Deceptions
Chapter 6
On board the 'Jewel of the Republic', with only three days before making port, Anakin had taken rare advantage of the fact that he had his own quarters to meditate. He had been offered a place aboard the 'Gefahr' but he had declined, the 'Gefahr' was perhaps more luxurious, but the trip would have taken 3 more days than the more basic 'Jewel' and he wanted to get home as soon as possible. Despite the fact that the 'Jewel' was a basic troop transport, he would still be afforded more privacy than most. Not only was it an example of "Rank hath its privileges", but most of the men who served under him had genuine respect for him. Anakin had never played the games of one-up-man ship nor had he ever used his status as a Jedi to forward an argument. Indeed, the only thing that distinguished him from the other Commanding Officers was the light-saber attached to his utility belt. Other Jedi officers had altered their standard Jedi robes to conform to the military dress sense but "Commander Skywalker", as he was known, was on the whole perceived to be 'a regular officer' by the men. Still, his very presence commanded a certain respect and on the rare occasion that he did ask for a concession, it was granted as soon as possible.
Anakin drifted farther and farther into his mediation, away from the lights and drone of the ship, and into the darkness. Softly at first, then growing louder and clearer, a melody came through the air until it enveloped him. A cradle song once that had been always a hairsbreadth from memory now seemed to resonate through his very being. As the darkness began to lift, and Anakin found himself sitting in a rocker chair, the room suddenly becoming the hovel on Tatooien that he had left so long ago. He quickly
realized that not only was he the one humming the cradle song but that he held an infant in his arms!
He stopped, suddenly afraid when the infant squirmed and began to fuss. Almost instinctively rocking slowly back and forth, he began the song again and the babe responded to him calming almost immediately.
To Anakin the prospect of children had both been terrifying and exhilarating, and it had been a subject both he and Padmé' had avoided for the longest time. They both wanted a family, and a normal life, but at this moment... It just wasn't practical... Part of him wondered if it ever would be.
Never having a real father himself, he'd wondered time and time again if he could handle such a life. Would he be good enough? Strong enough? Perhaps most importantly, could he handle sharing Padme's affections, even with his own offspring? The questions, the fears were seemingly endless, as if to add to the confusion, the baby began to cry again.
Anakin looked down at the infant, and not surprisingly, its features were constantly shifting. At one moment, it had Padme's traits, soft brown eyes and dark curly hair. The next, he found himself staring into eyes, eerily similar to his own, intensely blue with long lashes the seemed to touch his eyebrows. Slowly, carefully, he lifted his left hand to caress its face and winced. It was his mechanical hand, bare and uncovered. The thing that constantly reminded him of his failure. A stab of anger lanced through his chest, that not even in his dreams was he allowed to forget that moment of complete and utter humiliation. He suddenly felt his index finger being grabbed, pulling him out of his spiraling revelry of self pity. To his amazement, the child had taken hold of the skeletal finger and was now suckling on it contentedly, staring intently up at him. Anakin blinked slowly, did this mean that his child would accept him, that perhaps he should just do as Obi wan and Padmé' kept trying to tell him. Let the past go and concentrate on what was good in his life, what he had instead of what he'd lost. He allowed himself a smile and felt his heart leap as, with his finger still firmly in its grasp, the baby smiled back at him.
"Ani? My little Ani?" A voice came from in front of him. "My poor, poor Ani."
"Mom?" he asked, but he recoiled. Shmi was standing in front of him, arms outstretched. She was as bloody and beaten as the night he had found her in the Tuscan's tent. Worse.
"Give me the child Ani," she said, coming closer, a shambling horror. "You can't take care of a child. You couldn't even save me."
"No mom! Please!" he cried as she ripped the baby from his arms. "No! Come back! MOM!" He started screaming for her, over and over as she walked away and back into the darkness. He tried to get up, to go after her but he couldn't move. Anakin looked down and to his horror, his legs were gone.
"No! This is a DREAM!" he told himself willing himself forward he began to rise but felt himself being pulled down by the shoulder.
"No Anakin!" Anakin rounded on the voice, finding his feet at last. Obi-wan. "Don't go that way. To go there is death... look!"
"It's a lie Obi-wan!" Anakin shrieked and ignited his saber. He wasn't surprised to see that it was red as apposed to the familiar blue light that usually emanated from his blade. Obi-wan, MASTER... always holding him back, and now, even trying to keep him from his own child! The red was just a symbol of the fury that threatened to consume him. With another scream of rage he lashed out at his mentor. At least in dreams, he could release his anger and maintain control in the waking world. With a single blow, he eviscerated his master.
"At least I didn't emasculate you master," Anakin sneered at him. "As you always seem to want do to me. I'll see you back in the real world where you can berate me all you want."
"Not berate," his dying master gasped. "Teachings... guidance..."
"And love, right master?" Anakin angrily turned toward the direction his mother had taken. Another voice, this one infinitely more sinister, softly echoed from the darkness, calling his name. Startled, he looked to the path he had started on and realized that he was on the edge of... a precipice! A precipice on the edge on an abyss. Frightened, he looked down into the depths, and to his horror, something or someone, stared back.
"You don't need guidance Anakin..." the voice continued, dark but eerily familiar."Come, my young apprentice..."
Anakin screamed and started to back away, back into the light. Desperately, he reached out through the force to find his link to Padme' and his link to the waking world and sanity. He cried out to her but he couldn't quiet reach her completely yet.
"Please!" he cried. "Someone! Padme', Obi wan! Master Yoda..." He thought he could hear their replies, faintly. Padmé, Obi wan and Master Yoda, calling to him in concern.
Back on Coruscant, Padmé , began moaning his name, as if in fits of passion, but all Anakin could hear was the other voice, calm and chilling, but frighteningly seductive.
"Anakin, enough."
Suddenly a warm familiar voice cut through the cacophony, the rest of the voices falling back to whispers. Anakin knew he was still in the throws of the vision, but he was still filled with relief and joy at the figure which stood next to him.
"Master Qui Gon..." he almost sobbed."Please, I want to go back!"
Qui Gon Jinn stood there, his body still bearing the mortal wounds that the Sith Lord had inflicted upon him. He did not smile nor did he appear to even notice Anakin standing there.
"You must choose, Anakin" he said sadly. "Soon before the choice is taken from you." The voices grew louder again.
"Master, I don't understand?" Anakin cried. "Why must I choose? I cannot stop loving Padme', but it's my destiny to be a Jedi!"
"You must," said the master inexorably, "or they will decide for you." He looked off into the distance and Anakin followed his gaze. He saw three groups of people, the Jedi Council, Padme', and the shadowy figure from the abyss. They were all calling to him still, louder and louder until he thought the sound would drive him mad.
Master!" he shrieked, "please! Padmé!"
"Anakin!" Padme's voice rang true and clear.
"Ani! I love you. Come back home to me soon..."
Anakin threw himself fully into the force, willing himself back to consciousness. As he began to leave the trance like state, the late master's words echoed through his thoughts.
"Choose..."