....................................................................................................................
The sun was nearly set, casting a sallow light mixed with crimson along the water, smooth and still like the surface of a mirror. The sun was sinking slowly in horizon, where the skyline encircled the sea. The sky above burnt red and gold from the receding rays, shadows flickering across my hands, which were resting in my lap. The new moon hung low in the sky, a beacon of light, washed out, but in roughly twenty minutes it would soon rise, signaling the end of another day, by the approach of night. I shifted my weight, sighing softly to myself as a light breeze picked up, salty air sweeping over my features. I was sitting on the edge of the wooden dock, my feet suspended in air a yard or so from where the water pooled beneath the structure. He was poised beside me, his legs positioned next to mine, his hands firmly fixed on the edge of the wooden planks, as he leaned slightly forward. The wind continued toying with my hair, guiding my bangs into my eyes as I studied the moving shadows before me, the ocean streaked yellow. I kept my gaze steady, as I extended my outstretched palms, propping my arms up behind me to support the weight of my upper body. I proceeded swinging my legs back and forth, taking in the sight before me. It had been a long time since I had been able to just loosen up, and kick back. I think it had been that way for everyone, perhaps we could finally get on with our lives. Of course, that left only one posing question: What to do now? I'm not exactly sure. I always thought it would be such a long way off, but now that I could finally put all the fighting behind me, was I getting a second chance? And if so, what am I supposed to do with it? An interesting query. I'm not sure where any of this will lead, but it's a nice start. I shook my head, tossing the hair from my eyes as I released another sigh, more from relief, if that makes any sense. I leaned forward, jutting both my arms into the air, stretching my muscles before placing both my arms against my thighs, keeping my legs still. I turned my attention to him just then, studying his features. Heero remained silent, focused intently ahead. I felt a soft smile crease across my lips as I watched him, his face passive, wind tugging at the stray strands of his dark hair, billowing against the fabric of the white long sleeved shirt he wore. It had obviously been carefully chosen, tucked in at the waist of his dark denim jeans. The fading light shone along his features, across my lap, and I averted my eyes just then, finally aware I had been staring. I glanced down at my own garments for a second-the familiar black hues, my eyes falling to my hands. Narrow fingertips, more pale than anything else. I turned away, smoothing the fringe of my bangs from my eyes, angling my head to the side to look at him fully. And before I could restrain myself, I reached up, pausing my fingers above his forehead to brush the hair from his eyes. He turned to me just then, in question, a slightly puzzled look on his features. I pulled my hand away abruptly, and cleared my thought suddenly as if to shrug the gesture off.
"Well, now that all this is over I think I owe it to myself to relax", I declared, hoping to distract him away from my action, as I sighed once more, eyes traveling out across to the darkening sky.
He remained quiet, not moving from his position as I watched the view before us. I continued, hoping to break the silence.
"What about you Heero? Do you have any plans"? I persisted, glancing briefly in his direction.
He slowly turned to look me, tilting his head to the side, and I was momentarily taken aback by the solemn quality of his face. I hesitated, as he regarded me intently, his eyes somewhat distant, some sort of variation, I couldn't really register. I lowered my gaze, switching positions as I drew my leg up beside me, resting the heel of my shoe on the edge of the dock. There were dim lights glimmering overhead, the city stretched behind us. I turned to look at him once more, surprised to find he had been studying me, without so much as a sound. I angled my head for an instant, trying to decipher the expression on his face, before turning my attention away, staring back out toward the sea line.
"Are you headed for someplace"? I asked him plainly, resuming with my original question, and not altogether wondering why I felt so awkward all of a sudden. I saw him fidget slightly, before glancing quickly in my direction, then turning back to face straight ahead.
"I will not go, if I know I will be leaving something behind". He said softly, his voice trailing off at the end. I froze for a minute, absorbing his words. What exactly had he meant? I struggled to find a suitable response, my thoughts momentarily obscured. I couldn't really pinpoint the nature of his reply, so I did my best to keep my composure. I gave a soft chuckle, closing my eyes momentarily while keeping my gaze focused in my lap.
"I don't know where I'll be off to", I offered, smiling to myself while I withdrew my arm from resting atop my leg, before resuming their original position, slinging down in front of me. I placed my palms flat against the caps of my knees, vexing my eyebrows once. I saw him turn his head to look at me slowly, his eyes settling, as I leveled my gaze with his own.
"Will you stay"? He uttered softly, the words almost too strained to be audible. I carefully angled my neck so I could look at him fully, and I couldn't really understand why I felt my heart racing just then.
