Just You Wait.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the GI Joe characters in this fanfic. This is my last humor fic for 2002.
~ ~ ~ ~
"SHIPWRECK!!!!" Beach Head shouted as he opened the door to his office finding toilet paper hanging from the ceiling, and a very large, nasty tarantula crawling across the floor.
"What did I do?" Shipwreck said, "I'm as innocent as a newborn baby."
"Awk. You must've been one evil child, swabbie. Awk." Polly sounded.
"For once I agree with that insane squawk box of yours." Beach Head replied, "You're gonna be peeling potatoes until they're coming out of your ears."
"Thanks a lot tattle tale." Shipwreck grumbled, "I'll get you for this Beach Head.Just you wait."
The next morning, Beach Head woke up, put on his uniform and walked out of his room, only to be clobbered in the face by a spring loaded giant tiger plush toy that was stuffed full of lead weights instead of cotton.
"Medic." Beach Head groaned as he fell to the deck.
A few moments later he awoke in the infirmary. "Lifeline, what happened to me?" Beach Head asked.
"Really Beach Head, you ought to go see Psyche Out about this unhealthy fascination with stuffed animals. But here's one thing I'd like to know, since when do they stuff them full of lead weights?" Lifeline asked.
"I think I know why." Beach Head grumbled as he stomped towards the kitchen and opened the door, "SHIPWRECK!!!!"
"What did I do? I've been in here the entire time." Shipwreck complained, "Oh, what's with the bandages?"
"Cut the crap Shipwreck, I ought to send you to the brig!" Beach Head shouted.
"Awk He's been in here the entire time. Awk." Polly said.
"Shipwreck, get that living feather duster out of here before I put more feathers in your cap." Beach Head replied.
"So long sucker. Awk." Polly said, pecking Shipwreck in the head, "I'm free! I'm free as a bird!!!!"
"You are a bird, feather head!" Shipwreck shouted, throwing a potato at Polly.
"Whatever, keep peeling." Beach Head replied as he walked out of the room only to be chased by a giant ball of limburger cheese.
Beach Head ran as fast as he could but the giant stinky cheeseball was still gaining on him like a bad dream.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head shouted as the cheeseball ran him down and rolled smack into a wall where it finally stopped.
Beach Head's face poked out of the cheeseball, the rest of his body was stuck fast.
"Yuck." He groaned.
"Ah, Beach Head, I see you've found my latest recipe, Limburger Cheese Surprise." BA said.
"What's the surprise, rancid meat?" Low Light quipped as he walked out of the cafeteria with a huge cup of coffee.
"Beach Head likes it." BA said.
"You know what they say, birds of the same feather stink together." Low Light replied.
Quite some time later, Beach Head stomped back to the barracks to change into a clean uniform only to find all of his clothing was missing save for a large baboon costume.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head shouted, his voice could be heard clear across the Pit. That's when an audio recording playing hypnotically soothing music began to play. Despite himself Beach Head went into a catatonic state where he was extremely susceptible to suggestion.
At lunch time Cover Girl asked Shipwreck, "How many more potatoes to go?"
"I don't want to know, all I know is if I see another potato as long as I live I'm gonna go crazy." Shipwreck replied.
Beside them Leatherneck and Wetsuit were enjoying their favorite past time, arguing.
"Limo is a word Wetsuit, I don't wanna hear about it." Leatherneck growled.
"Limo is not a word, it's an abbreviation of a word you big dumb Marine." Wetsuit replied.
"It is a word in common usage, you mentally handicapped SEAL, that is the key phrase in Scrabble." Leatherneck shot back.
"If it's not in the dictionary it doesn't count." Wetsuit replied.
"It doesn't have to be in the dictionary!" Leatherneck shouted back.
"I'm taking it off the board right now." Wetsuit replied.
"Oh no you don't you big cheat!" Leatherneck replied.
"Listen muffin head, who are you calling a cheater?" Wetsuit replied.
