Normal Again by rwusydney
Rating: PG (maybe even G)
Spoilers/Timeline: Takes place directly after "The Counteragent."
Summary: Sydney's evening with Will and Francie after Vaughn confesses that he's still with Alice.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Alias. This is purely for my own enjoyment.
Ship: Sydney/Vaughn
Author's Note: This is my first Alias fiction ever. I am not usually inspired to write fiction for Alias because I love the writing and the stories in general but when "The Counteragent" ended I found myself needing to know what the heck was going on. So, really this is something I needed to write for myself and I hope you'll enjoy it. Please do let me know what you think of it. All constructive criticism is welcomed.
Special Thanks to Faith for making me think really hard about some things and for fixing my tenses and for just being a really cool person. It has been a pleasure and an honor to know you and to be trusted with your work.
*****
It is difficult for me to walk away but I know I have to. I have made my feelings clear, so has he and there is nothing left to say or do now. I can't blame him for trying to live a normal life. I'd be a hypocrite if I did when I spend more than most of my days wishing for something, for anything normal. Truth be told, it's when I'm around him that I wish it most.
As I walk away, I remember the awful vision of Vaughn's face behind that glass, the "water" slamming him hard against the door. I never thought I'd see him again and I made a silent promise to myself that if he were still alive then I would make sure to let him know one way or another how much he meant to me. Of course when confronted with the real possibility of being able to fulfill that promise, nerves got the best of me. And then the damn "water" came back to haunt me in the form of a deadly virus eating away at Vaughn's cells. When I took his blood sample and set off to recover the antidote, I swore to myself that this time I would tell him.
At least I kept my promise. But Alice, she is just proof that there will always be something keeping us apart.
When I land outside the Operations Center I glance at my watch. 5:30. Thankfully I'm not expected back at Credit Dauphine and the day is over. With relief I head to Francie's restaurant and look forward to spending the rest of the evening posing as a normal person.
Will and Francie are sitting across from each other in a booth towards the back of the restaurant and I notice right away that they're laughing. I smile and remember that Francie's laugh can be so infectious. Thank god for that because there has never been a time when I have needed to laugh more. I plop into the booth beside Will and dump my briefcase under my feet.
"Syd!" they say in unison.
"Hey, what are you two so happy about?"
Francie's smile stretches from ear to ear as she pushes the reservation book across the table to me. "Well, we have a full house tonight. For the first time since opening, I am all booked up!"
Her smile inspires me for a fleeting moment and allows me to consider that my dreams are possible too. There is no one who makes me wish it and hope for it more than Francie does. I reach across the table for her hand. "Congratulations, Sweetie! That is so great! But it doesn't surprise me."
"Yeah, well of course not," Will agrees.
"You're staying for dinner, right?" she says bouncing slightly in the booth. "We have to celebrate."
I can't help but laugh. It's been a long time since I've seen Francie this excited. "Yeah, yeah, there's nowhere I'd rather be," I tell her with a smile.
"You look like you had a rough day," Francie says and I am sad to see her smile disappear. She pops up from her seat, "I'll go get you some coffee and then you'll tell me about it."
I watch her head for the kitchen and I feel her take all the positive energy with her. I sigh when I feel Will's hand on my shoulder. "Everything okay?" he asks in a hushed tone.
I turn and face him. Not for the first time, I am grateful for the honesty between me and Will. "Not really but I'll survive."
"Anything I can do?"
"I just want to be normal for a few hours. I'd like to sit here and have dinner with my friends and forget about everything else."
"I think we can make that happen," he says with a smile.
I sigh, relieved, and shake my head slightly as if to free all the Vaughn/Alice related thoughts from my head. "So, how was your day?"
He hesitates and smiles and I realize he must have spent his day working on his Project Christmas research. We exchange knowing looks for a moment before I begin laughing.
"It's funny," I say softly. "I spent all this time wishing desperately to be honest with you and now that it's possible…"
"My day was really pretty uneventful," Will says suddenly. "It only really started when I got here."
I smile and give Will a hug. "I don't know what I'd do without you," I tell him.
"Something tells me you'd be fine."
As soon as he sees me open my mouth to argue, to try and convince him that he means the world to me, he shakes his head and begins speaking again.
"I didn't mean that. I just mean, that…" he scans the room to make sure no one is listening, "in the last few months I've learned a lot about you but the thing that sticks out the most is how strong you are. How much you can handle. So, whatever's bugging you today, you'll get through that too."
Will is right. I can get through most anything. My life and the work I do on a daily basis is a testament to that. When I think about it this way, it seems pretty ridiculous to be upset over the fact that Vaughn has a girlfriend.
