+Chapter 14 – That girl of Zell's
Author's Notes: Thank you for that encouraging piece of review, Prodigy. This fic is so lame that I can't stomach it myself… but being kind-hearted people, no one has pointed that out so far. The number of reviews was a good indication, though. I guess I had better stick to my third persons… damn… not like I'm so good at those either. I seriously need to take a break and buff up on my ideas and writing before I continue on another fic… Meanwhile… please bear with me while I try my best to make the remaining chapters of this one as good as possible. I just hope I don't screw up again.
As always, I urge you to write me some reviews… even if it's criticisms. I need them to improve, you know? Thanks a million. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
--------Q--------
"Hey, Celestine! Wait a minute!" I called out to the willowy girl walking in front of me along the main corridor.
I had been looking for her, which wasn't a difficult task. It's not just her unique hair colour and tall figure, but also because of the aura she gives off and the way she practically floats even as she tries hard to walk normally. She always manages to attract attention towards herself, even as she desperately wants to remain inconspicuous.
She recognises my voice and turns in delight, a wide smile extending from cheek to cheek while her eyes lit up along with it.
This girl of Zell's was consistently friendly each time I see her, always having a smile for everyone whom she meets; from the cleaning lady to the elderly guard at the gates. This instantly makes her a hit among us, for who could resist a girl who charms all with her honest gaze and who seems to reach out to everyone? There wasn't a trace of falseness in her… and we liked that.
Come to think of it, she was a little like Sefie actually, only less grating on the nerves when you're having a pounding headache. Maybe it was due to the fundamental differences between them as well. I had often caught myself sensing a tinge of sorrow hidden in her eyes beneath her sunny smile. It was a fleeting thought… and yet I believe I was right.
"Hiya… Quis! Looking for me?" Her eyes twinkled in a warm light that I always thought was particularly reserved for me. Was I flattering myself? I hope not, for it seems that she takes a special liking to me as well. And did I ever mention that I loved the way she says my name?
"That's right. I need to have a talk with you. If you don't mind, could we have a chat over lunch?"
"Of course I won't mind! Rarely do we get a chance to lunch together! Now that the men are out on mission… we can at least find some time to catch up with each other!"
"Great! I'll meet you at the cafeteria entrance at twelve noon!" I returned her smile with a grateful grin. Was I afraid that she would reject the invitation? Hmm…
"Okay! I won't be late. See you then!" She floated towards her destination, presumably the Training Centre, since she was wearing her physical training kit of sleeveless cropped tee and running shorts. It looks to me that these days, everyone's breaking the rules by training in there alone… well as long as no one gets hurt, I won't be so severe (and stupid!) as to squeal on them.
Someday, I'm going to ask her to train with me. It must be quite an eye-opening experience, I'm sure… if what we saw at the Shrine of the Great Mother was anything to go by…
--------Q--------
Eleven forty-five a.m.
I looked at my watch and found myself left with ample time on my hands. I sat at the bench opposite the entrance of the cafeteria and started going through in my mind what I would be asking her… and how to phrase it.
"Hey, Quis! I'm sorry that I'm late! Have you been waiting long?" Her voice sounded above my head. I looked up to meet her large pair of sapphires, which were filled with apology. My reputation of intolerance for unpunctuality must have reached her ears as well… should I be glad or regretful that I had made that kind of impression on other people?
Shaking my head to clear the drifting thoughts, I looked at my watch to find that it was only two minutes to noon.
"You're aren't the least bit late, Celestine. I was too early. Recently, I've been starting to think that it's a bad habit to be too early!"
"No, it isn't! People can always count on you to be on time! They like to rely on you. Although…" Her sentence trailed off. Maybe she was unwilling to say what was on her mind for fear of offending me?
"You can tell me. I promise not to be angry. I'm not THAT petty!" I chastised her with a shaking finger and a half-disapproving, half-smiling face (if that's even possible, but I managed to do it…)
"Haha… that wasn't what I had wanted to imply, Quis. I think you place too much burden on yourself, that's all."
"Too much burden on myself…?" I mumbled.
"Come on, let's grab a seat first." She walked towards an empty table with a tray in hand. As usual, the crowd at the cafeteria stared at the ethereal beauty while automatically parting to give way to her. Such was the extent of her grace and influence on them.
As we set our lunches down, I was still mulling over her words.
"Quis, no one actually expects you to always bear the responsibility. You should learn to rely on others for help as well." She took a tiny sip of her water.
"You have a point there. It's just that… I've acted this way ever since I was a kid. I felt that I had to take care of everything… I suppose it kinda made me feel important… and needed."
