Wow, how long did this one take?! Hahaha. Sorry, I get so caught up in my life that I forget to continue writing this. I won't lie, some people may find this chapter a little boring at first. It's one of those.."ok, let's drag out the storyline" things. This is to wrap up what happened in the last chapter and to finally get this story focused on Monica's life. :)
Chapter 7
That time in Monica's life was surreal, dreamlike. No one ever expects the people around them to lose all faith in life, especially a person who was filled with it. The thousand dollar question was "why".
****
"Oh my God! KAT!! Somebody help!!!" Monica screamed, tears flooding her face. "PLEASE!" Monica then turned toward her friend's body, "Oh, Kat, please.. Please be alive!!" Monica quickly felt for a pulse: there was none. "NOOOOO!!!!" Monica screamed once again. "Noo," she whispered; this time softly while placing her head on her former friend's body.
Finally, some of the nurses had entered the room with agitated expressions on their faces. Monica spoke up, "She's gone, dead."
"Oh my Lord," one of the nurses whispered while holding her chest. At this point, both Chandler and Jonas had run into the room wondering why there was so much commotion. Chandler was in fear that possibly he had lost Monica, but when he saw her on the floor, he was somewhat relieved; however, not for long. Katherine, one of the most determined patients, had ended it. It was unexpected.
Chandler ran straight towards Monica and tore her away from the lifeless body. "Come on, sweety," he ushered soothingly.
"She's gone," Monica replied through sobs and collapsed into Chandler's arms.
"I know," he whispered, "I know."
"I am not surprised," Dr. Jonas had finally commented.
"What?!"Monica yelled. How could he know?!
"It was coming. We'll have a memorial for her. Right now, let's get her body out of here. Monica, I suggest you stay in another room," the man ordered emotionlessly.
Everyone had cleared out, leaving Monica and Chandler alone. Monica, staring at the bathroom where it all had taken place. Chandler, staring at Monica concerned.
"Chandler, why was Dr. Jonas saying that he saw this coming?"Monica asked slowly.
"I don't know," He replied looking down into her eyes. Those hurting eyes.
"I miss her," Monica cried once again. She couldn't help it. It was all so overwhelming.
"I know, sweetie," Chandler replied, hugging her. "But, she's happier now."
"Chandler?" Monica called out.
"Yes?"
"Can I stay with you tonight?"
"Oh, Mon, I don't know. . .I mean, we're not supposed to, you know.. I-I," Chandler stuttered. It was no use, making a complete thought was impossible.
"I know. Sorry, I asked. I just need someone, you know." Monica stuttered, sobbing into his arm. She couldn't take this.
"Look, I'll check to see if there are any free rooms for you to stay in, and if there are not, you can...I don't know." Chandler couldn't invite her over. If anyone had found out, he would surely be fired.
"Chandler?. . .Can you.. can you stay with me? I don't know if I can be alone right now. It hurts so much. All I want to do is visit Freddie and make this all go away. Sure, it would only be for a few hours, but I want it. I don't want to want it," Monica explained; her voice, weak.
"All right, follow me," Chandler commanded, giving into her plea for help. They had walked straight to his office where there was a couch for Monica to rest on. "Here we are. . ."
For the entire night, Monica slept on the couch occasionally whimpering in her sleep. Chandler sat in his chair, watching her. He couldn't sleep. Out of the years he had been working here, this had been the seventh suicide. Every time, it was so much harder to deal with. They always did everything they could to show the "victims" that it is possible to get through this terrible tunnel. Sadly, some could only make it half way. Chandler turned on the radio beside his desk. Ironically, "When a Man Loves a Woman" played. Chandler looked back at Monica; he didn't love her, right?
****
Monica read about that night in her journal. "I wasn't asleep when I heard the song blasting on the radio. I could also feel his gaze on me. Well, not feel. . .I kind of opened my eyes to see him looking at me. He cares about me. I know he does. I think I am falling in love. . ."
****
The next few days had gone by quickly. People had been sobbing and looking to each other for comfort. Many hugged, shook hands. The atmosphere was dull and depressing. Everyone walked slowly. Most had red eyes or were crying deeply. The question that had raced through everyone's mind was why. No one really know.
People filled the funeral home where the wake was being held. Monica walked in with Chandler by her side. In the past few days, he never left it. He couldn't leave Monica alone for fear of what her emotions may cause her to do.
