Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Harry Potter-verse so don't sue or my platypi will be after you, even the apprenticeship thing isn't mine; I first read it in The Sorcerer's Apprentice by Jacquez. The story is really good, so I strongly suggest you go read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=687280

Chapter 8: Blink

I got up later then usual that morning, and as I entered the main room I saw that breakfast had already been laid out for me by the house elves. I was halfway done when I noticed Harry's door creak open on my far left. He walked slowly to the table and hesitated before sitting across from me. I hadn't yet looked up or acknowledged him in any way, and he was obviously waiting for me to reprimand him. However, I had no intention to do so before finishing my meal, so he sat uncomfortably across from me, not looking at anything in particular.

When I had eaten the last bit of egg off my plate and waved it away, I looked up at him and he met my gaze but I did not say a word, he would talk first. During the minutes of silence, I watched him and tried to judge his emotional state. The last time I had seen him he looked weary and dejected, but now- it was hard to say really. He looked… blank.

"Can you blame me?" He spoke suddenly with a surprising amount of casualness. I was surprised at the difference in tone between out last meeting and this. He sounded relaxed and he spoke almost jokingly. "It's not like you never tried to escape her." What's going on? How could he change so quickly? He's acting as if… as if it never happened. Damn, it's happened again. Shit! I waited too long to see him again. I should have known he would handle his past the same way again if given the chance. He's rebuilt his happy shell. Some of my surprise and disappointment must have shown through on my face. "What, you thought no one knew? Everyone did, it was common knowledge." I ignored his question and spoke coldly.

"She will notice your absence shortly." He checked his watch.

"Eighteen seconds."

"And what do you plan to do when she comes storming down?"

"Hide?" he suggested lightheartedly, I glared at him. "You mean you won't help me?" His phrase startled me, on the surface it was playful, but I heard underlying panic and desperation. His shell must not yet have been complete; I could hear him crying for help through a crack. It may have seemed to anyone not privy to his past that he just wanted help hiding from Poppy, but knowing what I knew, I could hear the double-entendre. He was being very subtle, I wasn't even sure he consciously decided on his words, or realized what he had said, so I returned subtlety.

"I will not help you hide from your problems." I barked coldly, and then added less edgily, "however, you may confront her here." During my last word there was a loud knocking on the door.

"Severus! Severus, I know he's in there! He has to be in bed! He is not well enough to leave my care yet! He needs at least one more week bed rest! Severus! Open this door right now!" Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to the door. He sighed before opening it and leaning against the doorframe, casually blocking her entrance. This should be interesting. No one has ever been able to convince her to release a patient sooner then she would allow.

"Hullo-" He started lazily; from my vantage point I could she was surprised to see anyone open the door, let alone Harry. The shock didn't last long though.

"What are you doing out of bed? I told you expressly that you need rest for the poisons to come out properly! If not it will just take longer and be more taxing on you! Now get back up to the hospital wing this instant! I swear, you're as bad as Severus!" I couldn't see his facial expression as she motioned for him to leave with her, but I did see that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Unfortunately I am obliged defy your wishes, even though I'm sure you know best, and that my freedom will not come without cost to both myself and your inventory. I don't like being cooped up and I can assure you that it would not be pleasant for you or me to have me in bed for another week. You took really great care of me and I thank you very much but respectfully decline your invitation." Smooth Harry, but not smooth enough. I smirked as I notice the shade of Poppy's face redden in anger as she opened her mouth to let out a tirade. Now this should be fun.

"I don't care what you think or know! Or the fact that you think you have a choice! You don't! You are my patient and you cannot be discharged until I say! You shouldn't even try, I've heard it all and you're no different! No, I take it back, you are different! It's even more important for you to stay in care the appropriate amount of time considering your past!" Uh oh. Poppy's hand flew to her mouth as the last words were finished, her face a combination of shock and regret. She had mentioned his past. Nobody had mentioned his past in just over a year, or so she thought. I nervously watched Harry, not sure of how he would respond, I noticed him stiffen, but it seemed he would not do anything else. I let out the breath I had been holding quietly, so his shell really isn't whole, good. He relaxed soon enough, but he had still acknowledged that the past happened, it was a start. There was a long pause before Harry spoke in a would-be relaxed voice.