"With me"? He mumbled. It was what occurred next that really startled me. He slid his hand over slightly, to where my palm was rested, gently overlapping his fingers with mine, resting the heel of his palm over my trembling hand, pausing in place. I swallowed thickly, sickeningly aware of the thudding of my heart in my chest cavity, the blood pulsing at my temple. His hands were warm, the skin smooth. It was then I felt my sides quaking, and I immediately fell silent, my mouth opening numbly, searching my mind hopelessly for the proper words, to no avail. My mouth remained mute. As my voice screamed inside my head. I felt his fingers lace in between my own, giving my palm a small squeeze, twining the hold further. I don't know what to say. Why am I hanging onto this moment so dearly? I can't see through this charade. I'll speak a little louder. I'll even shout. I can't get the words out. And what would I say if I could? That I'm reveling in this moment? By this one fluid gesture, I'm petrified. I withheld a gasp caught in my throat, fighting to restrain myself. I leaned back slightly, breaking our contact. He turned to look at me in confusion, no. It was more than that. He had the most heartbroken look on his face that time. What have I done? I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. I inched away, trying to relieve the tension, dispelling a quieted laugh at my own expense, but it came out more bitter.
"You don't really want to have me around", I deferred, drawing my legs up in front of me. He didn't move. His hand was still poised motionless from where I'd left it.
"Shouldn't I be the one to say what I want"? He objected, his voice firm, without turning to look at me.
I inhaled deeply, burning the air into my lungs. I would change things if I could. But don't you see? I just can't be good to anyone else like this. Why does it have to be this way? I wished it didn't. I'd do anything to change it. But I can't. Destiny says that I'm destined to fall.
"You're better off". I managed to choke out, as I felt myself numbly raising to my legs, the idle limbs, working beneath me. The dull scrape of my shoes against the wood, as I backed away, trying desperately to maintain my balance. I heard him distantly call my name, flooding into my ears as I stumbled away, followed by one simple word. Don't. The echo of shattered pride made no sound yet left an unfathomable wound. Don't turn around, don't look back. This is tearing me apart inside. I'm enchanted you thought you saw something in my eyes. Enchanted, it's a shame that you wanted
Me. I didn't mean to cause any trouble for you, but it seems that's the story of my life.
I struggled to steady myself on precarious limbs, before I veered around, breaking off into a dead run.
My feet rapping against the wood planks, a relentless sound as I crossed the distance from the dock and onto solid ground, my footfall thundering in my ears. Night had descended, cold air stinging my face, my breath coming out in ragged gasps, sides burning from the motion. You've left me now, as I've left you. We're already so far apart, too far to breach. You're so strong, you almost brought me too my knees. And I'm just the opposite, which is why I can't stay. Because I don't think I can handle this at all. There's no time to spare. I have to get away from here. I'm running from gravity. Lest I get pulled down. I'm hanging on the edge, but I won't teeter. And I ran, I ran so far away. Listen to the hunter becoming hunted. I turned a corner sharply, nearly losing my footing, not focusing on where I was going. The subtle crunch of gravel beneath my boots as I pressed on, stray strands of my hair whipping me in the face. I didn't stop. I won't stop for anything. I continued pumping my legs, not caring about the throbbing of my muscles, or that fact that I was becoming winded astonishingly fast. I glanced around quickly; aware I was bolting down some sort of avenue, yet I didn't relent. I kept my erratic pace, drawing my arms up to my sides, sucking in deeper breaths as I willed my body to go faster. I just ran. Without any idea whatsoever where I was going. I just had to get away. Get far away. I'm running more from myself than anything else. I can't accept anything yet, because I can't even accept myself. It was only an hour ago, It was all so different then. It's just the way I'm tied in, I can't let go. It's all done with. I grieve. I grieve for myself, but mostly you. I've got this secret; I've been hiding, under my skin. I wish I could scream out loud. I wish I could tell you. But I can't. You'll learn to live without me. These feelings are getting stronger, which is why I have to ignore them. Just run away. He's gone. I pressed on, clenching my eyes shut, willing myself to go on. Night is my companion, and solitude my guide. Take it away; don't take it away- my heart bleeds. I didn't want it to be this way. Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you. I have to go. It's better this way. I'm in over my head; the odds are too against us, which is why it has to be this way. I fall down. Hit the ground, make a heavy sound, Every time you seem to come around. But I have the sense to recognize I still can't let you go. I urged my legs to move faster, I still can't get away. No one can help me now, I'm in too deep. I disappeared that day. For where, I don't rightly recall. I just knew I had to get away. That was our last good-bye.
....................................................................................................................
