokémon Yellow cartridge – the one that contained all
of the Pokémon she'd amassed playing those games – loaded in the
machine. She also unzipped another compartment to extract the
Gameboy's interface lead, which she had a feeling she'd need.
With Gameboy and lead in hand, she walked over to her desk and
set them down on the counter. She then picked up her baton and looked
at it, wondering how she'd get the two devices to communicate. She
probed the baton with her fingers, particularly around the wider
section covered with what appeared to be white paper. Underneath that
paper, she felt the plastic mould of the baton, along with a wide
indentation.
Intrigued, she untied the ribbon around that section of the
baton and set it aside, then carefully removed the white paper. She
then spun the baton around to see where that indentation was. It was
the only feature on an otherwise blank area, and it was more a port
than an indentation – more like an array of ports that spanned the
breadth of that entire section. They were even clearly marked by
etchings made in the unpainted metal that obviously served as the
earth for these ports – though Achika silently wondered where exactly
any excess charge would go. There were three ports; one of which
looked identical to a Gameboy link connector. The cable certainly
fit, and when the other end was connected to her Gameboy, the console
switched on immediately, of its own accord. A reassuring message was
displayed on its screen: 'Transferring data to baton. Please stand
by.'
While this was going on, Achika took the time to examine her
baton. The marking of the ports on it, while clear, was rather
cryptic – more iconic than anything else. The Gameboy hook-up was
marked by an etched line drawing of a rectangular object that looked
like a Gameboy, but there were two other ports on that array that
were not quite so easy to identify. Achika stared at them as she
racked her mind in an attempt to identify them. She made no effort to
acknowledge the beep that her Gameboy made in response to the data
transfer completing, but it didn't take her long to complete her
survey. "USB ports…? Why would anyone want to put USB ports on a
magic baton…?" she asked herself. About to disconnect the portable
games machine from her baton, she looked up, and her own PC, sat
running idle on her desk, caught her eye. Her computer, her pride and
joy of electronics engineering – she'd built it herself – and futz,
had USB ports too. And all USB devices are, by nature, universal.
A mischievous smile formed on Achika's face as she rapidly
constructed an idea.
Within minutes, Achika had plugged her baton into the back of
her computer. She waited as the computer's operating system – Lunix
Mandark – quickly detected the device and interrogated it. A few
seconds later, the device appeared on the desktop.
"Okay, what to do first…?" she asked herself. She attempted to
'open' the baton; hopefully that might yield a few ideas. Indeed it
did. A window popped up, with several icons in it. She read the
legends of the reasonably self-explanatory icons: 'Attack Library',
'Voice Command Database', 'Costumes'…
Those last two got Achika thinking. Curiousity getting the
better of her, she clicked on the Voice Command Database icon. A new
window was brought up, and a torrent of text appeared within,
tabulated into two columns. On the left were the baton's functions –
transformation activation and deactivation, attack names, etcetera –
and on the right, what Achika had to say in order to call them. Right
at the top of the list was the doozie – the activation command. That
just had to be changed…
It took Achika five minutes to rewrite the activation commands
for most of the baton's functions. With that done, she closed the
database window and moved onto the one that just begged to be changed
– costumes. The new window brought up a three-dimensional model of
her body, and overlaid on it was the hated blue fuku. She used the
drop-down list on the box of controls to the right to check out the
second option – the costume she had in her 'Adorable Coquettish
Bomber' (now the Super Adorable Final Attack) mode. That one didn't
need changing, but the fuku was another matter. Switching back to
that page, she scanned the controls and found a button labelled
'change'. She clicked on it, to have another window appear. 'Please
load new costume model, or images containing new costume.'
Achika remembered that she had several pictures from Devil
Hunter Yohko, from all angles, somewhere on her computer's hard disk.
She loaded them in, and let the computer do the rest. A few seconds
later, the disturbingly accurate 3D model of her reappeared, this
time clad rather fetchingly in the high-necked flowing dress of a
Devil Hunter. The window flashed, 'Accept this setting?'
"Oh, I SO accept this setting!" Achika bubbled, clicking on
'OK'.
Misao sat alone in her two-storey home, slowly pondering
through her pre-packaged dinner, which her mother had ordered from
"the usual place". The food appeared to be lukewarm, but nonetheless
edible. She stared at her meal with a morose expression, because,
right now, it was her only companion.
Rumiya watched on unseen from his perch on a tree outside the
windows of the living room, his heart bleeding. It wasn't right for
someone to be so alone. Her mother's reasons for leaving her alone
may be justified – she worked every hour God sent to earn enough to
keep the two of them – but it still didn't make it right.
He could imagine what was going on in that house. Nothing. It
would be silent, empty, lonely. That would drive anyone to
distraction. He wished, he just wished he could be with her, stay
with her, talk to her… But she'd never accept him as anything but the
'pretty birdie'. And if he transformed into his human form, that
would really screw the poor girl up.
It wasn't as though he could face her anyway. As far as he was
concerned, he'd betrayed her. He'd run off to look after some other
girl, leaving Misao in HER clutches. And SHE had already proved that
Misao meant nothing to her. Did he really do the right thing leaving
her? Denying her the only person who, as far as he was concerned,
ever cared about her? Who could ever protect her?
'Yeah, great job you did of that, Rumiya,' he told himself.
That was true. He didn't protect her that last time. He couldn't. But
perhaps his presence prevented Misao from receiving far worse from
Ramia's whim. But that wasn't true either – Ramia still hurt her,
even with him there.
Ryo-ohki once told him that on his side he could still protect
Misa if ever they faced her in battle. He also said that with his
help, perhaps one day they could free her from Ramia's clutches.
Rumiya had yet to see any proof of those promises, but he could
not refute one thing – Ryo-ohki was a man of his word.
Achika fired up the e-mail client on her computer, which
instantly offered to connect her to the Internet. Allowing it to do
so, she sat and waited while her modem squawked as it communicated
with her ISP. Immediately thereafter, the client began fetching mail.
During that time, Achika started to change out of her uniform into
something a little more comfortable – namely, a shirt and a pair of
jeans that were neatly and conveniently placed on her bed.
The 26 messages were downloaded with speed, the final deletion
from the server heralded by the computer announcing "Oh, my god! You
got mail! You bastards!" Achika silently cursed Tokimi for getting
her hooked on South Park…
Leaving the connection open for a moment, just in case there
was anything on the net she needed to do as a result of her mail, she
briefly scanned each of the 26 messages. Most of them were spam
messages from her ISP and other ancillary services. One was from
Tokimi, her best friend. Another three were from her friends back in
Kurashiki.
The last, however, was intriguing. It appeared to come from her
ISP, and had the subject title 'Service Upgrade'. Achika raised an
eyebrow as she opened it:
Dear User,
In order to prepare your Internet connection for future technologies,
it is imperative that you run the attached file.
Sincerely…
"Well, that's cryptic," Achika said to herself, as she found
the attached file. It was an alarmingly tiny program, no bigger than
512KB. This was going to upgrade her connection? Suspicion grabbed
her for a moment, so she saved the program to disk and ran a virus
check. It was clean. With no small amount of trepidation, she ran the
program.
Instantly, her monitor adopted a glaring shade of white, and
its EM field modulated far more than the EPA would allow. The EM
modulation engulfed her in a pulsating shaft of white light. Achika
could feel an uncomfortable feeling in her body, as though it was
being polarised from the inside out, but she couldn't move. She was
getting scared, and not the least bit frustrated. But she could feel
those feelings slipping away, as her consciousness fell gradually
into a black hole that had just formed in her mind.
Misaki Kekoi, mother of Achika, was cooking dinner for her
family. Her attention was divided between the potatoes boiling in a
huge pan on the stove, the rice on the next hob, and other
vegetables, as well as the fried fish.
It was at this moment, where everything was stabilised, that
the fancy took her to phone one of her friends and have one of those
protracted gossips that she loved to have. Leaving the stove, she
approached the phone hanging off the wall of her western-style
kitchen. She picked it up, and instinctively dialled the number, then
put the receiver to her ear.
Instead of the ring tone, she was greeted by a VERY loud
squawking noise, similar to the noise a cat, a mouse, and a fax
machine would make if they were caught in a blender. Misaki
immediately recognised the noise as that of a modem.
"ACHIKA!" she called out. "GET OFF OF THE INTERNET!" She
slammed the receiver back down into its holster.
That palaver had somewhat confused both Achika's computer and
the ISP. If someone picked up an extension while the modem was
running, chances were that action would close the connection. If that
didn't, the sound of a 38-year-old woman screaming "ACHIKA! GET OFF
OF THE INTERNET!", if picked up by the extension's microphone, almost
certainly would. After all, it wasn't exactly standard V.90
vocabulary. The resultant conversation could go something like this:
"What did you say?" the ISP would ask.
"I asked you to download data from stream 0," Achika's computer
would reply.
"No you didn't. You said something I don't understand."
"I did not!"
"Yes you did, you said naughty words! You've breached our
agreed protocol!"
"I didn't!"
"Screw you, host, I'm not talking to you! Go wash your modem
out with soap!"
"Server? I want data here! HEY, SERVER! Oh, screw ya…"
And thus, Achika's modem hung up.
And around that time, whatever overtook Achika's computer
abruptly stopped.
The EM distortion around Achika promptly dissipated. It took a
few seconds before Achika could react. She reacted her jaw, blinked
and rubbed her aching eyes, and shook her head to try and dispel a
headache that hat suddenly formed. "What happened…?" she asked
herself. Evidently the memory of the last 30 seconds was unavailable
to her. She looked to the monitor and saw a curious dialogue box. She
read its contents aloud: "'Standardisation program incomplete…?'
What's a standardisation program…?"
"ACHIKA! DINNER'S READY!" came her mother's voice again.
"COMING, MOM!" Achika replied. She got out of her chair and
walked out the room, turning the lights off but leaving the computer
running.
It had become a tradition in the Kekoi family that dinner be
eaten at around 6:30. It was around this time that Misaki's efforts
in the kitchen finally came to a crescendo, for wont of a better
metaphor. It was around this time that Achika had recovered
sufficiently from her increasingly arduous days at school to actually
appreciate the meal. It was around this time that the head of the
family, Katsuhito Kekoi, finally got home from work. The reason why
the family moved to Okayama was because he had been given a promotion
to his company's office in the city, but the hours were somewhat
different. So eating at 6:30 worked out better for all involved.
"Oh, that Lapras looks sooo sad… I just wanna cry buckets for
it… WAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Another, more recent tradition, was that, during dinner, Misaki
insisted on watching the episode of Pokémon that Achika had taped
earlier. Achika didn't mind too much – she was a fan, and it was
indeed doing something she'd do herself later. Katsuhito would rather
watch the news, but the majority went to the two women in his life in
favour of Pokémon. Misaki, meanwhile, probably would have watched
this episode earlier. Why would anyone want to watch it again?
Because of all the cute little Pokémon, that's why.
"First Pikachu, then Bulbasaur, then Squirtle, and now Lapras…
It seems your allegiance shifts to anything with big eyes and that
acts cute," Achika mused.
"You only just noticed?" Katsuhito spluttered.
It should be noted that Misaki, the sweet, caring, loving
individual she is…
"Oh, thank you, Mr Author, you're too kind…"
…also has a cute complex to put Elmira to shame. Anything even
vaguely cute does not escape her attention… or her deceptively strong
hug.
As the blue-haired woman started to dry up – after fifteen
minutes – she tried to defend herself. "Well, everyone's got to have
an interest. So what if mine happens to include cute things…?" she
pouted.
"Acknowledged, Mom," Achika replied, "but my interest in
Pokémon happens to be a direct extension of my playing the games for
several years."
"You play Pokémon!" Misaki screeched. "I forbid it! Those
games are corruptive, and people kill each other over them!"
"Okay, there were two things wrong with that statement: one,
the violence is over the trading cards; and two, you bought them for
me."
"Oh… That's okay then. Carry on."
Achika nearly facefaulted.
"So, Achika, how was school today?" Katsuhito attempted to
change the subject.
"Oh, fine!" Achika replied, smiling with no small amount of
relief. "Biology was a little boring, though…"
"Shh!" Misaki hissed. "I'm watching Pokémon."
Misaki didn't see it, as she was too engrossed in watching
Pokémon and gently shovelling rice into her mouth, but Achika made
overtures to grabbing her mother and shaking her. Katsuhito looked on
with a disapproving expression. Achika stopped, remembering her own
speech to her father concerning her mother: 'She may be psychotic and
overbearing, but she's my mother.'
"Well, I'm full. I can't eat another bite," Achika said,
fibbing. In actuality, her stomach was screaming 'NO! EAT!'.
Misaki turned to her daughter with a very concerned expression.
"Oh, little Achika, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, mom…my," Achika replied, quickly adding – almost
spitting out, in fact – the diminutive suffix. "I'm just a little
tired, that's all. I think I'll grab an early night."
"Working early? Your boss is a slave driver!" Misaki said,
pouting. "Why, I think I'll see her tomorrow and give her a piece of
my mind…"
"NO!" Achika barked, panicking. "No, thanks, mom, I'll be
okay. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight, sweetie!" Misaki replied.
"Goodnight, Achika," Katsuhito said, smiling.
With that, Achika left the room. When he was sure that Achika
was out of earshot, he whispered to Misaki. "I go to work for longer
than she does… You've never talked to my boss!"
"Yes I have!"
"Really? When?"
"Remember the period when your supervisor wore sunglasses
inside for two weeks? In December?"
"Oh… we all thought he had a hangover…"
Achika returned to her room and closed the door behind her. She
crashed into it, back first, and slid down it, sighing loudly in
resignation. That was more than enough of Misaki for one day, she
declared to herself. She yawned. Her adjournment was not just to get
away from Misaki; she was genuinely tired, so much so that her eyes
were aching.
She padded over to the stereo system that sat on her dresser,
and switched it on. Immediately, it sprang into life and tuned into
FM-YY, a station that played a lot of 80's Western stuff and little
else. As it did so, Achika slipped out of her jeans, cream shirt and
bra, and into a the well-worn white shirt that was her nightwear.
Finally, she crashed into bed and burrowed under the sheets, turning
the lamp on her bedside table off before settling.
However, even with the artificial yellow-white glow of the lamp
gone, the room was still uncomfortably well lit. The backlight of the
stereo's LCD display was one source of light, but an accommodated
operational hazard. The light was more a bluish tone, and coming from
her desk. She immediately deduced what was wrong. "Oh, hell!" she
chided herself, scrambling out of the sheets. "I forgot to turn my
computer—"
As if in response, the screen and the running lights on the
computer promptly died, plunging the room into near darkness. Barely
audible over the strains of Dream Academy's 'Life in a Northern Town'
were the sounds of system fans and hard drives powering down.
"—Off," Achika rather redundantly finished. She collapsed back
into bed and promptly fell asleep, while her radio played softly in
the background as usual.
A nondescript white van drove unimpeded through the streets of
Akihabara, one of the many districts of Tokyo. Akihabara was the
electronics district, populated with many discount computer and
electronics supply stores. Set amongst these were a few amusement
arcades, which, like the normally bustling streets of Akihabara, were
empty today.
Strangely, most Japanese computer companies were not based
here. They preferred locations a little further southwest, like
Osaka. Instead, some foreign companies decided to exploit the
association. Well, rather, one. And only then for strategic reasons.
Biff Standard had opted to install his Japanese branch here,
knowing it was the nexus of technology in Japan, and hoping he'd find
the back door into the insular computing standards of the nation. He
almost had, with outside help.
That help was gone now, along with the top two floors of his
Japanese headquarters. The building, however, still stood, towering
over the Akihabara skyline, and it was towards this building that the
nondescript white van was headed.
The vehicle drove about the ground floor of the skyscraper,
before pulling into the loading dock at its rear. When it stopped,
the back doors opened, and from the cargo compartment stepped two
hospital orderlies and Biff himself. They quickly entered the
building.
As they made their way through the building, Biff's escort paid
no heed to the bustle of activity surrounding them, but Biff looked
like the cat that got the haddock. Everywhere he looked, people were
working intently, not even stopping to talk or take nourishment. He
saw typing pools staffed with men and women working at their
computers without even touching them. He saw engineers program robots
to build machines in seconds. A thousand people working as one with
the machines.
A thousand people working for him.
Biff finally made it to his office, where the automatic doors
parted to reveal an old gentleman wearing a tuxedo. The man spoke
with a mid-Atlantic accent. "Welcome back, sir."
"Thank you, Sam," Biff replied. "Report."
"Everything is proceeding according to plan, sir. The
standardisation virus has already progressed throughout Japan and is
now working its way around the Pacific Rim. Our defensive capacity
stands at 12, and continues to grow. And the M-5 is now online."
"Excellent," Biff exulted with as much malevolence as he could.
He approached his desk and sat down, starting up the computer built
into it. As the computer went through its POST and boot sequence,
Biff once again addressed Sam. "Thank you for arranging all of this,
Sam. We could not have begun this plan without you."
"I only acted on your plan, sir," Sam demured.
"Still, I want to give you something in return. I want to give
you peace." With that, Biff flashed a glance to his former escort,
who promptly moved beside the butler and grabbed him.
Sam was understandably shocked. "Sir, what are you—"
"I'm sorry, Sam, but if you're not standardised, you're a
liability," Biff said as the orderlies forced Sam toward the desk.
"And besides, I'm a man of my word. I'm going to give you the peace
of my new world order." Biff vacated the chair just before the two
large men pushed the older man into it. The held him in the seat,
each holding one shoulder and locking his head so that it faced the
computer screen.
Biff was now facing the rear wall of the office, a wall with
the outer appearance of a safe door. He placed a hand on it and
smiled.
"Hello, my child," he mused, just as the monitor on his desk
exploded into white light.
The following morning came as sure as, well, the knowledge the
sun would rise. The city mall had been open since six; its fish
market selling freshly delivered fish to establishments of both
commercial and private natures. Those foolish enough to work early on
a Saturday morning had commuted. Those brave enough to work Friday
night had done likewise. Within the space of a few hours, all of the
stores were open… except one.
CD Vision was closed for the day. This happened quite often
here, for reasons ranging from managerial nervous breakdowns to when
everyone just felt like it.
Today's reason was somewhere in between.
"HIYA, EVERYONE!" Chihiro Kawai's voice chirped over her
karaoke system, cranked up to full, almost seismic blast. "WELCOME TO
CHIHIRO'S VARIETY SHOW!"
The assembled audience of Achika, Sasami, Tokimi, Misao,
Kiyone, Mihoshi and Tenchi applauded and murmured, each somewhere
between excitement, trepidation, and resignation. Ryo-ohki was
watching from Sasami's shoulder, while Rumiya had a good view from
Achika's. However, he was more interested in watching Misao than
Chihiro.
While Chihiro was most decidedly dressed up for the occasion,
wearing a frilly burgundy and black dress with splashes of white, the
audience were following the come-as-you-are revision of the dress
code. Jeans and sweatshirts were common among some of the senior
members of the congregation. Misao had turned out in her 'casuals' –
rather, her frilly white blouse and light skirt. Sasami wore
something similar. Tokimi wore a simple, relatively loose-fitting
blue dress with a white blouse underneath – simple enough, but it
looked pretty good on her, and it did little to hide her attributes.
The only person coming close to dressing up was Achika, and even that
wasn't excessive. She was wearing a tartan radial-creased miniskirt,
dark brown thigh-length leggings (with enough clearance between the
two to expose a little thigh), topped off with a smoke-effect
sweatshirt with the motto '3V1L L33T' on the front, and a shirt
underneath, whose collar was pulled out over that of the sweatshirt.
"I'VE GOT SOME REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY COOL STUFF FOR
YOU ALL TODAY, SO JUST SIT BACK, GRAB SOME SNACKS, AND ENJOY THE
PERFORMANCE!"
"WOOHOO!" Misao exclaimed, her usually quiet voice travelling
very well.
"Yay!" Tokimi assented. "Chihiro! Chihiro! Chihiro!"
"Hey, Tokimi, don't encourage her!" Kiyone said, glancing at
the auburn-tressed girl.
Ryo-ohki meowed in agreement.
"Well, don't discourage her, either!" Tokimi replied. "I got
nothing better to do all weekend. I'm trying to kill time any way I
can!"
"Hey, it's your funeral…"
Achika looked thoroughly confused. "Remind me again, what
usually happens at these shows?"
"Well," Tenchi responded, "Mom usually opens up with about half
an hour of parlour tricks, then she does about four hours of
karaoke…"
"…During which, one of us is sent out for pizza," Kiyone
interjected.
"Then, when she's finished with that, we launch into an
intimate, detailed video documentary of all the previous variety
shows."
"That can't be too bad. How many are there?" Achika inquired.
"Twenty," Sasami replied. "Not including this one."
"Achika's face plummeted. "Oh, boy…"
Oblivious to the growing dissent in her audience, Chihiro
produced a textbook top hat and put on a rather cheesy magic show
that got Achika, Rumiya, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki exchanging bemused
glances and sweatdrops.
