The third installment of...
8 1/2 mile
by weirdDAR
(who else would waste their time?)
*A red curtain, like the cover of "The Eminem show" is seen, the curtains begin to open and Eminem walks out. He walks up to the microphone and clears his throat...song time!*
(The tune of "White America")
Damn America!
I could be somewhere else!
Damn America!
Go to Canada, look at all the fans I lose!
Damn Ameri--(Stops)
(No longer rapping)
Eminem: I'm sorry, folks! My producer said this song would really get me on the Top 40 billboard charts...I guess you should never trust an Arab. By the way, welcome to the third installment of Eight and a half mile! Sorry it took so long, the writer went on vacation. DAMN YOU, WEIRDDAR! Anyway, the third installment will involve super natural forces! Plus, some naked warthogs! YEAH! WORTHOGS!
(Eminem walks out, behind the curtain, the audience leaves.)
Narrarator:(voiced by Jason Lee) See, kids, Eminem is facing a difficult problem with this third installment...he wants more! But the sad part is, it's not possible for 'more', because he can hardly act. So as he tries...the show still goes on.
(First scene: Eminem is seen walking down his trailer park road...named "8 1/2 mile"...duh. Eminem is walking his dog, "Virginity")
Eminem: (To the camera) This is my dog. His name is Virginity. I really hate him. I've had my Virginity since the day I was born. Someone gave it to me. It's too old to move on though.(Notice budget error: The dog looks a little over being a puppy...Sorry, we don't have enough money for an old dog...Eminem's lawsuits, hookers, drugs and candies cost a lot.) So today, I'm going to ask one of these fine trailer girls if they would like to take my Virginity off my hands.
(Eminem walks up to a random trailer and knocks on the door. A slutty ass looking woman shows up at the door.)
Woman: May I help you?
Eminem: Yeah, I was wondering if you could take my Virginity off my hands.
Woman: Uh...how much?
Eminem: No, I don't want any money for you to take Virginity...it's just...I've had my Virginity for so long.
Woman: No,No,No, I meant how much will you pay me?
Eminem: Hmmm, I didn't think I'd have to pay. How much do you think it'd cost?
Woman: Let's say...twenty dollars for tonight.
Eminem: No, I'd like you to take my Virginity for longer than that.
Woman: Sorry, hun, I have other customers...but since you seem like a nice guy, I'll take your virginity off your hands for ten dollars.
Eminem: Gee, golly,(Okay, I don't know why he's starting to talk like this) Do ya really mean it, miss?
Woman: Yes, I mean it.
Eminem:(Hands her a ten dollar bill) Thanks a bunch.
Woman:(Takes Virginity)I'll watch over him real good for you, alright?
Eminem: Thanks a bunch.(Leaves)
(Scene blacks out, next scene: in a local club, Eminem(His rapper name is "Fluffy Bunny Rabbit" here) is in a rapping contest with Snoop Dogg, which shouldn't be hard for Fluffy Bunny Rabbit at all, right? I mean, it's Snoop Dogg for christ sake!)
Announcer: You'll have sixty seconds to win the crowd's affection. The winner of the contest will be judged by the crowd's noise. (Notice budget problem: Only 20 people are in the audience...and that doesn't include the 15 passed out homeless people we just picked up off the street and drugged them to pass out so we could use them.)The winner tonight will go home with a brand new VMW Beetle! Snoop Doggy Dog, you're up!
Snoopy Dog: Before you ring the bell, let me say if you EVER call me snoop doggy dog again...I'll kill you.
(Bell rings)
Snoop:(Rapping) Look at this white boy right here,
he has weird shoes...mind if I call them gear?
(Gear and here rhyme! ahh, he's sooo talented.)
Listen to me, white boy,
I'm going to fu** you up, like a play toy
(Sorry, Snoop Dogg doesn't like his curse words to be exposed...hehe, Gear and here)
Sorry to say, I'm going to win tonight
I got the crowd going, like Osama with a flight.
(I think someone...not saying who, but someone is going to get yelled at by sensitive pricks.*coughs:Snoop Dogg*)
(Bell rings, even though he didn't rap for 60 seconds, but I had all those notes, it took up his time...it sucked anyway.)
Announcer: Wasn't that great? Alright, it's your turn Fluffy Bunny Rabbit...
(Bell rings)
Eminem: Yo, I'm sorry, but you had a bad rap...
Even sounded like a piece of crap.
I wonder what would happen if you got shot in the head,
hey, speaking of head,
guess what Dr Dre and I did last night?
(lossing his rapping tune, he starts talking to the audience)
Yeah, last night, Dre and I...we had quite some fun. It all started when...(Bell rings, stopping Eminem)
Eminem: What the hell? That was not 60 seconds.
Announcer: You were 'rapping' long enough. We couldn't see it go any further. Now...for the judgement. Audience...who says Snoop should win? (Sound error: You hear about a million people scream at a time, cheering and yelling weird words that only people from the hood understands[I.E. ah, yea, that be tight, yo AND Tricky, tricky, this be off da chain])
Announcer: And....should Eminem win? (you hear silence, with an exception of crickets in the background)
(Eminem runs off, crying like a little girl)
(Scene blacks out in the parking lot, Eminem is walking to his car, which is a shopping cart.)
Eminem: I'll never rap again. Maybe I can become an actavist or something.
(He notices something in his cart...a silver tube. He opens it and a pair of sunglasses pop up. He puts them on, a voice is heard through the glasses.)