"If I go back with you, you know I'll try to leave in any means possible, and I dare say making such a long trip down to the dungeons every night would be more exerting then if I were to stay simply stay here. If you allow me to do so I'll gladly take the required potions and I'm sure I can do most of the spells on myself that you did." arrogant as always It was hard to discern exactly what the tension was like between him and Poppy, but I assumed there must have been some, other wise she would not have looked so unsure and even a little scared. I quite enjoyed seeing the look on her face and seriously considered getting out a camera.

"I- umm I-I suppose, um- yes, alright. I'll just er- I'll just go get the potions but you- you must uh- rest and I- I want Severus to do some of the spells, I'll- I'll talk to him later. So I'll just go." What the bloody hell? Did I just hear her stammer an agreement? She'd never! How did he? Why was she so scared? While she spoke she had been backing up slowly and as she finished she dashed away as quickly as she could with being conspicuous, of course failing miserably. Now that was odd. Harry closed the door behind her and walked back to his room casually, eyes to the floor, although I noticed a stiffness to his strides. I stopped him after he passed my chair. Standing behind my seat I could not see his face, but did not change my posture to try to see it.

"What was that all about?" I felt him shrug as he was about to start walking again, but I wasn't convinced. "Don't insult my intelligence," I growled, "you know perfectly well what that was about and if you expect me to waste my time casting spells over you while you continue to act so childishly you are sorely mistaken. Why was she so scared?" There was a long pause in which he stood perfectly still, his conscious mind inwardly debating how much he knew and how much to admit to knowing. He was still trying to convince himself none of his past had ever happened, so he talked slowly and coldly, making sure every word was not incriminating.

"Once when I was in her care, I reacted badly to some… stimuli and the outcome was not pleasant for any of the parties involved."

"Was the stimuli the same in that instance as it was in this?" I asked calmly, determined to get an answer. There was another long pause before I heard him walk away towards his chambers. Why even bother, damn it? Why? What does it matter how he is as long as he acts the way should? Why should I care? Why should anyone?

=Because he is important to the fight, he must be stable if he is to beat the dark. He is also important to me, don't let me down Severus.=

Albus? … damn this! I leapt up from my chair, knocking it backwards in the process, and reached Harry in one long stride. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face me, pinning him against the stone wall next to his door. I was angry, angry that he was making this so difficult, angry that Albus burdened me with this task and angry that I could hear voices in my head. Harry's head lifted up, and I saw his face. All my anger was swiftly dashed away as I looked at him. He was sad, tired, weary. There were dark circles under his eyes and his eyelids drooped over dull irises. He skin was pale and sagged; he was too tired to keep up his charade. He didn't even try to look well, he just let his painful emotions show plainly on his face. I faltered and drew back my hand slightly. He lowered his head, gripped the door handle and slipped inside his room. I stood for a moment with out moving, just staring at the spot where he had stood. What does this mean? He's fine one second and the next he's tortured. Is he not strong enough to build his shell once again? Does he lack strength physically or mentally? If he is too weak to withdraw himself again, will he be too weak to overcome this? Will I really be able to help? How can I? If I can't? I lowered my hand to my side dejectedly and looked longingly at the soft chairs by the fire. Resignedly, I walked to my comfort. Half way there I remembered and turned to look at the toppled chair. Lying on the floor it looked useless, no one would think to sit on it. It met its demise in my anger and haste but I could right it. All it would take is to lift and reposition it, however as easy as it sounded, it would be infinitely easier to just drop myself by the fire and let this all go away. I had never been afraid of hard work…until now. I slumped into the armchair and let myself stare blankly into the fire. Let it all go away.

Nothing……………… Snap. Wave. Voice.

"…up!" I blinked slowly as I recognized the end of something someone was saying to me, pulling me from my daze. It took a second for my brain to start processing this new information: the hand in from of my face, the person to my right, the voice drilling into my head. After I was brought back to the world my first thoughts were, bloody headache. After momentarily bringing my thumb and two fore-fingers to my forehead, I swatted at Poppy's hand which was still waving in front of my eyes.

"I know you're here you stupid woman, now what do you want." I snapped at her, causing her to grumble about the last time she posed me that question. "Tell me what it is and get out. Now."

"Well excuse me for tending to my patient! Whom, by the way, should full well still be in the hospital wing, not that health matters to either of you. Honestly, Severus, I think you're having a bad influence on him, I really do. He didn't use to cause me this much trouble, he was fine to say until he was ready to leave, rest properly, but now- work, work, work! You seem to think yourselves too important to be ill, but I don't know how either of you expect to work if you're dead on your feet! If I had my say-"

"Nobody asked for your say, Poppy, least of all me. Now please tell me your business and go."