"Who's a muffin head?" Leatherneck replied, "You're asking for a toothless mouth buster."
"You and what army, you couldn't knock the teeth out of a mosquito!" Wetsuit replied.
"Hah! That shows how dumb you are, mosquitoes don't even HAVE teeth!" Leatherneck replied as he and Wetsuit tore into each other.
"Compared to you, I'm Einstein! Let go!!!" Wetsuit shot back.
Just then the cafeteria door burst open and a baboon costume clad Beach Head came running on his knuckles through the cafeteria, "Look at me everybody," Beach Head clamored in a gleeful voice, "I'm Beach Head the Blissful Baboon."
"Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Happy Happy! Joy Joy!" Beach Head said, dancing on the tables.
"Shipwreck, why do I get the feeling you're behind this?" Cover Girl asked.
"Moi. I'm innocent." Shipwreck replied.
Meanwhile, Leatherneck and Wetsuit continued tearing each other apart, "Okay Mush Brain!" Leatherneck said, "Bring it on."
Wetsuit was advancing with a large loaf of French bread, using it as a sword, "Touché, you gyrene Potato Head."
At the sound of the word potato Beach Head snapped out of his trance. Realizing where he was and what he was wearing, he turned crimson and shouted, "SHIPWRECK!!!!!!!!"
"I hate to say this, Beach Head, but Shipwreck's been in here this entire morning." BA replied, "He couldn't have pulled this off."
"Whatever, I'm gonna go lie down and take a few dozen Asprins." Beach Head replied.
Beach Head lay in his bed and napped for only a short while before he felt the presence of several crawling creatures. He woke up and saw his bed was covered with centipedes.
"AAUGGGHHH!" Beach Head shouted and jumped out the nearest window and landed squarely in a compost heap.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head roared.
Suddenly Airtight's latest invention, the Cleanatron 2002, a robot janitor invented so that the Joes would never have to do KP again came running out of the barracks. It sensed Beach Head in the manure pile. "Dirty Joe! Dirty Joe! Must bathe dirty Joe." It sounded in it's mechanical tone.
Running away from the water spraying, soap squirting Cleanatron 2002 Beach Head shouted, "SHIPWRECK!!!!!!!!"
Quite some time later, Big Lob, Tunnel Rat, Airtight, Psyche Out, BA, and Lifeline were in Shipwreck's room. "Okay Shipwreck, pay up."
"Here's a bottle of Bacardi from Hawk's personal stash for you Big Lob and Tunnel Rat." Shipwreck replied, "Airtight, here's Mama Delgato's recipe for good punch. Psyche Out, here's that relaxation/hypnosis tape I swiped. BA, you've got me as your official taste tester for a week. Lifeline here's some grease for the wheel chair bowling competition next week."
As they all filed out of his room, Shipwreck watched the Cleanatron bathing Beach Head in a large tub of water. "Heh heh heh heh. That's for the talent show and the potatoes.."
"Oh Shipwreck." Cover Girl said, sweetly, as she knocked on his door.
"Yes." Shipwreck replied, opening it. And the next thing he knew he was covered by an avalanche of potatoes.
"What was that for?" Shipwreck groaned.
"For not letting me in on this prank you were playing on Beach Head." Cover Girl explained.
"EEEEYYYYYIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Shipwreck shouted as he jumped out the nearest window, landing on top of Flint in the process.
"Just you wait, mister, you're gonna be peeling potatoes until you're up to your eyeballs in them." Flint grinned evilly.
"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" Shipwreck yelled, running away at top speed, crashing through several walls as he did so, "NO MORE POTATOES! NO MORE! NO MORE!!!!"
"Did you get that on tape?" Flint asked.
Lady Jaye grinned back, "Yes I did. That will teach Shipwreck to play pranks on Beach Head without telling the rest of us."
"How much do you think these will sell for?" Flint asked.
"About as much as Beach Head the Blissful Baboon tapes will sell for." Lady Jaye replied.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the GI Joe characters in this fanfic. This is my last humor fic for 2002.
