Deceptions
Chapter 12
Obi-wan Kenobi walked down the hallway to his quarters as now, after receiving the latest word from Anakin, he was even more determined than ever to at least try to talk to his Padwan. The message had been polite enough, yet almost icy in its formality. Anakin had stated that he would be returning to the Capital with a matter of a few days, and despite their respectively busy schedules, he had hoped they would be able to at least share a meal. Indeed, the message could have been from a casual acquaintance just as easily as it had been from his old learner. He had been meaning to try to bridge the ever widening gap between them but the words would never come when he wanted them to. As of late, successive attempts at talking to Anakin had lead to increasingly heated arguments. The pace of Anakin's training, his actions outside of the temple that tested the patience of Obi wan and the Council alike, not in the least his increasingly 'friendly association with The Supreme Chancellor and of Course, Padmé Amidala. Obi-wan sighed inwardly. How could he explain to Anakin that it was for his own good? That his enormous strength with the force needed more nurturing, more control. Something Anakin Skywalker did not posses as of yet. An involuntary shudder ran through him as he gave pause to the thought. Anakin had the potential to be one of the greatest Force users in the history of the Jedi, or the most destructive, and at present, he was an unstable as a neutron star. Without the proper training... the thought made even the wisest masters and the council tremble. They had hid their concern under a mask of towering indifference with the idea being to keep him close as hand, to be watched more carefully, to be trained harder. The discipline would be hard for both Master and Padawan, yet as transgressions were to be dealt with more harshly, the potential for the end result would be so much greater. In the long run Anakin would eventually understand, Obi wan hoped, that this was a sign of love, not punishment.
His thoughts drifted to the questions he did not wish to ask. He would have to soon, Obi wan knew, or the council would. Padme' Amidalla. His luncheon with the Senator from Naboo had started off well enough. They had exchanged pleasantries, and enquired after mutual friends, celebrating their victories and lamenting others passing. Indeed, things had been enjoyable enough until the subject of Anakin had been broached. The Senator had dropped the friendly, informal air that had permeated their luncheon and had become almost as unfathomable as Anakin himself.
"We are good friends Master Kenobi," she had replied to the unforgivable moment when he had pressed the issue of their relationship, and citing the fact that indeed relationships were permissible outside of the Order and, ever the politician, deftly turning the conversation away as quickly as possible. What had possessed him to even attempt to press the issue with the Senator? As an outsider, she would never understand the issues of attachment and dispassion that was core to the Jedi order. Despite the fact that both the Senate and the Jedi served the Republic, the similarity ended there and she could never understand that by trying to protect Anakin, she was truly hurting him.
Obeying an impulse he could not ignore, Obi-wan contacted the Senator's new Chief of security, Captain Sion.
"Captain, this is Obi wan Kenobi" he called.
"Yes Master Kenobi," came the prompt reply.
"Is the Senator there?" Obi-wan asked hopefully, but oddly doubtful.
"Yes," the Captain responded. ". She's asleep in her bed, she sent the rest of the staff away and retired earlier this evening, claiming illness. I can see her on the security cam. "
"Alone, I hope" thought Obi wan, but he didn't dare speak such concerns aloud. "Thank you Captain. Kenobi, out."
'At least he wasn't with her,' thought Obi wan, visibly relieved. He decided to take advantage of one of the meditation chambers and try to clear and organize his thoughts. After the battle of Geonosis, things had seemed to settle down. Anakin had come back from Naboo seeming more grounded than he had in a long time. More at peace with himself. He seemed to willing accept the fact that the onset of the Clone Wars would delay his trails and Anakin even seemed to put himself more deeply into his training, showing signs of the Jedi that he could someday be. No one seemed to mind that he spent his off planet time on Naboo, or that he spent much of his free time engaged in the informational debates that the Senate
sometimes had held.
"It's important to keep up with the issues Master." Anakin had told him when he had inquired about his sudden interest in politics. If there had been any suspicions then, no one had acted upon them.
Obi-wan had made sure Anakin had trained harder than ever before. Meetings between the Senator and his Padawan, when they occurred, were always kept short and decidedly not personal. Did Anakin suspect that the council knew? Again, Anakin's abilities to hide his feelings made it impossible to really tell, but his increasing short temperedness, and longer times away when he wasn't on assignment told a different story.
Obi-wan sighed again. How he wished that Qui Gon was still here. That he had trained the boy instead of leaving it to Obi-wan, a man who was barely a knight himself when he had taken on his master's progeny. Barely a man, trying to raise a boy himself.
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Back at what he had dubbed the 'Smuggler's Flat" while Padmé slept, Anakin allowed himself to doze, hoping that Padmé's presence combined with the relative privacy of their place would stave off the worse of the visions that plagued him as of late. Visions where he relived the assault on the tuskens at Tatooien. Again, and again, and again. Only this time, when the slaughter was finished, he wasn't surrounded by the bodies of the raiders. No, the bodies that surrounded him always faded and changed and became those of his friends. His masters. Padmé. An involuntary shudder ran through his body and once again, he reached out for Padmé's presence, searching for comfort there. He started stroking her side as well, enjoying her very nearness, tracing his left hand down her side and lightly brushing her abdomen.