"No, I suppose you wouldn't care what a professional might have to say would you?" I rolled my eyes and waited for her to continue. "Well fine, I have other things to do with my time. These are for Harry, he knows what to do with them." she plopped four fist-sized, one large and two small bottles down on the table. "The only thing you need to do is point at him with your wand once a day and say Activo Potio, he will most likely be in immense pain for a few seconds afterwards, but inducing pain is probably something you're used to." I glared at her smug comment and growled very menacingly.

"Leave. Now. Or you may just find out how 'used to' it I am." I saw very slight fear cross her otherwise haughty expression as she bid farewell.

"If there is an emergency, use this," she gently placed a very small fragile-looking bottle down on the table, "good day." I sneered in response as she walked out, closing the door hard behind her.

Now that the distraction was gone my eyes wandered over nervously to the numerous bottles on the table. Perhaps this time Poppy's over-protective antics were not so irrational. Ingesting so many potions is not a thing to be taken lightly. Harry knows this, why then did he insist to stay down here and do work, for he knew that that was what would greet him upon returning to me? I suppose the fear of experiencing another reliving without proper protection was motivation enough for him to… come to my aid? Idiot! He will be of no use to me if he is weak and will only get in the way if I must care for him! What was the bloody fool thinking!

I jumped up from my seat and swiftly swept over to Harry's door.

"Harry!" I called in a louder tone then I had used in a long time as I knocked and waited for a reply. When none came I knocked again… still no response. I sighed angrily and pushed the door open. The room was dimly lit by one candle in the corner opposite the door. My eyes adjusted quickly to the low light and I noticed Harry sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall.

"Harry! When you came down, I was under the impression you had made a responsible decision! A few moments ago Poppy brought me eight bottles of potion for you. Have you completely forgotten everything I ever taught you in potions, or were you too thick to ever learn any of it? I suspect it was a bit of both so why don't I clarify- taking too many potions makes you weak. If you are weak you will not be able to do any substantial work, and thus just be in my way. What's worse is if you do try to do too much work and you get yourself hurt or something you will need someone to care for you, and as much as I love doing Poppy's job for her, you will just be a burden. As such I am sending you back to her. Get your things and go!" In the dim light I couldn't make out his face so I waited impatiently for his soft, pleading answer.

"Please don't make me go."

"And why, prey tell, should I let you stay? Do you really think yourself so great that a little thing like eight potions won't make a dent in you? Are you still so arrogant?"

"No, it's just I…"

"Just what? Finish your sentences!"

"I- If I- When I'm in there…I'm too fine."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" I stormed over to the bed and lifted his chin so he was looking at me. I could feel my anger slipping away once again as I took in his sorry state, now with some added fear.

"Please calm down, Sir." He begged meekly, at the fear in his voice the rest of my anger was gone. I lowered my hand and stood straight.

"Explain." I ordered, though my tone was significantly softer.

"When I'm in her care she doesn't let me do anything so I have energy. When I have extra energy my mind tries to- tries to block out certain things… It's hard to explain but, I- I'm not exactly in… control of my brain… it- I- I can feel myself being closed in, walls being built around me. Even if I try, some things I can't remember. But it gets worse then… It makes masks, I feel horrible but all I can do is smile. I can feel it killing all my emotions but happiness. Without something to compare it to, happiness is just as bad as sadness. I tried to break free form the walls but I couldn't- I couldn't fight my own mind. I was its prisoner and I was so…scared." Not in control of his own mind? That doesn't sound very good. By his description it seems as though the only way his mind can handle what happened to him is by locking it up, but he said he was trapped in his own mind, did he split into two people, his true self who was trapped by his old self? I don't understand, but if he goes back to Poppy he sounds convinced that his mind will trap him again, rebuild its walls. I can't imagine- being trapped by your own mind? How?

~Did you really think I'd be sane after my time away?~

But still, your mind is you, you are your mind, how can you be trapped by your mind if you are your mind?

~You assume the mind can't fragment. Part of me couldn't handle what had happened so it separated and took over. When it separated it really became separate, I couldn't control it, it was like… having someone else in your mind. This other person suppressed the rest of my mind, I was trapped.~

But how, I still don't understand?

