The Threshold of Terror
By Metal Gear Prime
Summary: Welcome Sandman fans! Join Desire of the Endless as she/he hosts a trio of 'humorous' tales, each depicted by their own paintings. Original, eh?
Author's note: There's precious few Sandman comedy fics here. This is just to bolster the humor ranks slightly and have some fun with Neil Gaiman's wonderful creations at the same time. Have fun!
The Beginning
We start off with the outline of a human figure against a black background. A blue figure walks in from the left and fills the outline perfectly as the lights come on, revealing the figure to be Desire of the Endless dressed in a stylish Armani suit. She/he turns to face the audience.
Desire: Good evening.
Pan out to reveal that Desire is standing in a hall of sorts. A number of paintings line the wall of the hall, which stretches out into the infinite. Cut back to Desire who's now wearing a top hat and holding a cane.
Desire: Welcome, ladies, gentlemen and beings of various genders and/or preferences. I'm your host, Desire of the Endless, and this is…THE THRESHOLD OF TERROR!
Signs with the word 'APPLAUSE' inscribed on them light up. The audience don't move. An annoyed expression crosses onto Desire's face as she/he clicks her/his fingers. Immediately a more deranged than usual Breschau runs out onto the stage/hall, screaming incoherently and waving various extremely sharp pieces of metal in the air. The audience quickly bursts into applause. Smiling, Desire produces a raw steak from thin air and waves it in Breschau's face.
Desire: Good boy. Now…fetch!
Desire tosses the steak out a gash in the wall. Breschau leaps after it, yipping excitedly. Cut to an exterior view of the Threshold flying high in the sky as Breschau exits it and plummets to the ground below. Back inside…
Desire: Ah, yes. That never gets old. Now where was I?
????: ThE ThresHOld oF TeRRoR!
The owner of the voice bounces onto the stage wearing a kangaroo outfit. It's Delirium.
Delirium: WHEEEEEEEEE!
Desire: Thanks, dear sister.
Desire begins to walk to the first painting, Delirium hopping a small distance behind her/him.
Desire: In the interests of starting this damn show, let's go to the first story of the night. A tale of murder, deceit and trench coats. I give you… (turns to look at the painting)…Thor running through a field of corn in the nude? The hell?
Desire look at the painting for a moment before walking off screen. Ten minutes later, she/he returns lugging a painting behind her/him.
Desire: Grumble mutter…last time I hire family members….
Rose (off screen): Sorry Grandpa.
Desire pulls down the Thor painting and hefts the new one into place.
Desire: Anyway, as I was saying, I give you…Mervyn Pumpkinhead, P.I.!
Desire hooks the painting on the wall. It depicts Mervyn in a trench coat and a fedora with Matthew perched on his shoulder. Matthew is dressed like Mervyn, only with a pair of shades and they both seem to be gaping at something.
Desire: Ougtha be great, eh Del?
Delirium: George Bush is the best ever President!
Desire: Riiiiiight. Now where did I put those cigarettes?
Join us next time for Story 1: Mervyn Pumpkinhead, P.I.! Coming soon!