"Yeah… I know…." She said softly… but sure enough she had said it.
"How did you know? We were so little then. Were you there along with us?" Finally, I can somehow breach the issue that had been occupying my mind for so long.
"Quis, did Zell ever tell you what I was?" She asked, an uneasy look on her face.
"He didn't specifically say it out, but we could guess. You're sort of his Guardian Angel?"
"Yes, that's right. But did he tell you since when?"
"No." I shook my head. Zell hadn't told us very much about his girl, now that I think about it.
"He didn't because his memories of me were faded. But actually, I started looking after him since he was three, at the orphanage. Which means that I've seen you guys as well."
"Ah…" I gasped, putting my hand to my mouth. "That explains a lot." I said, relieved that the question was resolved…. well, at least part of it was.
And relieved that the familiar feeling wasn't just in your mind, aren't you?
"You have something else on your mind." She stated. Not asked, stated.
"Was it that obvious?" I looked at her in surprise.
"No… I've been around longer than you know, and these things come easier to me."
"I see… there's this other question that's been sort of hanging at the back of my mind… I don't really know how to put it…"
"Does it have something to do with Damien?"
"You can sense that as well?" I asked, astonished.
"No… HaHaHa… you make me sound like some sort of freak! It was only an educated guess."
"So… what I'm asking is… was Damien 'related' to me in some way? Cos I felt a strange dizziness when he was around, over at the Great Mother's Shrine."
"Great Mother eh? That's what Zell told you, or rather, what he didn't tell you…" She looked away for a moment, and a rapid flash of something travelled across her face… I couldn't quite catch what it was.
"Celestine?'
"Oops… sorry. Just had to tuck a stray thought away. You were asking about Damien?"
I nodded, wondering if the stray thought had something to do with Zell.
"Damien has the same relationship to you what I had with Zell. Without the love, of course." She waited expectantly for my reaction.
"Meaning to say…" I couldn't continue, unable to accept the truth just yet… although I must have guessed a part of it given all those obvious clues.
"He was your Guardian Angel. And Seifer's as well before he chose you as his Lady. The dizziness you had experienced before was in relation to his conflicting loyalties."
"But why?"
"Why did he turn on Zell in such a way? It was mostly my fault." She looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly to stop something from coming out.
"Your fault?" I was awfully puzzled, having not a bit of understanding at what she was saying.
"It's really a private matter. I wouldn't think he's willing to let you know it from my mouth. Why don't you ask him yourself?" She finally looked down and straight at me.
"Ask him myself?"
"Don't you want to meet him? He has been guarding over you and Seifer again from the time he returned to Angel Land after the incident."
I was at a loss for words. The turn of events had come faster than I could handle. And yet… I was sorely tempted as well.
"Why don't you discuss this with Seifer when he returns tomorrow? I'm sure that would make it easier for you to decide."
"But is it really okay for him to meet us like this? I mean, an Angel can't appear in front of humans as and when he likes, can he? You're an exception, I know… but…" I was typically full of reservations.
"Quis, you really shouldn't worry so much. Just tell us what you want, and we'll do our best to fulfil it. As for Damien… Angel Land has relaxed the rules quite fairly… and you've seen him before anyway, so there's really no harm to it." She gave another one of her broad smiles.
"Thanks a lot, Celestine. I'll discuss with Seifer. I'm sure he'd be as eager as I am to meet Damien."
"He's been literally begging me to arrange a meeting… ooh now he's making an angry face at me!"
"He's here?" I looked around, but saw nothing.
"He's concealed his presence… much better at it than I was." She said in a sheepish tone.
"Oh." I felt a little odd. "Well, I guess I have to get going for my next lesson."
"Sure, you go ahead. I had a great time, thanks! Oh, I'll clear the trays. You mustn't be late."
"I owe you much, Celestine." I gave her a final look, which I hoped was sincere enough.
"Now don't say that! Bye! End of conversation!"
"Bye!" I waved and trotted out of the cafeteria in a hurry.
------------------------------------------------*Celestine*----------------------------------------------------
I looked around the cafeteria. It was pretty empty, since lunch hour was over ten minutes ago.
"You can come out now." I told him.
Damien materialised in the seat that Quis had vacated earlier.
"Celestine, I can't thank you enough." He looked at me with such gratitude that I just had to turn my head away.
Lately… it had been getting harder to face him, knowing how much hurt I had caused.
How had I known about it, since he obviously wouldn't have said it to me?
Zell had hinted at it a little by telling me to cut him some slack.
