September 7, 2001

Week 16 of pregnancy

Randi slid on the blue sundress she bought two weeks ago. Dave was right at picking out a few sizes too big because she was gaining weight more steadily now. Her heart raced. Her stomach was in knots. Today was a big day. They were meeting the people at the adoption agency. Randi put some lip-gloss on and walked out of the bathroom.

She could tell Dave was getting nervous too. He had been getting more and more quiet all week. He would stare at her stomach for a long time and then go for a walk. Randi sighed softly. She knew they were doing the right thing. She slowly stroked her engagement ring. It calmed her doing so. Dave stood in the doorway holding the car keys.

"You ready?" Dave asked. Randi nodded slowly.

"Ready, as I'll ever be." She said walking into the hallway. Dave locked the front door and wrapped his arm around Randi's waist. He knew this was hard even though this was what she wanted. This was hard, but scrawling her name on the papers would be harder. "I didn't think it was going to be this hard to go to the appointment." Dave looked at her.

"Don't worry Randi. We're doing the right thing." Dave said taking her hand as he drove off.

"Oh I know we are." She said, "It still doesn't make it any easier." They sat there in silence for awhile. Both were sitting in their own thoughts. Pain and wondered filled their heads. Before they knew it, they were there. Randi slowly got out of the car and Dave wrapped his arm around her waist. "We have to find a good family. Someone that'll treat the baby well."

"We will." Dave said quietly leading her into the building.

"M-Maybe doctors or something." Randi said. Dave nodded slowly. "Th-They have to be good. They have to be. They have to treat the baby will respect."

"Baby, don't worry. They'll place the baby to a great family." Dave said moving to the front desk. "Hi. We have an appointment with Mrs. Greyson. The name is Malucci." The receptionist nodded.

"She'll be with you in a moment. Please have a seat." Dave sighed and sat next to Randi. His nerves were running a mile a minute. Randi was right this was harder than he thought it was going to be. They were going to sign their child over to someone else when it was born. Dave also knew Randi wasn't out of the woods for another miscarriage. Dave too Randi's hand in his. He rubbed her soft skin tenderly.

"I love you, Randi, so so much." Dave said. Randi smiled slightly.

"I love you too." She said as Mrs. Greyson walked out.

"Malucci?" Dave and Randi stood up.

"That's us.' Dave said. Mrs. Greyson smiled.

"Welcome. Please come into my office." She said walking back in. Dave and Randi followed her in and sat down. Mrs. Greyson pulled out their file and looked through it. "How far are you, Miranda?"

"Sixteen weeks, Ma'am." Randi said in a small voice. She nodded.

"Do you know the sex yet?"

"Oh. No." Randi cleared her throat. "Ah...in two weeks, we have an ultrasound scheduled to find out." Mrs. Greyson nodded.

"All right. Why are you two choosing to give the baby up?" She asked.

"Ah...We're not really ready for it." Dave said. "We haven't really slowed down and our jobs keep us busy a lot. I ah...I'm still trying to pay off my student loans."

"Right. You're a doctor and you're a receptionist?"

"In the Er." Randi said, "So it gets pretty hectic at times." Mrs. Greyson nodded

"This is a very big decision. It's very emotional." Mrs. Greyson said, "We have support groups to help you through this if you are interested." Randi smiled softly. "Now, Did you want an open or closed adoption?"

"Ah...What's the difference?" Randi asked, noting knowing because she hadn't really done any research.

"A closed adoption is where you give up your rights and hand the baby over to us and we place him or her into a home where you don't know where it is. Sometimes people do that because they don't want to know. They want to severe all ties. An open adoption is where you can meet and research the family before you agree to place your child into their home. We'll give you a file of a lot of profiles and you can choose a family, get to know them, and so on." Mrs. Greyson said, "But once the baby is born you relinquish your rights and it is up to the family if they want to let you see the baby, but its usually in the best interest of the child to sever all ties." Randi nodded slowly.

"I...I understand." Randi said, "I think I would feel more comfortable with an open adoption." She looked at Dave.

"Me too." He nodded. Mrs. Greyson nodded.

"Okay." She moved to a file cabinet and pulled out a file and forms, "Miranda; you'll need to fill out these forms. Because you're the birthmother there's more for you to fill out, okay?"

"I can do that." She said as Mrs. Greyson handed Dave a file of family profiles.

"Here are about ten profiles of families who wish to adopt. It gives general information and a picture. After you choose one, call us with their identification number and we'll contact that family. Then it's up to them to contact to get to know you. If there are any problems, you can us or we'll call you."

"All right." Randi said glancing at the folder.

"And if none of the families in that folder work out. We'll give you another set." Mrs. Greyson said. She scrawled down a number and name. "This is a name of a counselor. I do advise you to see her or at least go online and speak with other birthparents of adoptees. It helps."

"Thank you." Dave pushed out a smile. His heart broke with every word she said.

"Now, when you go into labor. You call us and we'll call the family and draw up the papers." She said, "after a few hours of the birth, you'd sign the papers. Are there any questions?"

"I don't have any." Dave said. Randi shook her head. Mrs. Greyson smiled.

"All right then." She said standing up, "Think about the family carefully. This is one of the biggest and toughest decision you'll ever have to make and Miranda, there are others out there like you that are willing to help." Randi smiled weakly standing up.

"Thank you." Dave smiled, "We'l call you if we have any questions."

"Please do." She said as Dave escorted Randi out. She stood there for a moment. He stared at the colour draining form her face. She held onto the desk.

"Randi?" he said with concern.

"I'm going to be sick." Randi said before running off. Dave stood there staring at the swinging door of the bathroom.

Randi leaned over the sick splashing water on her face. She closed her eyes tightly. Her heart hurt more than her stomach. She felt so guilty. She was giving up her own flesh and blood. She was a horrible horrible person in her eyes. When she was growing up she always said if she was in this postition she wouldnt have an abortion or give the baby up, but now she was giving the baby up. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"What the hell am I doing?"

* * *

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