There was Katherine's body. Her dead body was lying in the casket with a look of sadness on her face. At the moment when Monica laid her eyes on the body, she cried. The sight of a person no longer living was a sight no one could bare to witness. When Monica saw her body, she remembered just how much she missed her. Yes, she had only known her for a little more than a week, but she had made an impact on Monica's life: a big one.
Chandler led Monica through the line of people giving their condolences to the immediate family. Finally, when it was her turn, she only saw an older man and his wife. Were these her parents? Maybe her parents could not make it. Nevertheless, Monica shook their hands displaying her sorrow. It was now time to visit the body. "Chandler...I want to do this alone."
"I understand," whispered Chandler as he guided her to the coffin.
"Kat, hey. . .it's Monica. I-I..am.. I am mad at you. You know that though. How could you just...just end it so quickly? You were my inspiration. Any time that I didn't think I could do it, I thought about you. When I first met you, you made me feel like I was at home...in a place I never wanted to consider home. I miss you so much. I miss our talks and the singing. You had a great voice..." Monica continued to cry, "I love you, and I pray that you are happy up there. I am so happy I had the chance to meet you..." When Monica had said this, she could not take it anymore. Her knees grew weak, and she fell to the floor crying heavily. Immediately, Chandler went to her side and comforted her.
"Oh, Mon. . ." Chandler whispered while hugging her tightly and softly stroking her hair consolingly.
"I can't do this Chandler. I can't pretend to be strong," Monica commented when she had gained some composure.
"I know," Chandler replied, his eyes reddening for two reasons. The death of a patient, and the hurt his "friend" had to endure.
Chandler had continued to care for Monica as the wake progressed. She could not stop crying along with most of the people in that room. Suicide was always tragic because the person always had a reason, and many people wondered if they were a factor. Katherine was the one people would least expect would do this to herself; however, it always was who people least expected.
The wake had finally ended and people walked toward the church. Couples holding hands, friends hugging, and children skipping not really understanding. The death of a person always put on strain on people. For the entire time, Monica held on to Chandler's hand. Was this open affection going to cause problems? Possibly. Did they care at the moment? No.
There was a distinct line up when entering the church. The immediate family was first and then the rest. First, the pallbearers brought in the casket and then the rest filed into the church taking their seats. As people entered, the choir sang "Amazing Grace" setting the atmosphere. Chandler and Monica had finally taken there seats and again held on to each other for support.
As the service progressed, many cried, many prayed, and many had just listened. Monica had leaned her head onto Chandler's shoulder and listened to what the priest had been saying. It was easy to tell that the priest was hurting; obviously, he had known Katherine. Next, they had called Katherine's best friend to say the eulogy. Monica listened intently.
"All of you are here today to mourn the death of Katherine Sarring, but I don't think a lot of you had really known her. A lot of you are thinking why? She was so filled with life. The truth was that Katherine was not always so filled with life. When she had gotten into heroin, no one wanted to be around her, and people feared what she may do or say, especially her family. She had often told me that since no one cared, she was going to end everything. I told her not to and that she could get help. She didn't at that point. It was not until she severely hurt her brother that she had changed her life around. She had gone to rehab many times before that for a week and then would quit, but it was not until then did she take it seriously. That's when I saw a new Katherine. The one that many of you here today know. One so determined for her family and friends to make it. She was doing great until a few days ago when her family had been in a fatal car accident. The man who had hit them had been intoxicated. Only her father had survived, and he could not be here today because he is in intensive care. Once she had lost her inspiration, she had lost herself and that is why she is in that casket today. When Katherine was having a good day, she was the best person to be around. She loved to have fun, and she could always make the people around her have fun. She was welcoming. I am going to miss her so much. I am going to miss the times she and I went shopping, and when we hung out and had long talks. You are all here because in some way, she has touched your life. She always did that, and it's very hard to see her go. On her behalf, a few of the guys will sing her favourite song. Let us take this time to remember her."
As her friend had finished saying that, three guys had made there way onto the altar and playing the starting chords to, "Good Riddance" by Green Day.
Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
At this point, many sobs were heard around the church. Monica couldn't help the tears that had constantly drowned her face. They had really set an amazing mood, and the spirit of Katherine was here: she could feel it.
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
Chandler took Monica's hand into his, comforting her. However, he too could not control the tears which had slowly made their way down his cheeks. This ending is not right, he thought to himself.
