Hey everyone,
This is my first fanfict, so I hope you like it. All and any reviews would
help. Basically I'm going to try to retell Rapunzel without, or at least
with less of the magic and more reality. I'm also going to redo what I
deem as some of the more ridiculous parts of the stories and totally change
other parts from the classic story. Hopefully if this story goes well I'm
going to keep on with the magicless stories. I may also branch off into
some simpler fairy tales like Goldilocks. Hope you like it.
-Punzles
Chapter 1: In which we find the real reason the rapiun was stolen
Thomas looked longingly out of the window of his cottage, turned slowly to look at his wife, and sighed. She was very pale and probably wouldn't survive the night without the medicine, but it simply wasn't available. The doctor had said that only syrup made from the rapiun plant could cure her. The rapiun was not only rare and expensive, but the only know source in the city was the witch's garden, who wasn't exactly known for her kind and sharing ways. Thomas turned to look out of the window again.
"Nobody really knows were she came from or if she really is a witch", Thomas pondered, "maybe she's just eccentric or a little touched in the head. The way she talks though, in riddles and as if she knows what the future will bring, scares me a little. Could I risk stealing the rapiun from her garden? There's no actual proof of her having mystical powers or even really being able to tell the future. And without that rapiun my Sara will die."
Sighing, Thomas grabbed a sack and went outside. Seeing that it was a cloudy night without much illumination from the moon or stars, he thanked G- d for the cover of darkness. He started climbing the wall between their properties. As soon as he reached the top of the wall, he jumped off into the witch's garden, and quickly began gathering rapiun. As soon as his sack was full, he quickly climbed back over then ran inside. He put the sack down and went over to check on his wife, she had paled to a deathly white he was gone.
"Hold on Sara, I'm going to get the doctor, don't leave me now"
The doctor came swiftly and prepared the syrup, thankfully not questioning Thomas about the origins of the rapiun. When the doctor finished, he gave the bottle of syrup to Thomas along with instructions to make more, in case they ran out. Sara was to take 2 TB twice a day for 3 months. Thomas thanked the doctor fervently and paid him.
Slowly, but surely Sara recovered, she recovered her strength and her color. Everything seemed to be going great, until shortly before the three months were over, they ran out of syrup, and Sara relapsed. At first it wasn't so awful, then she became bed-ridden and lost much of her strength. Thomas knew it was only a matter of time before he would be sitting by his wife's deathbed again. He couldn't wait around for that to happen, he had to do something. Sighing, he paced the floor.
"I got away with it once, surely I can do it again", Thomas reasoned, "or maybe because I succeed once I'll have more trouble this time. She must have noticed the missing rapiun, so it's almost certain she'll be on her guard now. The witch is almost certain to catch me, but I only need a couple more heads of rapiun. It'll be a quicker trip then last time. I'm almost certain I could be out before the witch realized I was even there."
Shaking his head, Thomas made his decision and went outside. He looked up at the starry sky, no cover as darkness tonight. It was quite bright without any clouds, but what was he to do. He couldn't let his wife, just wither away into oblivion, at least not without a fight. He would save her, even if it meant facing the witch. Once over the fence Thomas began gathering the rapiun he needed.
In a dark corner of the garden a pair of eyes were watching Thomas and he gathered the lettuce. As he turned to leave the pair of eyes came out of the corner.
"Halt", a voice commanded, "who do you think you are that you can just barge in and steal my rapiun?"
Thomas turned around slowly with fear and dread in his heart and apologies on his lips.
"I'm really sorry, I normally don't steal, I mean I don't ever steal", blustered Thomas, "this is only my first, I mean my second, I really am only trying to save- "Quiet", said the witch with authority, "do you think I care about your petty excuses? I demand reimbursement for my rapiun."
"Reimbursement?!", Thomas cried, "if I had that type of money I wouldn't be stealing your lettuce."
"Who said anything about money", asked the witch, "I desire something much more useful then money. I desire your first-born child."
"My child" replied Thomas puzzled, "what can you do with my child? And why the first born?"
"That's not for you to know, but if you won't give me your child, you'll have to forfeit your life!", cackled the witch.
"What can I have to loose?", Thomas pondered, "We don't even have any kids and may never if Sara doesn't recover completely. The doctor said we could never expect to have kids. This way I at least I get to keep my Sara. Moreover, if we do have a child, shouldn't we be able to have more then one?
"Very well, you have yourself a deal", Thomas replied, "my first-born child for your rapiun."
"The deal is done, "cried the witch, "exactly 3 months after the birth of your child, I will come to collect my payment."
Then she was gone. Thomas looked around the garden, grabbed his sack, and scrambled back over to his side of the fence. He ran into his house and locked the door. Thomas gave a sigh of relief and began making the syrup. Within days, Sara was looking much better. In addition, by the end of the month the doctor was able to give her a clean bill of health. Their farm produced a bumper crop that fall and Sara had been able to catch up with her quilting, life was going great.
And now a word from our author.
