A/N- OMG I'm sooo sorry this took so long!  First- Abby couldn't get to a computer cuz of back problems- it's very sad.  She'd feel oh-so-much better if you reviewed for her!  And… I'm a lazy little brat.  *ducks flying shoes*  Sorry… I do hope you enjoy this…

Disclaimer- we do not own: Harry Potter or any other characters, Moulin Rouge characters, nor the Lord of the Rings characters who will make little cameos. And the little 'voodoo, who do' thing is from the (GREAT!!!) movie 'The Labyrinth'. Hope no one is offended.



The Fellowship of the Harry Rouge

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"Toulouse… the ring," Christian said, pretending to adjust a ring on his finger.

There was a long silence, with no small man appearing yet, so Satine stamped her foot. "Toulouse, Damn it, take the ring off your finger."

A man, of a small stature, standing four feet eleven appeared out of nowhere. "Wow, I hewd that…"

"Thh!!!!!!" Ron barked, putting his wrist on the sides of his head and wiggling his fingers.

"Oh, you must be dwunk…" Toulouse said, hobbling toward Ron and extending a hand to him.

Ron accepted, giggling, "I have toes."

"Hewe, I have the pewfect thing to help you with that…"

"The ring," Satine said, narrowing her eyes and holding out her palm.

Toulouse shaded his eyes and handed the gold ring over, snapping his hand back when he had done so. "She scares me so…" he murmured.

"Cough-metoo-cough," Harry said, adverting her eyes.

"Don't get me started with you," she snapped. "Whatever this thing is, we can't trust it. We don't need stupid macho fights…"

Christian nodded, putting his hands around her waist. Hermione looked away with a scowl. "I agree with you," he said.

"And don't get me started with YOU," she said, poking Christian in the chest. "You too… I am holding the ring from now on." She moved over to her vanity and placed the ring on a gold chain and fastened it around her neck, frowning at the way it didn't match her red dress.

"I love it when you act tough…" Christian whispered.

"Act?" she asked, hands on hips and trying to hide a smile. "I can be tough… you know I can."

"Oh yes, I know…" he murmured, his hands around her waist and pressing his lips to hers.

"OOPS, I FELL!" Hermione yelled at the top of her lungs, falling to the floor.

Harry rushed to her side and gave her his palm, and she waved it off.

"Oh, no… I'm just fine," she grumbled, still seeing Satine and Christian smooch away.

Ron leaned into the mirror, making faces at his reflection. He wondered over to Christian and tapped his back. "I'm HUUUUNGRY."

"Eat your foot," he murmured, moving back to Satine. Satine stepped aside and he lost his balance, falling onto her vanity table.

She cringed and patted his fallen head. "Sorry sweaty," she whispered, and then turning back toward the kids she said, "Hey, I was supposed to meet the Duke tonight in the Gothic Tower at eight for supper… why don't we go up there and eat? I'm sure he wouldn't mind…"

"Oh I hate that guy…" Toulouse said, shaking his head.

Christian sighed. "Come on, lets go."

He held onto Ron's arm, and when Ron took a tumble, he yelled up at Christian, "Stop the shovin', start the lovin'!"

"What?" Christian asked.

Hermione came between them and seized Christian's now free arm. "He's silly."

"Yes, but I have toes…" Ron giggled.

Harry kicked his rump. "Come on, get up."

"Oh, he can't hewe you," Toulouse said. "Or at weast he can't understand you. Absinthe… it does stuff to your mind."

Harry nodded, pretending to understand, and followed Satine out of the room, the elephant, through the gardens and up the stairs of a large brick building. "I hope you are all very hungry, there will be lots of food…"

Satine pushed a black curtain aside and froze. They all came to the doorway and their eye brows raised, seeing a middle aged man with straw-colored hair and a velvet robe, standing on a rolling chair being pushed to the other side of the room by a waiter in red. A man with red hair with a sheet over his head struck a pose with his leg in the air, while waiters in red holding gold candle sticks and bowls of fruit froze in similar positions.

"Did we… come in a bad time?" Satine asked, laughing slightly.

The man in the velvet robe, the Duke, kept on cruising across the room until the hit the carpet and was dumped off the back of it, a wooden stool breaking his fall.

"We were just singing about you…" the man with the sheet around him said, putting his foot on the ground. He snapped his fingers from side to side and sang, "Like a virgin…" He could see they were not amused and he put his hands down in silence.

"We all were hungry and…" Satine twirled the ring on its chain. "Well, we were wondering if…"

"It's the ring!" a man shouted, coming forward. He was a waiter, wearing the same white shirt, red vest and black pants, but he was considerably older. With a white beard, a pointed nose and a long cane, he said, "My name is Gandalf the Grey… where did you get that ring?!"

Satine raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Why do you ask?"

As the old man, Gandalf, pulled her aside to the corner for some privacy, the singing resumed. Of course, Christian and the whole gang followed them. "My dear beautiful lady, that ring is not an ordinary ring. It is the ONE RING!" He paused, his hands thrown out in emphasis. Everyone stared. "The One Ring!" He said again, still yielding no results. He sighed in aggravation. "You know… the ring? One? One Ring? That ring holds the power to them all…"

"What power?" Satine asked in amazement.

"The power of vooooodoooooooo," Ron giggled.

She looked at him, confused, "Who do?"

"You do!" Gandalf yelled.

"Do... what?"

"Remind me of the babe!" Christian growled, giving her a oh-so-sexy look.

Satine stared, "What babe?"

"The babe with the powew!" Toulouse supplied.

"WHAT POWER?" She yelled in frustration.

"The power of-" Ron began before being cut off.

"THE POWER PLACED IN IT BY THE EVIL LORD SAURON!" Gandalf yelled. The music stopped, the waiters stared, and then as soon as it stopped, it began again.

Satine was still confused. "Evil lord who-da-what-a?"

Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Sauron – deep in Mordor, many years ago, he forged a bunch of rings! Some were given to humans – all evil now. Some were given to elves and others too. But those are irrelevant! But there was something he did not tell any of them; he'd forged one special ring. One ring to rule them, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all, and in the darkness BIND THEM! You have that ring, but he is looking for it. Bilbo, poor Bilbo had that ring. He was with Gollum, answering riddles. But Bilbo, poor Bilbo, was a raging alcoholic. He accidentally mentioned that he was going to the Moulin Rouge to marry the Sparkling Diamond. Now the evil one knows! He's coming to kill you! To rule the world! Actually, both worlds." He giggled. "Imagine that! Anyway, you must go to Mordor to cast the ring into the fire. Only there can it be disposed of!"

Hermione raised an eyebrow, "That's great and all, but he gave the ring to me."

Gandalf cleared his throat. "Well you'd best be off soon before he comes to kill you and take over both worlds! Go to Middle Earth to a place called Hobbiton in the Shire. A fellow named Frodo will be there. He will give you everything you need. You must go now! Hurry! There's not a second to spare!"

A long silence passed, then suddenly, with a wave of a sheet, Gandalf leaped back into the array of dancing waiters screaming, "LIKE A VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRGIN!"