A/N- Sorry for such the delay! It seems that these always take a while. . .
Hope it was worth the wait! If not, so sorry.
Disclaimer- We do not own. Harry Potter or any other characters, Moulin Rouge characters, nor the Lord of the Rings characters who will make little cameos. We used the rhymes from 'The Princess Bride' at the end. Hope no one is offended.
The Fellowship of the Harry Rouge ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------
"Tom's Hitch-n-Hike," murmured Christian. "Well, we made it." They stood in front of a hut in the middle of the woods. It appeared to be carved right out of a large tree.
"How strange and ironic that we had to hitchhike here so that we could hitchhike some more..." Hermione stated.
Ron's head was spinning a bit, aching a bit, as the effects of the absinthe were wearing off and the effects of the high-heel in the face incident were getting stronger. "So... do we just knock?"
"Wew, I supposs we bettew..." Toulouse thought aloud. "Or elwe we awe stuck hewe in the fowest."
The rest of the group stifled laughter. What a phrase for a guy with a lisp! "Let's go, shall we?" Harry walked up to the door and rapped on it a few times.
The door swung open, outwards, knocking Harry upside the face and making him fall into a puddle of mud. ("Oww, my scar," he called, seeking pity but not receiving any.)
"Welcome, all to Tom's Hitch-n-Hike! We offer service you will like!" A smallish man sang. "My name is Tom, Tom Bombadil, I'll drive you anywhere, I will!"
"Hey," whispered Ron, "he speaks in rhyme! I wonder if he does it all the time..."
"Indeed my friends, I'll take you far, would you like to jump into my car?"
Christian nodded. "Right. Suuure..." They all hopped into a 70's station wagon that was filled with plastic cups with Disney characters on them. Satine stood outside, looking apprehensive.
"Christian... isn't there a better way? We could... we could take the Subway! Or... why are we even going? I don't think-"
"WUSSIE!" called Hermione. Satine grumbled something about annoying little kids and climbed unhappily into the back seat with Christian.
"Now, where are we going, good friends, where? Someplace far from here or there?" Tom sang as he pulled through an overgrown path that obviously hadn't been used for many years.
"To the Shire in MIDDLE EARTH!" Harry announced proudly.
"Bologna toolage..." whispered Ron.
Tom squealed the tires and stopped the old car. The chain around Harry's neck jerked out of his shirt and the small man stared at it, his eyes becoming large as he rhymed, "Did you say Middle Earth, dear boy? That there trinket ain't a toy! Use it well, don't get in trouble, in Middle Earth all problems double! Don't fret, my lady, don't indeed, for TOM can handle all your needs. A purse to hide the jewelry in, and then a box and then a bin! No one will know, if it's hidden well, and it is, it is! Or my name's not Tom Bombadil!"
"He was doing well with the rhyming until that last part. . ." Satine said behind her hand to Christian, who nodded fervently.
"Did he call Harry a lady?" Ron asked Toulouse.
"I think I have it safe enough, thank you," Harry said, sticking the ring back inside his shirt. "No one person yet has reached into my shirt in my entire life."
Tom winked at him. "We've all had to at some point, I remember this one time, at a joint. . ."
"Uh, leave that story for some other time, ok Thom?" Satine said, pronouncing 'Thom' just as it looks. "Just step on the gas right now."
Christian put a hand on her shoulder. "Now Tini-kins, what did I tell you about making fun of people because they're short? Remember what happened the last time you did that?"
She put her hand on her thigh and grimaced. "I still can't believe the little guy bit me!"
"We may look easy pickin's but we've got some bite!" Toulouse sang loudly, turning around from the middle seats and baring his teeth.
"Now Tini," Christian said again, "what do we PROPERLY call them?"
She let out a large sigh. "Vertically impaired," she murmered, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Good girl," he said, patting her on the head.
"Why don't we turn on the radio?" Harry suggested. No conflict there.
"It doesn't work anymore," Tom said. "It's all because of this nasty whore. . ."
"Hey!" Satine shouted.
"I always sing to myself rather, and in the shower with some lather."
"Can you sing for us?" Ron asked, leaning over the front seat.
"Yeah, sing fow us?" Toulouse asked.
Tom nodded, smiling. From somewhere, all around them a drum roll became louder and louder, and a guitar strummed.