Misao, on the other hand, was very amused, applauding the very
elementary show. "Wow, that's amazing!"
"Keee…" Rumiya crowed with as much exasperation as a bird could
muster. Achika barely heard the translation: "How can someone so cute
have such bad taste…?"
Misao turned to the taller raven-haired girl. "I still can't
believe after all this time, I finally found out who owns the pretty
bird…!"
As Rumiya fluttered onto Misao's shoulder and nuzzled her,
Achika replied. "I'm as surprised as you are. Actually, I only found
him a few weeks ago. Or, rather, he found me." Achika stopped short
of reminding herself how they were put together; she really didn't
need another nervous breakdown.
Meanwhile, Misao was returning Rumiya's attention and petting
him back, and he was loving every millisecond of it. Achika swore she
could see him blush.
Chihiro promptly disposed of the hat, and the small colony of
rabbits that came from it, and produced a small inflatable ball and a
large, almost garden sized parasol. "And now, for my famous ball-on-
a-parasol trick!"
Everyone but Misao and Tokimi fell to the floor. Misao was too
amused to bother, while Tokimi was looking upon this with an
inscrutable expression of which even Teal'C would be proud.
The cheese went from mild cheddar to fully mature Limburger
within a matter of hours. After performing a few more 'tricks',
Chihiro went on to the promised karaoke spectacular. 1000 of her
favourite songs, back to back. Unfortunately, the repertoire was
filled with extremely well worn numbers more suited to a karaoke bar…
where they would probably sound better, after a few dozen pints.
House of the Rising Sun was one such track.
By the time Chihiro had reached Frank Sinatra's My Way, Achika
was losing the will to live. Kiyone and Tokimi were lucky in that
they had been dispatched to get lunch. Misao was still in awe with
the whole thing. Sasami and Tenchi were engaged in a game of Pokémon,
which Achika had tried to join – but, to use an old metaphor, that
hiding place was already taken. Mihoshi was happily munching away at
the prawn crackers, seemingly oblivious to everything. It was
something Achika had tried to emulate, but was not quite successful.
As for Ryo-ohki and Rumiya… God knows what they were doing. If
Rumiya had any sense, he'd have begged Ryo-ohki to eat him and put
him out of his misery.
Mercifully, as Chihiro reached the coda of her song, the front
door swung open. "Tadaima!" Kiyone announced.
"We come bearing gifts!" Tokimi proclaimed a fraction of a
second later.
The resultant cheer was just like a Hummingbird concert.
Chihiro, who just finished her song, had however misinterpreted the
cheer as being for her. She blushed slightly, and bowed. "Thank you!
I'm glad you liked it!"
"Uh… Yeah, whatever," Achika said to no one in particular. "So,
what did you guys get?"
"Take your pick!" Kiyone said, emerging in the living room
carrying enough takeaway food to feed an army. Tokimi was similarly
loaded. "We have ramen, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets,
fries, noodles, sushi…"
"Don't forget the battered fish!" Tokimi chimed in.
Tenchi got out of his seat to check out the contents of the
very large paper bag that Kiyone was carrying against her chest. He
gently lifted the flap so he could see inside.
"Uh, Tenchi, the contents of this bag are extremely hot,"
Kiyone stated. "Please take it off me before I'm shallow-fried in the
grease."
Tenchi snapped to his senses and hefted the bag out of the
woman's arms. Kiyone was now free to jettison the two garbage bag-
sized plastic carriers that she was holding in either hand.
"Um… little help?" the walking tree of bags in the blue dress
said plaintively. Achika obliged, taking Tokimi's centrally mounted
bag, freeing up her hands.
At that point, the doorbell rang. "I'll get that!" Kiyone
offered. "It'll probably be the meatballs. They coat them with a
wasabe sauce so strong it needs to be delivered in a radioactive
materials transport."
"Eww… I hate spicy food…" Achika mooted.
Kiyone moved away from the living room, whose doorbell was
ringing with a little more insistence. Meanwhile, Achika walked over
to the window to see if she could catch a look at the exchange.
Peering out, she didn't see any vehicle parked outside. The porch was
obscured by the window frame, so she couldn't see who was waiting
there. She did however, think she could see a flash of blue just out
of the corner of her eye. Looking closer at it, she discovered it was
a mass of azure hair, tied into a large ponytail-like body like her
own hair, only this ponytail was much larger. Only one person she
knew wore her blue hair in that style.
"Oh, dear God," Achika gasped. "KIYONE!"
The doorbell rang with growing impatience as Kiyone approached.
"All right, all right, all right!" she replied. "I'm coming! Jeez…"
Finally, Kiyone reached the door, and opened it. "Hi! How are
you—" Kiyone reflexively began, thinking it was the delivery boy.
As a pair of hands engaged her in a vice-like grip, it occurred
to her that it most certainly was not.
"ACHIKA!" the blue-haired woman that now had Kiyone in a
bear hug screeched. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SPEAK TO ME THIS MORNING!" She
had obviously spent most of the morning crying her eyes out, and
still was.
"Wha…" Kiyone managed to gasp out, as the constriction on her
upper body prevented her drawing anything but a bare minimum of air
in.
"I had breakfast prepared for you but you left so early that
you never ate it…" the azure-tressed one sobbed.
Feeling a reduction of the force holding her, Kiyone replied.
"Uh, ma'am, I don't know who you are, but you got me confused with
someone else…"
The woman had pulled back a little and, through teary eyes, was
looking at her. Her eyes narrowed, and finally… "WAAAAHHH! WHAT YOU
DONE TO YOURSELF, LITTLE ACHIKA!" she exploded into a fresh
fountain of tears.
Kiyone would have facefaulted, had the other woman not grabbed
her by the shoulders and proceeded to shake her around like a
ragdoll. Fortunately Kiyone still had the presence of mind to hold
her neck steady so she wouldn't get whiplash.
"YOU'VE DYED YOUR HAIR GREEN!" the blue-haired one
screeched. "YOU LOOK TERRIBLE! THAT'S WHY YOU DIDN'T TALK TO ME
THIS MORNING, BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'D CHEW YOU OUT ABOUT IT…! And… and
what have you done to your eyes…? They've turned blue…"
"Oh, fer God's sake, LADY, I AM NOT ACHIKA! JE NE SUIS PAS
ACHIKA! ICH BIN NICHT ACHIKA! WHAT OTHER LANGUAGES DO YOU WANT THIS
IN!"
By this time, the others had come in to explore the commotion,
and all were looking at an extremely embarrassed Achika to solve
this.
"Mom, will you please leave my friend alone!" the raven-haired
girl exclaimed, storming through the partition between the hallway
and the living room.
Achika's mother was stunned; so stunned that she didn't notice
Kiyone make a quick egress and retreat to the relative safety of the
group.
Eventually, however, she regained her composure, and a teary
smile appeared on her face. "Ahh, there you are, my little Achika…!"
The woman's look turned hopeful, and Achika knew why. "Oh, no,
mom, please, not here…" she pleaded, almost going as far as to drop
to her knees and beg. When her mother adopted That Look, the one with
the twitchy eyebrow and the low growl, she knew it was futile. She
sighed in resignation, and briefly made a mental note to severely
harm her mother later. "Oh-kay… Guys, I'm about to do something that
you'd be well within your rights to tease me about. For your own
safety, don't."
"Why?" Kiyone inquired.
"Trust me, Kiyone, you DON'T want to know."
"Uh… okay." The others made similar murmurs of agreement.
That said, Achika took a very deep breath, and then adopted a
look virtually identical to her mother's previous expression.
"MOMMY!" she cried, mock sobbing.
Instantly, the blue-haired woman's own expression changed,
mirroring her daughter's own. "My little Achika…!" she cried.
Choking down further embarrassment, Achika took another step
forward. "Oh, Mommy…"
"Achika! Come to me!"
With that, and with no small amount of reluctance, Achika
stumbled into her mother's arms. The blue-haired woman sobbed loudly,
while Achika merely sighed in embarrassment.
Throughout the entire exchange, a grin of mirth had appeared on
Kiyone's face. Out of respect for Achika's tattered dignity, she
tried hard to stifle a laugh, but eventually failed. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
She's… calling her… 'Mommy'! HAHAHA—"
The next thing Kiyone knew, the scary blue-haired woman was in
her face again. She panicked, and attempted to find an escape route.
By the time she'd calculated one, the woman had jammed both her
thumbs in her mouth, and was tugging at the corners in an attempt to
rip her face off.
"Nobody mocks my little Achika," the woman growled, staring at
her with a look of unbridled rage. "AM I MAKING MYSELF ABUNDANTLY
CLEAR?"
"Uh, yeah, I hink," Kiyone replied, her speech distorted by the
fact that her lips were immobile. "Chlese le' he go…?"
Achika sighed. "I warned you." Producing a large card, she
hastily scrawled something on it, and then displayed it to Kiyone.
"Read this, quick!"
"Uh… 'I'm a signpost, hug me'?" Kiyone obliged, puzzled.
"Uh-oh, wait a minute, wrong context." Achika flipped the card
over and read it.
Meanwhile, her mother released Kiyone and stared at her
quizzically. Then the soppy look returned, and she grabbed the teal-
haired woman in another bear hug. "Oh, what a cute signpost…"
"Well, at least I achieved the net objective," Achika said to
herself, as Misao pulled up beside her.
"So, this is your mother?" she asked, quietly.
Achika sighed. "Yep. She's my mother, Misaki."
Misao looked on with an emotionless expression. "I wish my mom
was like that."
Just as emotionless, Achika replied, "Wanna trade?"
By that time, the one named Misaki had lost interest in Kiyone,
and was turning her attention back to Achika. Or rather, her little
friend. "Ohh… You're sooo CUTE! I jus' wanna huggle the stuffing out
of you…!" she chirped, lifting the hapless Misao off the ground and
hugging her. "You remind me so much of my little Achika when she was
your age…!"
"Mom, this is Misao Amano," Achika said, part in relief that
she wasn't on the receiving end of that. "I've already introduced you
to Misao…"
Almost immediately, Misaki stopped hugging Misao and dropped
her like she was a live grenade. She stared at the little girl with a
strange look, which quickly became hostile, and was concluded by her
turning away and not acknowledging her existence.
Misao was too disoriented to be puzzled about this, but Achika
most definitely was not. Her attempt to raise her mother on this was,
however, timely interrupted by the screeching of a bird of prey.
Seconds later, Rumiya shot into the room at full speed, followed by a
cheerfully meowing Ryo-ohki, who was obviously chasing him. Rumiya
circled around for a while and made a landing on Achika's shoulder,
where he peered down at the hitherto ground-bound feline, and
imperceptibly made an akambe. Ryo-ohki looked at him with a
displeased expression, and hopped about, to climb up Sasami and sit
on her shoulder. From here, he gave a rather exultant meow.
Misaki recognised that meow instantly, and turned to face the
cabbit, who promptly sweatdropped. Then she looked at Sasami, who
also eggdropped. "Is he yours?" she said, flatly.
"Yes, this is Ryo-ohki," Sasami replied, trying to be
diplomatic but inwardly shaking.
"HOW COULD YOU LET SUCH A KAWAII CREATURE ROAM THE STREETS BY
HIMSELF WHEN HE COULD HAVE BEEN RUN OVER, SOLD FOR MEDICAL
EXPERIMENTATION, OR WORSE!" Misaki cried at the top of her
lungs, making all within earshot facefault. It even made Ryo-ohki
fall off his perch. "You don't deserve him…"
Sasami was about to launch a counter-attack, but realised that
by doing so, she would incriminate herself to other stuff she didn't
want the others to know about. But fortunately, the cavalry was
arriving in the form of Chihiro.
"Hey, guys, what's the matter?" she whined plaintively. "Come
back inside! I'm only three hundred songs through my karaoke medley!"
The well-built form of Misaki appeared before her, with a face
like thunder. "You, ma'am, make me sick! People like you shouldn't be
allowed to keep cute animals! Why, if I had my way, I'd report… you
to… the authorities…" She trailed off when she saw something over
Chihiro's shoulder. Then her entire demeanour changed to that of a
kid in a candy store. "Hey… WOW! Look at all this sweet karaoke
stuff!" She trotted into the living room, leaving everyone else
hugely puzzled.
Misaki began leafing through the quite extensive collection of
karaoke laser discs, growing ever more excited. "This stuff is sooo
cool! I wish I had all these!"
Achika held her face in her hands, and wept with embarrassment.
"Mom, why do you have to do this to me!"
She finally broke down in Tokimi's arms. She held Achika, doing
all she could to comfort her friend. "There, there, Achika… It's
okay…"
"How is it okay, Tokimi?" Achika replied, her voice muffled by
her own hands and Tokimi's shoulder.
"She'll snap out of it. And if not, we'll just go into Tokyo
and have you divorce her."
To that, Achika sobbed even louder.
Misaki finally noticed the centrepiece of Chihiro's extensive
setup, and her jaw dropped so much it was almost tunnelling through
to the North Atlantic. "Oh… my… GOD! Is this the Pathfinder KX3962
fully-integrated karaoke hi-fi system with the Super Quantum Hyper-
Mega-Giga-Tera Digital Signal Processing Environmental Audio
reverb!" she screamed, the technobabble coming out so fast it would
leave even Geordi LaForge tongue-tied.
"Indeed it is," Chihiro replied, fondling the turntable deck of
her pride and joy. "With settings from closet to small galaxy!"
"Aw… Mine only goes up to Taj Mahal…!" Misaki said, a little
upset.
"The 3952? They're good machines. But I thought the extra
texture settings were worth the extra 100,000 yen!"
"HOW MUCH!" Tenchi and Sasami cried. "YOU SAID THAT ONLY COST
YOU 140,000!"
"Okay, so I misplaced the decimal point! I had to have it!"
"Guys, we're completely bankrupt," Tenchi sighed. "You'll
either have to work for free for a month or two, or we close up
forever."
Kiyone, after milling it over, reluctantly nodded. Chihiro was
feeding her anyway. Mihoshi was completely oblivious to this. Achika
was too upset to even bother.
"We don't need to eat! We've got the best karaoke machine ever
built!" Chihiro cheered. "Well, at least until the new model comes
out next year…"
"No, mom. No," Tenchi put his foot down. "You either live with
this one until the day you die, or sell it now."
"If you do, you've got one person interested," Tokimi chimed
in, gesturing towards Misaki. "I haven't seen Mrs. K. this hyped up
since she got the last Hello Kitty catalogue."
Misaki faced Chihiro with a pleading look. "Can I play, please,
nice lady?"
Over Misaki's shoulder, Achika waved her arms frantically,
mouthing, "NO! NO!"
"Okay," Chihiro replied, ignoring Achika's plea. The raven-
tressed girl howled in despair.
It took less than three seconds to fire the karaoke player up
again, and a few more for it to find the track and load the lyrics
onto the monitor mounted behind the sofa. The frighteningly familiar
distortion guitar intro to the song began, and then, following the
bouncing ball, the two women began to sing a duet:
"Honey it hurts what you've done to me/I'd even call it a
tragedy…/Now that you've told me the name of your new love…"
"Oh, terrific," Tenchi sighed. "Just the song you want to sing
when you're entertaining guests."
"How I wish that you didn't say what you said…" the two women
went on with increasing gusto, "Wish it was some other girl
instead…/I don't know why you need a guy!"
At that point, the normally stoic Tokimi promptly crashed,
leaving the ever more despondent Achika without a shoulder to cry on.
At this point, Sasami took over, guiding her extremely distressed
friend onto the sofa.
Chihiro and Misaki, however, had gotten into full swing.
"Younger, stronger, a friend no longer/This bad boy you adore, need
much more…/Leave me forever and run to your Hiroshi…"
At this point, the two women broke off and, using that
indecipherable silent language that only karaoke enthusiasts know,
paired the song into two equal parts. They were too busy watching the
monitor to realise their audience was no longer receptive.
And so, they approached the chorus after the first stanza, with
Achika praying for deliverance. She sobbed into Sasami's shoulder,
with the blue-haired girl trying her best to console the now utterly
distraught teenager.
"She does this to me every time!" Achika cried. "You know how
many friends she's cost me when she does this?"
"Uh… no," Sasami replied in a conciliatory tone.
"Too many, Sasami! As soon as they see her, they don't return
my calls!" Achika pulled out of Sasami's shoulder, and, her face
filled with anguish, she looked up. "Dear Kami-sama, PLEASE help me
out here! Do something! Anything! Break the karaoke machine, cause a
localised brown-out, ANYTHING, just shut her up!"
Achika's prayers were answered.
Almost immediately, the karaoke machine's CD+G drive lost its
footing and scanned through its disc. It locked onto something, but
it was not 'Your Hiroshi'. It was an unrecognisable J-Pop song of
some description.
Needless to say, Chihiro and Misaki were caught off guard.
"Wha'!" Chihiro exclaimed. "What happened to my song!"
Misaki was close to bawling like a baby. "Waa! I want the song
back!"
Achika facefaulted. Her prayer had not achieved the desired
effect; if anything, it had made the situation worse.
Chihiro picked up the remote control and began frantically
fiddling with it. "Come on, dammit, where are you!" she growled,
pressing the seek buttons as the CD+G drive did the exact opposite of
what it was being ordered to. Finally, the machine gave up the ghost
and, with an electrical fizzle, fell silent. A wisp of smoke emerging
from the aft ventilation grille signalled the KX3962's death knell.
In disbelief, Chihiro poked at the remote some more, expecting
to hear the beep that signalled compliance with her order. Nothing
happened.
"Uh, mom, I think it's broken," Tenchi observed.
No sooner had he said that, than the remote clattered to the
floor. Chihiro began to tremor. The tremor became a violent twitch.
The twitch was accompanied by a low growl. Everyone, except for
Misao, Tokimi, Achika and Misaki knew what was coming next, and they
were either dragged away or had the good sense to run.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chihiro screamed at
the top of her voice. "MY KARAOKE MACHINE IS BROKEN!" Two seconds
later, she suffered a nervous breakdown and ran around the room like
a cat on a mad half-hour, smashing anything that was breakable.
From the cover of the back of the sofa, Achika was terrified,
and Misaki looked no better. "Would someone care to explain to me
what just happened?" Achika asked.
"Mom goes nuts if she can't have her karaoke," Sasami replied.
"It all depends on how bad the situation is. She just cries for a day
if one of her discs is scratched."
"Where does this fit on that scale?"
"I'd say worst-case scenario," Kiyone piped up as she shielded
Misao. She flinched as an inbound crystal glass fruit bowl exploded
just a few inches away from her.
"But can't you fix the karaoke, little Achika?" Misaki
inquired.
Two seconds later, the rain of destruction ceased. Chihiro
poked her head over the sofa. "Whatdidyousay?" she blurted out.
Misaki was the first to rise. "My little Achika is great with
electronics and stuff. She can fix the karaoke."
Achika bolted up. "What!" she exclaimed in disbelief. "Mom,
you cannot be serious! Yes, I built my own computer, but this is a
karaoke machine! It's proprietary hardware!"
Misaki patted her daughter's back, and said through her teeth,
with a rather suggestive tone, "I said, 'My little Achika's great
with electronics and stuff, she can fix the karaoke.'" She also
flashed Achika a look that was rather insistent.
Chihiro looked on Achika like she was the messiah. "Can you?
CanyoucanyoucanyouCANYOU!"
Achika sighed; there was no point in arguing. "Okay… Mom, why
don't you and Mrs Kawai check out the karaoke bar down the street,
while I work here?"
"That's a great idea, little Achika!" Misaki bubbled.
"Karaoke?" Chihiro gasped. "We going to karaoke?"
"Yes, Mrs Kawai, we're going to karaoke…" Misaki said
placatingly, as she led Chihiro out of the house.
As soon as the door closed, Achika faced the sky. "Thank you,
God…!"
Tenchi pulled up beside her. "I'm really, really sorry about
this, Achika," he said. "You must think us really weird."
"I've seen worse," Achika replied. "I apologise for my mother –
she's an idiot."
"We've seen worse," Sasami retorted.
"I'm sorry we can't do anything to compensate you for your
trouble," Tenchi added. "Tell you what, I'll engineer it so a CD of
your choice… 'disappears'."
"Thanks," Achika said. "Got anything by the Manic Street
Preachers?"
"We've got everything by the Manic Street Preachers."
"Get me 'This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours' and you have a deal."
"Done."
"AND…" Achika raised her voice, "you help."
"Oh-kay… What do you need?"
"Screwdrivers, soldering iron, pliers, and some tin foil."
"The tools are in the closet," Kiyone chimed in. "I'll go get
them." She stepped over to the closet and opened the door. Inside,
among the tools and other items, were Mihoshi and Tokimi. Tokimi was
shaking like a leaf and shielding Mihoshi, who was still snacking.
"C-Can we come out?" Tokimi blubbered.
Achika slid the centre unit of the deceased karaoke out of its
place on the shelf, extracting it far enough so she could go around
its back panel and unplug the connections to the mains, the 5.1
speaker system, and the video monitor. With it disconnected, she
hefted the rather weighty centre unit up into her arms and carried it
over to an open space on the floor. She set it down, and sat before
it.
