Title: Who the hell are you? I'm Martin Stu!
Sorry, if anyone cares I'll get back to High School Werewolves and Deadly Nightshade very very soon. Once I get home of course. In two days. Nevermind.
"Hi, my name is Martin Cliché, you can call me by my middle name, Stu."
Ron stared dumbfoundedly at the tart in the common room.
A new boy had come to Hogwarts, very late for some reason. He was tall, brown haired and had chiseled features.
Harry was playing Quidditch, and he wished this wasn't so, because next to him, Hermione and Ginny were practically drooling.
Professor McGonagall made it worse.
"Mr. Weasley, I give to you the task of showing our new friend around Hogwarts."
He gaped, and the girls giggled.
Martin gave Professor McGonagall a charming smile and thanked her, then he thanked the Gryffindors for their attention. When he made his way to Ron, everybody in the Common Room applauded.
Ron felt sick.
"Hello, Ron!" the new boy said brightly, extending his hand. "I'm Martin!"
Ron took it weakly. Martin seemed unperturbed and turned to Hermione. "Well hello," he said, offering his hand. "Martin Clcihe, how do you do?"
Hermione blushed and gave him her hand. "Hermione Granger, thank you."
He kissed her hand and Ron made a dash for the bathroom.
Martin then offered his alternative hand to Ginny, and kissed hers as well."
"Virginia Weasley at your service," she had managed to stutter out, bright red.
"Charmed, I'm sure," said Martin, flashing a dazzling grin. "I believe that Ronald has been detained?"
Hermione nodded, breathless. "Good. Then you two shall be my guides!"
He took their arms and they proceeded to show him around Hogwarts.
Martin enchanted everybody he encountered, even Draco Malfoy.
Ron resented him for flirting with Hermione, but once he got to know him everything was alright. Besides, Martin was seriously interested in Ginny. That got him furious, and Harry, who had been happy enough when he was going after Hermione, thought the same way.
Martin was excellent at his studies, had a devastatingly beautiful body (as had been revealed after a short swim with his 'friends'), delighted all the teachers (including Professor Snape, nobody knew why except those who had their minds constantly in the gutter), was really powerful and an all round amazing guy.
He finally left Ginny alone(to her dismay) and snagged Lavender Brown. This left Ron and Harry perfectly friendly again. They all became best friends.
Then, in their seventh year, Martin teamed up with Harry to kill Voldemort, because it turned out that he was actually Voldermort's uncle's mother in law's twice removed second cousin's brother's wife's nephew's daughter's former roommate(who had been evil)'s good twin.
They all got married(Martin-Lav, Harry-Ginny, Ron-Hermione, Draco-somebody, Prof. Snape-Gilderoy Lockhart) and lived happily ever after.
And they achieved eternal peace with the Muggles and the whole world lived in harmony. Including Martians(Inter-Planetary Peace Proposition 2050).
But then one day, one of Lucius' servants managed to plant(and detonate, naturally) a bomb in Martin's home, leaving the whole gang to muse about how cruel life is. Sigh.
Okay, I was going trhough a Mary-Sue phase. I mean, there are Mary-Sues all over the place, but there's never ever been a Martin-Stu! Think about it.
And I know it was a little bit weird, but please tell me what you think anyway. And check out everything else I've done(besides perhaps the ribena berries one…I just re-read that and I'm like…holy hell, what was I thinking??)