You have enjoyed the fruits of my labor so certainly it isn't too much for me to ask that you review. Its really easy, just push that little button down there, go head, push. Only good can come out of it if you review. That's it, you know you want to review, you know you're just dying to push that little button. So go on, give in, let you mind soar and your fingers type. One review from you, that's all I ask.
Chapter 1: In which we find the real reason the rapiun was stolen
Thomas looked longingly out of the window of his cottage, turned slowly to look at his wife, and sighed. She was very pale and probably wouldn't survive the night without the medicine, but it simply wasn't available. The doctor had said that only syrup made from the rapiun plant could cure her. The rapiun was not only rare and expensive, but the only know source in the city was the witch's garden, who wasn't exactly known for her kind and sharing ways. Thomas turned to look out of the window again.
"Nobody really knows were she came from or if she really is a witch", Thomas pondered, "maybe she's just eccentric or a little touched in the head. The way she talks though, in riddles and as if she knows what the future will bring, scares me a little. Could I risk stealing the rapiun from her garden? There's no actual proof of her having mystical powers or even really being able to tell the future. And without that rapiun my Sara will die."
Sighing, Thomas grabbed a sack and went outside. Seeing that it was a cloudy night without much illumination from the moon or stars, he thanked G- d for the cover of darkness. He started climbing the wall between their properties. As soon as he reached the top of the wall, he jumped off into the witch's garden, and quickly began gathering rapiun. As soon as his sack was full, he quickly climbed back over then ran inside. He put the sack down and went over to check on his wife, she had paled to a deathly white he was gone.
"Hold on Sara, I'm going to get the doctor, don't leave me now"
The doctor came swiftly and prepared the syrup, thankfully not questioning Thomas about the origins of the rapiun. When the doctor finished, he gave the bottle of syrup to Thomas along with instructions to make more, in case they ran out. Sara was to take 2 TB twice a day for 3 months. Thomas thanked the doctor fervently and paid him.
Slowly, but surely Sara recovered, she recovered her strength and her color. Everything seemed to be going great, until shortly before the three months were over, they ran out of syrup, and Sara relapsed. At first it wasn't so awful, then she became bed-ridden and lost much of her strength. Thomas knew it was only a matter of time before he would be sitting by his wife's deathbed again. He couldn't wait around for that to happen, he had to do something. Sighing, he paced the floor.
"I got away with it once, surely I can do it again", Thomas reasoned, "or maybe because I succeed once I'll have more trouble this time. She must have noticed the missing rapiun, so it's almost certain she'll be on her guard now. The witch is almost certain to catch me, but I only need a couple more heads of rapiun. It'll be a quicker trip then last time. I'm almost certain I could be out before the witch realized I was even there."
Shaking his head, Thomas made his decision and went outside. He looked up at the starry sky, no cover as darkness tonight. It was quite bright without any clouds, but what was he to do. He couldn't let his wife, just wither away into oblivion, at least not without a fight. He would save her, even if it meant facing the witch. Once over the fence Thomas began gathering the rapiun he needed.
In a dark corner of the garden a pair of eyes were watching Thomas and he gathered the lettuce. As he turned to leave the pair of eyes came out of the corner.
"Halt", a voice commanded, "who do you think you are that you can just barge in and steal my rapiun?"
Thomas turned around slowly with fear and dread in his heart and apologies on his lips.
"I'm really sorry, I normally don't steal, I mean I don't ever steal", blustered Thomas, "this is only my first, I mean my second, I really am only trying to save- "Quiet", said the witch with authority, "do you think I care about your petty excuses? I demand reimbursement for my rapiun."
"Reimbursement?!", Thomas cried, "if I had that type of money I wouldn't be stealing your lettuce."
"Who said anything about money", asked the witch, "I desire something much more useful then money. I desire your first-born child."
"My child" replied Thomas puzzled, "what can you do with my child? And why the first born?"
"That's not for you to know, but if you won't give me your child, you'll have to forfeit your life!", cackled the witch.
"What can I have to loose?", Thomas pondered, "We don't even have any kids and may never if Sara doesn't recover completely. The doctor said we could never expect to have kids. This way I at least I get to keep my Sara. Moreover, if we do have a child, shouldn't we be able to have more then one?
"Very well, you have yourself a deal", Thomas replied, "my first-born child for your rapiun."
"The deal is done, "cried the witch, "exactly 3 months after the birth of your child, I will come to collect my payment."
Then she was gone. Thomas looked around the garden, grabbed his sack, and scrambled back over to his side of the fence. He ran into his house and locked the door. Thomas gave a sigh of relief and began making the syrup. Within days, Sara was looking much better. In addition, by the end of the month the doctor was able to give her a clean bill of health. Their farm produced a bumper crop that fall and Sara had been able to catch up with her quilting, life was going great.
And now a word from our author.
You have enjoyed the fruits of my labor so certainly it isn't too much for me to ask that you review. Its really easy, just push that little button down there, go head, push. Only good can come out of it if you review. That's it, you know you want to review, you know you're just dying to push that little button. So go on, give in, let you mind soar and your fingers type. One review from you, that's all I ask.