Ok, I am going to talk about this chapter a bit before I start. For starters, it should be rated R for the ending. I am just warning you about that now. Also, the first few chapters have been a lot nicer compared to the kind of stuff I will be getting into. This chapter is still ok. Umm, I haven't said this before, but I should say it now. I have never done drugs or anything close to it, so this is a mix of feelings I have seen around me and some research, so if it's not right on then I apologize. It's fiction.



Chapter 6



When Monica got back to the centre, to the familiarity of her new home, she felt reluctant to be there because she was going back to the place that had made her unhappy. Although, who is happy when in rehab? Monica had spent the next three hours in bed wondering about the future. Wondering who she was. Cocaine had erased her spirit, her fire. She had turned into the person she had always feared and dreaded and for what? Why did she do that? Honestly, she could not think of the why answer to this question. Only the how.

Monica slowly got out of bed and gazed out the window. Night. The stars glistening in the sky each representing the good in the world. Monica was not a shining star, and she didn't know if she would ever be one. She glanced over to the moon. Full, bright, noticeable. All that she had lacked. That sky that every person looked at every night was telling her clearly that she was a screw up. Monica then looked away. But where's her sign that things will look better? Just then, a shooting star made it's way through the sky like it was winking at her. There was her sign. She now needed her will power.

She then looked down to where life was. People walking around, talking, smiling, laughing. They were being normal. Her attention then turned to a man walking to his car. She looked closer at his figure, his features; however, he was too far to see.

"Monica?" Katherine asked sleepily.

"Yeah?" Monica responded while turning around to face her sleepy roommate.

"Why are you up?" she asked.

"My stomach began to bother me, so I couldn't sleep," answered Monica casually as if it were nothing.

"Oh, well, just don't throw up on my stuff," Katherine stated while yawning. She then went back into a deep sleep softly snoring.

All of a sudden, Monica's stomach was no longer mildly bothering her, it was hurting her like she had never felt possible. Her craving for coke grew stronger. Usually, this was the very time she would have her first intake of her drug; therefore, every night at this time, she struggled, yet tonight it was worse. Shooting pains had now began to bother her. Her body was shaking; she was sweating. Quickly, she ran to her bathroom vomiting all she had eaten to the point of exhaustion. She was weak again, so she fell asleep with her head resting on the toilet seat of an un flushed toilet.

Morning came shortly, birds were singing, chirping happy to be alive. The light was pouring into the room making itself known. Monica awoke with an awful taste in her mouth. She looked down in the toilet and groaned in disgust. While flushing the toilet, she stood up using the sink to hold up her weak body. Looking in the mirror was like a horror movie, disgusting. Her hair was stringy and out of place. Her face was flushed and her eyes had rings around them.

When ready, she walked down the halls and towards a wooden door. She knocked on it almost pounding it to death. Chandler opened the door and simultaneously, a look of concern came upon his face while staring at Monica.

"Hi," She greeted softly. "I had a rough night."

"I can see that," Chandler replied. "Come in. We have to talk."

Monica did as she was told because she knew they had to talk. Talk about her life, about what happened. "Yeah, I know." Monica nodded while taking a seat.

"I guess we should start by talking about what happened yesterday. I want to know why you ran away from here."

He had turned back into doctor Chandler, she thought. Ignoring the fact that they had kissed passionately. As if she was yesterday's story. "My mom came," started Monica, "and then she left before we even had the chance to talk. You told her to come. She didn't even do it herself. It hurt," Monica explained sadly.



"Why did she leave?" Chandler asked while sitting on the corner of his desk maintaining eye contact with her at all times.

"I told her to," Monica said. "I told her to leave because she didn't want to be there."

"Why didn't she want to be there?"

"Because she hates me," Monica explained with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I was always second best to my brother, and she was waiting for this. She was waiting for a reason to hate me, and she found it."

"Tell me about your relationship with your mom." Chandler demanded softly.

"She nit picks. She would say, 'Monica, you are fat' or 'be more like Ross' or even 'You will never be anybody if you don't be more like your brother'. She always put him up on this pedestal, and I was just on the grass."

"Do you think that led to your use of drugs?" Chandler asked.

"No, it didn't. I.. It caused me to do some stuff or say some stuff.." Monica started slowly, "to her while I was high that was rude, but she was not the reason."

"What was the reason?"

"Umm," Monica started, "it all started when you went back home with Ross. I never really got the chance to say that I was sorry or to even explain, so I hopped on a train to go see you in New York."

"Yeah.." Chandler encouraged, for he could see this was hard for her.

"When I got to the campus, I realized I didn't know where you lived, so I went to get your dorm number. Ross never wanted me there."

"Then what happened?"

"I got your number, so I went up to your room, and I knocked on the door. No one was home, so I went to leave, but..."

"But.." Chandler again encouraged.

"This guy stopped me telling me there was this party for Chandler cause he hurt his foot, so I followed him there to see you. I was really upset because I felt terrible, and this guy left the room then came back and said that he was your great friend, and that you had given him some 'medicine' to make me feel better. Being naive and pressured, I took it. It turned out to be coke, and I was hooked right then and there."