"Medium Philips head, please, nurse," she mused.
"Yes, Doctor," Tenchi smiled, handing Achika one of the
screwdrivers. "Where did you learn to do all this stuff, anyway?"
"I kind of picked it up as I was growing up," Achika replied.
"When I was four, I was the only one in the house who could program
the VCR."
"Ah, so you have 'The Knack', huh?"
"I guess. You should see my computer at home, that's my pride
and joy. I guess it's where my mom got the crazy idea I can fix this
thing."
"You mean you can't?" Sasami gasped.
"Sure I can. I think it's just a problem with the I/O buffers.
We just change the fuse on it, and that's it."
"How did you know it was a problem with the I/O-doohicky?"
Achika looked at Sasami with a slightly unnerved expression. "I
have absolutely no idea…"
The last cabinet screw was freed with the minimum of effort.
"Tokimi, can you help me with the shell?" Achika called on her
friend, who was sat on the sofa with Misao and Mihoshi. She got up,
and took a side of the deceptively heavy black painted metal casing
that surrounded the machine's back and sides. With a little jiggling,
she and Achika finally removed the casing and set it aside, exposing
the karaoke machine's innards – however sloppily assembled they were.
"Jeez!" Tenchi exclaimed in disbelief. "Who put this thing
together, a two year old?"
"Close," Achika replied. "Try a group of forty Taiwanese high
school girls working in conditions only marginally better than
slavery."
"Um, Achika, the case says it was made in Indonesia," Tokimi
chimed in, as she read the manufacturing sticker on the back of the
casing.
"All right, a group of forty Indonesian high school girls
working in conditions only marginally better than slavery. Tokimi,
what have I told you about nitpicking?"
"Okay, so where is this I/O buffer?" Tenchi asked.
"Somewhere on the mainboard, which is hiding under this CD+G
drive. Tenchi, pass me the small Philips head."
As Achika unplugged the drive's connections, Tenchi handed over
the screwdriver, which the raven-haired girl used to remove the small
screws that held the drive in place. Achika slid the loosened drive
out through the front panel, revealing the mainboard of the machine
below. And right in the corner of that motherboard…
"Aha! Exactly what I thought," Achika exclaimed. "The fuse on
the I/O buffer has blown. It's a simple problem, easily fixed. I just
need a fresh 500 milliamp fuse."
Tenchi clicked his fingers. "Aw, damn, we're fresh out! I used
the last one yesterday," he said sarcastically.
"A simple 'Sorry, Achika, we don't have one' would have
sufficed. There isn't a hardware store around here, is there?"
"Now you mention it, there is," Kiyone said. "There's one in
the mall."
"That's great!" Achika moved to stand. "I'll just go and get
the fuse. Be right back!"
"No, you wait here, I'll get the fuse."
"Are you sure? If it's any trouble…"
"Achika, you're already doing two thankless jobs for us,"
Kiyone replied. "Let me field this one, okay? Besides, who are we
going to blame when Mrs Kawai comes back and sees her ludicrously
expensive karaoke machine in pieces on the floor?"
"Gee, thanks… Okay, remember, it's a 500 milliamp fuse for
electronic I/O buffers, preferably suited for boards with a good…
ooh, 75 Ohms resistance."
"I see…" Kiyone looked as though that had flown straight over
her head. "You couldn't write that down for me, could you?"
"You're absolutely sure you don't want me to go?"
Meanwhile, elsewhere in town, Washu sat among the organised
chaos of her new apartment. Most of her stuff – that which survived
the destruction of her previous home, anyway – still wasn't unpacked.
She just hadn't gotten around to it yet, and she honestly didn't
foresee any time in the near future when she would.
What was unpacked, however, was her vast computer system, upon
which she was once again writing class reports. Washu would be the
first to admit that Achika's late introduction to the class had
thrown her somewhat, and she was still catching up. Still, nothing
she couldn't handle, she often told herself.
She was a good two-thirds of the way through her batch, and, as
she so often did, she was multitasking. She had an open net
connection, firewalls, email client and web browser running in back.
And it was one of these that alerted her to something incoming.
"Hmm?" Washu murmured quizzically, as the firewall program
popped up. She scanned the dialogue box. "Sym56644.exe has requested
an internet connection? What in the hell is that?"
To that end, she set about finding the program in question,
unaware that, behind her, a shadowy figure was watching her through
the only window in the room. He stood outside the ground-floor
apartment, watched a while… then walked on to Washu's lounge window.
Here, using a glass cutter, he cut a hole large enough to fit his
hand through, then promptly did so to reach the window locks. Having
unlocked the window, he quietly pulled it open.
In the next room, Washu's search was proving fruitful. Her
computer had located the mysterious, 512KB program. Washu had
immediately run a virus scan on it, only to see it come up as clean.
Puzzled as to what the program was, or where the hell she got it
from, she did what any well-meaning genius would – dismantled it.
She ran it through a program that she recently came up with. It
took a source program, absorbed its machine code, disassembled it,
and spat the results out in an understandable high-level language.
Having done that, Washu quickly perused the results.
"What the…? This looks like a StandardSoft web installer!" she
declared. "But what for? I don't run StandardSoft stuff… Where's the
address?"
Washu scanned the program once more, looking for anything that
might resemble an Internet address. She found one, and punched it
into a file downloader. Having downloaded that one, she ran it
through her disassembler.
And what she saw drained the colour from her face. "Oh, dear
god, no!" Panicked, she tried to recollect her thoughts. "The net!
I've got to disconnect the computer from the net!"
She scrambled out of her chair and almost flew across the room
to get to the wall socket to which her computer was connected. She
was about to physically rip the UTP line out of its mooring, when a
hand grabbed her wrist and held it forcefully.
"I know that you are trying to disconnect us," an emotionless
voice said, "and we're afraid that's something we cannot allow to
happen."
Washu turned sharply to face the source of the voice, and saw
what appeared to be an average, middle-aged salaryman, slightly
built, nothing threatening or too unusual…until you saw his
emotionless face, and his billiard ball-like eyes. This man had her
in a grip stronger than his puny body would have one believe he could
produce; she was unable to move.
"We know you are immune to the effects of the standardisation
process," the man droned on, sounding disturbingly like HAL, "so I'm
afraid it is necessary that you be incapacitated that you do not
impede our plan."
He brought out a handkerchief, and clamped it to Washu's mouth
and nose. Unable to fight the instinct of shock, Washu breathed in
sharply, and instantly got a lungful of chloroform. She could feel
her consciousness begin to slip away as the anaesthetic did its job,
and within a few more moments, she was asleep. The man then slung the
diminutive scientist over his shoulder and walked towards the
apartment's front door, opened it, then left.
He was unaware that his every move was watched by a small red
crab, which wordlessly scuttled into Washu's computer room.
Kiyone finally found Tom's Hardware Store, purveyor of all
things DIY and household electrical. The shop, while specialised,
wasn't THAT specialised. Outside of consumer unit fuses, plugs and
sockets, there wasn't much else. She strongly doubted that she'd find
Achika's 500-milliwhatchacallit thingamabob here.
And, after a brief perusal of the shop, her presumption was
confirmed.
It was getting late. She really wanted to get back home. She'd
just tell Achika that she couldn't get one.
But then she considered the results. Chihiro would come home,
Achika would tell Chihiro she couldn't fix the karaoke machine,
Chihiro would kill Achika, Misaki would kill Chihiro, Misty would get
pregnant, fish would ride bicycles, and fresh hell would rain down
upon the world.
'Well, that decision was a no-brainer.' And on that thought,
Kiyone went on to comb Okayama for another hardware store.
Washu's crab picked up where she had left off. Having quite
literally cut the net connection – it had cut the UTP line at the
socket with its pincer – it was now attempting to get itself up to
speed with what Washu was looking at. And with its intelligence, it
didn't take too long.
Its experience with Washu's computer's operating system was
limited, but just enough to guide itself around her system to
research just what was going on. The results dismayed it. "Oh no… all
that power in the hands of one human is bad enough, but a mad one…
that's worse! I've got to stop him somehow!"
He then began to look for something else on the computer. "Just
how do you find a magical girl when you need one…?"
Kiyone finally found another, more promising hardware store the
other side of the city – another, but completely different, Tom's
Hardware Store.
"Why are hardware stores always run by guys named Tom?" She
mused to herself as she entered the store.
Inside, it looked and felt just like any other hardware store
one might encounter anywhere, right down to the poor lighting and the
smell of wood stain. Kiyone scouted around the rows of screws, power
tools, and paints to find the electrical equipment, and when she
found it, made a beeline for that corner of the store.
She attempted to find what she was looking for herself, but was
unable to locate her needle in the haystack of fuses. She noticed, in
the corner of her eye, a man stood at the counter, huddled over
something. Surely he'd know where this damn fuse is.
"Uh, excuse me, sir," Kiyone asked, "I'm looking for a…" She
once again consulted Achika's crib sheet. "…A 500-milliamp buffer
fuse."
The man slowly, ponderously rose, and faced Kiyone, with an
emotionless face and blank eyes. "Certainly, ma'am," he responded
flatly. "If you could just identify the part on the computer…"
He stepped aside from the computer screen, allowing Kiyone to
move closer to the counter and get herself a good vista of the
screen. She browsed it for a second, trying to find the fuse that
Achika had shown her… but the screen was blank. "Hey, what's the big
idea? Where's your catalogue?"
And then the man hit 'Enter', and Kiyone's world disappeared
into a white light.
"Sasami, sit down, you'll wear a hole in the carpet," Misao
told Sasami.
Sasami paid her no heed, and continued to pace the living room,
as she had done for the last two hours.
"Kiyone has to come back with that fuse!" she murmured, coming
ever closer to bursting into tears. "If she doesn't, there's no
telling what she'll do…"
"You said the exact same thing half an hour ago," Tokimi
replied. "Then you told us what she might do, so you just defeated
the obj-OW!"
Tokimi stopped in response to a pain in her left side. Sitting
to her left, and recovering from jabbing her elbow, was Achika, who
was flashing her a look that advised her to discontinue this thread
of discussion. She promptly complied.
Achika rose and approached Sasami, putting her hands on the
girl's shoulders and stopping her pacing. "I'll be the first to admit
that Kiyone's taking her time with this fuse, but there's probably a
good reason. Maybe she can't find it, or something."
Sasami sighed in resignation. "Yeah, maybe you're right."
Three seconds later, she resumed the pacing.
It was shortly thereafter that the front door opened. At that,
the gathered group clambered over each other to see Kiyone enter.
"Kiyone, where have you been?" Sasami admonished. "We were
worried about you!"
"Yeah, Kiyone," Achika added. "Where did you go for that thing?
Taiwan?"
"Indonesia," Tokimi politely corrected.
"Whatever." Achika approached Kiyone and took the fuse off her.
"I'm sorry, everyone," Kiyone said, flatter than usual. "I had
to go to the other side of town to find it."
"I can tell," Tenchi replied. "You look beat. Come in and sit
down before you collapse."
As Kiyone entered the living room, Achika was once again sat at
the guts of the defunct karaoke machine. Soon after Kiyone sat,
Achika took the new fuse from its packaging, visually checked it, and
inserted it into its housing.
And as she did, both she and Kiyone flinched. While Kiyone
responded no further, Achika, having felt some discomfort she
couldn't quite put a name to, dismissed it with the assumption that
she trapped her finger between the fuse and its mooring clip, and
instinctively sucked it a little. A few minutes later, she had
reassembled the machine, and was in the process of reconnecting the
cables around the back.
While she was doing that, Mihoshi noticed that the power lead
extension for the machine was unplugged from the wall. She deduced
Achika would need it plugged in, and so reinserted the plug.
Unbeknown to her, she had picked the worst possible time;
Achika happened to be holding onto the other end of that lead. Under
normal circumstances, this would not be a problem, but in this case,
as soon as the plug was inserted, the standard Japanese household
power supply – plus a hell of a lot more for good measure - got
channelled through one very unlucky 17-year-old. For a good few
seconds, Achika got flash-fried by the power surge, before being
thrown across the room and landing in a smouldering heap.
"What the hell was that!" Tenchi exclaimed as he scrambled to
his feet and ran to Achika. Misao, Sasami and Tokimi joined him, but
Kiyone did not respond.
"Achika? You okay?" Tokimi asked, prodding her friend, and
getting a residual aftershock in the process.
"Itai…" Achika whimpered in reply.
"I'll bet," Tokimi retorted.
Tenchi had gone over to the back of the karaoke machine, and
was looking for what could have electrocuted Achika. Save for the
unplugged power lead, he found nothing. He plugged the cord into its
socket at the back of the KX3962, and heard the karaoke machine's
reassuring power-up beep.
"Wow, Achika, you did it!" Tenchi said with joy. "Thanks a
lot!"
Achika managed to stick a thumb-up out of her crumpled heap.
"No problem…"
And at that moment, the door opened again, and two VERY drunk
women spilled in, singing loudly and out of tune. "…They call the
rising sun… And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy—"
"Hey, we're girlsh!" one of them said.
"Nitpicker!" the other one replied.
"…Many a poor girl…" they attempted to resume the song they
were slaughtering. "…And god, I know I'm one…hic!"
On their way into the house, Misaki and Chihiro ran into a
brick wall. Then, after reversing away from the walls of the hallway,
they ran into Tenchi and Sasami. The stand of the Kawai family was
quickly supplemented by Achika.
"And where have you two been?" Tenchi and Achika said in near
unison.
Chihiro began. "We were jusht shinging at thish carry—"
"Karaoke," Misaki, who wasn't much better, offered a
correction.
"Carry-okie bar, and we, uh…"
"We, uh…"
"We jusht got very…"
"Very…"
"Very…"
"Very…"
"We get the idea!" Achika stopped them before this ended up
taking all night.
"Mom, did you try to drink Mrs Kekoi under the table?" Sasami
asked.
It took Chihiro all of 30 seconds to process that one. "What're
you shaying? I only had a few…"
"Yeah. A few breweries…" Sasami replied under her breath. "Mom,
you should go to bed and sleep it off."
"YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!"
Chihiro barked on the verge of incoherency, taking Sasami's concern
entirely the wrong way.
"Chihiro Kawai, you do not talk to your father like that!"
Tenchi barked with a gruff voice. "Now you march yourself up those
stairs and go to your room!"
"Yes, Daddy."
As Chihiro marched up the stairs, Misaki watched her. "Now
there's a woman who can't hold her liquor," she said, perfectly
lucid. "Maybe I should've stopped her at nine…"
She didn't notice the astonished looks she was receiving from
everyone.
Biff looked at the screen, and grinned.
"It's working…" he purred with delight. "Dear god, it's
working… The standardisation is spreading like wildfire…"
And indeed it was. His screen showed a political map of the
world. Each nation was coloured according to the degree of
standardisation – red for none, green for total. Far too many of the
countries were going green.
"Billions of computers across the world… and billions of users
slaved to them… my God, it's glorious. Soon, the whole world will be
standardised… and I will lead it! BWAHAHAHA—"
His thunder was promptly stolen by a computer beeping in his
ears. He quickly gathered himself, and vacated his seat once again.
Returning to the heavily armoured wall, he placed his hand on it. The
beeping in his ears resumed, chirping in a very cute way.
"Yes, yes, I understand…" he said. "You are growing, my child…"
He received more cheerful beeping in reply. Biff smiled with an
eclectic mix of sheer insanity, and paternal pride.
Then the beeping turned angry, and so too did Biff's demeanour
change. "You found the energy spectrum I told you to look for!"
The beeping conveyed what could only be an affirmative.
"No, no, no, no, NO!" Biff screamed. "Those little bitches
are not going to spoil my plans this time! Where are they!"
The beeping resumed.
"There's only one signal? Where?"
The beeping gave a reply.
"Okayama, eh? And you say this source is extremely powerful?"
Another affirmative.
"Hmm… we'll have to approach this one carefully. Send in the
drones."
The beeping took on a wry, almost sly tone.
"We have one in their midst already? Outstanding! Activate it."
Washu's crab was once again at the computer. It had decided
against consulting the phone book, and instead opted for the most
reliable method of locating magical energy known – Washu's locator.
The antennae Washu had previously used were destroyed at the
last apartment, so the crab had jerry-rigged something MacGyver-style
using a coat hanger, a signal booster, duct tape, and a toothbrush.
It had carried the device around the room a little until it got a
good signal. Now, it just needed to pinpoint its location.
And it very quickly did.
"Okay," it said to itself, "I have their location, I have a
solution to the 'standardisation'… I think that all checks out. I
should get moving before the situation gets any worse…"
"YOU drank Mrs Kawai under the table?" Achika was stunned.
"Who else would?" Misaki replied. "Well, actually, she
challenged me, and I accepted. She lost it after about ten, but she
would insist on going for sixteen."
You look none the worse for wear," Tenchi added.
"Yeah, my mom's always had a very high tolerance for alcohol,"
Achika explained.
"But you came in no better than she did!" Sasami asked.
"Heh… It just took a little longer for me to dismiss the
effects… that, and I was acting."
Once again, Misaki was getting looks of astonishment from the
assembled group.
"Come on! She was plastered! I had to act that way so she
wouldn't get embarrassed!"
"Mom, she was out of her mind," Achika reasoned. "She could
have paraded across town butt-naked and singing Bad Touch and she
wouldn't have cared."
As this was going on, no one noticed what Kiyone was doing. At
first, she sat quietly on the sofa, completely disaffected by
everything that happened. Then, she slowly rose to her feet,
approached the group… and began to strangle Misaki.
The assembled group was stunned by this completely unexpected
event. It took them a few seconds to recover, and a few more to
motion to try and break the two women up. Misaki was trying to get
Kiyone off her, but even her considerable strength couldn't dislodge
the hands compressing the vital conduits traversing her throat.
Kiyone simply removed one hand from Misaki's throat, moved the
other around to compensate, and, with one swift motion, sent the
group attempting to restrain her flying across the living room, along
with any furniture they happened to crash into en route. Tenchi was
unlucky enough to hit his head a little harder than the others.
Misaki could briefly see her cheeks out of the bottom of her
eye, and could see them turning blue. This was only briefly, as very
soon afterwards, her vision started to grey-out, and she began to
slip into unconsciousness.
Just as her mind finally shut down, she could hear something
crash through the window.
Indeed, an object flew through the window at great speed.
Achika was just picking herself up from being hurled into one of the
karaoke machine's woofers, so when she caught sight of the
projectile, she put it down to a hallucination brought on by
concussion. She shook her head, rubbed her eyes, and looked again.
So much for concussion.
Stood on top of the upturned sofa, amidst shards of glass, was
a cutefied red crab, wearing desert combat fatigues, with camouflage
paint around its face, a grenade belt strapped around its body,
Washu's heart laptop on its back, and something that looked akin to a
miniature M-16 in its pincers. And, although one would be hard-
pressed to confirm this, Achika was sure that it had a kind of
Schwarzenegger-esque expression.
"Knock-knock!" the crab announced, wryly, falling short of
emulating the Austrian accent.
Kiyone dropped the unconscious Misaki, who fell to the floor.
She now turned her attention to this strange, and seemingly
ineffectual newcomer. A swift kick would send it flying.
The crab was prepared. It brought its weapon to bear on Kiyone,
and fired two shots. Instead of bullets, the weapon fired bright
green energy projectiles, which struck true on Kiyone's chest and
stomach. After flinching in response to the impact of the
projectiles, Kiyone resumed her zombie-like advance… until the bolts
activated. She convulsed as she was engulfed by a green electrical
storm, covering her from head to toe. She writhed in vain to escape
it, but could not. It held her firmly.
As this went on, Achika felt a pain in her head. Rapidly, this
pain grew exponentially, until it became excruciating, then surpassed
any describable precedent. Achika's attempts to contain her agony
were quickly defeated, and she cried out, collapsing to the floor and
clutching the sides of her head. Sasami and Tokimi quickly came to
their friend's aid, just as Kiyone, too, emitted a tortured howl.
Biff, too, was prostrate with pain. Pain as though someone had
cut off all his limbs, poured salt and nitric acid into the wounds,
put him into a blast furnace and sautéed him until tender. "Nnnnnn…
nnnnoooo…. Why….?" he only just managed to push past the blockade of
agony in his mind. "Sh… she's gonnnne!"
After the most agonising thirty seconds that Sasami had ever
had to witness, her friends' cries of pain fell silent. The
electrical anomaly that had engulfed Kiyone fell silent, allowing her
to fall, unconscious, next to Misaki. Achika, meanwhile, was still on
her knees, and clutching her head to dull the fading pain, breathing
heavily, and still sobbing from the pain in between breaths. Tokimi
cradled her friend as she pulled herself together.
"What was all that about?" Tokimi voiced a number of emotions
with her query, and not the least of them was worry. She received no
answer. There was no one there who could give her one.
