By Tactics Ninja
Disclaimer: TN does not claim to own the characters herein, nor is she making any money off of torturing them for laughs.
Author's Notes: Wow! ^_^ I didn't expect to get as many reviews as I did. Thanks for all the reviews! Here's the second entry in Marth's Journal…
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Saturday, December 21, 10:37 AM.
Excuse me for not writing in you yesterday, Journal. I was indisposed slightly. Don't worry; it was but a scratch--if you can call five broken ribs, a broken arm, and a mild concussion a scratch.
I can't really. I need painkillers. Now.
11:02 AM.
Roy is beat up as well. He's got a broken wrist and ankle, three broken ribs, and a broken collarbone.
I'll get around to why we're so beaten up after I take another pill.
11:33 AM.
Or five. Those things are the gift of the gods to mankind. Anyways, yesterday's battle was supposed to go off without a hitch. However, it didn't. Someone ratted out on us and we were beset upon by not only Bowser and Ganondorf, but also 'clone-copies' of them, AS WELL AS Master Hand and Crazy Hand! We haven't found the culprit yet, but it can't have been just anyone. When we do find them, they're dead meat!
If I can even move to kick them in the shin, that is.
12:01 PM
This isn't funny! Roy and I staggered to lunch, and Bowser and Ganondorf wouldn't stop laughing at us. What's even WORSE about this is that Bowser managed to cough up my breastplate! The injustice!
1:00 PM
Roy pointed out something -- it's four days until Christmas, and we've just been royally beaten up. I will KILL Bowser and Ganondorf--it's just low and dirty to break someone's ribs so that it hurts to eat gingerbread and plum pudding.
1:16 PM
My fellow invalid (Roy) has suggested that we go take a survey to see what everybody thinks about Bowser and Ganondorf. We may even find out the spy!
Be back in a few hours.
5:10 PM
We're back! Here's what everyone said--I'm writing it down here for posterity.
Mario: "I think-ah that you should-ah kick their butts. Here-ah, have a candy ah-cane."
Peach: "Go get him, boys! It's a pity he won't stay dead. Being subjected to endless rounds of Go Fish while we're at his castle waiting for Mario is torture."
Yoshi: All we could get out of Yoshi was some unintelligible but very cute erm, yoshi-noises. But Mario assured us that it meant 'Crack open Bowser's skull like a melon!'
DK: Mostly unintelligible, but from the gestures, we think it's pretty clear that he doesn't care what we do as long as he's not dragged into it. And that he was trying to bum money off of us to buy bananas.
Captain Falcon: "Want me to run him over in my racer for ya? Ganondorf copied all my moves! I don't like that guy, ya know?"
Fox: "Ever since Bowser used fire breath on me and I had my shield up so that it reflected it back onto him, he's hated me. And since he hates me, the rest of the Star Fox team hates him. And since they all hate him, he wants to kill all of us. And since…(long train of rationalization cut out)…you can kill him, and I'll even help."
Ness: "I knew it was times like these I saved my Legendary Bat for! Bowser is bad--worse than Carpainter and Pokey! I say we smash his skull in, all right Mr. Swordsman dude?"
Ice Climbers: After getting a translation of their language, we discovered that they were asking if they could freeze Bowser and Ganondorf. We whole-heartedly agreed. They clapped, cheered, and ran off. How can living beings be that cute?
Kirby: Using a few of his clones, copied myself and Roy as well as Bowser and Ganondorf and put on a very nice little play in which we beat the snot out of B and G. I liked it very much, clapped, cheered, and promised Kirby he could help out.
Samus: Seemed more concerned about other matters, but did note that she has no real fondness for Bowser or Ganondorf, and doesn't care if we go after them, only asked that we not get her caught in the middle. I'm fine with that.
Zelda: She fussed about us and gave us both cake and kisses on the cheek (Link might kill us for that one) and then went on to say: "I was almost sure that we sealed away Ganondorf. I don't know how he got back, but I do want him dead. Or at least gone."
Link: Reiterated his previous comments and offered to dress up as a freshly butchered deer carcass or attractive female koopa. I told him the deer carcass would probably be safer.
Pikachu: After we got a translation, it turns out he promised to help, and give Bowser a '5 million kilovolt wakeup call.' Sounds painful.
Dr. Mario: "Well-ah, I think-ah that they should be-ah punished for what they-ah did. At least-ah you two were ah-being fair-ah."
Luigi: "Can I help you kill him? I might get some attention for once!"
Falco: "We all hate Bowser and Ganondorf because…(rationalization)…so I'll help you kill him, too."
Young Link: "I uh. Yeah, that is to say that…go kill them! Please! Actually kill them this time!"
Pichu: Offered to help. We bought it a bottle of ketchup because it was so cute, and it looked so thankfully cute when we gave it the ketchup that we nearly died from cuteness shock.
Jigglypuff: Said she'd help, and then started to sing. Two hours later, we woke up, which is why this took so long.
Mewtwo: We couldn't find him anywhere.
Mr. Game and Watch: He threw sausages at us until we left. He's enemy material now.
Ourselves: We want to kill them, duh.
8:43 PM.
Back in the room playing poker yet again. Link and Young Link winning, yet again! We need to drag Zelda in here sometime and see if it's Hylians that have poker luck, or just the Links.
Just a sec, Chibi-Link ran out of the room and took our cards with him. We have to go chase him down.
10:39 PM.
We FINALLY caught Chibi-Link, way the heck out on the Termina battlefield. He started sobbing and said that he thought we'd be able to beat Bowser and Ganondorf, and he just wanted us to get beat up a little because we wouldn't give him any beer. After a few minutes of listening, we all agreed that he needed to be punished, so we threw him into the water and then hauled him out and dragged him all the way back to the dormitory. I hate to see someone wanting alcohol that bad. It kind of surprises me, especially since Chibi-Link seems more like he likes milk to me.
11:43 PM.
We're about to turn in, but I'd like to point out that we're going to have a war conference in a day or two to decide what we need to do about Bowser and Ganondorf. I'll keep you posted.
-~-
Is Chibi-Link really repentant? Will everybody pitch in and beat Bowser and Ganondorf to a bloody pulp? Does Zelda have really good poker luck too? Find out whenever Marth picks up that pen again…well, maybe.