Heart's Desire
Chapter 8- Decisions

Disclaimer-
I do not own Alanna, Jonathan, etc. I do own Matthew and Kelsie.


The next few days, both Kelsie and Matthew noticed that Jonathan was acting strangely. He didn't talk much, and he didn't spend much time with anybody. He didn't eat a lot, and he didn't smile much.
"D'you think this could be because of us?" Kelsie had asked Matthew.
"What do you mean, because of us?" Matthew had replied.
"You know- because we reminded him of how much he loved Alanna, and how much he wished it was him that she was in love with, and not George?"
"Could be. I haven't seen him act like this since he returned from the desert a couple of years ago, and that was when they first broke up. But I mean, every day he lives with the knowledge that the woman he loved turned him away- it can't have just bubbled back up all of a sudden, can it?" Kelsie shrugged.
"No- not possible," Kelsie concluded.

Jonathan sat in his study with Thayet that night.
"So, I was thinking for the wedding, we should........." Thayet looked at Jonathan, and then frowned.
"What is wrong, Jon? You've been too quiet lately- what in Mithros name have you got on your mind?"
"I've just been thinking," he murmured.
"About what, Jon? What has got you acting like a broken egg?"
"I'm not acting like a broken egg," Jonathan argued, then added, "How do you know what a broken egg acts like, anyway?" "I can't tell you, Thayet. I just..........." His voice trailed off.
"What have those two teenagers got planted into your brain? You've been acting strangely ever since you talked to them about a week ago. What exactly was your conversation about?"
"I........"
"I can't understand what's wrong if you don't tell me what you talked about that made you act so strange," she persisted.
"That's just the thing. It's not a matter of you not being able to understand without me telling you. You just can't understand. You don't know what it's like, Thayet. You've never had to experience the pain, and you don't have to live with it day after day for all of eternity. You aren't the one who has to wonder if there was something you did to make things turn out like they did."
"Of course. I should have known this was about Alanna. I could tell, the moment I first met you, that you loved her. I still can tell. But I had hoped that you had been able to understand that she loves George now, and I had also hoped that you had been able to learn to love me the way you love her. It's never going to happen, though, is it Jon?"
"Thayet, that's not fair. I do love you, it's just......."
"Not the same. I know. I believe you. It's just that you loved her first, most, forever, isn't it? It was that way with my parents, but once my mother was gone, well, so was my father's patience for me. But that's not what matters. Jon, I can't stay here if you're going to be like this forever, feel trapped and be wanting someone else."
"Thayet, it won't be like this forever. You can't leave, I'll be a disgrace if you do, and I can't risk putting the kingdom in turmoil again. Not to mention that I don't want you to leave, Thayet......"
"If I leave," Thayet snapped, "It wouldn't be permanent. I'd come back to Corus after a while on the road, starting a school for the less privileged and helping the homeless. Don't you see, Jon? This would be a chance for both of us to get what we want! I could travel and helped people, which is why I came here in the first place, and you....."
"She's never coming back, Thayet. She loves George- not me. And I love you," he murmured.
"And her," Thayet said crossly, then added, "Quit trying to trap yourself in something you know you don't want, Jonathan. I'll find an excuse to leave that won't disgrace your name and put your kingdom in turmoil. And I'll be back. If, once I return, you still want to marry me, then so be it. But I won't trap you until you've made sure there isn't a chance," she said, her voice no longer cross.
"But how do we tell the kingdom without rumors starting?" Jonathan asked.
"I'll make an announcement at the ball tomorrow night. Don't worry, I've got things under control. Just trust me," she said, then stood up. She gave him a peck on the cheek and then said, "Good-bye, Jonathan," and turned and left.