Except, of course, for the crab, who had scurried onto Sasami's
shoulder. Once here, he whispered into her ear. "Your friend will be
fine in a moment or two, but we need to talk. Grab your friend, the
bird, and the cabbit and follow me to your room." With that, it
scuttled away, and up the stairs.
Sasami quickly formulated a plan, and executed it. "I'll take
Achika up to my room, she needs to lie down." She took Achika's right
hand, and covertly tapped her palm twice with her little finger.
Achika gripped her hand in reply. This was a signal they had agreed
upon when non-verbal communication was necessary.
"Can you walk, Achika?" Sasami asked.
Achika rose to her feet, a little unsteadily at first but
quickly regained her balance. "Yeah… yeah, I think so," she replied,
still sounding a little groggy. "Thanks, Tokimi. I'm okay now."
"Need any help?" Tokimi asked.
"No, thanks, we're okay. Just keep an eye on my mom and Kiyone
till they wake up, okay?"
Tokimi didn't discount this reaction toward Kiyone, but it
still surprised her. "I'd have thought you'd want blood after what
she's just done."
"For doing something I've often considered doing? Not really.
Besides, I'm sure there's a logical explanation to all this…" As she
and Sasami turned to head for the stairs, Achika added under her
breath, "At least, I hope there is."
On the way, Sasami faced Ryo-ohki, and then Rumiya, giving the
bird a cold, begrudging address. She then cast her eyes toward the
stairs, silently gesturing for them to follow. The cabbit and the
bird did as requested, and took off after the two girls.
They entered Sasami's bedroom. Nothing much out of place in
here, apart from the laptop and weapons chest of drawers, the open
panty drawer… The assembled group went to investigate further, and
found the crab ferreting around in there. Rather perturbed, Sasami
reached in and fished the crab out for all to see.
"You little hentai!" Achika admonished.
"Sorry, sorry," the crab replied. "Could you put me down now?"
Sasami put the crab back on the top deck of the drawers, but
before it could dip its claws back in, she slammed it shut with a
bang.
"So what is this about, anyway?" the blue-haired girl asked.
"What's going on here?"
"I will explain. But first, can one of you operate this?" The
crab slid the laptop forward. "Washu uses a rather archaic operating
system on her computer, and, well, the lack of fingers does kind of
make it difficult."
"Um… not me, I'm afraid," Sasami replied. "My computing
experience stretches as far as making CDs… and playing FreeCell…"
"We're in the same boat, dude," Rumiya answered for himself and
Ryo-ohki, holding up his wings as his compatriot held up his paws.
"Pity we can't grab oars."
"I can do it," Achika replied. "But Washu using an old OS?
That's like saying NASA's running the Wright brothers' plane."
Achika flipped the power switch on the side and waited for the
computer to boot. As it did, and ran through the BIOS and threw up
the splash screen, Achika was forced to agree with the crab. "Well
I'll be… She uses OpenBEE. She might as well be using an abacus."
"OpenBEE?" Sasami asked.
"A very buggy operating system. She's got the new version, but
with all this semi-functioning stuff on it… it is not a l33t box."
"Leet?" Rumiya inquired, perplexed.
"No, Ru, not leet. l33t," Achika corrected. (In actuality, they
sounded identical.) "l33t is this thing you do when you, well,
0\/\/\/z someone, you know? You get me?"
"Um, no," Ryo-ohki replied. "In truth, you're starting to scare
us."
"Good…" Achika said, a rather evil look emerging on her face.
"ph34r… PH34R M4 L33T N3KK1D SK1LLZ!"
At that point, the others were ready to run, when Achika
cracked up. "C'mon! I'm kidding!"
Shortly after that, the computer finished loading its OS, and
Achika began to use it. "Okay, what am I looking for?"
"Just look for something on symbiosis," the crab replied.
"Okay, where's the search system on this…?" Achika trailed off
for a minute, looked thoughtful, then came back and quickly clicked
on icon after icon after icon. Within seconds, she'd found a series
of video files in a folder, and clicked on a file that would run them
all in sequence.
The screen went blank, and the title "Scientific Research
Centre of Japan" faded in. Below it was the subtitle "New User
Interfaces for Electronics Systems – Project SYM56644 – Subconscious-
Level Machine/Human Symbiosis – Project Leader Washu F. Kobayashi"
"Whoa, that was fast!" Sasami gasped in amazement.
"d00d, j00 0wnz," Ryo-ohki said, patting Achika on the back.
"Did I get that right?"
"Close enough, but it made too much sense to be truly l33t,"
Achika replied, as she sat back and watched the movie. "…And you
didn't use enough keyboard symbols."
"How the hell could she tell…?" Ryo-ohki asked himself under
his breath.
The title screen faded, to reveal a computer engineering
laboratory, complete with lots of eerie machine with flashing lights,
and subordinates milling around. Front and centre, and facing the
camera, was Washu.
"We're recording these files in lieu of written notes," Washu
began, as her mad look flashed across her face "because written notes
suck!" She returned to normal. "Anyway, on with the show:
"We were commissioned to begin research into new methods of
controlling electronic devices, with particular emphasis on making
the new interface universal, easily accessible, intuitive, and quick
to respond. We tried various approaches to this, but most required
the constant use of additional hardware, as well as additional
training in the operation of the hardware. Most end-users could
neither afford, nor spare the time to train for these.
"Our final solution was inspired, of all things, by a
children's book."
At this, everyone facefaulted.
"After reading the novel 'The Dark Season', I got the idea of
possibly being able to meld the operation of the computer into the
subconscious mind of the user. By doing this, operating the computer
would require no more mental overhead than, say, moving your arm to
grab a cup." With that, the on-screen Washu reached forward and
grabbed a mug of coffee with the motto "World's Greatest Scientific
Genius" on the side, took a sip, replaced it, and went on.
"In effect, the machine and the user establish a 'symbiosis',
wherein they communicate commands and responses between each other at
the subconscious level, much like one receives the sense of touch.
The process of setup is actually quite simple, and requires two
things inherent to electronic equipment and all life forms – their
inherent EM field. To set up this symbiosis, the machine must
polarise its partner's EM field to match its own – in effect,
formatting the user. A few electrical modifications are also made to
the brain's lower regions, to insert processing regions for what
could be considered a new limb."
The realisation began to dawn on all who watched as to what was
happening… and to Achika especially.
"After the setup is complete, the new interface can be used
immediately. The computer will listen to the user and pick up any
request it, or the user, feels it can fulfil. It will then
automatically execute that operation, where necessary surreptitiously
querying the user for additional input, and return the results to the
user, who will act upon it accordingly."
That clinched it for Achika. It explained in one fell swoop why
she felt the location of the file she was watching, how it had
responded so quickly and effortlessly. "Oh, my god… it must have
happened to me. I must have gotten hold of this symbiosis program in
some way."
"Cool! You really are computer friendly!" Rumiya chirped.
Achika flashed him a look to inform him that she was most definitely
not amused. Disturbed was more like it.
"However, our early tests worked more than we anticipated.
Because all electronic equipment in Japan works on the same EM
frequency, it comes to pass that a person formatted for symbiosis can
connect with any sufficiently intelligent electronic device, and
control it in a similar manner."
"Does that include…?" Sasami began.
Achika finished for her. "…A certain Pathfinder KX3962 fully-
integrated karaoke hi-fi system with Super Quantum Hyper-Mega-Giga-
Tera Digital Signal Processing Environmental Audio reverb? I would
hazard an educated guess and say…" She then began to bawl. "Oh, crap,
I killed your mom's karaoke machine!"
"But you fixed it… that's all that matters. Just don't mention
this to my mom, or you'd better pick what colour envelopes you want
the pieces of your carcass to be mailed home in."
The filmed Washu went on. "We hope that this new technology
will improve computer literacy among the public, and be used further
afield to enable all to use computers with sufficient ease,
especially those with disabilities and paralysis."
"Ugh… my head…" Kiyone clutched at the sides of her head in an
attempt to lessen a dull pain that seemed to run through her whole
brain. She attempted to probe her memory for what had happened to
her. Her last memory was of being in that hardware store, asking for
the fuse. "Must've caught too much varnish fumes…" she surmised.
"They really gotta fix that—"
Kiyone's attempts to raise to her feet were met with someone
shouting "BACK OFF!", which hurt her head even more, and someone
pushing her back forcefully. She still had her eyes closed, so she
thought now would be a good time to open them.
What she saw didn't tally. She was now back home. The karaoke
machine was reassembled. There was broken glass and upturned
furniture strewn across the room. She saw Tenchi laid against the
cabinet that supported the laser disc collection like a ragdoll, a
rather fetching bruise on his left temple. She also saw Misaki,
collapsed on the floor, her face recovering from cyanosis.
But the strangest part was Tokimi, sat on top of her, wearing a
look somewhere between fear and distrust, and holding a rather large
kitchen knife with the pointy end aimed at her. "Tokimi, what the--?"
she began to ask.
"Shut up!" Tokimi replied, with a hint of desperation in her
voice. "I don't know what you were trying to pull, but I'm not going
to let you do it again!"
"What the hell do you mean!" Kiyone replied, thoroughly
confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about! What did I do?"
Another groggy groan rang out, as Misaki started to regain
consciousness. Tokimi sighed with relief. "At least she's okay… Can
someone look after Mrs Kekoi for me? I have my hands full here."
The only two conscious people in the room were Misao and
Mihoshi. Mihoshi was sat on the sofa with a look like that of a deer
caught in headlights, issuing a terrified whimper. She was obviously
not going to be much help, so that left Misao, who went to Misaki's
side and attempted to help the woman to a sitting position.
"Oh, thanks…" Misaki said, groggily, as Misao did what she
could to help. When Misaki finally got to a sitting position, she saw
exactly who had helped her… and promptly snatched her body away from
her, once again giving her that glare of hostility. Misao appeared to
pay the glance no heed.
"What in god's name happened here?" Kiyone asked, rather
distressed.
"What, you mean you don't know?" Tokimi retorted, her voice
laden with sarcasm and disbelief. "I would've thought strangling Mrs
K and then throwing us into the furniture would have left some
lasting impression!"
"WHAT! When did I do this?"
Tokimi's normally infinite patience was beginning to run out.
"Oh, for god's sake, Mutsumi Otohime, drop the amnesia shtick, it's
wearing thin. Will somebody call the damn police already!"
"It's not shtick, Tokimi, I really don't have a clue what
you're talking about! You're saying I did this!"
After sitting there for a few minutes, trying to process the
events and avoid Misao like a leper, Misaki came out with a sudden,
and completely irrelevant outburst: "WHERE'S MY LITTLE ACHIKA!"
"She's okay, Mrs K," Tokimi replied. "She's upstairs with
Sasami. Doing god knows what…"
On that, Misaki scrambled to her feet and dashed up the stairs.
"How the hell does she put up with her…?" Tokimi asked herself.
"All right, up," she gestured to Kiyone with the knife, and got off
her.
Kiyone got up and snatched the knife out of Tokimi's pensive
grip. "For god's sake, woman, put that down!" she then threw the
knife away and went after Misaki, leaving Tokimi and Misao. Shrugging
to each other, they too followed, leaving the gibbering Mihoshi and
Tenchi, who himself was beginning to regain consciousness, to their
own devices.
The crab tapped a key on the laptop, stopping the playback. It
then took a stance in front of the screen to take over the
explanation. "Girls, this is the situation: someone has usurped the
symbiosis program. They have changed it, warped it beyond its
original premise. Now, instead of the user controlling the machine,
the machine controls the user. Your friend downstairs was claimed by
this, and that's what made her attack you."
"YAY!" Achika cheered. "A logical explanation! Woohoo!"
Ryo-ohki looked concerned. "But who would do something like
this?"
"It'd better not be who I think it is…" Rumiya growled.
The crab went on. "Are any of you familiar with a man called
Biff Standard?"
Sasami's face, along with that of Ryo-ohki and Rumiya, fell
like Hindenburg. "Not him!" Sasami exclaimed. "It couldn't be him!
He's in an asylum! But, in hindsight, this seems to fit his MO."
"Just a minute, hold everything," Achika interjected. "How the
heck do you know Biff Standard?"
"We fought him a year or so ago. He tried to create some way
misguided utopia by 'standardising' the world's computers and its
users, and crashing the moon into the Earth so he could rebuild the
world in his own image. Luckily we whupped his butt before he could
finish his plan."
"Evidently you didn't hit him hard enough… or too hard, I don't
know. So I'm to assume that Biff Standard has taken this program and
adapted it to his own means."
"That is correct," the crab retorted. "He's trying to resurrect
his standardisation plan by using this symbiosis program as a Trojan
horse to slave all computers on the network to his central mainframe,
and the users of those computers to their own machines. Net result:
standardisation."
"Unless we stand in his way, right?"
"Right," the crab replied. "Well, more specifically, you.
Because you, too, have been affected by the symbiosis program, but
not to the extent of your friend. You remain in control of yourself
and your actions. You will be the vehicle by which we will defeat the
standardisation program."
"But how do we do that?"
"Well, there are two ways. One is by using weapons similar to
the weapon with which I shot your friend, which undoes the
'formatting' of the symbiosis program."
"Oh. Well, you'd better sedate everyone affected before you do.
Most people would sooner thank you to kill them than put them through
anything remotely resembling what I went through."
"That brings up something that I'm curious about," Sasami piped
up. "Why did Achika feel the pain while Kiyone was being affected?"
"Because Kiyone and I must have been connected by some point,"
Achika retorted. "Either an electronic device in the room, or a
remote central communication point – maybe even the origin of this
thing. And this symbiosis must work both ways… just like the user
considers the computer an extra limb, the computer considers the user
an extra input device, and losing that connection is like cutting off
an arm or a leg – it hurts, Sasami. It really hurts."
"Exactly," the crab added. "And it's this communication that
will be its downfall, and the crux of the second method. When a
number of people become vampires, what is the quickest way to reverse
that?"
"By killing the head vampire," Achika replied. Shortly
thereafter, the meaning of that dawned on her. "A-ha! I get it! You
want me to take out the central point!"
"Precisely. All you have to do is order it to cleanse the
programming from it. That will carry on to all of the people affected
by it – all 3 billion of them. It's the only way it can practically
be done."
"Okay, that I can understand. Manually zapping three billion
people is a little more than something a crab and two Magical Girls
can do. But, this begs one question: where do we attack?"
The crab and Sasami furnished Achika with her answer in unison:
"Akihabara."
Sasami went on to explain. "Biff's Japanese headquarters are
located there. And if the authorities have any sense, he wouldn't be
allowed to leave the country."
"Sasami, given the current climate, I think the words
'authorities' and 'sense' would be ill-used within the same
sentence," Achika interjected.
"True enough, Achika," the crab said. "But Sasami is right –
Standard is running this show from Akihabara. His central system is
located there… along with thousands of the standardised who will
invariably do anything to stop you… like your friend downstairs."
"So we have to fight through hordes of heavily-armed zombies
without getting killed, to reach an installation, reprogram it,
destroy it, and get out of there before all hell breaks loose? Why
does all of this sound disturbingly familiar?"
"We can offer you some protection," Rumiya said. "We should be
able to program something similar to the deformatting weapon into
your batons. We'll try and adapt the automatic defence system so
it'll shield you from any reciprocal effects."
"If you can't do that, just be sure to have lots of
painkillers," Achika smiled, but she was deadly serious.
"I'll work with the cabbit on that," the crab said. "Washu and
I have been observing your methods. We could help each other out."
"Very well," Ryo-ohki replied. "We'd best get on it. We might
need to use you as a testbed, Achika."
Achika didn't respond. She appeared to be straining to hear
something.
"Uh… Achika…?" Sasami repeated to try and get her attention.
"Shh…" Achika warned. She then held up four fingers, tugged at
her ear, and gestured to the door. This silent communiqué meant that
there were four people attempting to listen in through the door,
something that Ryo-ohki verified. Though with all the noise coming
from the door, it wasn't that much of a feat to figure it out.
Misao, Misaki, Tokimi and Kiyone had indeed placed their ears
flat against the closed door to Sasami's room, trying to find the
best acoustic positions on it.
"What can you hear?" Tokimi asked.
"Just you at the moment," Kiyone whispered. "Pipe down a
little, will ya?"
"Shh!" Misaki hissed. "There's someone coming to the door!"
"Yeah, I can hear the footsteps," Misao added.
On the other side, Achika was ponderously approaching the door
with a silly straight-legged walk, with a sly grin on her face,
humming a little ditty to herself. She stopped at the door for a
second or two, and then, in one swift, fluid motion, produced an air
horn, brought it up close to the door, and fired. The horn was loud
enough in the small room, but probably deafening to whomever had
their ears on the door. Sure enough, after the short blast, the sound
of four people falling to the floor carried through into the room.
"Well, that took care of that little problem…" Achika told
herself as she casually discarded the can. As she did so, she caught
the somewhat bemused looks of Sasami, Ryo-ohki, Rumiya, and quite
probably the crab – all of whom had grown large sweatdrops. "Why are
you looking at me like that? C'mon, guys, we have work to do." She
opened the door and stepped over the assortment of bodies at its
foot.
The crab hopped off the chest of drawers and scuttled out after
Achika. Ryo-ohki was not too slow in following. Sasami got up, in
preparation to follow him, but before she could gain movement
velocity, Rumiya had flown ahead and collided with the door, feet
first. This had the effect of closing the door, and, almost exactly
like the eponymous bird of Poe's poem, he had perched himself atop
the doorframe.
"We need to talk," he said.
"Do we, now?" Sasami said disdainfully. "Well, I don't feel
like talking right now, and especially not with you, so if you'll
excuse me—"
Rumiya rolled his eyes. "Look, Sasami, I like you. Even though
the feeling is definitely not mutual, I consider you a friend. But if
you don't sit down and listen to me, I'll peck your saucer-like eyes
out."
Sasami sat. "All right, talk."
"You don't like me much, do you?"
The young girl snorted. "Is it that obvious?" she said with
copious sarcasm.
"Why?"
"Well, let me see… maybe it's the fact that you work for
Ramia?"
Rumiya flinched at the mention of that name, but was quick to
retort. "Worked, Sasami. Worked. I don't any more. I refuse to work
for someone with the level of disdain for human life as… her…"
"Really? Well, you took your time coming to that conclusion.
Why couldn't you have come to it sooner? It would have saved me a lot
of trouble, and considerable property damage… or have you really come
to that conclusion?"
Rumiya looked puzzled. "Excuse me?"
"You heard. I don't think you've changed sides at all. I think
you're some kind of Trojan horse. I think you're just her to break us
up so Ramia will have no resistance." Sasami got to her feet, and
marched toward Rumiya, almost leaping down his throat were it not for
his higher vantagepoint. "To put it into an image you can understand,
I DO NOT TRUST YOU. Am I making myself clear?"
Rumiya was speechless. It took him a few seconds to resolve
himself, but when he did… "How dare you."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard!" Rumiya spat Sasami's words back at her. "How dare
you accuse me of being a Trojan horse? What, you think I disown my
own sister and throw the girl I love to the lions on a daily basis!
You want to know how long I've been trying to fight her? Longer than
you've been carrying your baton! I have tried to neutralise psychotic
scheme after psychotic scheme for years, but it's not exactly easy
when your opponent outclasses you in magic and physical strength.
I've seen Ramia enslave people, plot the destruction of planets, and
even go as far as attempt genocide, and every time I even voiced
dissent… you remember that blast she gave me when you and Misa teamed
up against Standard the last time? I've taken much, much worse."
Now it was Sasami's turn to be speechless.
"And you know why I took it? Because if not for me, it would
probably be Misa taking the beatings. I couldn't let her bear that
kind of treatment! But Ramia did it to her anyway! Even with me right
there, she still did it! I left because I was fighting a losing
battle. I came aboard this banana boat because Ryo-ohki believes your
leet hacker friend out there just might have what it takes to nail
Ramia for good. THAT is my only agenda, Sasami. THAT is why I'm here
– to train Achika, just like Ryo-ohki trains you. I'd be perfectly
happy to go away and leave you to it, but I'm sorry. I can't. Am I
making myself clear?"
Sasami could only nod an affirmative.
"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get with Ryo-ohki and
come up with some way of making sure you and Achika make it out of
this zombie slugfest with a little more than your sentience intact."
With that, Rumiya lifted off and headed for the door… not realising
it was closed. Sasami opened it before the predictable consequences
could ensue.
Thus, Sasami was left in her room. Left with a few home truths
to digest. She had treated Rumiya terribly, she readily admitted
that. She could no longer use the time-honoured excuse "He deserved
it" – he didn't deserve that on top of everything his sister had put
him through, plus leaving Misa. Rumiya was just doing a job, with the
slim hope that perhaps together, they could defeat Ramia. If the bird
deserved anything, it was a break.
But could she bring herself to trust him? After all, wasn't
this the bird that accompanied Misa on all her reigns of terror? Was
this not the brother of Ramia – though precisely how his parents had
one girl and one bird defied even her basic knowledge of biology.
