Chapter 2
Note: This chapter isn't trying to be songfic-ish. The lyrics are part of the narrative. Something the narrator wanted to add into the description. Just thought I keep people from being confused. At least not as confused as the narrator is…
I placed the phone back on the receiver and sighed. My eyes shifting to my parents who had been watching me carefully throughout my whole conversation. My mother immediately began to avoid meeting my eyes while my father gave me a stern look. His brown eyes apologetic but unyielding. "I'm sorry, son, but it's your duty." That's what that look told me. I sighed again and turned towards my room. Passing my sister's room, not even looking at it, though I was extremely aware of it. I always was aware of it.
My room…my sanctuary—not really. It was a mess, always had been, and always would be. That would never change—just like my sister's room. It stayed the same, untouched by the world. My room was different, it was continuously touched, saw new things, and took in new things. But it remained the same. Always constant—unmoving, like a rock. But rocks change, over time, a gradual process created by nature. My room didn't change. My sister's room didn't change. I didn't change.
After grabbing my new clothes, I walked towards the bathroom. I passed my sister's room again. This time looking at it through the corner of my eye. I was moving so fast that I didn't get to see anything really. Just a blur…a light brown blur. I light brown blur I knew like the back of my hand.
The bathroom, dark one moment, then bright the next. Showing everything—there was so much light. Nothing was hidden. It was disturbing.
Dropping my new clothes, I stripped and turned to find myself staring into the full-length mirror that was nailed to the bathroom door. And I stared, caught by my own reflection. I was staring at myself. I knew what I looked like but I couldn't help it. Couldn't help but look at my reflection, at myself, like if I had never seen myself before. Like this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on myself.
I wasn't sure who I was anymore. Years ago I had known. But not anymore. At that moment, I stared into deep brown eyes and those same eyes stared back—empty. I didn't know myself. Maybe I'd never know again. I was once someone. Never again.
It was always the same question over and over again. The same answer over and over again. I don't know. I lost myself, my reflection knew. My reflection knew who I was. Who I had been so many years ago. Strong, cheerful, full of life. I was once someone. I knew who I was back then. I was a boy. An ordinary boy in love with life.
Now….
After taking a quick shower, I dressed and did the usual touch ups. Then walked out of the bathroom. Back to my room, passing my sister's room. I stopped and looked at it. When was the last time that I had entered? A year ago, on a Monday in July. July the thirtieth. I remember. I will never forget the last time I walked into my sister's room. The last time I ever saw her.
I turned and walked back into my room, running my fingers through my hair. I've never found a need to comb my hair, it never changed, always stayed the same.
My eyes settled on a pair of goggles hanging from the doorknob. Taichi's goggles. I smiled, walking over and taking hold of them. I didn't remember when I stopped wearing them. But I remembered why I wouldn't put them on again. My fingers ran over the lens as I thought about all the adventures that these goggles had gone through, so many things they've seen through two different sets of brown eyes.
The room was silent and I became aware of it. The sound of my breathing, the ticking of the clock, but I wanted to ignore it. I stared hard at the goggles forcing my mind to travel back to the past. To friends I hadn't seen in so long and to friends I still saw on a regular bases.
So many friends and only one knew.
The sound of the clock ticking took over, disturbing my concentration. I still tried to ignore it.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
I couldn't. Sighing, I stood and placed the goggles back on the doorknob. Then walked over to the desk, grabbing a few things…like my keys. Why did I even take my keys, it's not like I was going to come home that night. Force of habit that's what I told myself as I walked into the living room, on my way to the door. My mother didn't look at me; she rarely did these days. Though my father's eyes were on me. I could feel them and I knew they were in pain.
"Ja na, 'touchan, 'kaachan." I smiled at them. They said their good byes as well, in more somber voices. I didn't like the sound in their voices. So I turned back and hugged them both, giving my mom a kiss on the cheek. She held on so tightly for a moment, then release, though she still couldn't look into my eyes. "I'll be back later. " A small nodded of acknowledgment and then I left.
Cool winds passed by me as I walked down the street, blowing gently through my hair. I smiled, the simple pleasures in life were always the best. I always loved the feeling of the wind blowing passed me. That's why I always loved to run. That's one of the reasons I had joined soccer in the first place. I've always been into speed, into wind. If that makes any sense.
Stopping at the corner, I raised my hand and hailed a cab. Three or four passing by before one finally stopped. Green and white. Always the same.
"Where too?" Same question, but it's understandable I suppose, can't get no where without the address.
"Crystal Club." I told him. He knew, everyone knew. It was the most popular club in Tokyo, at the time. That's where I was headed, where everyone wanted to go. The place to be. I had been there so many times I considered it out of style. Of course, my opinion never mattered.