The sun was nearly set, casting a sallow light mixed with crimson along the water, smooth and still like the surface of a mirror. The sun was sinking slowly in horizon, where the skyline encircled the sea. The sky above burnt red and gold from the receding rays, shadows flickering across my hands, which were resting in my lap. The new moon hung low in the sky, a beacon of light, washed out, but in roughly twenty minutes it would soon rise, signaling the end of another day, by the approach of night. I shifted my weight, sighing softly to myself as a light breeze picked up, salty air sweeping over my features. I was sitting on the edge of the wooden dock, my feet suspended in air a yard or so from where the water pooled beneath the structure. He was poised beside me, his legs positioned next to mine, his hands firmly fixed on the edge of the wooden planks, as he leaned slightly forward. The wind continued toying with my hair, guiding my bangs into my eyes as I studied the moving shadows before me, the ocean streaked yellow. I kept my gaze steady, as I extended my outstretched palms, propping my arms up behind me to support the weight of my upper body. I proceeded swinging my legs back and forth, taking in the sight before me. It had been a long time since I had been able to just loosen up, and kick back. I think it had been that way for everyone, perhaps we could finally get on with our lives. Of course, that left only one posing question: What to do now? I'm not exactly sure. I always thought it would be such a long way off, but now that I could finally put all the fighting behind me, was I getting a second chance? And if so, what am I supposed to do with it? An interesting query. I'm not sure where any of this will lead, but it's a nice start. I shook my head, tossing the hair from my eyes as I released another sigh, more from relief, if that makes any sense. I leaned forward, jutting both my arms into the air, stretching my muscles before placing both my arms against my thighs, keeping my legs still. I turned my attention to him just then, studying his features. Heero remained silent, focused intently ahead. I felt a soft smile crease across my lips as I watched him, his face passive, wind tugging at the stray strands of his dark hair, billowing against the fabric of the white long sleeved shirt he wore. It had obviously been carefully chosen, tucked in at the waist of his dark denim jeans. The fading light shone along his features, across my lap, and I averted my eyes just then, finally aware I had been staring. I glanced down at my own garments for a second-the familiar black hues, my eyes falling to my hands. Narrow fingertips, more pale than anything else. I turned away, smoothing the fringe of my bangs from my eyes, angling my head to the side to look at him fully. And before I could restrain myself, I reached up, pausing my fingers above his forehead to brush the hair from his eyes. He turned to me just then, in question, a slightly puzzled look on his features. I pulled my hand away abruptly, and cleared my thought suddenly as if to shrug the gesture off.
"Well, now that all this is over I think I owe it to myself to relax", I declared, hoping to distract him away from my action, as I sighed once more, eyes traveling out across to the darkening sky.
He remained quiet, not moving from his position as I watched the view before us. I continued, hoping to break the silence.
"What about you Heero? Do you have any plans"? I persisted, glancing briefly in his direction.
He slowly turned to look me, tilting his head to the side, and I was momentarily taken aback by the solemn quality of his face. I hesitated, as he regarded me intently, his eyes somewhat distant, some sort of variation, I couldn't really register. I lowered my gaze, switching positions as I drew my leg up beside me, resting the heel of my shoe on the edge of the dock. There were dim lights glimmering overhead, the city stretched behind us. I turned to look at him once more, surprised to find he had been studying me, without so much as a sound. I angled my head for an instant, trying to decipher the expression on his face, before turning my attention away, staring back out toward the sea line.
"Are you headed for someplace"? I asked him plainly, resuming with my original question, and not altogether wondering why I felt so awkward all of a sudden. I saw him fidget slightly, before glancing quickly in my direction, then turning back to face straight ahead.
"I will not go, if I know I will be leaving something behind". He said softly, his voice trailing off at the end. I froze for a minute, absorbing his words. What exactly had he meant? I struggled to find a suitable response, my thoughts momentarily obscured. I couldn't really pinpoint the nature of his reply, so I did my best to keep my composure. I gave a soft chuckle, closing my eyes momentarily while keeping my gaze focused in my lap.
"I don't know where I'll be off to", I offered, smiling to myself while I withdrew my arm from resting atop my leg, before resuming their original position, slinging down in front of me. I placed my palms flat against the caps of my knees, vexing my eyebrows once. I saw him turn his head to look at me slowly, his eyes settling, as I leveled my gaze with his own.
"Will you stay"? He uttered softly, the words almost too strained to be audible. I carefully angled my neck so I could look at him fully, and I couldn't really understand why I felt my heart racing just then.