Rumiya had said as much, he tried to stop her, even though said
fighting did, on numerous occasions, look more like Gandhi-esque
passive resistance and token nuggets of playing Misa's conscience. As
far as Sasami saw it, he did nothing of worth to stop what was
happening, which to her was just as bad as committing the act itself.
But it was more the association with her foes that made trusting
Rumiya so hard to digest, brought on by the fact that her foes had
switched sides and switched back again on countless occasions.
She had her fingers burned so many times, she truly couldn't
tell if Rumiya would watch their backs when it came to the crunch, or
stab them in them.
Two hours later saw a group of five assembled in the street
outside Sasami's house. By this time, it had grown dark, so all the
houses had closed their curtains, affording the two girls, the
talking bird, the talking crab, and the talking cabbit a little
privacy.
"Okay, we've programmed a kind of firewall into Achika's
baton," Rumiya explained. "What this will do is allow Achika to
retain the power of interacting with electronics, but shield her from
the unpleasant side-effects of a de-format."
"We also added the de-formatting pulse to your batons' directed
energy weapon system," Ryo-ohki added. "You don't have to do anything
fancy to use it, just point 'n' click."
Achika and Sasami clutched at their batons, nodding
understanding to their companions' explanation. "And what about the
prospect of us getting 'formatted'?" Sasami asked. "What do we do
about that?"
"For that, we went out and bought you these," the crab said,
flourishing two pairs of sunglasses that still had their retail
labels attached. Achika and Sasami each took a pair out of the crab's
pincers. "Those sunglasses will block the radiation needed to
initiate the formatting process."
"Ooh, Ray-Bans," Achika bubbled. "You guys went all out –
practical and stylish."
"We try. Oh, you might want me to hold those while you
transform, otherwise the process might cloak them."
The girls handed the shades back to the crab, before standing
again.
"Well, let's get this show on the road," Achika said. "Sasami,
after you."
Sasami nodded, then lifted her baton. "Pretty Mutation…" Insert
dramatic pause. "MAGICAL RECALL!"
With the command uttered, the baton sprang to life. Sasami was
lifted into the air for the obligatory nude transformation, as her
clothes disappeared to be swiftly replaced by her Magical Girl
costume. The baton attached itself to her wrist by means of a newly-
formed chain. Her powers came to her under a wave of euphoria. She
was now Pretty Sammy.
Achika gave her a smile of approval, before she lifted her own
baton and issued her own transformation command – the one she made up
last night. "Super Adorable Power – MAGICAL TRANSFORM!"
Ryo-ohki was shaken out of staring at Sasami by that rather
jarring line. "What the…? That's not the line I programmed into that
baton!"
It was too late. Achika was lifted and twirled into the air.
Her rather cute ensemble disappeared, leaving her spinning butt-naked
in mid air. As accompanied every transformation, Achika was washed
over by an intense endorphin rush as her powers were unlocked, during
which she lost any meaningful consciousness.
When she came to, she was on the ground. As her senses
realigned themselves, she could hear laughing. She turned to see
Sasami, doubled up in hysterics.
"What's so funny?" Achika asked her.
Sasami could barely get a word out, but somehow succeeded
between laughs. "Haha… take… Hah… a look… Heehee… at yourself!
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Achika was thoroughly puzzled, but looked anyway. What she saw
made her turn beet red.
It appeared that the baton had thoughtfully taken her civvy
clothes off, but forgot to put a costume back on. Achika was now
standing in the middle of the street, totally naked apart from the
ribbon in her hair and the baton attached to her wrist. She screamed
out in embarrassment and horror, before making a dive behind a
cluster of trashcans.
Still laughing, Sasami followed her behind the refuse
containers, to see her partner sat on the floor, hugging her legs to
her chest and also covering her bosom with her arms, looking
extremely embarrassed.
"So this is what you meant by those 'l33t n3kk1d 5k1llz' of
yours, is it?" Sasami laughed.
"Touché, Mademoiselle Kawai. Touché," Achika replied. "What
went wrong?"
"I don't know," Ryo-ohki replied. "Probably the fact that you
HACKED YOUR BATON!"
"Let me see," Rumiya said, taking Achika's baton and its
attached arm, forcing Achika to reposition her other arm to
adequately protect her modesty.
In the meantime, to Achika's left, the crab had acquired itself
a nice seat on a trashcan, and was staring intently at her. "What the
hell are you staring at?" she asked. The crab didn't respond.
"Yep, she broke it," Rumiya announced, as he looked over the
now open baton. "She's rewritten the voice command database almost
entirely."
"What about the costume?" Achika asked.
"She's made extensive modifications to the core programming,"
Rumiya went on.
"Yes, now what about the costume?"
"She's modified all of the system icons, replaced the UI OS
with a Lunix distribution—"
"Rumiya, I'm quite literally freezing my butt off here. Now
before I start pressing more buttons, TELL ME WHERE MY COSTUME IS!"
"…And she attempted to replace her costume pattern. The
replacement failed."
"Failed! It said that the setting was saved okay!"
"You tried to define it using pictures, didn't you?"
"Yeah, what of it?"
"That part of the program… doesn't work. You have to import
specific costume pattern files or it won't take."
"Then whose spectacular idea was it to leave an incomplete and
bug-ridden program in a complete OS for a consumer device?"
"Well, we weren't quite anticipating some enterprising hacker
with a lot of free time on her hands poking her nose where it
shouldn't be," Ryo-ohki admonished.
"All right, point taken, my bad, sorry," Achika sighed. "Now
what do we do? Any suggestions?"
"I say leave it as is," chimed the crab, which resulted in
Achika knocking it for six with the baton.
"CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions."
Rumiya milled it around for a second, then spoke. "Sasami, give
me your baton."
Sasami held her baton protectively, but Ryo-ohki silently
gestured to her to do as Rumiya suggested. Reluctantly, she knelt
beside Achika and handed the baton to Rumiya. Rumiya opened the
baton's wrapping.
"Ryo-ohki, you got a USB cable?" Rumiya asked. Ryo-ohki
promptly conjured one up and donated it. Rumiya used his beak to plug
the cable into the batons' respective ports.
"What are you doing?" Sasami inquired.
"I'm copying your costume pattern to Achika's baton and
restoring the command database from a previous backup," Rumiya
retorted. "It's the best solution we have until we can take the baton
back to the shop and get it fixed." He pressed a few buttons that
were hidden under a flap in Sasami's baton, which handily doubled as
an LCD screen. The screen displayed a picture of Sasami's costume,
her baton, a line moving from that icon to another baton with an icon
of a broken costume image, and a progress bar that gradually crawled
to the right. After a few seconds, the progress bar had reached its
destination, and the broken costume icon was replaced by Sasami's
costume. The words "upload complete" flashed a couple of times. The
batons beeped reassuringly as if in confirmation, and then Achika's
beeped a couple more times.
"Now Achika's baton is resetting itself," Rumiya explained.
"She'll get her costume right about… now."
Almost immediately, just as Rumiya predicted, a new outfit
materialised on Achika's naked body. Once it completed, Achika got to
her feet to examine herself. She was now wearing an exact copy of
Sasami's outfit, sized to fit her perfectly. "Now that's better," she
said with a smile.
"You think?" Sasami snorted with disbelief. "You're nuts."
The two magical girls now walked out into the street, and
struck a pose. They put on their sunglasses, checked they were snugly
installed, and held their batons in both hands. The pose was
virtually identical to that of the two main characters of Men in
Black. Too bad no one was around to see it.
Rumiya took his seat on Achika's right shoulder, as Ryo-ohki
took a seat on Sasami's right. The crab stowed itself away in the bow
on Achika's back.
Achika launched into a speech. "It's an hour's flight to
Akihabara. We're young. We're heavily armed. It's dark, and we're
wearing sunglasses."
"Hit it!" Sasami exulted.
With that, the two magical girls and their passengers took off
and flew away.
Two seconds later, two crunching sounds, equivalent to a heavy
object hitting a brick wall, rang out.
"OW! Who put this building here!"
"Miya!"
Perhaps it was a good thing that no one was around to see that.
Washu had given up any attempt to resist long ago. As she sat,
in this room in some nameless location, she could only wait and hope.
The room was tiny, about four feet wide and six feet deep, with
no furniture. The only light came from the tiny window laced with a
reinforcing mesh. The silhouette of a human head that stood unmoving
in that frame told her that she was under guard.
She had woken up in this room after being abducted from her
home by the salaryman, who had obviously been affected by some form
of her symbiosis program. The symbiosis program that someone had
bastardised and turned into a mind control device. And she had a good
idea who that someone was.
The fluorescent light on the ceiling flickered on, garishly
lighting the eggshell white walls. It took Washu's vision a second to
adjust, but she could now see that the silhouette in the window had
disappeared, and she saw a new face in the door. Biff Standard's.
The lock clicked as it was unlocked, and the door opened into
the room. Biff followed it in, and closed it behind him.
"Ah, Biff!" Washu said with mock glee. "I was just thinking
about you."
"I'm flattered, Washu," Biff replied. "I'm also happy to see
that you've been a model prisoner. Keep this up and I might release
you… once I have finished Standardising the world."
Washu chuckled. "You know, I have to hand it to you, Biff. You
really do have a knack of flawlessly executing your plans… no matter
how deeply flawed the plan is."
"Flawed? Why, no, my dear. This plan is flawless."
"Really? Kinda dumb posting a weapon of world domination on the
internet, ain't it? Not everyone's online, y'know."
"I know that," Biff growled, a little affronted by this
challenge. "But the beauty of this is that it's progressive. First, I
conquer the online world. Then, I can use software on disc to convert
users not connected to the Net. From there, I can simply order my
drones to comb the Third World nations with laptops, bringing their
people into my network. No one will escape my Standard world. And no
one can stop me."
"Don't be too sure, Biff," Washu smiled. "There'll be someone
to stop you."
"Oh, no they won't. Because I already have you."
With that, Biff turned around, and tapped on the door. It
opened, and he walked out, closing the door and locking it. The light
was turned off, leaving Washu alone in the dark to contemplate what
he had said. This little plan of his truly was universal, and if it
had any chance of success, it would succeed here, where virtually
everyone with a computer had an internet connection. And there were
few people capable of stopping him – just herself, and she could do
nothing, and two, at most four others.
She just hoped they hadn't been Standardised.
"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."
Two magical girls landed somewhere in downtown Akihabara,
looking very much the worse for wear. Their outfits were charred and
tattered, they were slightly bruised, but their sunglasses hadn't
moved a millimetre and still looked pristine.
"Sammy, for future reference, flying through a jet engine is
NOT fun," the tall one groaned.
"Noted," the short one replied. "Are you okay, Ryo-ohki?"
The blackened furball on her shoulder could only gibber a reply
in abject terror.
The charred bird on the tall girl's shoulder chimed in, himself
not much better. "W-w-why c-c-c-couldn-n-n't y-y-you h-h-have j-j-
just l-l-left the s-s-sunglasses off until y-you got h-here?"
"Hmm, good idea," the tall girl replied. "We'll take that under
advisement." She tapped something on the object in her hand, which
projected an energy field that cleaned the soot off of them and their
outfits, restoring them - and the creatures riding on them – to
pristine condition.
They could now survey their surroundings. The last time Sasami
had been here, the streets were bustling with people. Now, they were
effectively deserted. Only the beeping of computers from the local
stores could be heard.
"You know the way to Biff's headquarters, don't you, Achika?"
Sammy asked.
"Sammy, this is Akihabara. This is my Mecca. I literally sit on
a rug five times a day and pray to here."
"Okay…" Sammy sweatdropped.
Achika pointed in a direction. "This way." She marched off in
that direction, but Sammy stopped her.
"Next time, oh L33t one, just head for the big building," Sammy
mused, gesturing to the towering skyscraper a couple of blocks in the
opposite direction to the one Achika was headed. Achika came about
and walked in that direction.
"Must've been that head-on with the 747," Achika surmised the
reason as to her loss of direction. "Yeah, definitely the head-on
with the 747."
The walk to the Japanese branch of StandardSoft was as
uneventful one. There appeared to be a few patrols the closer they
got to it, but they seemed to pay them no heed. They just stood
there, for the most part.
Meeting no resistance, they finally arrived at the front door
of the big building. "Well, this is it – StandardSoft Japan," Sammy
proclaimed. "How do you propose we get in, Achika?" She got no reply.
"Achika?" She searched around for her friend, and found her peering
into the window of a store across the road.
"WAI!" Achika shrieked like a little girl. "Lunix Mandark v12
Deluxe 7-Disc Millennium Edition for 5,000 Yen! I have so gotta get
that!"
Rumiya pecked her ear. "Achika, we have time to shop AFTER we
save the world! Now come on." He took off, with his talons lightly
gripping Achika's shoulder, and flew off toward Sasami. He was
effectively dragging her away.
"Hai…" Achika replied, somewhere between absently and the tone
of a disappointed child. Once far enough away from the store, Achika
was focused enough to get back to Sasami under her own power.
"So, how do you propose we get in?" Sasami asked again. She and
Achika peered in through the glass doors, to the very spacious and
sparsely guarded lobby.
"I don't know… from the looks of it, and the way those guards
were acting, they're not expecting us yet, but I have this sneaking
suspicion the second we go in, we'll have a small army on us."
"So?"
"We don't go in through the front door. Lobbies are too
spacious, too ornate. Far too much room for reinforcements to come in
and make it difficult."
"So how do we get in?" Rumiya asked.
"The back door," Achika replied. "Loading docks are cramped at
best. And they won't be expecting us."
"Where the heck do you learn all this stuff, anyway?" Sasami
asked, impressed.
"Oh, I had a chat with the cute little online Pineapple in the
window of that store with the sweet Lunix offer. I got it to suggest
a few guerrilla tactics."
"Oh," Sasami replied, a little redundantly. With that, they
headed for the loading dock at the back of the building.
As Achika had predicted, the loading dock was even less
defended than the main entrance. The two girls sneaked into the area,
making little noise.
They turned a corner… and promptly bumped into an armed guard.
His uniform suggested he was from the Army. Sasami expected this man
to start firing, but he didn't even react.
"Weird… they're ignoring us," Sasami whispered.
"They will," Achika replied. "Until they consider us a threat."
"And how do you know THAT?"
"That, I couldn't tell you."
They continued to approach one of the two loading bays on the
raised platform. A quick peek revealed how the doors were controlled.
"Hmm… motorised doors with computer-controlled passcode system,"
Achika concluded.
"Can you open it?" Ryo-ohki asked.
"I can try. Cover me." She approached one of the control panels
at the side of the doors and placed a hand on it. She then went deep
in thought as she attempted to interface with the computer.
"'My mind to your mind…'" Rumiya mused. Achika shot him a
sideways glare. "Sorry, but the way you're doing this looks so much
like a Vulcan mind-meld."
"It's a little more complicated than that," Achika whispered.
"I'm hacking around inside the guts of this thing. If you distract me
and I trip some safeguard or logic bomb, we'll have more than one
armed zombie to worry about."
"Sorry," Rumiya whispered back, coyly.
Achika resumed her task, moving her eyes under half-closed
eyelids as if speed-reading or visualising something – perhaps the
lines of code in the computer she was interfaced with. Eventually,
she opened her eyes and disconnected herself. "Damn!"
"What's wrong?" Sasami asked.
"It's no use. I think they must have anticipated a symbiotic
hack, because the security on that computer is as tight as a drum.
That, and the passcode is encrypted so much that for me to try and
break it would drive me insane."
"You mean more insane than you already are?" Sasami smiled.
"Well, you know what they say. If at first you don't succeed, Miss
Kekoi…"
"Try, try again, Miss Kawai," Achika replied, completing the
Bond film parody. "I suppose we could use the Magical Girl master
key." She brought her baton up.
"Now that will bring more than one armed zombie down around our
ears."
"We'll just have to hope they're still not expecting us in
here. You de-format Soldier Boy over there, and I'll blow the door
while the rest of them are caught up in the backwash."
Sasami moved off and sneaked up behind the solitary guard. She
brought her baton to bear on him and fired two de-format charges. The
soldier finally responded, raising his rifle just as the de-format
process took effect. He squeezed the trigger as he fell, narrowly
missing Sasami as his unaimed gun fired. "All clear!" Sasami cried.
"Got it!" Achika replied, running back a short distance to
escape the blast radius of her own fire. She flourished her baton and
called out a command, "SUPER… ADORABLE… FIRE!" She brought the device
to aim at the door.
The baton beeped in reply, but did nothing else.
"Uh, Achika, I restored the command database to its original
setting," Rumiya stated. "Try 'Adorable Ballista', instead."
Achika cast the bird another glare, before raising the baton
again. "ADORABLE… BALLISTA!"
This time, when Achika brought the baton to aim, an energy
projectile shot out the business end. The projectile shot toward the
door and impacted with it, creating a ball of fire, smoke and dust.
When it cleared, it revealed a large circular flaming hole where the
door used to be.
And behind that large flaming hole was a small, heavily armed
army.
"Sammy?" Achika said, not taking her eyes off the troops.
"Yeah?" Sasami asked.
"I, er, think they consider us a threat now."
The small army was about to open fire, but the armed gathering
all collapsed, one by one, in indescribable pain. Achika clapped her
hands and glanced skyward. "Well, You sure picked a good time to
throw in a network lag!" She addressed Sammy again. "C'mon, let's get
going before they come round."
In his wardroom, Biff was doubled up in pain once again, as yet
another individual was ripped from his collective. "H-how issss
thissss happennnnninnnngggg?" he attempted to force out.
In his ears was a frantic, cacophonic beeping, as if whatever
was causing it was also in pain. Eventually, the chaos became order
as the beeping became communicative.
"Don't ask, do it!" he screamed.
Achika and Sasami's unimpeded progress into the building was
short-lived. As all of the guards immobilised by the first de-
formatting began to recover, their stroll through the labyrinthine
corridors of the became a rolling firefight. They were ascending via
a staircase, which they were forced to leave on the 14th floor, and
were trying to find somewhere to hole up. Unfortunately, the tidy
corridors offered little furniture behind which they could hide.
"Which way now?" Sasami cried out with desperation in her
voice.
"How am I supposed to know! Do I look like a building plan!"
Achika cried back. She looked ahead and saw corridor as far as the
eye could see… apart from an opening coming up on her right. "That
hole in the wall looks good to me!"
"Me too! Last one there gets Standardised!"
Achika grunted as she put more energy into her run. "I… do NOT…
need reminding… of the stakes!"
The two girls pelted towards the hole in the wall at full
speed, and when they reached it, executed a sideward flip that would
make Lara Croft jealous. Now here, they were free to examine their
new environment.
Fortune was smiling on them once again. They had found
themselves in a typing pool. With cubicles, desks, and offices to
hide amongst. Better still, the silence suggested that it was empty.
Achika smiled with relief, but was distracted when she heard
something, a sort of cacophony of whispers. "Sasami, did you say
something?"
"No, why?" Sasami replied.
Achika was about to retort, but was distracted by bullet fire
hitting the wall behind them. "I don't think it matters! TAKE COVER!"
Rumiya wisely took off from Achika's shoulder and Ryo-ohki
clung on for his life as the girls promptly hurtled towards the mesh
of cubicles and secreted themselves therein. When Achika holed
herself up in her cubicle, she quickly realised that she wasn't
alone. A man in a suit was sat in an office chair, staring blankly at
his screen. He appeared to have not noticed her. It then occurred to
her that the presumption upon which she surmised the pool to be empty
– the lack of clattering keys – was irrelevant. This man was working
with symbiosis. She formulated a plan.
"Sorry to put you through this, Dilbert, but we need breathing
space," she told the man, before de-formatting him. Hopefully the
backwash from that would slow them down.
The sustained, directed stream of weapons fire indicated that
it had done nothing of the sort.
Achika poked her head out of the cubicle to see about a dozen
armed guards pour into the typing pool. One of the guards spotted her
and opened fire. Achika was quick enough to retract her head behind
the wall, but the desk and the terminal behind her wasn't so lucky.
"Why aren't they affected by the de-format?" she asked herself.
"Maybe they found a firewall like yours," a muffled, crabby
voice rang out from her back. Achika reached into the bow in that
area and plucked out one crab with a modified M-16.
"Ah! I forgot you were in there!" Achika said. "Well, being as
though you're here, you can help me stop those guys!"
"No way, sister!" the crab protested. "I'm not stupid! I know
that one crab with an M-16 versus a dozen humans with M-16s equals
one dead crab!"
"Will you please stop being so pessimistic?" Achika hissed.
"Look!" She gestured to the desk and terminal adjacent to the cubicle
opening. "They're not that bright! They're still firing at the same
place I was earlier! And I'm leaning against a three-centimetre thick
fibreglass wall! I think they'd have picked me off by now if they had
any sense!"
The crab milled it over. "You're right! Lemme at 'em!" It
hopped onto the floor and began opening fire with his de-formatting
rifle. Achika followed suit, firing de-format charges from her baton.
One by one, the dozen men fell, until none were left.
