The Journal of Marth

By: Tactics Ninja

Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not owned by Tactics Ninja.  As much as she'd like them.

Author's Notes: Wow!  Thanks for all the reviews, guys!  I never expected to get this many.  I hope you enjoy the third bit of Marth's Journal.  And FYI, while I may not be releasing one every day, I will have a 'special' one up on Christmas Day.

Now, without further adieu, here's the story.

-~-

Sunday, December 22, 5:14 AM.

Woke up abominably early this morning, due to Link's snoring.  He swears he doesn't snore, but he does…oh well.  This gives me a chance to plot ways to get back at Bowser and Ganondorf.

Firstly, we will of course have to wait until we're healed enough to take them on…there's no way I'm going to sit back and let everybody else beat up on them when we can't.  I want a piece of them, too, and when I get it, I'm going to burn it, and spit on it.

Whoops, Roy's muttering about something.  One moment.

5:17 AM.

Roy's awake.  He rolled over and slammed his collarbone into a bedpost.  I feel sorry for him.  That had to hurt.  (So far, I haven't managed to slam my injuries into anything in my sleep.  Knock on wood, I guess.)

As soon as 6 AM hits, we're going to go grab breakfast, but for now we're plotting--if Roy will stop drawing little pictures of Bowser being lynched in the margins of the paper, that is.

He says that's part of plotting, that we're going to have Bowser lynched.  Right, like that's going to work.

5:54 AM.

We're going down to breakfast now.  Be back later.

6:43 AM.

Back from breakfast.  It was 'super surprise oatmeal' today, which basically means they took the remains of breakfast from the past week and mixed it into a big vat of oatmeal.  Yes, that is just as disgusting as it sounds.  I stuck with the toast and grapefruit halves.  Roy had a small package of cereal.  We're never going to get well eating like birds, but I have a feeling the other would just make us sicker.

9:02 AM.

Link is in a panic; he forgot to buy gifts for everyone.  We're going Christmas shopping…why do I have a sudden feeling of doom?

6:42 PM.

Dear gods.  That is all I have to say.  Dear GODS.  I need pain pills, and I need them NOW.

One moment.

8:00 PM.

Well, one moment, or four.  Doesn't matter.  Anyway, we got the Christmas shopping done, at a price.  Chibi-Link tagged along as well, and we had to have gone in about fifty different stores.  That's not the worst of it though.

Bowser and Ganondorf were Christmas shopping as well.  We had to avoid them, and one time we slammed into each other, ending up much the worse for wear when our worst injuries just happened to hit solid objects.  Anyways, back to B and G.

The general populace may wonder why the hell they were shopping.  I sure do.  I guess they have 'friends', or more likely they're trying to bribe someone.  I also noticed that they had a new, fancy, Teflon-coated skillet.

Hey!  One moment.  Yes, that's right.  Mr. Game and Watch was being hostile yesterday!  And he uses skillets!

This all points to one thing.  He's in league with them!  I'll add him to the hitlist.

Also, Chibi-Link wouldn't stop ducking into toy and novelty stores.  It was constantly "Oh, look at this," or 'oh, wow, check this out!" or "Oh hey, Link, I want this--" eventually he gave up when Link wouldn't buy him anything.

So then he turned to us.

He whined, cajoled, pleaded, and even tried to pickpocket.  Stupid little whelp--he obviously doesn't remember that he's the reason that we're in a rather battered state, and that we may at any moment decide to deliver payback for that.  He just wants money.  Money and alcohol.

Kind of sad, really…he got so annoying that Roy and I took to hitting ourselves on our injuries, just so that the pain would override all rational thought for a few minutes.  Hence, the pain pills.

Roy's suggesting that we invite Zelda over for a game of Poker.  I'm all for it--must test the hypothesis about the Poker Ears.

More later.

10:54 PM.

That is the most bizarre and utterly impressive thing I've ever seen.  Roy and myself didn't win ANY games this time--it was ALL the Hylians, ALL the time.  Zelda got no less than this: A royal flush, a straight, ace high, and then four of a kind.  I'm sure the rest of us were standing there with our mouths hanging open.  I'm glad we weren't actually betting, or playing strip poker--in the case of the former, I'd have been left with nothing, and in the latter, Roy and myself both would probably have lost everything INCLUDING our casts, let alone our pride.  Nasty business.

I'm almost certain that the ears are for poker luck now.  Roy is suggesting--gently--that they might be for all kinds of luck, and, less gently, that I may need to go to an insane asylum.

Let's see how he likes it when I whack him in the side with my cast!  Oh, that's really too low of me…perhaps I'll just tell some of his horrific secrets to the Links.  That ought to do it.

I shall not keep anyone from their plum pudding and turkey.  I'm not that kind of person, though it seems B and G are.

11:03 PM.

About to sign off, diary, but I thought I'd note that we've set the Battle Strategy Conference for Christmas Eve--I'll write in you again then to tell you how everything goes--tomorrow Roy and I are going to go to town for the day to get our swords sharpened and our armor repaired.  It's not like we can fight or anything.  Honestly, all this free time is killing me.  (In more ways than one. I had no idea Chibi-Link could do THAT with two coat hangers, a piece of bologna, and a glass bottle.  Poor cat, though.)

-~-

So, what will happen at the conference?    Are the Hylians really just lucky in general?  And is Mr. Game and Watch really evil?  Find out next time Marth turns the page in his journal…well, maybe.