And one fine day, Tanya, Squall's Angel, had come up to me and said as much.
"He loves you! Stop treating him like dirt!"
She shouted with a voice evidently hoarse from crying, eyes all puffy and red.
Looking at me for a long time, she opened and closed her mouth many times, but couldn't find any words to blame me with… in the end she just gave up with a shuddered breath and walked away desolately.
I wanted to run after her and plea with her to scold me, and hit me even. But for no apparent reason at all, my feet were rooted to the spot.
"It wasn't much…" I muttered, shaking my head to chase the memory away.
"Why won't you look at me anymore?" Anger was prominent in his tone.
"I… I'm sorry for what I did to you…" I finally found the courage to look into his violet eyes with quite a bit of effort. I'd missed looking at them, as I had missed those sibling-like talks I used to have with him before it all went awry…
His face changed immediately to a surprised one, indicating that he was caught off-guard by my words. Then it melted with sorrow.
"I don't need an apology at all…" He said, his voice full of pain… I wanted so much to take it away… but no one had ever taught me how to…
Hyne… why does this have to happen to him? I feel like the greatest sinner in a thousand years. How can I lessen the pain for him? If only I was the one bearing it…If only I hadn't said all those harsh words…I'm the greatest fool there ever was…
"I know, whatever I say now can do nothing to rectify the wrongs…" My voice hovered dangerously on its breaking point as the weight of my guilt leaned heavily on it.
"There are neither wrongs nor rights in matters of the heart, Celestine. Even if it's rejection in the cruellest form…"
He sighed; supporting his face with a hand propped up on an elbow and looked at me with resignation written all over it.
"The only thing I need now is for things to return to normal. Even if you do not love me the way I do, I still cherish the closeness we shared before."
"You do? It doesn't suck that I can't return your feelings?"
"Of course it sucks, but that's the way life is. No one ever said it was going to be easy. The only difference is how you take the challenges Hyne throws out to you. It would take a lot more than a rejected love to bring me down, you hear?"
Why does he have to be so nice to me? It makes me hate myself even more… and if I were to tell this to him, he would probably scold me for thinking in such a way…
I looked up at him tearfully.
"Why do you show that kind of expression? It's not like the end of the world is impending! People are going to think that I was bullying you, you know? Be good, give me one of your super smiles!"
I turned the ends of my mouth up a little.
" Needs a lot more sun in it… but it'll suffice for the time being. Now… I had better go protect my Lady if you'll excuse me." He stood up, ruffled my hair like I was his kid sister, and vanished into the air.
"Oh, and Celestine. Zell never told them about your mother only because he doesn't want to cause necessary uneasiness among your friends. Don't reproach him for it. Ask him about it by all means, but keep that accusing tone of yours out of the way. He has a big burden to bear." Damien's voice echoed in my mind.
"Who says that you can sense my thoughts?" I shouted at him, shaking my fist in the air.
"Now, that's more like the little sister I know!" He laughed, and floated away towards Quis' direction.
Zell: (Shakes his head) Women!
WL: What's wrong, Zell Zell?
Z: (Surprised) I thought you said you'd never see me again?
WL: WHAT? AFTER THE MANY TIMES I HAD APPEARED THEN YOU ASK THIS KIND OF QUESTION? Anyway… that was in the previous story. Why, do you loathe me this much?
Z: No… just surprised, that's all.
WL: What was that you were muttering about women?
Z: You don't tell your friends about her Mother, she interrogates you about it. If you do, I suspect she'll yell at you for being a blab.
WL: Suspect, eh? That means you aren't sure of it. You were talkin' about Celestine, I gather?
Z: Yeah. (Head dips a little low.) I can't seem to please her.
WL: She's an Angel, but she has her moods too.
Z: Moods?
WL: She finds out about Damien's feelings for her, and reproaches herself for everything that happened because of that. Most deeply, she blames herself for the hurt that resulted in him, and the injuries you sustained.
Z: I never knew that!
WL: Go talk to her. She needs it, even if she doesn't say it out.
Z: Thanks.
WL smiles sadly at him and acknowledges with a nod.
Z: Why are you sad?
WL: You don't need or want to know.
Z: Okay… bye.
Zell runs out of there in search of Celestine.
Water Lily reaches out a hand… but drops it when he disappears from her sight.
WL: He's right… WOMEN!
Author's notes: I like describing people. Even though it doesn't show in terms of skill… Heh.
And I shouldn't have added to the confusion by pulling in Celestine's voice as well… but it was necessary for the next step.