Suddenly, he pulled away, a bit shocked. He remembered that the last time they had truly been together, he had noticed an almost imperceptible… ripple for want of a better word, in her force signature, and now... now they were together again and not only was it there again, but this time it was stronger. Stronger, as if it were growing…
His eye widened in a mixture of surprise and disbelief. It couldn't be! Not his Angel… Perhaps couldn't wasn't the right word. Although they had always been careful, there was always the possibility…
Anakin carefully placed his hand back on her lower belly and opened himself fully to the force, frightened, but unhesitant and sure enough, it was there. A Second life force intertwined with his beloved's…
He gasped and pulled away, shivering. An odd mixture of fear, excitement and pride coursed through his very being and suddenly, he wanted to both wildly embrace his wife and at the same time, run terrified through the bowels of the Coco district. Anakin settled for a modified version of the former, pulling her close and kissing her.
Padmé sighed softly, waking at his touch.
"Sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to wake you…"
"That's alright," she replied, cuddling closer to him. "What time is it?"
"Early…" he admitted. "Padmé… Do you want to tell me something?" He tried to keep the excitement out of his voice.
She sighed softly, closing her eyes. "Good… I'm not ready to go back by any stretch of the imagination…" she wrinkled her forehead in consternation. "What would I want to tell you that I haven't already? Unless you've developed a sudden interest in the refugee relief movement..."
"No," he pressed nervously, his voice beginning to shake a little.
"Then what?" she asked, getting a little perturbed. "Anakin, I love you, I love you, but I'm also very tired…"
"Have you been to a Healer?"
"Anakin…"
"Have you?" he asked again, more urgently this time.
Padmé sighed again, obviously more than a little irritated. "If you've heard that I've been a little off colour, you're right, but it hasn't required the attention of a Healer…"
"You haven't noticed?" he blurted out, unable to contain himself for much longer.
"Anakin, enough!" she cried.
He bit his lower lip, and wordlessly took her hand and placed it on her belly with his own. She met his eyes, and her own widened in shock as she made the connection at last.
"How do you know? I mean… are you sure?" She gasped, her voice barely a whisper.
"Sure…" he choked. "I can feel it… him or her… through the Force…."
Padmé closed her eyes, and began to weep.
"No…" she said at last. "This can't happen. Anakin, we CAN'T allow this to happen… we just CAN'T!!!"
"What do you mean?" he asked her, incredulous.
"I mean, NO!" she sobbed. "It'll be the end of everything… THEY won't allow it to live! THEY will take everything away from us!!!"
"WHO?"
"The Jedi! The Senate!! All of them!!" Padmé broke down in fits of sobbing, Frightened, Anakin's mind raced, trying to pull anything out of his training that would help the situation… anything… redirection would do for a start. Just anything, but this terrified madness over a situation he could barely grasp himself.
"Your parents, think about them..." he said quietly, trying to maintain his own composure. After a few moments, she finally began to calm down. "Think about your parents…" he repeated softly.
"Remember when we first told them that we were married... It took your father MONTHS to stop calling me 'that damned Jedi boy'..."
Padmé giggled, despite herself. "It was only AFTER their wedding anniversary party and J'hal appeared that he finally accepted the fact that I could have done so much worse for myself..."
"Yes," Anakin snorted. "He introduced me as 'Son' when that little whelp began pointing out the flaws in his design of the treasury building..."
Padmé's giggles became choked sobs, and Anakin began to rock her gently, back and forth, tenderly nuzzling her hair trying desperately to reassure her.
"Yes," she said at last. "I still miss them, even after all of this time. But they died doing what they had to do Ani... I couldn't ask them for more than that..." she trailed off, it was a lie and they both knew it. He began stroking her hair, trying to sooth her troubled soul.
"I'm sorry," she sniffed after a few minutes, trying to regain some of her composure. "I know I should let it go, but I miss them terribly sometimes...and now.. especially now... Oh Ani, I'm so afraid..."
"It's alright," he said. "You know I'm here and no harm will come to you..."
"Sometimes... sometimes I HATE them Ani..." she said softly, "As if they did that to me on purpose... I know it wasn't their fault, that it might have happened any other time that they went out on rescue missions... 'Son'... they would be grandparents Ani!" she sobbed again, trying to continue. "Our people have always shared our resources with others... it's the way of the Naboo... other families have suffered far greater losses... why does it hurt so much?"
Anakin gently touched the link they shared. Every sob, every hitch of her breath was a dagger in his heart she was so frightened and in so much pain that he would do ANYTHING if he thought that he could help her, even a little bit. Anything...
'Forgive me Padmé 'he thought to himself.
"Padmé..." he said quietly. "It will be alright, I promise... Do you believe me?"
A shuddering sigh was her only response.
"Padmé, please answer me..." Anakin now lowered his voice to barely above a whisper, yet there was an unmistakable note of command there. "Close your eyes... Angel..."
"Yes," she said at last. "But I'm still so very afraid. Is that so wrong?" she shivered a bit but had calmed down considerably.
Anakin ignored her question. "We'll talk about it more tomorrow..." he said softly. "You'll feel better after a night's sleep..." That gentle push had crept back into his voice, and she repeated after him obediently.
"I'll feel better after a night's sleep"
"Sleep well Angel..." he whispered and she sighed almost contentedly.
"I love you Ani..."
"And I love you too, more than you will ever know..."