"Wait a second, I didn't even know you were there..." Chandler reminisced.

"You didn't?" Monica asked shocked. "You mean for all of this time that I blamed you, I was wrong?" Monica asked.

"Monica, I was in the back whining about my toe to Ross. I didn't see you come in or leave, and no guy ever came up to me." Chandler explained.

"Oh, I don't know what to say," Monica chocked out.

"Don't say anything," Chandler assured. "I want you to tell me why you took it. What made you say yes?"

"I wanted the pain to go away, and I thought it was from you, my brother's friend." Monica explained. "I didn't know what it was, but when he told me that it had to sniff it, I knew something was wrong with it, but when I took it, all of my inhibitions no longer mattered. The high was unbelievable. I had so much energy, and I felt alive for the first time in my life. I needed it." Monica again explained.

"I am so sorry that you were pressured like that. Especially on my behalf."

"Me too," Monica cried, "I was this good sweet girl. Then I started hanging out with people who had coke, and I changed. I became this mean and vicious person- someone I thought I didn't have the ability to be, but I am not ready to talk about that right now."



"That's ok. Did you take cocaine daily?" Chandler asked deliberately changing the subject. This would all have to be on her time.

"Twice a day, and on weekends, maybe more. I grew tolerant to it fast, and I needed it all of the time to feel alive."

"I see. Did you experiment with other drugs?" asked Chandler already knowing the answer to this question.

"Yes," Monica admitted while looking away.

"Daily?" Chandler asked.

"No, only a few times at some parties, but I didn't like them as much."

"What did you take?"

"Weed, shrooms, ketamine..maybe others." Monica again admitted while avoiding eye contact.

"Ok, so then explain to me your addiction to coke."

"It was the one thing that loved me or so I thought. It gave me energy. It made me sick at some points, but overall, it was there for me." Monica explained not really knowing if her choice of words fit, but it was the best she could come up with.

"I notice with a lot of patients that their drugs seem to be like an assurance. They would always have them to turn to." Chandler commented.

"I guess it's like that. I mean, it at first made everything great. It would take away the hurt from my mom, people liked me more because I was more outgoing. I thought this drug was more of a helper than anything else."

"Right," Chandler agreed, "I see that the reason for your addiction to this was more than a one night thing, Monica. You were looking for an out from what I can tell when you explain your relationship with your mom. You were naive, unsure of what it would do to you, now after all of that "good" it brought, you ended up here," Chandler repeated showing her his understanding of who she was and then he continued, "I think this was a great session. We are getting somewhere," smiled Chandler relieved. Yesterday she was a mess and today she strong.

"Can I ask you something?" Monica asked.

"Sure," Chandler replied looking her in the eye.

"Can I die from this?" asked Monica shyly.

"No, usually patients, when getting through the beginning, can make it to the end. Compared to other street drugs, coke has the less life threatening withdrawal symptoms. It's never easy, but you know that already." Chandler pointed out.

"Good. So, it's normal to feel sick?" Monica asked innocently.

"Very. I would be scared if you weren't feeling sick," Chandler laughed. "To help you when you feel sick, you should take Popranolol. I can't give it to you yet, but the nurses would have some to give you. It will help," Chandler added.

"Ok, Thank you," Monica said while standing up. "Chandler?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking her curiously.

"One more thing. About that kiss," Monica started, "should we talk about that?"

"I think it was just a momentary thing," Chandler lied uncomfortably. The truth was that he was very attracted to this woman.

"Then why did it feel so right?" Monica asked and quickly walked out leaving Chandler stunned. She didn't want any technical terms about how fighting on a street led to kissing.



****

Monica looked back onto that moment and smiled. She had finally opened up to someone at that point, and she left him stunned. Could a day get any better? No, it could only get worse, Monica remembered. A lot worse.

****

Monica walked into her room smirking about what had just happened in Mr. Bing's office when she saw that Katherine's side of the room was no longer tidy-it was a mess. Papers ripper, shattered glass, mutilated stuffed animals. Something terrible had happened. Monica heard noises coming from the bathroom; however, she couldn't tell exactly what it was. When she entered the bathroom it was as if time had stopped. Katherine, sobbing while looking in her reflection was getting ready to cut herself with the razor blade. "Kat, stop," Monica yelled as loudly as possible. Kath then turned around and looked Monica in the eye.

****

That was it, Monica thought to herself. Her roommate had ended it. She had ended her life without even thinking about it.

***

Monica ran the body that had just fallen in front of her and screamed. It was too late. . .



TBC

Ok, that quick ending is there for a reason, and you will learn more about Kat in the coming chapters and why that happened. Things happen fast when you don't see them coming. This story is going to be a lot more disturbing in the next few Chapters as we learn more about Monica's life. That's kind of just a warning. Sorry, this chapter kinda sucked. Ah well, please review and tell me what you thought.