Chapter 7 – I'm tired.
-------------------------*Q*-------------------------
"Oh my Hyne, he has changed too much to be attached to the name Seifer Almasy!" Selphie exclaimed, her eyes round with excitement.
"Yeah, he seems rather subdued to me." Rinoa nodded her head in agreement to Selphie's comment.
"Oh, I'm not sure if it would last. Maybe he hasn't overcome his shyness and wasn't acting like himself." I added thoughtfully. Indeed, he was like a totally different person. He seemed almost too polite, as if putting up a front.
"Well, he's definitely a strange one. I got goose bumps when he called me Zell, after having gotten use to 'Chicken-wuss' for so many years." Zell demonstrated with a shiver.
"HaHaHaHaHa~~~~! You're the strange one, Zell! When he called you 'Chicken-wuss' the last time, you wanted to beat him up something bad… but now you're INVITING him to call you that? Has your brain gone to sleep or something?" Selphie nudged Zell's shoulder with her elbow
"He isn't strange! Zell was just being generous to Seifer, right?" Yuri jumped to her boyfriend's defense immediately. Now I know why Zell could tolerate being called "Chicken-wuss". He didn't want to lose his cool in front of his girl. *Snicker*
What did I just do again? Snicker? From me? I'm behaving more and more like a certain platinum blond… better watch myself before I turn into a female version of Seifer!
Hmm… on hindsight… maybe that wasn't the true reason behind Zell's newly acquired level-headedness… it might have been due to a blue-haired Angel… but that's really straying down the point.
As the rest of the gang continued arguing about what had caused Seifer to behave so differently, I started drifting off in my own world.
Lately, it had been getting more and more obvious that Rinoa and Squall would be tying the knot soon. Or at the very least, an engagement was in the plans.
How did I know? I'd be pretty stupid if I didn't, what with Rinoa stopping by every jewellery shop and staring at the wedding bands on display. I couldn't have missed it even if I wanted to.
"I would so love to try on one of those…." She had hinted… no, stated her desire to get hitched to Squall each time.
I do not know if I should be glad… but Squall didn't seem to take the hint, and would just walk off by himself, leaving a pouting Rinoa behind.
But I know that it wouldn't be long before he gets it… and proposes to Rinoa. What would I do then? How would I react? Would I be able to carry on acting so nonchalant about it?
I only hope that something would distract me before it happens… can I even dare to hope that I would have gotten over my feelings for him by that time? Oh Hyne… if I could be granted only one wish in my lifetime… I wish that someone could come along and save me from getting my pride and heart trampled on again…. Anyone at all…
^^^^^^^^^^*Q*^^^^^^^^^^^
Why is it that every time you dread for something to happen, it eventually does? Is it because you kept worrying about it, until it finally becomes a reality so that your worries weren't wasted? Or what? I do not care… I just feel like the unluckiest woman in the world.
This very Sunday afternoon… something happened to prove that my previous fears weren't unfounded. I should have been prepared for it… since it was already becoming so obvious… but couldn't they have given me a little more time to accept the harsh reality? I guess not…
In a totally uncharacteristic manner, Squall finally noticed what his precious darling had been hinting at.
Rinoa was looking into the shop window of a jewellery shop in Dollet, as she was wont to do every time we all went for shopping trips… especially if Squall had been tugged along, reluctantly, I might add.
"Squall… Don't you think that pair of rings over there would be perfect for us? Think of how the amethyst would glitter against the delicate setting for the Hers ring… and the His ring would look so right on your finger too!" She tugged in a childlike manner at Squall's arm, like a kid trying to get her parent to indulge in her fancies.
And a most astonishing reply came from Squall.
"Which one?" He actually asked!
I could almost visualise the triumphant "YES!!!"-es that were going through Rinoa's mind. In fact… I think she could hardly resist pumping her hands high up into the air to demonstrate her victorious attempt at getting Squall to comply with her ardent wishes.
Everyone nudged each other with cheeky, knowing grins (yes, including myself, even though I was faking it) when they heard it. The dimwit has finally responded!
That night, all of them got drunk at the Dollet bar and could hardly wake up the next day. Let's not talk about the hangovers that some of them were suffering from. Not me. I had to control myself… there was no knowing what I would do or say that might accidentally reveal my hidden feelings for Squall… even though all I wanted to do was drown my sorrows in alcohol and forget all about the damn thing.
Mercifully, I had an excuse for not "joining in the fun", as they had said while urging me to drink glass after glass of hard liquor. I had to rush off and prepare for Seifer's lesson the next morning.
It was a glaringly obvious lie, but their lie-detecting abilities were too dulled by the alcohol content in their bloodstreams to expose it anyway.
What can I say? That at least they hadn't found out about what I was trying to hide? I suppose I should be thankful for small favours.
I think Seifer must have noticed that something was wrong with me, and suggested that we postpone the field trip and read up in the library instead.
I owe a lot to him.
What kind of training tutor or partner would I have been, if my mind were miles away in distraction?
He seemed to be self-disciplined enough to study on his own, so I left him in the library and went off to the dorm so that I could coop myself in there.
Was I wrong to do that? Abandoning him to endure stares from those who couldn't mind their own businesses?
But what was I to do? I couldn't face anybody, knowing that they would probably be talking enthusiastically about the upcoming engagement of Squall and Rinoa… and I would have to refrain myself every minute of the day from screaming out for them to shut up. I didn't want to hear anything about it!
I asked Seifer if he would mind if I wasn't there to supervise him… my fingers crossed behind my back.
"It's cool." He said with a reassuring smile. I almost didn't give him a hug as the relief in me gushed wave after tremendous wave.
I spent about three days locked up in my room, coming out only for meals… with the gang. It would look terribly strange if I started alienating them too obviously. It was pure torture as I sat opposite the blissful couple, exchanging the tenderest of glances and whispering sweet nothings in front of everybody. The urge to look away had never been so overpowering…
I would stuff the food, usually a small salad quickly into my mouth then depart from the table, whipping up some excuse about preparing for Seifer's lessons.
Poor Seifer… I had made use of him so openly, and yet not a single complaint had come from him. He was amazingly "cooperative", and did not divulge that he had actually been training and studying on his own for three whole days.
If Seifer had leaked any of that out, I could kiss any hope of regaining the Instructor's License goodbye. Maybe even my SeeDship. I shiver to think of that… and yet I could not stop the foolishness that was coming over me.
I found out several months later that he had asked Zell to accompany him to the forests outside Balamb Garden for training. When asked why I wasn't his partner, he actually covered my tracks by saying that I was too busy marking the many tests set for him.
Asking Zell to be his partner? Covering up my tracks?!!! Are the deserts dry? Does the ocean contain water? I felt that I had to ask these questions to ascertain that at least, there were some things that remain constant in this world… but I'm drifting too far from the point.
(I could have sworn that I heard the theme song of X-Files running through my mind.)
I'm tired… I relinquish the responsibility of telling the story to someone else… at least for the time being.
******************************************************
WL: I put up an adaptation of the Christmas carol "Twelve days of Christmas" as I wanted to take a little break from this long running series…
C: It is highly unfunny.
WL: Be careful that Zell doesn't sue you for spouse abuse.
C: Oh… spouse! What a nice ring it has…
WL: (Grumble) Thick-skinned moron.
Author's notes: Neither X-files nor its theme music belongs to me.