"Oh goodness. . ." Harry murmured, sinking further into her seat.
"Put on your Yamaka its time for Chanukah!" Tom sang loud and proud. "So much funnaka to celebrate Chanukah!"
"But it's mearly June!" Hermione said over the background noise.
Tom just swayed his head as he drove. "Chanukah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents we get eight. . . (Satine and Christian in the backseat echoed) CRAAAAAZY nights."
"Last time, go!" Satine yelled happily, dancing with Christian in the back seat.
"Tell the world-amanaka it's time to celebrate Chanukah!" They all sang out together. "It's not pronounced Ch-nakah, the 'C' is silent in Chanukah! So get your hooked on phonica! Get drunk in Tijuanaka! If you really really wannaka have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!"
The music faded away and once again there was only the sound of the engine.
"Maybe I'll think before I suggest something like that. . ." Harry said, straightening himself up.
"Now, sir," Hermione said, leaning over Harry and speaking to their driver. She was appalled at what she saw. He sat on three very thick, very old textbooks - the one his bottom sat on was her favorite.
She gasped. "Is that 'Hogwarts, a History' you're sitting on?! Do you know how hard that is to find that beloved book in this muggle countryside?"
"Oh, you mean this old thing?" he asked, handing the book to her, his chin level with the steering wheel. "It cost me very little bling-bling."
Hermione took it from him and slouched into the car seat, opening to the first page and started to read it.
"Sir," Harry said, "how do you know about the ring. . . and the Shire. . . and-"
"Bologna toolage?" Ron asked, leaning over the front seat.
"Middle Earth," Harry said through gritted teeth. He turned back to Tom. "How do you know about all of those things?"
"I know it all, it's in my shed." He lowered his voice and whispered, "That's also where I keep my dead."
"We didn't need to know that. . ." Hermione said, closing her book. "If it's in your shed, why have you been driving us around?"
"I get paid by the hour, and I haven't had a shower."
"T.M.I., Tom. . . T.M.I.!" Ron said, holding his nose.
"He has," Harry said. "He's been driving us around in circles! And make us listen to him singing about Chanukah. . ."
"Let me hear some of that good-time music that I love to hear!" Satine sang loudly.
"Well skinny-minnie's not scared anymore," Hermione noted, watching her sing and dance with Christian.
Tom stepped on the gas, swerving around trees, shacks, and occasionally a woodland creature. He slammed on the breaks when they reached a rotting down shed and he unlocked the doors.
"Here's your destination - I got you there! With the help of my lovely, trusty mare." He patted the dashboard of his car affectionately.
"How much do we owe you?" Hermione asked, feeling this was more a cab service than a Hitch-n-Hike.
Tom pointed to a sign in front of his steering wheel that had 350 in dark red numbers.
"350?! For leading us around in circles and hitting a badger?!"
"You're at Tom's, we don't take pounds! We use hobbit money, strange as that sounds!"
Harry, grumbling about people who talk in third person, and reached into his pocket and gave him a few coins.
"And remember. . . " Tom said, rolling down the window. "That is no ordinary ring you carry. It can make the whole world scary. Don't screw up, alright? You hear? Losing it's my greatest fear."
And without another word, Tom disappeared. . . to the side of his house and ran back into his hut.
"Ok, that was. . . weird."
Ron put an arm around Toulouse. "Harry, he can. . . fuss."
"I think he likes to scweam. . . at us!" Toulouse said, making a face at Harry's direction.
"Probably he means no. . . harm."
"He's vewy, vewy showt on chawm."
Ron patted Toulouse's shoulder. "You have a great gift for rhyme."
Toulouse nodded. "Yes, yes, some of the time."
"Enough of that!" Harry said, opening the door to the shed.
Ron crouched down on the ground and looked between Harry's feet at the inside of the shed. "Toulouse, are there rocks ahead?"
The man with the lisp went down with him on the ground. "If thewe awe, we'll be dead!"
Harry started to enter the shed, deciding he should be the first one to go through. "No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
Ron dug deep into his pocket and retrieved a dusty legume. He blew on it and asked, "Anybody want a peanut?"
"Aauuuggghhhhh!!!" Harry's scream of frustration echoed within the warp hole.