Francie puts a cup of coffee on the table in front of me and resumes her seat across from me and Will. "I had to make a fresh pot."
"Mmmm," I murmur pulling the mug to my mouth and inhaling the strong scent. "You make the best coffee," I say taking a small sip.
"So, tell me about your day. Was it bad?"
I think for a moment, as I always do when speaking to Francie. "It was disappointing," I say truthfully. "But, if it's okay with you, I'd rather not talk about it."
She tilts her head and eyes me closely for a moment. "Yeah, sure, I understand."
As much as I don't want to discuss the fact that I've been rejected by someone I could quite possibly be in love with, I yearn to share my heartache with Francie. Had it not been Vaughn, had I not been a spy and a double agent, I would've been crying on Francie's shoulder without giving it a second thought. It is, perhaps, one of the things I hate most about this life I lead. In the end, I am always alone.
"So, when are we going to eat?" Will says suddenly and Francie and I laugh out loud. "What?" he says defensively. "I'm hungry."
The three of us study menus for what seems like a half hour. Since Will and I have both eaten at the restaurant before, we are determined to try something we haven't had before.
"So, how hot are the hot wings?" Will asks without looking up from the menu.
Francie flashes me a knowing smile. "We can do them mild, hot or very hot," she tells him.
"And what's the deal with this Wasabi Tuna?" he asks.
Francie and I make eye contact again and try unsuccessfully to suppress a fit of giggles. "You've never had Wasabi?" I ask him.
"No, why? Should I have?" he asks seriously. He finally looks up from the menu and sees that we're laughing and rolls his eyes. "Leave me alone."
"You know what you should do, Will?" Francie says with a facetious smile. "You should write a book, like a dining companion, that answers all the burgeoning questions diners in L.A. might have. You could start here and make your way through all the restaurants in L.A. annoying each and every owner with countless little Will-quizzes."
"You know," Will says as he chucks his cloth napkin across the table at Francie's head. "That's not a bad idea!"
The three of us are laughing so hard at this point that nearby customers are starting to give us the hairy eyeball for disturbing their peaceful dinners. It's only when Francie starts to shush us that we calm down. When everyone has gone back to their own conversations, the three of us pick random spots on the table to stare at knowing full well that if we make eye contact at all, we'll be off and running with the laughter again.
That's when I remember that on the first day of study week during our Freshman year in college, the three of us got kicked out of the library for laughing. We'd been sitting at a big round table on the third floor of the library studying for our American History final. We'd been at it for six hours when Will's stomach made this humongous loud growling noise. I remember looking up from my notebook and catching Francie's eye. When we looked at Will he was already shaking with laughter.
After we ignored a series of shhhhhhhs from the students studying around us, the head librarian, a tall man with a large nose, a tweed jacket and striped tie came and asked us to leave. Needless to say we laughed our way out of the building and across the road to the cafeteria where Will was able to quiet his stomach. We spent the rest of the week studying in heavily populated and loud areas.
Francie finally looks up from her random spot on the table. "So, what are we eating?" she says, a hint of a smile still lingering on her lips.
We manage to give her our orders and as she takes off to place it with the chef I try to remember the last time I had reason to laugh and I scold myself for not remembering how often laughter comes in the presence of Will and Francie.
As Will eats his very hot wings and Wasabi Tuna, the restaurant fills up with people. The waiters and waitresses are working the place hard and business is booming.
"Everything is so delicious," I tell Francie as I take a huge bite of chocolate peanut butter cheesecake. "And this place looks really wonderful. I am so happy for you, Fran. You should be so proud."
She looks up at me and I can tell I have surprised her. "Thanks," she says.
"You're welcome!"
After closing, I gladly stick around to help Will and Francie clean and close the restaurant up for the night. I've had such an amazing and fun evening and I am not anxious for it to end. Honestly it's hard to ever look forward to next day when you do the kind of work that I do. But Vaughn has always been the shining light at the end of the abysmal tunnel. After today, though, I'm not sure my stomach will be doing the nice kind of flip flops when next I see him.
Francie hands me the broom. "Get inside all the corners," she instructs. I stare at her for a moment before laughing. Eventually she does the same. "I'm so glad you came tonight," she tells me when we've stopped laughing. "I can't remember the last time the three of us had time to just be together and laugh about nothing."
I smile. "I know. I wish we could do this everyday."
"We could. You know," Will says as he appears in the kitchen doorway wearing yellow rubber gloves covered in soap suds. I realize instantly that Will's words are meant for me and I smile sadly wishing he were right, that being normal was a daily possibility for me.