"With me"? He mumbled. It was what occurred next that really startled me. He slid his hand over slightly, to where my palm was rested, gently overlapping his fingers with mine, resting the heel of his palm over my trembling hand, pausing in place. I swallowed thickly, sickeningly aware of the thudding of my heart in my chest cavity, the blood pulsing at my temple. His hands were warm, the skin smooth. It was then I felt my sides quaking, and I immediately fell silent, my mouth opening numbly, searching my mind hopelessly for the proper words, to no avail. My mouth remained mute. As my voice screamed inside my head. I felt his fingers lace in between my own, giving my palm a small squeeze, twining the hold further. I don't know what to say. Why am I hanging onto this moment so dearly? I can't see through this charade. I'll speak a little louder. I'll even shout. I can't get the words out. And what would I say if I could? That I'm reveling in this moment? By this one fluid gesture, I'm petrified. I withheld a gasp caught in my throat, fighting to restrain myself. I leaned back slightly, breaking our contact. He turned to look at me in confusion, no. It was more than that. He had the most heartbroken look on his face that time. What have I done? I didn't mean for it to turn out this way. I inched away, trying to relieve the tension, dispelling a quieted laugh at my own expense, but it came out more bitter.
"You don't really want to have me around", I deferred, drawing my legs up in front of me. He didn't move. His hand was still poised motionless from where I'd left it.
"Shouldn't I be the one to say what I want"? He objected, his voice firm, without turning to look at me.
I inhaled deeply, burning the air into my lungs. I would change things if I could. But don't you see? I just can't be good to anyone else like this. Why does it have to be this way? I wished it didn't. I'd do anything to change it. But I can't. Destiny says that I'm destined to fall.
"You're better off". I managed to choke out, as I felt myself numbly raising to my legs, the idle limbs, working beneath me. The dull scrape of my shoes against the wood, as I backed away, trying desperately to maintain my balance. I heard him distantly call my name, flooding into my ears as I stumbled away, followed by one simple word. Don't. The echo of shattered pride made no sound yet left an unfathomable wound. Don't turn around, don't look back. This is tearing me apart inside. I'm enchanted you thought you saw something in my eyes. Enchanted, it's a shame that you wanted
Me. I didn't mean to cause any trouble for you, but it seems that's the story of my life.
I struggled to steady myself on precarious limbs, before I veered around, breaking off into a dead run.
My feet rapping against the wood planks, a relentless sound as I crossed the distance from the dock and onto solid ground, my footfall thundering in my ears. Night had descended, cold air stinging my face, my breath coming out in ragged gasps, sides burning from the motion. You've left me now, as I've left you. We're already so far apart, too far to breach. You're so strong, you almost brought me too my knees. And I'm just the opposite, which is why I can't stay. Because I don't think I can handle this at all. There's no time to spare. I have to get away from here. I'm running from gravity. Lest I get pulled down. I'm hanging on the edge, but I won't teeter. And I ran, I ran so far away. Listen to the hunter becoming hunted. I turned a corner sharply, nearly losing my footing, not focusing on where I was going. The subtle crunch of gravel beneath my boots as I pressed on, stray strands of my hair whipping me in the face. I didn't stop. I won't stop for anything. I continued pumping my legs, not caring about the throbbing of my muscles, or that fact that I was becoming winded astonishingly fast. I glanced around quickly; aware I was bolting down some sort of avenue, yet I didn't relent. I kept my erratic pace, drawing my arms up to my sides, sucking in deeper breaths as I willed my body to go faster. I just ran. Without any idea whatsoever where I was going. I just had to get away. Get far away. I'm running more from myself than anything else. I can't accept anything yet, because I can't even accept myself. It was only an hour ago, It was all so different then. It's just the way I'm tied in, I can't let go. It's all done with. I grieve. I grieve for myself, but mostly you. I've got this secret; I've been hiding, under my skin. I wish I could scream out loud. I wish I could tell you. But I can't. You'll learn to live without me. These feelings are getting stronger, which is why I have to ignore them. Just run away. He's gone. I pressed on, clenching my eyes shut, willing myself to go on. Night is my companion, and solitude my guide. Take it away; don't take it away- my heart bleeds. I didn't want it to be this way. Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you. I have to go. It's better this way. I'm in over my head; the odds are too against us, which is why it has to be this way. I fall down. Hit the ground, make a heavy sound, Every time you seem to come around. But I have the sense to recognize I still can't let you go. I urged my legs to move faster, I still can't get away. No one can help me now, I'm in too deep. I disappeared that day. For where, I don't rightly recall. I just knew I had to get away. That was our last good-bye.
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