-------------
songs used: 'Little People' from Les Miserables
'Hanukah Song' by Adam Sandler
'Good Time Music' from the Brady Bunch
Disclaimer- We do not own. Harry Potter or any other characters, Moulin Rouge characters, nor the Lord of the Rings characters who will make little cameos. We used the rhymes from 'The Princess Bride' at the end. Hope no one is offended.
The Fellowship of the Harry Rouge ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------
"Tom's Hitch-n-Hike," murmured Christian. "Well, we made it." They stood in front of a hut in the middle of the woods. It appeared to be carved right out of a large tree.
"How strange and ironic that we had to hitchhike here so that we could hitchhike some more..." Hermione stated.
Ron's head was spinning a bit, aching a bit, as the effects of the absinthe were wearing off and the effects of the high-heel in the face incident were getting stronger. "So... do we just knock?"
"Wew, I supposs we bettew..." Toulouse thought aloud. "Or elwe we awe stuck hewe in the fowest."
The rest of the group stifled laughter. What a phrase for a guy with a lisp! "Let's go, shall we?" Harry walked up to the door and rapped on it a few times.
The door swung open, outwards, knocking Harry upside the face and making him fall into a puddle of mud. ("Oww, my scar," he called, seeking pity but not receiving any.)
"Welcome, all to Tom's Hitch-n-Hike! We offer service you will like!" A smallish man sang. "My name is Tom, Tom Bombadil, I'll drive you anywhere, I will!"
"Hey," whispered Ron, "he speaks in rhyme! I wonder if he does it all the time..."
"Indeed my friends, I'll take you far, would you like to jump into my car?"
Christian nodded. "Right. Suuure..." They all hopped into a 70's station wagon that was filled with plastic cups with Disney characters on them. Satine stood outside, looking apprehensive.
"Christian... isn't there a better way? We could... we could take the Subway! Or... why are we even going? I don't think-"
"WUSSIE!" called Hermione. Satine grumbled something about annoying little kids and climbed unhappily into the back seat with Christian.
"Now, where are we going, good friends, where? Someplace far from here or there?" Tom sang as he pulled through an overgrown path that obviously hadn't been used for many years.
"To the Shire in MIDDLE EARTH!" Harry announced proudly.
"Bologna toolage..." whispered Ron.
Tom squealed the tires and stopped the old car. The chain around Harry's neck jerked out of his shirt and the small man stared at it, his eyes becoming large as he rhymed, "Did you say Middle Earth, dear boy? That there trinket ain't a toy! Use it well, don't get in trouble, in Middle Earth all problems double! Don't fret, my lady, don't indeed, for TOM can handle all your needs. A purse to hide the jewelry in, and then a box and then a bin! No one will know, if it's hidden well, and it is, it is! Or my name's not Tom Bombadil!"
"He was doing well with the rhyming until that last part. . ." Satine said behind her hand to Christian, who nodded fervently.
"Did he call Harry a lady?" Ron asked Toulouse.
"I think I have it safe enough, thank you," Harry said, sticking the ring back inside his shirt. "No one person yet has reached into my shirt in my entire life."
Tom winked at him. "We've all had to at some point, I remember this one time, at a joint. . ."
"Uh, leave that story for some other time, ok Thom?" Satine said, pronouncing 'Thom' just as it looks. "Just step on the gas right now."
Christian put a hand on her shoulder. "Now Tini-kins, what did I tell you about making fun of people because they're short? Remember what happened the last time you did that?"
She put her hand on her thigh and grimaced. "I still can't believe the little guy bit me!"
"We may look easy pickin's but we've got some bite!" Toulouse sang loudly, turning around from the middle seats and baring his teeth.
"Now Tini," Christian said again, "what do we PROPERLY call them?"
She let out a large sigh. "Vertically impaired," she murmered, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Good girl," he said, patting her on the head.
"Why don't we turn on the radio?" Harry suggested. No conflict there.
"It doesn't work anymore," Tom said. "It's all because of this nasty whore. . ."
"Hey!" Satine shouted.
"I always sing to myself rather, and in the shower with some lather."
"Can you sing for us?" Ron asked, leaning over the front seat.
"Yeah, sing fow us?" Toulouse asked.
Tom nodded, smiling. From somewhere, all around them a drum roll became louder and louder, and a guitar strummed.
"Oh goodness. . ." Harry murmured, sinking further into her seat.