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
"Everyone, join in," one of the singers yelled with tears in his eyes. All of a sudden, voices were heard: low ones, high ones, squeaky ones. Not one person remained silent as if singing this one song would bring back the one they had lost.
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
The congregation was now calm. A moment of silence had been previously announced. Of course, there were many sniffles and sharp breaths; however, everyone tried their hardest to remain quiet.
The priest rambled once again about their loss, did a sign of the cross, and everyone was dismissed for lunch in the Church hall.
Monica and Chandler had decided to skip the lunch and rush back to the centre. Monica could not stand the fact that such a sad ceremony could be followed by such a mellow lunch. Didn't people need time to grieve?
Once in Chandler's office, Monica broke the silence. "Chandler?"
"Yes?" He replied.
"I just wanted to uhh..to thank you for today. You know, being there."Monica expressed softly.
"No need to thank me, Mon. I am just being a "friend"." Chandler smiled.
"Yeah, I know. I needed a friend. All of my friends either hate me or are sleeping in an alley right now," Monica laughed softly.
"Ha," Chandler smiled, looking into her eyes. Those hurting eyes.
"Chandler, what's happening here?"asked Monica.
"What do you mean?" Chandler asked acting as if he had no idea what she was saying.
"You know what I mean."
Chandler sighed softly, "Yeah, I do."
"What now?" Monica asked slowly as if these two words had so much importance to them. Well, they did, actually.
Chandler hesitated. He really did not know how to respond to her, but before he had to chance to say something, Monica had kissed him. Slowly at first, their lips mingling then more passionate. Abruptly, Chandler ended it. "We can't," he uttered.
"Why?" Monica asked like a child would.
"This is wrong. I am your doctor, and you are my patient. These types of things only happen in movies."
"Well, obviously not," Monica remarked.
"I have to be professional here. This," he gestured to the two of them, "cannot happen."
"But.."
"No buts. Monica, you are here to recover. How is being with me going to help you in the long run? You will never know whether it was you or..this."
"That's so stupid! Whether you and I are together or not has nothing to do with whether I can recover."
"That is where you are wrong, Monica. It has everything to do with it. You will no longer be fighting for you but for us, and if we break up, then you might..well, you know" Chandler stated, regretting that he had to end it. But, it was the right thing to do, and he knew that.
"I-I don't know what to say. Maybe it will distract me or whatever, but I initially came here for me, and I will leave here fighting this myself. Chandler, whatever I am feeling now...it's so strong that it overpowers me. Every time I see you, my heart beats faster, when you smile, I grin. . . I-I want to be with you. No wait, I need to be with you"
"Now is not the right time. I can't allow myself to play two roles in your life right now. You need a doctor, and you need to recover." Chandler said. This was extremely difficult.
"So, you don't feel anything for me at all, then?" Monica speculated. She knew that it was not true, but she still wanted to be told.
"That is not what I am saying. I just don't think that now is the time."
"Then, you do want to be with me, right?" Monica asked, a small smile on her face.
"I. . .cannot answer that." Chandler sighed. Why couldn't he just lie and say no? It would make this so much easier.
"I thought so," remarked Monica while looking into his eyes. She saw love in them.
"I think it would be best if you leave." Chandler finally said. He could not take this anymore. The longer she was there, the longer it was to end this.
"If that is what you want," Monica frowned.
"It is. I will see you tomorrow when we will be meeting with your brother. Also, tomorrow is the beginning of your group sessions. I will be leading it tomorrow, so I suggest you be there, but on your best behaviour. If any of this gets out, I will be fired."
Monica could not help but notice he had returned into his emotionless doctor facade. "Ok," was all that she could say. Finally, she walked out but not before smiling at him one last time. To her surprise, he smiled back. This isn't over, she thought. Not even close.
Monica entered her room depressed. How could she stay in a room where her friend had committed suicide? When Monica opened the door, the room had looked different. The other side was no longer empty. That had meant one thing- she had a new roommate.
"Hi, I am Pheobe." The other women greeted while putting out her hand.
****
In the journal, it is written, "And the cycle continues. . ."
TBC
This one was a little longer than usual, but I guess that is a good thing. Please review. I won't lie, reviews help, but it does not mean that the next part will be up soon. It's the stress of being in Garde 12 in Ontario..way too much to do all the time. I will try though.