One could hear the music coming from the club about two blocks before arrival. That's why it was situated on the other side of town. Where it wouldn't disturb anyone.
Paying the cab driver, I climbed out and made my way towards the front of the line. There was always a line; this place was so stereotypical that it was sickening. I never waited in line though, never had to. So, I walked to the front, greeted the bouncer and went it. He knew better then to stop me.
Inside it was loud; it was always loud inside the club. People moving and dancing, chatting loudly because of the music. All different kinds of people, most intoxicated. There was always this smell of lust in the air. Like sex was just something that went with the place, that and the loud pounding music.
I walked towards the dance floor, it was an instinctive movement—no, habitual but it felt almost like instinct. It was always the first place I went when I went there.
It was so easy to get lost there. So many people, so easy to become a speck, but then again aren't we all specks in this big universe.
The music pounded relentlessly in my ears, I closed my eyes and let my body move for me. A small smile creased my lips as I lost myself to the music. Swaying with the mass, I was speck in the universe. Nothing of importance, but content being so. I continued moving to the Techno playing. What was the song called again?
Ah, yes, It's a Fine Day.
Was it really? I didn't remember fine days anymore. They were all the same to me. Neither good nor bad. I could complain, yet I couldn't. All the same.
The movement of my body sped up. I'm not sure why. It just did, I was sweating. It was understandable. One sweats at a club, especially when active. My lips slightly parted because I had stopped breathing through my nose a while back and my eyes were still closed. It was like I had entered a zone. It was just me and the music, it was perfect.
And, of course, it stopped. Not the music, it still played loudly, pounding in my ears. But I stopped for a half a second, surprised as arms wrapped themselves around my waist and a chin rested itself on my shoulder. I could feel the body pressed against my back, gently forcing me to move again, with the music, at a slower pace now.
It's going to be a fine night tonight
"Going too fast for this song." The body pressed closer, rocking at a slower pace. I closed my eyes and continued moving. Letting him dictate the movements of my body, just like he did my life.
"Really? I didn't notice."
"Lost in your own word?" Amusement, he was always amused about something or other. I never met someone that could be amused twenty four seven. It was slightly irritating. Kinda like the music playing, repetitive. Both of them.
"Yeah."
"Thinking of me?"
It's going to be a fine day tomorrow
Maybe it would be. I wasn't sure. I've never cared much for what happens tomorrow. Only what happens today. Today is what's important. But if it were anything like that day, it would be nothing. Nothing at all. It would be the same.
Always the same and yet, different. It was hard to explain. It was him. Always him. He made it different, he made it repetitive. He could make it bland and he could make it so exciting. He was and he wasn't. He was a yin and a yang all in one. That made no sense, no—yes it did.
It's going to be a fine night tonight
"I've missed you." The words were whispered in my ear, followed by a soft kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes again, letting him control my movements. "Did you missed me?"
His hands moved over my stomach, gentle caresses over tight leather. It felt good, it always felt good. I wished it wouldn't, it would be so much easier if it hadn't felt so wonderful. So much easier to hate him if his touches didn't feel so wonderful. If his eyes didn't shimmer so much, if he wasn't so kind.
Why was he so kind? Why did the night have to be so fine? Why couldn't it be horrible? Why couldn't he be horrible? Then I could hate him. Then, maybe, I would have been able to follow sister's lead.
"Yes, I missed you." I whispered back, I'm not even sure how he could hear it when there was so much noise around us. But he heard, I could feel the smile against my flesh.
Then he turned me around to face shimmering green eyes. Smiling eyes, eyes I could not forget even if I tired. Eyes I could not bring myself to hate, no matter how hard I tired. Eyes that haunted my past, my present, and even my future.
We continued to dance, our bodies swaying to the music. We talked as we dance, his green eyes shimmering as he spoke of his day. About the things he had rather been doing. Of the things we would do together. His eyes shimmered when I spoke as they always did. He was always interested, always wanted to know. Keeping tabs…
Our dancing continued for a while, I don't remember how long. Then we drank something. His hands wandering over my body as he spoke of the most mundane things. Suave smile always intact, he could be so infuriating. And yet, I could never be angry with him. Never…but how hard I tired. How much I wanted to. And when I was alone, away from him, I would succeed. But then I would see him and it would disappear and it would not.
It hurt my head to think about it.
After sometime light petting became heavy petting and we moved. We moved to that little room people liked to screw in. I never asked what it was called. It wasn't important and it wasn't like I was going to tell anyone about it. Besides, that was what it was there for. To screw.
We moved inside, the door shutting behind us, eyes raised to look at us, each with their own encoded look. I ignored them, concentrating on the form pressed against me. On the lips brushing the sensitive areas of my neck. On the hands pushing me down onto the platform.