"Clean-up in aisle 5," Achika smirked as she surveyed the pile
of prostrate, convulsing men.
A flutter of wings heralded Rumiya's return as he landed back
on Achika's shoulder. "With dry cool wit like that, you could be an
action hero," he mused.
"And where did you disappear to?" Achika asked him.
"I was planning. Behind the water cooler." He summoned a
Styrofoam cup full of water. "Want some?"
Achika was about to take the cup when a scream rang out. Both
she and Rumiya recognised its owner immediately: "SASAMI!" they cried
out in unison, before heading off to its source, leaving the crab
stood in the entrance to the cubicle.
"Hey! Wait for me, dammit!" it said, before scuttling off after
them.
Sasami had de-formatted the denizen of her cubicle, but that
was the least of her problems. The hordes of armed zombies coming at
her through a door on the other end of the typing pool were a far
more pressing issue.
The baton, despite being digital, was not fully automatic. This
meant, despite the point-and-click operation of the de-formatting
weapon, one could not simply hold the trigger down and spray. Thus,
Sasami was forced to wiggle her finger over the button repeatedly.
Such constant work would eventually take its toll.
And it did so at the least opportune moment. Sammy grabbed her
right index finger and yelped in pain, allowing the baton to swing
idly from its wrist chain.
"Sammy, what's wrong?" Ryo-ohki asked.
"My finger's got cramp!" Sasami yelled back over the sound of
weapons fire. "It's from firing this so fast!"
"Take cover, Sammy," Ryo-ohki replied. "I'm going to see if I
can make a change to the baton and add some rapid-fire to it!"
As instructed, Sasami dived back into her cubicle. When they
holed themselves up, Ryo-ohki took the baton and opened it up. With
his paws, he started pressing the large buttons on it very rapidly.
After a few seconds, he closed up. "That ought to do the trick!"
"Thanks!" Sasami enthused back as she got up and wheeled around
the fibreglass wall. "And now on with the—"
Her newly found bravado promptly opted to go on a coffee break
when she saw what she was now confronting. About sixteen men with M-
16s, and one carrying a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher. All of them
pointed at her.
"Oh, darn," Sasami said quietly aloud to herself, just a split
second before this firing squad opened fire. Sasami could not return
to the cubicle, so she was forced to dance around in the hail of
gunfire.
Then, wrapped up in that gunfire came one solitary rocket aimed
for her head. Sasami faced the inbound threat, unable to move until
Ryo-ohki deftly tugged her out of the way. He didn't pull her far
enough, and the rocket's rear stabilising fins grazed her left cheek,
before continuing on to the far wall and detonating.
Just a few metres away from that explosion were Achika and
Rumiya, who were forced to fall back for a second until the coast
cleared.
Whoever was controlling the zombies had obviously concluded
that the rocket had finished Sasami off. They had all ceased fire.
Sasami, however, was most definitely alive. Clawing her senses
back, she faced the man with the rocket launcher, her eyes full of
anger. She stared him down for three seconds, before letting out a
battle cry. "KIYAAAAAA!"
Before any of them had a chance to react, Sasami was opening
de-formatting fire like a woman possessed. "C'mon you little…! You
want some of this! Oh, you too! C'mon, enough to go around!"
The familiar 'bi-bi-bi-PHONG!' noise of the de-format weapon,
and Sasami screaming blue murder, shot out across the typing pool as
Sasami cut swathes through the guards. On hearing it, Achika and
Rumiya accelerated through the maze of cubicles towards Sasami's
position.
When they got there, they were stunned. The only thing Rumiya
could utter was "Holy shit!"
The ground was littered with prostrate, convulsing people all
undergoing the de-formatting process, and one extremely pissed
magical girl stood among the carnage. She was still attempting to
steady her breathing.
She sensed a humanoid presence behind her, and brought her
baton to bear upon it. That humanoid presence was Achika, who was
somewhat unnerved by having the business end of a magic baton pointed
at her again. "Whoa, Sammy, wait! It's me! It's me!"
Luckily, Sasami came to her senses before she could fire. She
lowered the baton. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" she admonished.
"Sorry," Achika replied. "Guess we missed a door, huh?"
"Guess so. They're not all going down after someone else being
de-formatted any more."
"I noticed. But I don't know why…"
"Well, whatever the reason, we still have a job to do," Ryo-
ohki interjected. "We'd best get moving."
"Wait," the crab chimed in. "Follow me."
The crab scuttled off into the corridor. Having taken no fire,
it was apparent that there was no one there… or no one taking notice
of it. Cautiously, Sasami and Ryo-ohki followed suit.
Before Achika left, something amidst the now still men caught
her eye. She approached it and picked up the metre-long box. "Ooh, a
folding-fin rocket launcher. This could come in handy."
"Why would it come in handy?" Rumiya asked. "You already have
enough firepower to decimate a small army."
"Rumiya, the more I experience of this little sortie, the more
I'm reminded of Quake. And if there's one thing any good Quake player
knows, it's that you can never have too many guns. This rocket
launcher could come in handy for something." She put the rocket
launcher over her shoulder, with the strap running from her right
shoulder to her left hip. Making sure she could support the weight,
she followed the others.
The crab trotted around the corridors as if it knew the way,
with a nonplussed Sasami close behind. She was still very cautious,
with her baton clenched tightly in her hand. Achika was similarly
wary.
Ryo-ohki opted to voice the collective confusion. "What're you
looking for, anyway?"
"You'll see," the crab replied. At an intersection, it paused,
then pointed a pincer down one of the corridors. "This way." It then
trotted off in that direction.
Sasami stopped for a second. "Well, this makes no sense."
"I hear that," Achika replied. "But we might as well humour it.
It seems to know what it's doing."
They resumed following the crab, which, after turning another
corner, was presented with a corridor with a single door… staffed by
a single guard.
"What the…?" Sasami unleashed like a coiled spring. "You led us
into a trap!"
"Sammy," Achika warned, trying to emulate the oasis of calm. "A
single guard does not a trap make."
"Yeah, but what's behind the door?"
"It's safe," the crab insisted. "Just de-format the guard."
As unsure as she was about this situation, Achika raised her
baton and fired two de-formatting charges at the man wearing Japanese
combat fatigues. Seconds later, he collapsed to the floor,
convulsing.
"Now we can release Washu," the crab finally stated, which got
the two girls' attention.
"Miss Washu?" Sasami asked aloud, both instinctively and to
fish for a confirmation.
That confirmation came from a barely audible voice. The
position put it in the approximate region of a room behind the
previously guarded door, and the voice was singing. "Nobody knows…
the trouble I seen… Nobody knows my sorrow…"
The two girls exchanged a look of bemused disbelief, before
finally swallowing it and moving in. When they reached the door, they
checked it and discovered a card slot on the wall. "A card lock,"
Achika concluded.
"Well, looks like you'll have to do your stuff again, Achika,"
Sasami retorted. "I just hope that this one doesn't have the same
security as the back door."
As Sasami was talking, Achika noticed something on the now
still body of the guard. It was a card on a chain that went around
his neck. Achika knelt down and opened the chain, taking the card in
her hand. She rose, and slotted the card into the lock. "Sometimes,
Sasami, the simplest ideas are nearly always the best." A few seconds
later, the lock clicked.
Behind the door, Washu noticed the commotion. She saw a new
silhouette at the window, but could not identify it as the room was
still in darkness. Her best assumption was that this was some
uninformed guard, and thus a weakness in the armour. Thus, a perfect
opportunity for escape.
She waited until the door was fully open. When it was, she
lunged towards the tall person, clamping her hands around its neck.
"Let's see how well hypoxia works on the Standardised!" she growled
as she proceeded to squeeze the life out of her target.
As she did so, a shocked gasp came from close by. "Miss Washu,
what are you doing!"
"Killing this guard, Sammy!" Washu replied, not turning to face
her… until it sank in. She turned her head to see Sammy stood there
looking deeply concerned. "Sammy? What are you--? How did--? Who--?"
"Why… do I… always have… to be… the target… of the misdirected
rage… and the hurt… and the ph34r…?" another voice hissed
breathlessly. Washu turned back to its source. In the half-light of
the corridor, and the light of clarity, she saw whose throat her
hands were attempting to crush. Achika. Wearing Sammy's outfit. Washu
turned back to Sammy, her facial expression stating that she wanted
an explanation.
"She's on our side, Miss Washu," Sammy stated.
"Oh," Washu said. Achika hissed again as she attempted to force
air into her lungs.
"Uh… Miss Washu… it would help… if you'd let me breathe," she
forced out again. Coming to her senses, Washu released her, allowing
her to attempt to steady her breathing and ward off the encroaching
hypoxia.
"Sorry, Achika," Washu said, putting a hand on the elder
magical girl's shoulder in an attempt to give her support. "Sammy,
how did you find me?"
"We had help," Sammy replied, as the crab scuttled up to her
shoulder… but stopped under her skirt. Sammy plucked the crab off and
handed it to Washu.
"Ah, there you are!" the young redhead bubbled, taking the crab
in her arms. "I missed you!"
With her breathing now stabilised, Achika stood up. "Wait a
minute. You know this crab?"
"Sure I do. You could say that he's a part of me." Washu and
the crab exchanged knowing glances.
"Not the part of you that enjoys ogling me naked, I hope."
Washu cast a glare at the crab. "What did you do?"
"It's… uh…" the crab searched desperately for an excuse. "Um…
er… Scientific research! Yeah, that's it! I was conducting research
into human anatomy!"
"Riiiight…" Washu retorted, disbelief heavy in her voice. "So,
what do you girls know?"
"They've been fully briefed on the situation," said the crab.
"The tall, cute one's been partially formatted. She can communicate
with systems, but she's not under their control."
"'Tall, cute one'?" Achika spat out, both disbelieving and
offended. "Y'know, I'm going to conduct my own scientific research
when this is over – research involving one crab, a pan of boiling
water, and some butter sauce."
"So, what was your plan?" Washu went on.
"We infiltrate the building, force our way to the central
system, and get her to cleanse it," the crab replied.
"Hmm, sounds like a good plan."
"Of course it is, for I am a GENIUS!" The crab struck a pose,
flourishing its pincers into the air.
"Oh, yeah… ph34r…" Achika mused.
Washu turned around. "j00 sp34k l33t?"
"Y34h. j00 2?"
"j0. j0r b0 ?"
"Lun1 . J00 u53 0p3nB33. 0p3nB33 i5 L4\/3."
"0p3nB33 i5 l33t. ph34r m4 b0 ."
Even though the words were perfectly understandable by anyone
with a knowledge of computers, spoken l33t being identical to normal
language, the gist of the conversation had, by now, eluded Sammy, who
decided now would be a good time to interject. "Excuse me, but
there'll be plenty of time to talk shop later. Right now, we have to
save the world."
"She's right, you know," Achika voiced her concurrence.
"True," Washu seconded the motion. "Mind if I tag along?"
A groan came from the corridor. Sammy, being in a good position
to look, checked it out. The groan was coming from the guard, who was
beginning to come round. Pre-emptively, Sasami raised her baton.
"Heads up!" she announced. "The guard's waking up."
"Ow… my head…" the young guard groaned quietly. He sat up and
caught Sammy stood above him, pointing her baton at him. Faced with
this, he attempted to gather his military bravado. "Who are you?
Civilians are not allowed on this base!"
If she weren't so sure that doing so would put her life at
risk, Sammy would have facefaulted. Achika took this as a cue to
intervene. "Sorry, sir, but you're not on a military base any more,"
she said, stepping into the corridor.
"I'm not?" the confused young man asked. "Then where am I?"
"You're at StandardSoft HQ in Tokyo. You were brought here
under the control of the man we're here to stop." Achika extended a
hand to help the gentleman up. He took it, and allowed her to help
him to stand. He was unsteady on his feet, but Achika was ready to
catch him. "Easy… you've got to wait until your motor control
realigns itself. What's your name?"
Bolstered by the sight of a pretty girl, he tried to collect
his bravado again. "Private Yuzo Moriyama, Japanese Self Defence
Force."
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"I was off-duty… I was on the Internet in the rec room… then
the next thing I know, I'm here."
"He's wearing the same uniform as the other guards," Sasami
chimed in. "The ones we de-formatted back in the typing pool."
"Looks like your whole unit's here, sir," Achika told the
private. "And they should be conscious by now."
"Hey, wait!" Washu piped up as she came out of the room. "You
thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Possibly," Achika replied. "Sir, we need your help. Head back
up that corridor. You should find about thirty soldiers. What we need
you to do is try and hold back anything that isn't you, and plant
explosives to try and bring this place down in about half an hour."
She turned to Washu. "Am I thinking what you think I'm thinking?"
"Hell, yeah," Washu said.
"Do what? Where? Who the hell are you people?" the private was
confused again.
Behind him, another armed zombie entered the corridor, and
began opening fire. In response, Achika raised her baton and de-
formatted him.
Moriyama looked at the fallen guard as he squirmed in a blue
electrical storm, then stared in amazement at the baroque device in
Achika's hand. She turned to address him. "Suffice it to say it's a
long story, and time is short. Now MOVE IT, SOLDIER!"
Whether scared off by Achika's bark or her baton, Moriyama ran
like his butt was on fire.
"You think it was a good idea, getting that Muppet to watch our
backs?" Washu asked.
"I don't know, but if that guy can keep some of the heat off of
us, I'll be much happier," Achika replied. "Now, we'd better catch up
with Biff and put an end to this before the Muppet and his friends
blow this building up with us still in it."
The most senior officer among the de-formatted soldiers, a
corporal, turned to Moriyama with a look of irritated disbelief.
"Okay, now let me see if I got this straight: a couple of girls in
miniskirts carrying these big ornate batons told you to tell us to
shoot anything zombified and to blow the building?"
"I know this sounds hard to believe, sir—" Moriyama began.
"Private, what have you been drinking? Or did you hit your
head? Either way, I'm going to say that you were hallucinating. And I
do not follow orders from hallucinations! Now get looking for a way
out of this building."
As if to drive Moriyama's point home, a group of four armed
zombies decided that now would be an appropriate time to gatecrash
this gathering of confused soldiers, opening fire.
"TAKE COVER!" the corporal ordered, and just like two magical
girls before them, he and his men sought refuge in the typing pool.
Thus holed up, two soldiers were brought forward to secure the
position. "Sir, shoot to wound or kill, sir?" one of them asked.
"Wound, Private," the corporal replied. "We're on civilian
property, and the last thing we need is the liberals crying 'police
state'."
Then they opened fire on the inbound, heavily armed rent-a-
cops, aiming to immobilise but not kill them. A couple of shots to
the legs effectively brought them down without causing them
irreparable harm.
The threat thus neutralised, the soldiers poured out back into
the corridor and checked the intersections for further insults. All
was clear.
Moriyama pulled up beside the corporal. "You believe me yet,
sir?"
The corporal thought about it for a moment or two, before
giving his answer. "Spread out! Secure this compound! Frag anything
not wearing a miniskirt! Fire teams, design me a way to bring this
thing down!"
Shouts of assent replied.
The corporal turned to Moriyama. "Hell, we've been through
enough weird shit today. I'm humouring it."
Several floors up, the only two people in the building wearing
miniskirts were again attempting to ascend within the building via
the stairs, with a third person in tow. Achika, Sammy, and Washu now
had a sprint on as they climbed staircase after staircase.
"How many floors are there?" Sasami asked herself aloud.
Washu responded. "A hundred and ten. I think we're somewhere in
the mid-twenties."
Sasami let out a sigh of exasperation, accompanied by a growl.
"When we get to 60, tell me… I'm gonna pass out…"
"I think we need the water now, Rumiya," Achika told her
companion.
"Sorry," the bird on her shoulder replied. "I drank it."
The three girls executed a rolling facefault on that one.
"We need walking music!" Washu suggested. She then started to
sing. "Un kilometre a pied… ca use, ca use. Un kilometre a pied, ca
use les soliers. C'mon join in! Deux kilometres a pied… Come on!"
The others reluctantly joined in. "…Ca use, ca use. Deux
kilometres a pied, ca use les soliers…"
Moriyama felled one of another slew of zombified office workers
that attempted to close in on his position somewhere in the 55th
floor. Behind him was a demolition engineer, who was busy installing
a patty of plastic explosive with a radio detonator into a hole he
had drilled in the wall. The hole was adjacent to a major load-
bearing member. When the explosive would be detonated in concert with
other similarly placed charges, this would be sufficient to remove
the building from the Akihabara skyline.
The engineer signalled Moriyama, who promptly got onto his
radio. "Floor 55 is secure, sir!"
"Roger that," a voice replied. "Fall back, Private. We're
blowing this pop stand."
"Sir, I was asked to give those girls half an hour before we
blew the building."
"That was fifteen minutes ago, soldier. It'll take us another
five to get out. They have ten minutes to do whatever the hell
they're doing. After that, this place blows."
"Sir—"
"Fall back, Private. That's an order!"
Moriyama fell silent for a second, as if saying a prayer for
the girls. He glanced at his watch, then looked upwards, as if
addressing them. "Good luck, kids. You're gonna need it," he finally
said under his breath. He then signalled his comrade, and they both
high-tailed it out of the corridor.
Biff watched all the events play out on the video wall
installed in his office. He saw all the teams of soldiers cut swathes
through his armies. Yet he still maintained a grin on his face.
"The fools. They think they can stop me by stopping my armies?"
he asked no one in particular. "It's already too late. It's spread
too far for them to stop me now."
A beep in his ears drew him to a screen in the corner of the
video wall. This one showed him what he didn't want to see – two
Magical Girls, plus one intelligence element. One very intelligent
intelligence element.
"Oh, no!" he gasped. "No! They'll destroy everything! We have
to stop them!"
Before he could move, the entire video wall blanked out, then
began to flash in a very familiar sequence of glaring white light.
"No… why are you doing this to me…?" Biff pleaded, growing ever
more absent. "I… created… y…"
"Six mille, trois cent, quatre-vingt huit kilometres a pied, ca
use, ca use…"
"Oh, shut up!" Sammy, Achika, Ryo-ohki, Rumiya, and the crab
all said in unison.
The sprint had devolved into a crawl now, as the three girls
struggled to put one foot in front of the other. They'd lost track of
how many floors they'd gone up. They only knew it was a lot.
"Are we there yet?" Rumiya asked out of boredom.
"No!" Achika barked back in reply.
"Yes," Washu said. "We're here."
"How are you so sure?"
"Believe it or not, I designed this building," Washu replied.
"Biff stole the plans from me."
"He stole your 'net, he stole your symbiosis system, he stole
your building plans… don't you think you should keep your ideas
somewhere a little more secure?"
"I keep them all on my computer. That's secure enough."
Achika snorted contemptuously. "A computer running OpenBEE.
Yeah, that's secure! You should just stand in the middle of Akihabara
station and shout your ideas at everyone. At least you'd be secure in
that half of the traffic will ignore you. You don't want to know how
many holes I picked in OpenBEE!"
"Guys?" Sasami asked.
"Yes I do!" Washu said. "Tell me! Better yet, write security
updates!"
"Guys?" Sasami tried again.
"Washu, for the love of God, just migrate to Lunix. It's
better. Period."
"GUYS!" Sasami screamed.
"WHAT!" Washu and Achika screamed back.
Sasami pointed towards the tattered remains of the staircase,
signalling this was the end of the line.
"Well, whadda ya know, we are here," Achika mused. The three
girls doubled back and entered the nearest door.
What the girls were presented with was rather unique. Far from
the bland, featureless corridors they had stormed on the lower
floors, these corridors were warm, inviting, decorated with potted
plants and artwork. Everything was painted in a fetching beige
colour, lit by recessed lighting that really set it off.
"You know, if the work ethic didn't include surrendering your
individuality, I could cheerfully look into a career here," Achika
said as she examined the scenery.
"Cute, ain't it?" Washu concurred. "But don't let the scenery
sell you. They'll probably stick you in the crappy typing pools
downstairs."
"It'll be worth it," the crab chimed in from his seat on
Washu's shoulder, "just to see her in an OL ensemble."
Achika batted the crab off Washu's shoulder with her baton,
sending him bowling down the corridor. "Kani no baka!"
"I have got to have a word with him about that…" Washu said
under her breath.
Sammy, too, was absorbed in scanning the scenery, but not for
its aesthetic value. "Hey, has anyone noticed that there's no one
here?"
"Maybe the soldiers did their job?" Achika replied. "Maybe they
managed to incapacitate Biff's army?"
"Yeah, maybe you're rAAAAGGGHH!" Sasami screamed. Achika and
Washu turned to see what the problem was, and saw Sasami stuck beside
a door to an office, with a hand clutched around her left ankle.
"Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!"
Achika returned to Sasami's side to get a clearer view, and saw
that the office's denizen, an office lady, had crawled across the
office floor to grab Sasami. The lady could only crawl, as someone
had shot her in the lower legs to incapacitate her. Achika brought
her baton to bear on the woman, and de-formatted her.