"Will! Please tell me you are not dripping soap and water on my hard wood floors," Francie says advancing towards him. Will makes this hysterical face of fear and crashes through the door and back into the kitchen, Francie following closely on his heels.
When they're gone the place is too quiet and I am scared of where my mind will go in the quiet. There are so many possibilities, none of which I want to entertain so I flick the radio on and begin sweeping. "Celebration" soars out of the speakers and brings an immediate smile to my face. It reminds me of my high school prom and various other school dances, weddings and parties I have been to and I can't help but dance my way around the restaurant halfheartedly sweeping the floor with the broom. Every once in awhile, I stop to use the handle as my microphone.
Francie and Will come back into the room just as I'm getting to Everyone around the world, c'mon and I grab their hands and try to get them to join me. I have never felt better, or more normal in my life. They're laughing at me and can't quite believe their eyes and that just makes me feel even better. For this one moment, the Sydney Bristow of late is taking a break. The song ends and I hit the power button. I'm out of breath and smiling big.
"Oh, Syd," Francie laughs and holds her side to kill the stitch she has from laughing so much. "You just reminded me of that time Sophomore year when the three of us got drunk…" she stops and glances at Will apologetically. In a moment, my fun is over and I am remembering all about SD-6 and the way Will's life is forever ruined because of me.
"You're going to bring up the karaoke story again?!?!" Will says with an incredulous laugh. "You'll never stop using that one to humiliate me, will you, Fran?" He has a smile on his face and he squeezes her shoulder. Francie and I have known him long enough to understand that's Will's way of saying, it's okay.
The three of us are quiet and everything feels awkward for a while after that. I think back to that night when we got drunk and, on Francie's suggestion, went to a karaoke bar. I was twenty years old and just a girl trying to get through college. Life was simple then and my biggest worry was the next test and whether or not I'd pass it. I had no knowledge of Irina Derevko, SD-6 or Agent Michael Vaughn. What I wouldn't give to be that girl again.
Needing my moment of normalcy back, I snort laughter and point at Will. "You sang 'I'm Too Sexy'."
"You two made me do it," he says in his defense but we can barely hear him over our laughter.
We spend another hour or so reminiscing about our college days and laughing so much that by the time we leave around midnight, my face is sore and I have a serious case of the giggles.
"You guys are the greatest," I tell them as we walk to our cars. "I don't know how it's possible but I'd forgotten about all the fun we used to have, how much we used to laugh. You've managed to turn this totally crappy day into a memorable day. It's going to be right up there with the karaoke bar memory."
"Aw, and I didn't even have to sing this time," Will jokes.
"Thank God for us all," Francie laughs and elbows Will playfully in the side.
"Seriously, though, tomorrow when I have to go into the damn bank and sit behind that desk and pretend to love what I am doing, I'll think of this night and I'll be able to smile. It gives me hope that someday things can be normal like this again, you know."
Will flashes me a nervous look as though to imply that I am saying too much in Francie's presence. For a moment, I worry the same.
Then Francie laughs, "Or you could always just quit the bank!"
It's what she always says and, as always, I end up wishing that were some kind of possibility. Life would be so much easier that way. It'd afford me the opportunity to worry about small things again, like the fact that Vaughn has a girlfriend and I want nothing more than for him to not have a girlfriend that isn't me. To get to that point again, though, is unfortunately all kinds of complicated. I have work to do first; lives to save, evil forces to stop, mysteries to solve.
My cell phone rings at eight AM. I check the caller ID and it's Vaughn. My stomach does a nervous little flip flop and I clear my throat before answering.
"Hey," I try to say it nonchalantly so that he doesn't think I've spent the entire night obsessing over him and our previous conversation.
"Hey," his voice is sleepy and I wonder if he's calling me from bed. I'm horrified as I wonder whether Alice is beside him.
I squeeze my eyes shut and manage to ask, "What's up?"
He's quiet for a moment before saying, "Well, actually I'm just calling to make sure that you're okay." He says this in a meaningful tone and I understand that he's referring to the way we left things yesterday.
I sit up and press the phone hard against my ear. "I'm okay," I tell him. For now.
He sighs with relief. "Good because I was worried…"
"Please. Vaughn. Don't worry." Don't ever worry about my feelings for you.
He lets out a soft breathy laugh and I tighten my grip on the phone. "Yesterday," he says and the word hangs in the air for a few seconds, "when you wouldn't let me finish…I wanted to tell you…things won't always be like this for us."
I smile. That's what I'm counting on. Alice is just his way of killing the time until things get normal again.