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Solid
by AliasDemon99
A/N: This is a sort of companion piece to "Trademark". Since that one was about Syd and her mom, this one is about Syd and her dad. Enjoy and please review-it always brightens my day!
~~
I finally understand why my father is the way he is. I see why he is so solid and dare I say-unfeeling.
After nearly eight and a half years in the intelligence/spy business, I am finding it more and more difficult to separate my emotions. The truth always seems to get mixed up with the mountain of lies I have carefully constructed. I fear that any day now my mountain will crumble and my world will disappear before my very eyes. Just the slightest mistake could send the mountain rolling. The slightest slip of the tongue in a moment of confusion could make all I have worked for worthless.
I often reminisce about my father. He has no friends. Well, he has informants, but no real friends. I mean friends like mine-good buddies. I wonder what he does in his spare time-or the little time that is allowed.
Then I wonder how my father got stuck with no friends and an attitude so lacking of emotion.
Then I remember. It was because of my mother. She left us, and crushed my father's heart. After that, I remember everything going downhill. He used to have a friend named Andrew McCarthy. But they stopped speaking after my father got put in solitary after my mom was found out. He used to have a very close friend named Arvin Sloane, but of course, that went from a true friendship to a forced one when Arvin went bad and established SD-6.
It all began with my mother. Her terrible deceit ruined him. And I hate her for it. And then I wonder why I couldn't get my happy father back again. I used to spend count-less nights scolding and blaming myself for not being the perfect daughter to him. I so wanted him to be his old-self- to be happy again. But even I was not enough.
As for his attitude-that has become crystal clear to me now. My dad joined the CIA when he was 24 years old. Now, he is 61. That means he has been in the Spy Business for 37 years. That is really, really long. I have only been in the business for about 8 years and I am already wasted away. Think of how wasted he must feel. He has shut himself off from emotion because it is too much to handle. Too much to think and dwell on. Too much to take after 37 years. Just too much.
My only wish is for him to be able to, eventually, regain his emotions after all of this SD-6 business is over. But, for now, all I can do, is appreciate his companionship and console in myself to never take him for granted. He is my only link to my childhood and I need to embrace that link, in time of course. He has had a horribly tumultuous life and can't do anything but wait until he is allowed to live freely once again. He has been through so much more than I have and yet he still seems to hold on strong. And all I can do is appreciate that. For ever and ever.
Solid
by AliasDemon99
A/N: This is a sort of companion piece to "Trademark". Since that one was about Syd and her mom, this one is about Syd and her dad. Enjoy and please review-it always brightens my day!
~~
I finally understand why my father is the way he is. I see why he is so solid and dare I say-unfeeling.
After nearly eight and a half years in the intelligence/spy business, I am finding it more and more difficult to separate my emotions. The truth always seems to get mixed up with the mountain of lies I have carefully constructed. I fear that any day now my mountain will crumble and my world will disappear before my very eyes. Just the slightest mistake could send the mountain rolling. The slightest slip of the tongue in a moment of confusion could make all I have worked for worthless.
I often reminisce about my father. He has no friends. Well, he has informants, but no real friends. I mean friends like mine-good buddies. I wonder what he does in his spare time-or the little time that is allowed.
Then I wonder how my father got stuck with no friends and an attitude so lacking of emotion.
Then I remember. It was because of my mother. She left us, and crushed my father's heart. After that, I remember everything going downhill. He used to have a friend named Andrew McCarthy. But they stopped speaking after my father got put in solitary after my mom was found out. He used to have a very close friend named Arvin Sloane, but of course, that went from a true friendship to a forced one when Arvin went bad and established SD-6.
It all began with my mother. Her terrible deceit ruined him. And I hate her for it. And then I wonder why I couldn't get my happy father back again. I used to spend count-less nights scolding and blaming myself for not being the perfect daughter to him. I so wanted him to be his old-self- to be happy again. But even I was not enough.
As for his attitude-that has become crystal clear to me now. My dad joined the CIA when he was 24 years old. Now, he is 61. That means he has been in the Spy Business for 37 years. That is really, really long. I have only been in the business for about 8 years and I am already wasted away. Think of how wasted he must feel. He has shut himself off from emotion because it is too much to handle. Too much to think and dwell on. Too much to take after 37 years. Just too much.
My only wish is for him to be able to, eventually, regain his emotions after all of this SD-6 business is over. But, for now, all I can do, is appreciate his companionship and console in myself to never take him for granted. He is my only link to my childhood and I need to embrace that link, in time of course. He has had a horribly tumultuous life and can't do anything but wait until he is allowed to live freely once again. He has been through so much more than I have and yet he still seems to hold on strong. And all I can do is appreciate that. For ever and ever.