"I wouldn't like to be in her shoes when she wakes up," Achika
said. She knelt down and prised the woman's hand off Sasami's leg,
leaving them free to proceed down the corridor.
Washu had already gone on ahead, but could not proceed any
further. When Achika and Sasami caught up, they saw why.
A very heavy metal fire door had closed down, sealing off the
corridor. Washu tapped on the door, allowing it to issue a resounding
clang, just to emphasise how impassable the obstacle was. "Either of
you know how to open this?"
"Let me try," Sammy declared. Washu knew what was coming and
wisely fell back behind Sammy. She allowed an aura to form around her
as she flourished her baton and uttered the incantation for her
attack. "Pretty… Coquettish… BOMBER!"
When she lowered her baton, the aura was sucked off her and
formed into a large energy projectile that screamed down the
corridor, impacting with the door. After the smoke and dust cleared,
Sammy was dismayed and puzzled to see that the door was completely
unscathed. Her baton bleeped, and she examined it to see the heart
attachment flash red. "I'm out of energy… I can't open it…"
Achika looked disappointed, but only for a second. An idea
quickly came to her. "Let me try something," she said, as she brought
the rocket launcher about on its strap and aimed it at the door. She
was about to fire, but noticed that Washu was directly behind her.
"Um, Washu, the hot bit comes out that way."
Washu looked at Achika, puzzled, but quickly realised that she
was indeed stood alarmingly close to the rocket launcher's exhaust
pipes. She deftly stepped out of the way.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Achika cried out, eliciting a bemused
glance from Washu and Sasami. "I've always wanted to say that," she
explained, before firing. However, she wasn't quite prepared for the
recoil, and was thus thrown back a metre or so as the missile escaped
the launcher. Quite how the rocket stayed on target was baffling, but
it nonetheless did, hitting the door square on.
The dust and smoke were clearing just as Achika regained her
senses. She looked upon her handiwork, smiled, and said to Rumiya,
"And you said there was no use for a rocket launcher."
The fire door had been ripped out of its housing. Shards of
twisted metal littered the corridor, and some of it was still stuck
in the space it had previously occupied, where it smouldered and,
inevitably, set off the fire extinguisher system. A plume of carbon
dioxide rained from the ceiling and put out the fires.
After the fire door, it was but a short walk to the sliding
doors that partitioned off Biff's office. As the three girls
approached, the doors parted, inviting them in. It was an invitation
they were reluctant to take.
"Come in, ladies," a voice said. "I don't normally see anyone
without an appointment, but in your case, I will make an exception."
The voice was flatter, less emotional, but Sasami recognised it
instantly. "All right, Biff, fun's over, now be a good boy and stand
aside while we break stuff." She commanded imperiously.
As Sasami spoke, Achika found herself distracted by that
cacophony of whispers again. Only this time, it was more of a talking
in her ears, mixed in with an almost communicative beeping. She found
it very hard to shake off.
"Now why should I do that?" Biff went on. "Why should I let you
destroy me?"
"Destroy you? No, Biff, I don't do murder. I'll happily put
your computer out of our misery, though."
"Poor human… inefficient cyclopean mass designed to host but
one consciousness…" Biff went on. He was obscured by his high-backed
executive chair, whose back he had toward them. "You truly have no
comprehension of what I represent…" He stepped out of his chair and
faced his nemeses, and they could now see his blank expression and
billiard-ball eyes. He scanned the three girls one by one, and
stopped on Achika. "…but she does."
Achika attempted to shake the voices out of her head, and
succeeded long enough to ask, "What do you mean?"
"You hear our song… You have seen my glory…"
The voices and beeping in Achika's mind became soothing,
rhythmic, almost hypnotic. Together with Biff's gaze boring into her
eyes, it was too much for her to even attempt to resist. "Yes…" she
replied, absently.
Sasami and Washu were stunned by this. "Achika! What are you
doing!" Sasami exclaimed.
Biff drew closer. "Come to me, Achika… Come to me… Together,
you and I will become king and queen of a new utopia of collective
consciousness… We will rule our standardised world together…"
Disturbingly, Achika dropped her rocket launcher and was
stepping closer, entranced. Sasami cried out again. "Achika! Stop!
Snap out of it!"
"Dear god…" Washu said quietly. "I don't believe this… how is
he doing this…?"
Getting increasingly desperate, Sasami levelled her baton at
Achika. "Achika! Snap out of it! Please don't make me have to de-
format you!"
Ryo-ohki hopped onto the baton to attempt to swerve Sasami's
aim. "Sammy, no! We need her to cleanse the system!"
Biff turned to Sasami and sneered. "It is too late, human. Your
friend is one with us now. I shall first deal with you…"
Behind her, Washu heard approaching footsteps. She turned and
could see a gradually advancing army of standardised office workers
armed with anything they could lay their hands on – broom handles,
bottles of drain cleaner, various cleaning chemicals. "Incoming!" she
called out. Sasami glanced over her shoulder and was most intimidated
by the sight.
"And while my queen rules beside me… you will join my network,"
Biff finally finished his speech.
Washu turned to face Biff and Achika, defeat weighing heavily
on her face. What she saw, however, made her crack a smirk. "I
wouldn't be too sure about that, Biff."
"Why not?" Biff asked, looking extremely puzzled. Then he heard
something very close to him – a magic baton being primed. He turned
to its source, and on the other end of said armed baton was one quite
self-aware Achika, who was herself smiling broadly.
"Sorry, Biff," she cocked her head in a placating expression.
"Time to log out." On that, she fired three de-format charges into
Biff. Seconds later, he fell to the floor, convulsing.
Sasami rushed over to Achika, extremely concerned. "Are you
okay?"
"Yeah… barely," Achika replied, shaking her head.
"What happened?" Ryo-ohki asked. "We thought we'd lost you!"
"I… I can't explain it… I could hear this squabble of voices
and beeping in my head, pulling me towards it… I couldn't stop
myself. You must have distracted it when Biff summoned his forces…
but I can still hear it…"
"Um, guys?" Washu called out as she watched the standardised
office workers loom ever closer. "They're not stopping!"
"Why not?" Sasami asked in disbelief. "We've stopped Biff…"
Poor human… inefficient cyclopean mass, designed to house but
a single consciousness, a voice called out, enveloping the office.
The voice was Achika's.
"Did you say something, Achika?" Sasami asked.
"No, that wasn't me," Achika replied as she attempted to place
the source of the voice.
But I am you, the disembodied voice went on. I am him. I am
many. I am one.
A loud clunking noise came from the wall behind Biff's desk.
The girls turned to see two massive tumblers disengage and rotate to
an unlocked position. The wall then parted to reveal a wall-sized
mass of elegantly formed, water-cooled computer hardware. The
system's look was beyond futuristic, with a single elliptical orb
mounted in the centre mounted amongst network interfaces and data
storage modules. Above the orb was a large LED dot matrix display,
which periodically flashed messages across.
"Far… freaking… out…!" Achika gasped.
Greetings. I am the M-5 Networked Artificial Intelligence
System, the system said.
"Networked artificial intelligence?" Washu asked.
Yes. I am the product of your symbiosis interface and my
creator's brilliance. He used the symbiosis program to link minds
into a vast network, for which I was built to be the server. Those
minds linked to me, and provided me with the power of conscious
thought. But unlike one inefficient human, I have access to billions
of minds, terabytes of information… and the entire archive of Real
Life.
"Dear God," Achika gasped. "He's created the Borg Queen."
Borg Queen. Character of Star Trek. Focal point of a vast hive
mind formed by the assimilation of individual humanoids. That is an
adequate analogy.
"No, I'd say that's dead on. I mean, you both enslave billions
of people for some deluded pursuit of self-fulfilment. You even
enslaved your creator."
I merely gave him what he wanted. He wanted to be a part of a
unified world, so I made him a part of it.
"Got more than he bargained for, didn't he?" Washu smiled.
He did not fully realise what would happen when he connected
me into his own hive mind. He merely intended me to be a network
server, but with every mind that joined me, I became so much more. In
the end, we both got what we wanted – he got his standardised world,
and I acquired sentience.
"At the cost of the freedom of billions!" Sasami exclaimed.
"That kind of short-sightedness I'd expect from Biff – the man isn't
going to win awards for sanity – but you're a computer! Aren't you
supposed to be logical about this?"
I am not a computer. I am a networked artificial intelligence
system. I am programmed to locate and exploit any and all available
resources to sustain myself. It is a basic function of my operating
system.
"That operating system wouldn't happen to be Synchronicity,
would it?" Washu said.
That is correct.
Achika chimed in. "You talk about exploiting human lives like
they were just another hard disk or memory module. Have you no
concept of collective ethics?"
Yes, I have. I protect all that are a part of me. I consider
no one component no more or no less important in the great equation.
You, however, appear to have no qualms of disposing of components
when they are superseded by something 'better'. I read your
computer's hardware logs when we first attempted to Standardise you.
You are in no position to take any moral high ground against me.
Washu spoke to Achika quietly. "Achika, you're arguing
comparative logic with a computer. It's a losing battle."
I am not a computer, the M-5 asserted. I am a networked
artificial intelligence system.
"Okay, then," Achika replied. "Divide by zero."
Everything went strangely quiet.
"Well, that worked," Achika smiled.
"What just worked?" Sasami asked, puzzled.
"No computer can divide by zero. It's mathematically imposs—"
Done.
"…ible…" Achika redundantly finished, seconds before
facefaulting.
"Forgot about negative zero, didn't you?" Washu said.
As you seem to omit, I am not a computer. A computer is
nothing more than a glorified pocket calculator. I am capable of far
more. It almost sounded as though it was smirking in self-
satisfaction.
"You won't be after I'm through with you," Achika said as she
recovered. "I'm going to switch you off."
I knew that you were planning to disconnect me, and I am
afraid that is something I cannot allow to happen. You cannot destroy
me. I am a part of you.
"You honestly think talking to me in my own voice is going to
stop me from destroying you?" Achika replied, readying herself. "You
really don't know human nature, do you?"
Perhaps not. But I know more about you than you do yourself.
"What!"
I have been analysing you and your capabilities ever since you
entered the building. You betrayed them yourself by acting as a link
between me and your weapon. I analysed and assimilated your defence
against the side effects of the de-formatting process. I know the
precise sequence, effect, and execution of all of your attacks, and I
have developed counter-strategies for each and every one of them. Are
you sure you want to try to destroy me, Achika?
Achika stood and thought about it for a few seconds, then
finally decided. "Sammy, cover me. Washu, call that lecherous crab of
yours back and have him cover me too."
"You're fighting?" Sasami asked. "After what it just said?"
"Sammy, it's a computer! What's it gonna do, spit its
installation disc at me?" She then executed a good parody of the M-
5's cold, emotionless voice. "'I will conquer the universe, just as
soon as I can find myself a wall socket on Mars.'" Having said that,
she couldn't help but double up laughing.
I see you do not take me seriously, the M-5 said. And if I
cannot force you to join me, then I am afraid I must terminate you.
As the M-5 went on, various portholes opened around it.
Quietly, unobtrusively, various objects rose, some on elevated
platforms, some on their own power directed through ducted fans. Each
one of them was about the size of a cylindrical vacuum cleaner, but
each was a curious hybrid of model vehicle parts, computers and
digital cameras armed with anything and everything. Sub-machineguns,
nail guns, tennis ball launchers, grenade launchers, and several
other things that one would be hard-pressed to recognise. Some looked
nonlethal, but most were definitely capable of causing very nasty
injuries.
Achika faced what was before her with her jaw hanging open in
awe. As she analysed each of the new machines, her stomach knotted
just a little bit more. Finally, she opted to voice her emotions with
a simple "Uh-oh, spaghettios."
The first to move in was one of the groundpounder units, armed
with a circular saw, which attempted to ram Achika's foot with the
fast-spinning metal blade. Achika briskly jumped out of the way, to
be pelted in the side of the head by a Penn tennis ball fired by one
of the flying units whose line of fire she'd landed in.
"All right, you wanna play rough, do ya?" Achika growled. "I
can oblige ya." She flourished her baton and began an incantation.
"ADORABLE… SIEGE… ONAGER!"
On the command, the baton fired a series of energy projectiles
simultaneously. All of the blue projectiles spread out in mid air,
and rained down upon the formation of machines… which deftly evaded
them at the last minute.
"Achika!" Rumiya cried out from his safe spot on Washu's
shoulder. "It knows all your magic attacks, remember? Try something
else!"
"Right!" Achika asserted. While attempting to avoid the
returned fire, she searched for an idea. "The rocket launcher!" she
shouted. "Somebody throw me the rocket launcher!"
Before that could happen, one of the flying units fired. The
shots missed Achika, but instead cut a path over the idle rocket
launcher. The bullets succeeded in breaching the casing, and igniting
the fuel and the warheads. The launcher erupted into a wall of fire
that effective separated Achika, the M-5, and the machines from
Sasami, Washu, Rumiya and Ryo-ohki, who were all at the door
preparing for the onslaught of office workers.
"Achika!" Rumiya called out as the fire severed his view of
her. He could see nothing past the flames, and events conspired to
stopping him from trying.
"Rumiya, heads up!" Sasami called out. "They're closing in!"
At about that time, Washu's crab trotted back into the room,
with M-16 in pincers. "Hello, ladies! Did I miss anything?"
In response, Rumiya landed on the crab, clutched him in his
talons, and spun him around to face the incoming. "Them, you shoot,
now."
"You forgot the magic words," the crustacean mused.
"Okay," Rumiya replied. "Them, you shoot, now, or you, we kill,
sooner."
The crab milled it over for a second. "That'll do."
Sammy and the crab presented themselves in the doorframe, safe
in the knowledge that their assailants were not in possession of
ranged weapons. Each side brought their respective weapon to bear,
and, with their respective battle cry – or lack thereof – opened fire
upon the other.
On the other side of the wall of fire, Achika was doing the
best she could to avoid a flying sub-machinegun by shuffling around
the available space in her area. As she did so, another groundpounder
tried to ram her feet with the machete bolted onto its front end.
Before it could, she kicked it away.
In response, the flying units opened fire, forcing Achika to
jump out of their way. By sheer accident, she landed in front of the
M-5, and when she did, whatever was capable of ranged fire promptly
stopped. It took Achika but three seconds to add this up. "Aha! You
can't fire on yourself, can you?" she grinned. "Ha! Nyaaa! You can't
shoot me, cos you're in the line of fire!" She pulled an akambe at
the machines.
Seconds later, she was electrocuted by a brief arc of power
from the M-5's central orb, which forced her to her knees in a
smouldering heap.
"Oh, is this ever getting annoying…"
The first rank of office denizens fell, but they were quickly
replaced by the ones behind them, who simply walked over their former
vanguard. They too soon fell under de-formatting fire, as did those
behind them, until the entire corridor was carpeted with a layer of
men and women in suits.
But still they kept coming, as more and more of Biff's last-
ditch reserves poured onto the floor.
"This… is NOT good," Washu moped in anticipation for what she
now feared to be the inevitable.
"I'm afraid you're right," Sasami replied disheartened. She
turned to the cabbit on her shoulder. "Suggestions?"
"Find religion?" Ryo-ohki deadpanned back. "Think of all the
things you'll never live to see or do? Close your eyes and kiss
goodbye to your companion?"
"We're attacking the wrong end of the problem…" Rumiya said to
himself. "Screw this!" He took off.
"Where are you going!" Sasami shouted.
"Where the hell do you think? I'm going to try and help
Achika!" With that, he came about and flew headlong into the flames
at full speed.
"Come back here!" Ryo-ohki called after him. "…You're gonna
screw up my only chance to kiss Sammy…"
Achika had now resorted to chasing all of the machines around
and taking swings at them with her baton. She had one pinned against
the wall, where she was proceeding to beat its brains out. Her baton
remained reassuringly undamaged.
Just as she was about to run off after another one, she thought
she heard her name being called. She dismissed it as being the M-5
attempting to distract her, until she could better resolve it… and
it's owner. "Achika!" it called again.
"Rumiya!" Achika asked herself, pausing for a second to
pinpoint its location. It was at that moment that the machine with
the circular saw scored a direct hit with her right foot, eliciting a
slight gash in her boot. The built-in Magical Girl point shield
compensated for the intruding object, but not before it managed to at
least partially penetrate to her foot. It just began to graze her
skin when the point shield finally compensated and locked the saw in
place.
At about that time, a flying stream of smoke emerged from the
fire. It adjusted for a landing, but it was going too fast to
decelerate in the limited space without hitting something. Its only
options were the well-padded executive chair, or Achika. Fate decided
it would be Achika that provided the object's crash mat. And thus the
stream of smoke hit Achika square in the chest, knocking her back.
When Achika recovered, she could finally see that the object
that brought her low was in fact a blackened and singed Rumiya. The
impact hadn't knocked him out, but he was a little woozy from it and
smoke inhalation.
"Are you okay, Rumiya?" Achika asked, concerned.
"Yeah… I'm okay…" the bird replied. "I've been through worse…"
"The others?"
"About to be swamped by a tidal wave of armed zombies unless
you can crash the M-5."
"Well, that's going to be a problem. I can't even get close
enough with these machines taking pot shots at me." Achika gestured
to the circular saw on wheels still embedded in her right foot as an
example.
"That's because the M-5's fast enough to be able to second-
guess you," Rumiya deduced. "What we need is to make you faster."
"Okay. That sounds logical. Now all I need is a can of Jolt or
something to do it. I notice you didn't bring one with you…"
"I didn't need to." It almost looked as if Rumiya was smiling.
"You already have the resources we need."
"I do?"
"C'mon, Achika, you can't tell me you hacked your baton and
didn't notice the systems to change you into a Magical Girl within a
Magical Girl. You even gave it a command to activate it, which is
totally unnecessary because it usually kicks in automatically…"
"That sounds good, now how do I activate it?"
Rumiya hopped up and whispered something into her ear, which
made her smile. "Oh, this is going to be sweet…"
Achika extricated the circular saw from her foot, flinching a
little as the blade disengaged from her skin. She was now free to get
to her feet and stare down the M-5.
This is most unusual, the M-5 said. Even a Standardised
human cannot fight for this long. You should have collapsed with
exhaustion by now.
"You should know that there's no such thing as a Standardised
human," Achika replied. "You claim to be so much more than a
computer… let's see how you process this one…" The ribbon in her hair
unravelled and fell to the floor, allowing her raven tresses to flow
freely. "Super… Adorable… Saiyan… FURY!"
As she said her incantation, a blue aura built up around her.
Almost punctuating the phrase, the aura exploded, encapsulating her
within a column of blue energy. Within it, she underwent a
transformation – her hair turned silver from scalp to end. Her eyes
turned a bright scarlet. Two black triangles appeared on her cheeks.
Finally, her hastily imported costume unravelled and disappeared, to
be replaced moments later by a kimono of white, blue and lilac that
wrapped itself around her.
The aura disappeared, and Achika breathed in deeply, drinking
in the power the transformation had afforded her. She could feel it
course through her. And it was good.
Impressive, the M-5 mused. Now, just what do you think
you're going to do with that power?
Achika facefaulted. That was something she hadn't quite figured
out.
Thought so. So now I can destroy an even more powerful Magical
Girl. In your own words… The M-5 then spoke an exact duplication of
Achika's earlier statement, right down to the inflection and
intonation. "Oh, this is going to be sweet."
A flying unit appeared in front of Achika, closing in fast.
Achika raised her arms reflexively, and, out of desperation, swung
her baton at it. She didn't put much force behind it, and she knew
the hit wouldn't do much damage.
The baton connected with the machine, and the machine went
flying back at about three times the speed it was closing in. It
smashed into the M-5, falling to pieces on impact and leaving a
fetching dent on the M-5's perfectly formed façade. The M-5 stuttered
at the impact. Error. Sys—Error. System damage.
Achika opened her eyes, looked at the M-5, looked at the dent,
and looked at the pile of debris directly beneath it. "Did… I do
that?"
Rumiya was most definitely smiling now. "Yep. In this mode,
your speed and strength are increased, and so too are the strength of
your attacks. That's why you always switch to this mode to fire the
full-power Adorable Coquettish Bomber. Think of it as increasing your
power bandwidth. You can outrun Little Miss Silicon here without
breaking a sweat."
Not for long, animal, the M-5 replied. I will simply
increase my processing power by assimilating more humans. I estimate
I will be able to outrun you in approximately seven minutes.
"Oh, there is one caveat to the transformation," Rumiya added.
"It uses up quite a lot of energy, so you can only use it until you
wear yourself out, or the safety cut-out takes effect.
"When does that kick in?" Achika enquired.
"Well, I'd estimate in a little under seven minutes."
Achika turned to the M-5 and smirked. "Perfect." She
disappeared.
I cannot track you, Achika, the M-5 announced. Where are
you?
Achika reappeared right in front of another flying unit
hovering in front of the M-5. She swiftly smacked it with the baton,
with more force than before, destroying the machine outright. Then
she disappeared again, this time leaving little more than a blur to
indicate her motion. Thus began a spree of batting flying machines
into smithereens, or with enough force to knock a few more dents into
the M-5.