~ ~ ~ ~
"SHIPWRECK!!!!" Beach Head shouted as he opened the door to his office finding toilet paper hanging from the ceiling, and a very large, nasty tarantula crawling across the floor.
"What did I do?" Shipwreck said, "I'm as innocent as a newborn baby."
"Awk. You must've been one evil child, swabbie. Awk." Polly sounded.
"For once I agree with that insane squawk box of yours." Beach Head replied, "You're gonna be peeling potatoes until they're coming out of your ears."
"Thanks a lot tattle tale." Shipwreck grumbled, "I'll get you for this Beach Head.Just you wait."
The next morning, Beach Head woke up, put on his uniform and walked out of his room, only to be clobbered in the face by a spring loaded giant tiger plush toy that was stuffed full of lead weights instead of cotton.
"Medic." Beach Head groaned as he fell to the deck.
A few moments later he awoke in the infirmary. "Lifeline, what happened to me?" Beach Head asked.
"Really Beach Head, you ought to go see Psyche Out about this unhealthy fascination with stuffed animals. But here's one thing I'd like to know, since when do they stuff them full of lead weights?" Lifeline asked.
"I think I know why." Beach Head grumbled as he stomped towards the kitchen and opened the door, "SHIPWRECK!!!!"
"What did I do? I've been in here the entire time." Shipwreck complained, "Oh, what's with the bandages?"
"Cut the crap Shipwreck, I ought to send you to the brig!" Beach Head shouted.
"Awk He's been in here the entire time. Awk." Polly said.
"Shipwreck, get that living feather duster out of here before I put more feathers in your cap." Beach Head replied.
"So long sucker. Awk." Polly said, pecking Shipwreck in the head, "I'm free! I'm free as a bird!!!!"
"You are a bird, feather head!" Shipwreck shouted, throwing a potato at Polly.
"Whatever, keep peeling." Beach Head replied as he walked out of the room only to be chased by a giant ball of limburger cheese.
Beach Head ran as fast as he could but the giant stinky cheeseball was still gaining on him like a bad dream.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head shouted as the cheeseball ran him down and rolled smack into a wall where it finally stopped.
Beach Head's face poked out of the cheeseball, the rest of his body was stuck fast.
"Yuck." He groaned.
"Ah, Beach Head, I see you've found my latest recipe, Limburger Cheese Surprise." BA said.
"What's the surprise, rancid meat?" Low Light quipped as he walked out of the cafeteria with a huge cup of coffee.
"Beach Head likes it." BA said.
"You know what they say, birds of the same feather stink together." Low Light replied.
Quite some time later, Beach Head stomped back to the barracks to change into a clean uniform only to find all of his clothing was missing save for a large baboon costume.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head shouted, his voice could be heard clear across the Pit. That's when an audio recording playing hypnotically soothing music began to play. Despite himself Beach Head went into a catatonic state where he was extremely susceptible to suggestion.
At lunch time Cover Girl asked Shipwreck, "How many more potatoes to go?"
"I don't want to know, all I know is if I see another potato as long as I live I'm gonna go crazy." Shipwreck replied.
Beside them Leatherneck and Wetsuit were enjoying their favorite past time, arguing.
"Limo is a word Wetsuit, I don't wanna hear about it." Leatherneck growled.
"Limo is not a word, it's an abbreviation of a word you big dumb Marine." Wetsuit replied.
"It is a word in common usage, you mentally handicapped SEAL, that is the key phrase in Scrabble." Leatherneck shot back.
"If it's not in the dictionary it doesn't count." Wetsuit replied.
"It doesn't have to be in the dictionary!" Leatherneck shouted back.
"I'm taking it off the board right now." Wetsuit replied.
"Oh no you don't you big cheat!" Leatherneck replied.
"Listen muffin head, who are you calling a cheater?" Wetsuit replied.
"Who's a muffin head?" Leatherneck replied, "You're asking for a toothless mouth buster."