The next evening, Kelsie sat in her room, preparing for the ball. This time she wore a sapphire blue gown, and although it didn't accentuate the green in her eyes as the emerald gown had, it still looked good on her. She brushed her hair so that it fell softly around her shoulders, then, looking in the mirror, shook her head and used her magic to make it wavy. Smiling, Kelsie slipped on her shoes and descended down into the ballroom. Matthew was waiting for her at the door, and he took her arm and they entered the room together. Matthew pointed to a figure in the distance- George and the Lioness.
"When should we talk to her?" Kelsie asked.
"Sometime when George isn't around, that's for sure," Matthew said, and Kelsie nodded. Then the music started up. Matthew and Kelsie, rather than dancing, watched Jonathan and Alanna.
"Look- Thayet's dancing with Raoul," Matthew pointed out.
"Then where's Jon?" Kelsie asked, and Matthew pointed.
"Dancing with that visitor from Carthak," Matthew said. Kelsie frowned.
"Look, there's George with Buri! But then where's Alanna? Oh. Gary," Matthew said. A figure came up to Kelsie.
"Would you care to dance?" he asked her. Kelsie looked the boy over. He was tall, taller than Matthew. He was tan, just like she was, but then, it was normal for a boy training to be a knight. He had brown hair, and soft blue eyes.
"Of course," Kelsie responded, knowing that she couldn't shame the convent now. She shrugged to Matthew, and walked off. The boy introduced himself as Daniel of Dunlath, no relation to the fief's rulers, and then he didn't speak much. Kelsie would admit that Daniel was handsome, but she wished that it could be Matthew she was dancing with. The song ended, and Daniel asked her to dance again. Kelsie politely replied yes, and Matthew looked at her. She shrugged, and mouthed, "I'll talk to you after this." He nodded, and then went to dance with Penelope. Kelsie felt a surge of healousy, but shook it off. As the song ended, she made her way to find Matthew. She had just reached him when she noticed that a new song was not starting, and that Thayet was up in front of everyone, preparing to make an announcement. Kelsie looked at the Queen-to-be in puzzlement, and then froze as the lovely woman opened her mouth to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, loyal subjects of Tortall, I speak to you tonight on the behalf of my own judgement. In my time in this realm, I have learned that the people here are hospitable, open to change, and kind. I have learned to love the realm and it's people. But I have also learned something about myself. When I came here, I had no intention of becoming betrothed to your King. My intentions were to travel around the kingdom, and help the less privileged. I had hoped to build shelters for the homeless, and start schools for the underprivileged. And although I love your King very much, I feel that I would not be most useful in the role of Queen and that I have a higher duty. I also feel that King Jonathan can find someone better suited to be his queen, someone who doesn't have a bigger plan for themselves that includes travel and putting herself in danger. Therefore, I have decided not to marry King Jonathan," Thayet concluded. Kelsie stared at her in horror. Matthew looked just as bewildered. All around the room there were looks of confusion and suprise. The only person who didn't seem suprised was Jonathan. Obviously he and Thayet had discussed this beforehand and agreed that it was for the best.
"I knew we wanted to get Alanna and Jonathan back together, but I didn't think we'd actually chase Thayet away," Kelsie said.
"We didn't chase her away. You heard her. This was what she came here to do, what she always wanted. We didn't chase her away, we helped her get a chance to do what she wanted." Kelsie nodded, but somehow her plan didn't feel so right anymore. Now odds were that Jonathan would end up with someone horrible if they failed, not someone as wonderful as Thayet. Kelsie sighed.
"Matthew, can you leave the ball? We need to have a little discussion with Jon, three on one. I'm trying to figure out exactly what went wrong between them, and Jon says he's ready to get out of here. He says he doesn't want to answer to the nobles tonight." Kelsie hadn't even seen Raoul come up to them. Matthew looked at Kelsie. She nodded at him.
"Yeah, I'm ready to get out of here, too. I'll see you tomorrow, Kelsie. Meanwhile, go talk to the Lioness, okay?" Kelsie nodded as Matthew, Raoul, Gary and Jonathan left the ball together.