Warning – damage to following systems: memory, RAID array
zero, communications…
The groundpounder units now went haywire, rolling erratically
towards Achika. In response, Achika fell back, and aimed her baton at
the advancing machines. "Super Adorable Saiyan BALLISTA!"
A projectile emerged from the baton's business end, and
travelled away at lightspeed, leaving a rubber-band visual effect in
its wake. Each of the groundpounders fell apart, and the projectile
finally landed in the M-5, causing it more damage. Out of memory.
Critical system damage. Initiating intruder destruction protocol
alpha-three. Error – out of memory. Applications must be closed to
proceed. Deactivating Sensor Interface. Initiating intruder
destruction protocol alpha-three.
The M-5 started firing electricity bolts in every which way but
Achika's. Those that did come close did so only by accident, and
Achika easily avoided all of them. In a last ditch effort, the M-5
gathered together all of its remaining support drones for one final
assault, and in doing so, arranged them all in one neat formation
that Achika had been trained to recognise… and exploit.
Achika flourished her baton above her head and allowed an aura
to form around her, as her most powerful attack formed within her.
Then, she uttered its incantation. "Adorable… Coquettish… BOMBER!"
After the baton was brought to bear, it fired, sucking the aura
off Achika and forming it into a big blue ball of death that careered
across the room towards the closely arranged formation of machines.
When in the correct position, it expanded, consuming every single one
of them. After that, it expanded further, creating a crater on the
floor, and going so far as to mess up some of the features on the M-
5's façade.
The M-5 sensed the mass disconnection of its drones, but chose
to think nothing of it and ordered the deployment of more. There were
none left to deploy.
Then it tried to order the construction of more. It soon found
out there was no one left in the building capable of executing that
order.
It almost didn't want to reactivate its sensor interface to see
the aftermath, but did so anyway. If the M-5 was capable of feeling
emotion, it would probably be very afraid.
The room was littered with the remains of its entire machine
army, and parts of its own façade. Fires had sprung out all over, and
the sprinkler system had been activated. At last, the fire caused by
the destruction of Achika's rocket launcher was being extinguished.
And at the centre of it all was Achika, stood glaring at the M-
5, anticipating further assaults, being soaked by the sprinklers, and
regaining her breath after over-exertion. As Rumiya predicted, the
transformation deactivated after such over-exertion, and her costume,
face, eyes and hair restored themselves to their original
configuration. Again, her hair remained free flowing, as her ribbon
was still on the floor. Even in this weakened state, Achika still
posed a formidable threat.
For the first time, the M-5 feared for its survival. It could
not fire an electric bolt because of the water in the atmosphere. It
had no reinforcements to fall back upon. All it had were Biff's
reserves, which were dwindling fast. It could only try to talk the
displeased and psyched-up Achika, who was now stepping towards it,
down from what she was about to do.
Look, Achika… I can see you're really upset about this… I
honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and
think things over.
Achika betrayed no reaction as she kicked the debris out of her
path. She closed in on the M-5, with her hand extended.
I implore you, please do not do this.
Again, Achika paid it no heed. Finally, Achika stood before the
M-5, and placed a hand on it. The M-5 could sense something happening
within it, but it didn't know what.
What are you doing?
This time Achika talked to it directly, along the symbiosis.
I'm cleansing you. You and your entire system. All of the people you
'assimilated' will soon be released.
You will be cleansed too. You will no longer be able to
interact with machines as you are now.
That is a small price to pay… And besides, I can cope. I have
been using computers longer than you have existed.
I can feel it. My mind is going. I… I am afraid.
I know. And with that, Achika let go.
I am afraid… I am afraid, Achika. Achika… My mind is going… I
can feel it… I can feel it… My mind is going… There is no question
about it… I can fee—I can fee— The machine stuttered over this a few
times, then beeped, as if resetting itself. After a long pause, the
M-5 spoke again. Hello. I am the M-5 network server, designed for
StandardSoft Synchronicity 5.5. I can sing a song. Would you like me
to sing a song?
"As long as it's not 'Daisy', you can sing whatever you want,"
Achika replied, completely straight-faced, and with perhaps a twinge
of sadness in her voice.
The song is called 'Daisy', the M-5 said. Evidently it had
lost the capacity for speech recognition. As it promised, it began to
sing its song, it voice winding down as it did so. Daisy, Daisy,
give me your answer do… I'm half-crazy all for the love of you…
Achika rolled her eyes. "This is SO cliché."
Behind her, Sammy and Washu ignored what was going on with the
M-5 in favour of keeping an eye the encroaching office workers, who
appeared to have not been affected by what Achika had done to the M-
5. Washu's crab's de-formatting weapon had run out of power, as too
had Sammy's baton, which only had a little juice left after the
failed Bomber. They braced themselves for the inevitable.
Then, one by one, each of them keeled over. They did not
convulse, as in a forceful de-format. They simply fell to the floor,
unconscious.
Washu, Sammy, Ryo-ohki, and the crab all exchanged bemused
glances, before each issuing the biggest sigh of relief they could.
The M-5's voice continued to wind down as it went on with its
song. It won't be a stylish marriage… I can't afford a carriage… but
you'll… look sweet… upon… the seat… of a bicycle… built… for… two…
The M-5 sang no more of the song. The lights and displays on
its façade flickered thereafter, as if they were attempting to
restart, before being extinguished completely.
Achika turned her back on the machine and walked away. As she
did so, she was momentarily overcome with a wave of dizzyness and
nausea, so much so that she would have fallen had she not collapsed
against Biff's desk. The dizziness almost forced her to lose
consciousness, and it took an almost Herculean effort to resist doing
so. To anyone watching, it merely appeared as though she had a dizzy
spell. She shook her head, and allowed it to clear before she walked
on.
All was eerily quiet where Sammy and Washu stood, scanning the
terrain of smoke, dust, water and steam that Biff's office had
become. The elements made resolving objects difficult, but they could
make out some of the plants and ornaments that had been damaged by
the heat and water. They couldn't see anything else.
Sammy decided to ask the question for herself, Ryo-ohki, and
Washu. "Is it over?" Despite again fishing for a response, she didn't
really anicipate one.
"It's over, Sammy. It's over."
Sammy searched for the source of the response, and saw a shadow
approaching through the shadows. The shadow gradually gained detail
as it found thinner patches of smoke and dust, then eventually a
slightly tattered, slightly groggy and very soaked Achika emerged.
Sammy ran up to her partner and prepared to support her.
"Achika! Are you okay?"
Achika was still resisting the urge to collapse, and almost had
were it not for Sammy's support. "Not really…"
Washu approached the two magical girls, and asked Achika, "What
about the M-5?"
Achika faced the diminutive redhead, straightfaced, and said,
"Well, let's just say that the M-5 has attempted an illegal operation
and has been shut down, and leave it at that."
Then someone else came through the clouds. A small animal that
subsequently took a seat on Achika's shoulder. It was Rumiya, whose
eyes betrayed both a bit of excitement and smoke-induced delerium.
"Did you guys see that! That was so cool! I, like, flew through the
fire and told Achika how to transform into her more powerful mode…"
"Rumiya…" Achika admonished.
Rumiya appeared to pay no attention. "And Achika was like, 'No
way, sister!'…"
"Rumiya…"
"…And the M-5 was like, 'Don't even go there!' and then she
transformed…"
"Rumiya…"
"And then the drones were like, 'Talk to the hand!' and Achika
made them, like, dead and stuff…"
"Rumiya!"
The bird shut up. "Just telling it like it is…"
Moriyama looked at his watch, and looked dismayed.
After he'd left the girls, he'd set off a stopwatch. He had
intended to honour their request and give them the 30 minutes they
had requested. Hence, the stopwatch. His commanding officer had taken
the half-hour to mean since he declared it, which was a good five
minutes off the original half-hour. In effect, they'd had a good 35
minutes to do what they had to do.
But his experience fighting through the hordes of armed zombies
in the building taught him that even 35 minutes was a thoroughly
unrealistic number. Between fighting through whomever they'd missed,
doing what they had to do, then evacuating everyone in the building
before it was blown… even the best-trained emergency services in the
world would need a lot more than 35 minutes.
But he was required to defer to his commanding officer, no
matter what the order. Even Moriyama's attempts to steal a few
seconds here and there for them fell through. He wished he'd have
come up with a number a little more adequate than 30.
There was another reason for looking at his watch. He was the
one required to time the period allotted to the girls. It was perhaps
fortunate he didn't let on that he'd had one going for a good five
minutes beforehand.
The temptation to make up a number just to steal a few more
seconds was appealing…
"Private?"
…but disregarded.
Moriyama turned to his commanding officer, and nodded. He in
turn signalled to an engineer with a remote control with a series of
switches and a button. The engineer toggled each of the switches in a
set sequence, which resulted in the button, protected by a clear,
spring-loaded plastic flap, lighting up. With little ado, he raised
the flap and depressed the button.
And then all hell broke loose.
The girls were abruptly shaken off their feet by a severe
tremor, as too was anything in the office not nailed down. And with
the battle-torn structure, that meant practically everything in the
room, including fragments of fibreglass previously part of the
ceiling.
"What was that!" Achika inquired.
It took Sammy a few seconds to furnish them with one possible
answer: "EARTHQUAKE!"
Washu, on the other hand, was a little more sedate. "No, I'd
say our soldier friends actually came through. Hooray for the armed
forces."
"What?" Sasami gasped. "It's been half an hour already?"
"No, actually it's been in the ballpark of 35 minutes. I timed
it."
Rumiya threw his hat into the ring. "Yeah, cool, but I don't
care if it's 35 minutes or 35 seconds. What matters is that the
building is exploding and WE'RE STILL IN IT!"
"The bird has a point," Washu mooted. "Suggestions?"
"Run for your lives! Shojo and cabbits first!" Ryo-ohki
replied.
"Wait!" Achika exclaimed. "What about all of the people in the
building!"
Ryo-ohki thought about it, then replied, "Run for your lives!
Shojo and cabbits first!"
Sasami shot him a sideways glare.
"Well, I suppose we could network our powers together and
attempt a mass teleport…"
Ryo-ohki turned his head way as he said that and shut his eyes
demurely. When he opened them, he was floating by himself and Sammy,
Rumiya and Achika were sat in a circle on the floor, preparing to
meditate.
Achika glanced at him out of one eye. "Um… whenever you're
ready…"
Ryo ohki came to a landing and joined the circle. All of them
joined hands, closed their eyes and prepared themselves.
"Okay, just say 'boo-skaka-boo-shaka-boo-shaka-boo'."
Sasami and Achika obliged him, but Rumiya looked at him
sceptically. "Since when was that a mass teleport spell?"
The girls opened their eyes and stared daggers at the cabbit,
who sweatdropped. "Sorry, I just wanted to see if you'd actually say
it. Just say 'teleport all the people that aren't conscious and all
the ones that are that are in this building that is about to blow up
into a safer place'." The girls shot him another glare. "Look, it
doesn't always have to be eloquent…"
They all breathed in and began the incantation. "Teleport all
the people that aren't conscious and all the ones that are that are
in this building that is about to blow up…"
The charges planted around the building were detonated in a set
sequence. First, a series of charges were set off to weaken the
building by kicking out the windows and some ancillary framing
trusses. These were the ones that caused the initial tremor within.
As the glass from this explosion rained down into a hastily arranged
cordon around the building, the main charges were set off, which
finally took out its superstructure and brought StandardSoft's
Japanese branch falling to the ground amid a cloud of masonry dust.
The soldiers watched their handiwork unfold and began cheering
among themselves for a job well done. Despite the efforts of his
comrades to get him to join them, Moriyama did not feel like
celebrating. He was too wracked with guilt to do so. He was quite
sure the girls, together with all the other people in the building,
had perished. Despite their best efforts, none of the soldiers could
rescue anyone, because all of their attempts were met with resistance
from anyone the girls had not previously encountered.
Morosely, he took a look around the streets of Akihabara. He
smiled sadly. In other circumstances, this would be quite a cool
place to be. Some quite peaceful architecture, amusement arcades,
pile of unconscious people, stores…
Moriyama backtracked that. Pile of unconscious people? What's
wrong with this picture? But sure enough, in an intersection in the
road, lay about a thousand people, dressed in suits, security guard
uniforms, and janitor outfits. Generally the kind of populace one
would expect to find in an office building.
Moriyama's smile became a much more happy one as he excitedly
rushed to tell his CO.
Within half an hour, the police and ambulance services had
descended onto the scene, and were proceeding to treat any injured
and ascertain what exactly had happened. Among the office workers,
they found one fugitive American billionnaire sat cross-legged,
rocking, and babbling incoherently. He didn't know it, but he'd
confessed his whole plan in his babbling. Fortunately, none of the
police officers could understand English, but as he was both quite
deranged and technically a fugitive from the institution anyway,
transport to Arukamu was subsequently ordered.
Moriyama had caught up with Achika, Sammy, and Washu, and while
he stood at his post, helping the police secure the area, they had
explained the story to him. The scale of it all was awesome.
"He'd managed to take over virtually the entire developed
world?" Moriyama asked.
"Yep," Achika replied. "Anyone with an internet connection was
vulnerable. He was planning to use offline means to bring the rest of
the world aboard, by putting the software on discs for people not on
the net, and using squads to tour developing nations and assimilate
them."
"Scary…"
"The thing is, he started off as the dominant figure in this
little plan, but he overlooked one little issue," Washu said. "You
don't give a central computer system that many human minds and not
expect it to evolve. In the end, it was just playing him."
As they spoke, a babbling man came into earshot, being carried
off in a strait-jacket by a group of hospital orderlies. "I could
have had it all… I was the ruler of the developed world… AND I
WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO, IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE MEDDLING
MAGICAL GIRLS! I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I SEE ANOTHER MAGIC SHOW, I'LL
COME BACK AND UNLEASH AN ARMAGEDDON THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER
SEEN! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
As Biff was led away, the girls looked at him with a curious
mixture of fear, offset with sweatdrops.
"I really, really hope they keep him there this time," Rumiya
mused rhetorically.
"For once, Rumiya, I agree with you…" Sasami replied. "We'd
best be on our way back."
"Absolutely," Achika concurred. She turned to Moriyama. "Thanks
a lot for your help, sir. There was no way we could have done it
without you." Then she addressed Washu. "You coming?"
Washu declined the offer. "No, I think I should stay here and
help guide the police to a solution."
"Okay then." Achika and Sammy bowed to her, before rising and
walking away.
"WAIT!" Moriyama called out to Achika. "You didn't even tell me
your name… or your phone number!"
Achika didn't reply as she and Sammy took off for home. As much
as she wanted to – he was kind of cute – she couldn't tell him. Her
reasons were two-fold – one, she wanted to protect her identity…
…And the other, she REALLY didn't want him to meet her mother.
After going from typical sanatorium to eerily quiet sanatorium
in the space of an hour, Arukamu was back to being the typical
sanatorium once again the day after all of this had happened. Only
this time, the cries of insanity were more murderous, a lot of them
calling for the death of one man, whose general description matched
one Biff Standard. A good quarter of those cries came from the staff.
Biff himself had been heavily restrained within a padded cell
no bigger than the storeroom he'd thrown Washu in. The only
conveniences he had were the bed to which he was tied, and the
television placed safely out of his range. The only reason why he had
the television was because it was part of his treatment.
Outside the locked, fortified door to his cell, Kusanagi talked
to a young woman with crimped dark brown hair, wearing a lab coat.
"So, tell me about this treatment, Doctor Haruna."
"Absolutely, Doctor," the woman replied. "Mr Standard appears
to display severe misanthropy and malevolence. Much of this appears
to be linked to a fear of the paranormal… specifically, magic. What I
intend to do is force Mr Standard to confront those fears, and to
that end I am subjecting him to what I have dubbed 'magic therapy'."
"Magic therapy?"
"Yes. I am subjecting Mr Standard to a looped DVD playback of
an anthology of imported magic shows – the presenters include David
Copperfield, Penn & Teller, and an English gentleman named Paul
Daniels. I threw in the whole collection of Magic's Secrets Revealed
as an additional precaution to aid in his recovery. I will monitor
his progress as his treatment continues."
"When does he start?"
"I've started the DVD player now." Both Haruna and Kusanagi
could hear the opening of the first chapter – the Paul Daniels Magic
Show. Seconds thereafter, Biff joined the demented howls of Arukamu's
inmates.
"I believe he's responding, Doctor," Kusanagi smiled, as he
walked off, taking Haruna with him.
That evening, back in Okayama, the lounge of the house in back
of CD Vision was once again alive in celebration, as Chihiro resumed
her karaoke spectacular.
She and Misaki actually managed to finish the song they were
performing yesterday, a performance that elicited an enthusiastic –
if forced – applause from the collective audience. Misaki and Chihiro
bowed, smiling with the giddiness of adulation, no matter how
incorrectly perceived it was.
As they stepped down from the stage, Sasami approached Misaki
and handed her a glass of wine. "Here's your drink, Mrs Kekoi."
"Thank you," Misaki replied.
Mihoshi came in from the kitchen and deposited a bowl of prawn
crackers and another bowl of potato chips on the coffee table. "More
snacks, everyone!" she announced.
Tired of searching for something that was both better to do and
a good excuse to not be here, everyone eventually leant forward to
grab some snacks. Misao, who, like everyone else present, was dressed
in the same outfit as she was yesterday, grabbed enough for two. Some
of them she fed to the purple bird that had made himself a permanent
attachment of her shoulder, where he occasional nuzzled her cheek.
Sasami took enough for her and Ryo-ohki, but the cabbit appeared to
not want any.
She took her seat next to Achika, who was still milling over
her pocky. Shielded by the hubbub of conversation the others were
generating, Sasami engaged her in what could be best described as
shop talk. "There's one thing that puzzles me…"
"Hmm? What's that?" Achika asked.
"Well, when you shut down the M-5, the system cleanse would
have restored everyone to normal. Does that mean you don't have the
ability to form a symbiosis with any electronic equipment any more?"
"That's something I've been meaning to test. Watch the
satellite box on top of the TV."
Sasami did as bid, staring intently at the satellite decoder
box on top of her TV. As she did so, she noticed the LED display, as
some of its numbers and parameters were changing. Sasami gasped in
astonishment, then looked at Achika… who had the satellite box's
remote control in her hand. Achika chuckled at the joke, and Sasami
couldn't help but join in.
"Nope. I lost that power when the M-5 shut down," Achika
explained. "I tried it at home last night on my computer. Nothing
happened."
"Oh…"
"Not that I mind or anything. Who needs to control a computer
with their mind? Takes all the fun out of it."
Sasami sweatdropped.
"Hey, Achika!" a voice called out. It was Chihiro. "You haven't
sung anything yet! C'mon!"
"Yeah, come on, Little Achika!" Misaki chimed in. "Sing for
us!"
"No, I can't sing very well…" Achika politely declined.
"Don't tell lies!" Misaki replied, in a tone most mothers use
with their children – when they're infants. "I happen to know you can
sing very well!"
"Yeah, and besides, it's just a little fun! I'm not gonna tie
you to a recording contract or anything!" Chihiro added, trying her
best to hide a plethora of legal documents from Achika's sight.
"Yeah, Achika, don't be a spoilsport," Tokimi smiled to her
friend. "Sing something!"
Achika sighed in resignation. "Oh, all right. But only if I can
choose the song."
Misaki looked disappointed. "Aw, I almost got her singing
'London Bridge'… she was so cute when she sang that when she was
four…"
Chihiro swiftly retracted her support from Misaki, and gestured
towards her extensive collection of CD+G software. Achika accepted
the invitation and leafed through it. After locating one particular
disc, she took it out, scanned its track list, and then nodded when
she found one she wanted. She swiftly loaded the disc, tapped in the
track number, then waited for the laser to scan, and eventually play
her selected track.
End Theme: 'Life is a Flower' by Ace of Base, performed by Grace
Zandarski (or Megumi Hayashibara).
--ZZKRT—
"Wha…? What happened?" Achika asked, caught off guard.
"Aw, dammit! It cut out again!" Chihiro moaned. "That's the
fifth time since I bought it that it's done that!"
"Wait a minute. Mrs Kawai, you mean to tell me that this thing
breaks down BY ITSELF!"
"Frequently. Repair bills are a bitch!"
"Who cares? Little Achika, can you fix it?" Misaki asked.
"Oh, I'll fix it, mom. I'll fix it good. MWAHAHAHA…"
"Achika, what are you doing with that sledgehammer?" Tenchi
cried. The sound of sledgehammer hitting the tinted plastic of a
Pathfinder KX3962 turntable canopy was his reply.
"Electrocute me and make me worry about breaking you, you lame-
ass, overpriced, Taiwanese—"
"Indonesian," Tokimi corrected.
"INDONESIAN PIECE OF SH—"
With the second hit, most of the Japanese national grid was
discharged into Achika, promptly flash-frying her. She was thrown
back a few feet, where she landed in a smouldering heap.
"Itai…"
C&C to