He moved for a moment, hands raising to untie his long silver mane. His hair, his pride and joy, nothing was more important then his hair. The second thing was his money and then his pet. His pet…
He looked at me again, green eyes shimmering. His lips moving silently. I'm not sure what he said, but I smiled anyway, force of habit. And it was better then not acknowledging it. That would just bring problems that I didn't want to deal with.
He crawled over to me only stopping when he was completely above me. His hair grazing over me, caressing my flesh lightly. It felt good and he knew it. He leaned forward a little, still smiling that infuriating smile of his, his eyes peering into mine.
"Enjoying yourself, pet?" I had to literally fight back the urge to roll my eyes. He was becoming dominating again. Something that always happened when sex was just around the corner.
Okay, so he was dominating all the time, but he didn't call me pet until moments like this. Where he knew that he would be claiming me again, showing me whose boss in a sense. Again it was infuriating, and whenever I thought about it, I just wanted to punch him in the face and leave me. But I couldn't. That wasn't an option. He knew it too and he loved it.
We kissed, my mouth opening to him. There was no point in fighting. Useless waste of energy. There was only one way to stop it and I couldn't. I couldn't follow my sister's lead. I couldn't hurt my parent's like that. So I closed my eyes, trying to get my body to go on automatic. I still hadn't fully mastered that technique, but I was getting there. I had to do it just right, if not he'd notice. He couldn't notice.
Time past, we were still fooling around, he liked to prolong the inevitable for as long as possible. Always tiring to drive me crazy with lust and passion, there were only a few times where he accomplished it. All other times followed the old female rule of faking it.
Oh sure don't get me wrong, I was turned on. You can't fake a hard on (unless you think very sexy thoughts about someone else) and it wasn't like he awful at it. It was just that he wasn't whom I wanted to be doing it with. And so many other reasons that just kinda killed the moment. But I've always been good at faking and suppressing so it wasn't that big of an issue. He never noticed.
He was still in that odd area between foreplay and getting on with it, when I felt as if I was being watched. Cocking my head just a tiny bit, opening and shifting my eyes, I saw something—or should I say someone—I wasn't expecting. Yagami Taichi.
First thing I thought was: "shit, busted". Second thing was: "who gives a fuck". Then I went back to kissing Kyo. I was pretty sure, he hadn't noticed Taichi. Actually, I knew full well he hadn't noticed Taichi, he could be such a fool sometimes.
I opened my eyes and looked at Taichi again, wondering what the hell he was doing here and why the hell was he watching? I might be a pet, but I sure as hell am not a porn star. But fine if he wanted porn, he'd get porn. I was already one thing, why not the other. I had become a lot more excepting over the years, less fiery I guess.
For some reason, as I continued my exportation of my would-be lover's body, I couldn't tear my eyes away from Taichi's. They were so beautiful, they always had been. Once long ago, my eyes were the same as his. Now the only resembles was in color. We weren't the same anymore (actually, we never really had been the same, just having similar attributes), now we were completely different. Completely and utterly different.
And, for some unexplained reason, I almost hated him for not being like me. I'm a fool. I hated myself for almost wishing that upon him. He didn't deserves what I went through, no one did. But I still couldn't help but be angry. He didn't have to put up with what I did. He had an undefined future. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted and their was nothing weighing down on his conscious, crushing him like one of the those cartoon characters that have an anvil fall on their heads. He was lucky and I wasn't. I learned to live with it.
He continued to watch us until Kyo started to unzip my pants. That was when he turned and ran like if that simple action had triggered the fight or flight mechanism.
What Taichi? Gotta a nosebleed?
There was no point analyzing it. If I didn't start concentrating on Kyo he would have gotten annoyed. Anyway, I would deal with Taichi later, which I knew I was going to have too, since Taichi was one of the nosiest people I have ever met and I know he wouldn't rest until he found out everything. Annoying me because it would shatter a few masks and bring a few secrets to the surface.
People were going to find out things that they weren't suppose to know. And I knew I was going to end up getting hurt. It was one of those inevitable things. Something you just saw coming. But at that moment, I couldn't ponder that, I had to concentrate on Kyo, whom was doing some very interesting things south of the boarder. Oi! That was cheesy!
TBC
Oh, for all whom weren't aware of it, It's a fine day belongs to Miss Jane not me. And anything written in this part that seems to contradict other things said is purely intentional. Daisuke's confused therefore he likes to contradict himself. ^_^
I should be out with the next chapter soon, but then I've been saying that for a while now to other people. Chapter 3 is a big ol' debate in my head, especially so after rereading this chapter. All drawn out and stupid. So we'll see, na?