"Put on your Yamaka its time for Chanukah!" Tom sang loud and proud. "So much funnaka to celebrate Chanukah!"
"But it's mearly June!" Hermione said over the background noise.
Tom just swayed his head as he drove. "Chanukah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents we get eight. . . (Satine and Christian in the backseat echoed) CRAAAAAZY nights."
"Last time, go!" Satine yelled happily, dancing with Christian in the back seat.
"Tell the world-amanaka it's time to celebrate Chanukah!" They all sang out together. "It's not pronounced Ch-nakah, the 'C' is silent in Chanukah! So get your hooked on phonica! Get drunk in Tijuanaka! If you really really wannaka have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah!"
The music faded away and once again there was only the sound of the engine.
"Maybe I'll think before I suggest something like that. . ." Harry said, straightening himself up.
"Now, sir," Hermione said, leaning over Harry and speaking to their driver. She was appalled at what she saw. He sat on three very thick, very old textbooks - the one his bottom sat on was her favorite.
She gasped. "Is that 'Hogwarts, a History' you're sitting on?! Do you know how hard that is to find that beloved book in this muggle countryside?"
"Oh, you mean this old thing?" he asked, handing the book to her, his chin level with the steering wheel. "It cost me very little bling-bling."
Hermione took it from him and slouched into the car seat, opening to the first page and started to read it.
"Sir," Harry said, "how do you know about the ring. . . and the Shire. . . and-"
"Bologna toolage?" Ron asked, leaning over the front seat.
"Middle Earth," Harry said through gritted teeth. He turned back to Tom. "How do you know about all of those things?"
"I know it all, it's in my shed." He lowered his voice and whispered, "That's also where I keep my dead."
"We didn't need to know that. . ." Hermione said, closing her book. "If it's in your shed, why have you been driving us around?"
"I get paid by the hour, and I haven't had a shower."
"T.M.I., Tom. . . T.M.I.!" Ron said, holding his nose.
"He has," Harry said. "He's been driving us around in circles! And make us listen to him singing about Chanukah. . ."
"Let me hear some of that good-time music that I love to hear!" Satine sang loudly.
"Well skinny-minnie's not scared anymore," Hermione noted, watching her sing and dance with Christian.
Tom stepped on the gas, swerving around trees, shacks, and occasionally a woodland creature. He slammed on the breaks when they reached a rotting down shed and he unlocked the doors.
"Here's your destination - I got you there! With the help of my lovely, trusty mare." He patted the dashboard of his car affectionately.
"How much do we owe you?" Hermione asked, feeling this was more a cab service than a Hitch-n-Hike.
Tom pointed to a sign in front of his steering wheel that had 350 in dark red numbers.
"350?! For leading us around in circles and hitting a badger?!"
"You're at Tom's, we don't take pounds! We use hobbit money, strange as that sounds!"
Harry, grumbling about people who talk in third person, and reached into his pocket and gave him a few coins.
"And remember. . . " Tom said, rolling down the window. "That is no ordinary ring you carry. It can make the whole world scary. Don't screw up, alright? You hear? Losing it's my greatest fear."
And without another word, Tom disappeared. . . to the side of his house and ran back into his hut.
"Ok, that was. . . weird."
Ron put an arm around Toulouse. "Harry, he can. . . fuss."
"I think he likes to scweam. . . at us!" Toulouse said, making a face at Harry's direction.
"Probably he means no. . . harm."
"He's vewy, vewy showt on chawm."
Ron patted Toulouse's shoulder. "You have a great gift for rhyme."
Toulouse nodded. "Yes, yes, some of the time."
"Enough of that!" Harry said, opening the door to the shed.
Ron crouched down on the ground and looked between Harry's feet at the inside of the shed. "Toulouse, are there rocks ahead?"
The man with the lisp went down with him on the ground. "If thewe awe, we'll be dead!"
Harry started to enter the shed, deciding he should be the first one to go through. "No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
Ron dug deep into his pocket and retrieved a dusty legume. He blew on it and asked, "Anybody want a peanut?"
"Aauuuggghhhhh!!!" Harry's scream of frustration echoed within the warp hole.
-------------
songs used: 'Little People' from Les Miserables
'Hanukah Song' by Adam Sandler
'Good Time Music' from the Brady Bunch