~It's like- consider the voices in your head. Imagine you had one that was yourself, only twenty years ago, when you were a loyal Death Eater. Now imagine if this voice slowly took over, controlling your actions, but leaving your thoughts your own. You are conscious enough to know what is happening and what you are doing, but you can't do a thing about it… Like being cursed with Imperio but staying conscious.~

But in third year you, fought Imperio, why couldn't you fight this?

~Trying to fight my own mind was like trying to fight gravity, no matter what I always kept falling… until I landed, I experience a reliving.~

That jolted you out?

~Yes, it weakened the suppressor enough for me to be free. But as I gained strength it was trying to imprison me again, I couldn't let it. The only way to be free was to keep it from having enough energy, so I came down here and that is why you mustn't make me go back… please.~

"You may stay and you will do work." My eyes refocused as I addressed Harry. I thought I could make out a bit of surprise in his face, obviously I had been chatting with Harry's voice for a little too long to go unnoticed. Done with both conversations I walked to the door and before closing it heard a whispered 'thank you'. I was surprised to feel the muscle at corner of my lips flex into a half smile as I walked over to my chair and righted it.

A.N.- hey! It's done! Yay! I'm soo sorry it took sooo long, but school is hard and homework is stupid : P especially when they give you so much that it takes up all your time! I wish I could say that the next chapter will come out sooner than this one did, but there really is no telling. On top of being busy I'm still sort of confused about where I'm going with this fic, I mean I know very vaguely where I will be in a few chaps but getting there is quite unthought of. (What is going to happen afterwards is still pretty rough too -_-()) What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry that the chaps will be slower now, but know that I will be doing my best ^ ^

Thanks for Reviewing!:

Deity: I'm glad ^^ but, again, sorry this didn't come out sooner

LegacyLady: Wow! Major Thank yous! ^^ I'm really glad you like the style, I worked hard on that ^_~ I really like your reviews! They always pick up on key elements and what I worked hardest on! Thank you very much!

Princess Kattera: Thanks! It's always so great to get new readers! It would be my pleasure to email you when I update ^^

Riverlady: Wow! Those are all really good ideas! … too bad it turned out I couldn't use any -_-() -- maybe I will be able to soon! I really hope so! You were the only person to give me suggestions so (dum dum duuuuum) you get a cookie! Hope you like this chap better! ^^

Saddarkeyes: Yeah! And some abso-bloody-lutely! He he! *is giddy* I haven't said anything yet… but we did watch the HP movie on the bus on a class trip! I nearly died! He he! It was so funny! I kept quoting scenes just before they happened! Everyone thought I was reeaally weird! It was so much fun ^^! ……. Hmm, you're very right, sev should help harry. I'll keep that in mind. … You're reviews always make me giddy! He he he *bounces of the walls* yay!!! I'm so glad you like my story ^^ and I'm sorry it took so long in coming! … (I don't know if you've updated recently, since I haven't read anything in an eternity [7 days] but if you haven't- GET TO WORK! *ehem* and if you have- yay! Can't wait to read it!… do you have anything new? Some of it in you profile thingee looked new, but I'm not sure, is it?)

Izean: I'm glad you love it and hope this chap is better! (though some how I don't think it will really be getting any better till the action picks up again in awhile.. oh well, you'll just have to wait ^^)

Cheshire: I completely agree, white does blend nastily with white, it also get dirty so easily, lol … I'm glad you liked it! (I love the sev and harry fics too ^^ how can someone not?) Thanks!

Saavik: nope, no slash

Pink Moon: I glad.

Balizabeth: Wow, thanks, all in one go eh? Cool, are there any discrepancies you noticed? Please tell me if you did ^^ One of the best?? Wow! I mean really wow! There are so many good ones! Thanks! It even means more coming from you because in your review you really sounded like a person who didn't just like everything- which is why I'm glad you liked my fic! And, yup I try to keep Sev as sarcastic, witty and cutting as I can, but you'll have to forgive me if I don't live up to him- I don't think anyone could! I will definitely check out your fic, but you'll have to be patient, I haven't had enough time to read for just over seven days and there is a lot piled up! (I can't wait to get reading)

Any way, thank you all for reading, and please review! Something that takes you maybe five minutes inspires me to write for fifty! So if you want the next chap soon (as soon a I can anyway with all this bloody homework : P), please review! ^^