"You and what army, you couldn't knock the teeth out of a mosquito!" Wetsuit replied.
"Hah! That shows how dumb you are, mosquitoes don't even HAVE teeth!" Leatherneck replied as he and Wetsuit tore into each other.
"Compared to you, I'm Einstein! Let go!!!" Wetsuit shot back.
Just then the cafeteria door burst open and a baboon costume clad Beach Head came running on his knuckles through the cafeteria, "Look at me everybody," Beach Head clamored in a gleeful voice, "I'm Beach Head the Blissful Baboon."
"Happy Happy! Joy Joy! Happy Happy! Joy Joy!" Beach Head said, dancing on the tables.
"Shipwreck, why do I get the feeling you're behind this?" Cover Girl asked.
"Moi. I'm innocent." Shipwreck replied.
Meanwhile, Leatherneck and Wetsuit continued tearing each other apart, "Okay Mush Brain!" Leatherneck said, "Bring it on."
Wetsuit was advancing with a large loaf of French bread, using it as a sword, "Touché, you gyrene Potato Head."
At the sound of the word potato Beach Head snapped out of his trance. Realizing where he was and what he was wearing, he turned crimson and shouted, "SHIPWRECK!!!!!!!!"
"I hate to say this, Beach Head, but Shipwreck's been in here this entire morning." BA replied, "He couldn't have pulled this off."
"Whatever, I'm gonna go lie down and take a few dozen Asprins." Beach Head replied.
Beach Head lay in his bed and napped for only a short while before he felt the presence of several crawling creatures. He woke up and saw his bed was covered with centipedes.
"AAUGGGHHH!" Beach Head shouted and jumped out the nearest window and landed squarely in a compost heap.
"SHIPWRECK!!!!!" Beach Head roared.
Suddenly Airtight's latest invention, the Cleanatron 2002, a robot janitor invented so that the Joes would never have to do KP again came running out of the barracks. It sensed Beach Head in the manure pile. "Dirty Joe! Dirty Joe! Must bathe dirty Joe." It sounded in it's mechanical tone.
Running away from the water spraying, soap squirting Cleanatron 2002 Beach Head shouted, "SHIPWRECK!!!!!!!!"
Quite some time later, Big Lob, Tunnel Rat, Airtight, Psyche Out, BA, and Lifeline were in Shipwreck's room. "Okay Shipwreck, pay up."
"Here's a bottle of Bacardi from Hawk's personal stash for you Big Lob and Tunnel Rat." Shipwreck replied, "Airtight, here's Mama Delgato's recipe for good punch. Psyche Out, here's that relaxation/hypnosis tape I swiped. BA, you've got me as your official taste tester for a week. Lifeline here's some grease for the wheel chair bowling competition next week."
As they all filed out of his room, Shipwreck watched the Cleanatron bathing Beach Head in a large tub of water. "Heh heh heh heh. That's for the talent show and the potatoes.."
"Oh Shipwreck." Cover Girl said, sweetly, as she knocked on his door.
"Yes." Shipwreck replied, opening it. And the next thing he knew he was covered by an avalanche of potatoes.
"What was that for?" Shipwreck groaned.
"For not letting me in on this prank you were playing on Beach Head." Cover Girl explained.
"EEEEYYYYYIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Shipwreck shouted as he jumped out the nearest window, landing on top of Flint in the process.
"Just you wait, mister, you're gonna be peeling potatoes until you're up to your eyeballs in them." Flint grinned evilly.
"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!" Shipwreck yelled, running away at top speed, crashing through several walls as he did so, "NO MORE POTATOES! NO MORE! NO MORE!!!!"
"Did you get that on tape?" Flint asked.
Lady Jaye grinned back, "Yes I did. That will teach Shipwreck to play pranks on Beach Head without telling the rest of us."
"How much do you think these will sell for?" Flint asked.
"About as much as Beach Head the Blissful Baboon tapes will sell for." Lady Jaye replied.