Voice: (Sounds like...Anthony Hopkins)Your mission, should you choose to accept it, Mr. Eminem, is to get better rhymes and find a more populated club to play at...That will get this movie showing at the box office. Not for you to become a fucking actavist...GOD DAMN! Anyway, this message will self destruct in five seconds.
Eminem: (to the voice) Common, can I please keep the glasses? I mean, they're really cool and I---(The glasses explode on Eminem's face, he falls on the ground, appearing to be dead)
To be continued...
(Oooh, nice cliffhanger, huh? Well, since it's "To be continued" we know he's not dead. Since the movie is all about him, of course. But the explosion had a good impact on his face...and his bleach BROWN hair. So what will happen? Does anyone care? Read and review...tell me what YOU think should happen.)
8 1/2 mile
by weirdDAR
(who else would waste their time?)
*A red curtain, like the cover of "The Eminem show" is seen, the curtains begin to open and Eminem walks out. He walks up to the microphone and clears his throat...song time!*
(The tune of "White America")
Damn America!
I could be somewhere else!
Damn America!
Go to Canada, look at all the fans I lose!
Damn Ameri--(Stops)
(No longer rapping)
Eminem: I'm sorry, folks! My producer said this song would really get me on the Top 40 billboard charts...I guess you should never trust an Arab. By the way, welcome to the third installment of Eight and a half mile! Sorry it took so long, the writer went on vacation. DAMN YOU, WEIRDDAR! Anyway, the third installment will involve super natural forces! Plus, some naked warthogs! YEAH! WORTHOGS!
(Eminem walks out, behind the curtain, the audience leaves.)
Narrarator:(voiced by Jason Lee) See, kids, Eminem is facing a difficult problem with this third installment...he wants more! But the sad part is, it's not possible for 'more', because he can hardly act. So as he tries...the show still goes on.
(First scene: Eminem is seen walking down his trailer park road...named "8 1/2 mile"...duh. Eminem is walking his dog, "Virginity")
Eminem: (To the camera) This is my dog. His name is Virginity. I really hate him. I've had my Virginity since the day I was born. Someone gave it to me. It's too old to move on though.(Notice budget error: The dog looks a little over being a puppy...Sorry, we don't have enough money for an old dog...Eminem's lawsuits, hookers, drugs and candies cost a lot.) So today, I'm going to ask one of these fine trailer girls if they would like to take my Virginity off my hands.
(Eminem walks up to a random trailer and knocks on the door. A slutty ass looking woman shows up at the door.)
Woman: May I help you?
Eminem: Yeah, I was wondering if you could take my Virginity off my hands.
Woman: Uh...how much?
Eminem: No, I don't want any money for you to take Virginity...it's just...I've had my Virginity for so long.
Woman: No,No,No, I meant how much will you pay me?
Eminem: Hmmm, I didn't think I'd have to pay. How much do you think it'd cost?
Woman: Let's say...twenty dollars for tonight.
Eminem: No, I'd like you to take my Virginity for longer than that.
Woman: Sorry, hun, I have other customers...but since you seem like a nice guy, I'll take your virginity off your hands for ten dollars.
Eminem: Gee, golly,(Okay, I don't know why he's starting to talk like this) Do ya really mean it, miss?
Woman: Yes, I mean it.
Eminem:(Hands her a ten dollar bill) Thanks a bunch.
Woman:(Takes Virginity)I'll watch over him real good for you, alright?
Eminem: Thanks a bunch.(Leaves)
(Scene blacks out, next scene: in a local club, Eminem(His rapper name is "Fluffy Bunny Rabbit" here) is in a rapping contest with Snoop Dogg, which shouldn't be hard for Fluffy Bunny Rabbit at all, right? I mean, it's Snoop Dogg for christ sake!)
Announcer: You'll have sixty seconds to win the crowd's affection. The winner of the contest will be judged by the crowd's noise. (Notice budget problem: Only 20 people are in the audience...and that doesn't include the 15 passed out homeless people we just picked up off the street and drugged them to pass out so we could use them.)The winner tonight will go home with a brand new VMW Beetle! Snoop Doggy Dog, you're up!
Snoopy Dog: Before you ring the bell, let me say if you EVER call me snoop doggy dog again...I'll kill you.
(Bell rings)
Snoop:(Rapping) Look at this white boy right here,
he has weird shoes...mind if I call them gear?
(Gear and here rhyme! ahh, he's sooo talented.)
Listen to me, white boy,
I'm going to fu** you up, like a play toy
(Sorry, Snoop Dogg doesn't like his curse words to be exposed...hehe, Gear and here)
Sorry to say, I'm going to win tonight
I got the crowd going, like Osama with a flight.
(I think someone...not saying who, but someone is going to get yelled at by sensitive pricks.*coughs:Snoop Dogg*)
(Bell rings, even though he didn't rap for 60 seconds, but I had all those notes, it took up his time...it sucked anyway.)
Announcer: Wasn't that great? Alright, it's your turn Fluffy Bunny Rabbit...
(Bell rings)
Eminem: Yo, I'm sorry, but you had a bad rap...
Even sounded like a piece of crap.
I wonder what would happen if you got shot in the head,
hey, speaking of head,
guess what Dr Dre and I did last night?
(lossing his rapping tune, he starts talking to the audience)
Yeah, last night, Dre and I...we had quite some fun. It all started when...(Bell rings, stopping Eminem)
Eminem: What the hell? That was not 60 seconds.
Announcer: You were 'rapping' long enough. We couldn't see it go any further. Now...for the judgement. Audience...who says Snoop should win? (Sound error: You hear about a million people scream at a time, cheering and yelling weird words that only people from the hood understands[I.E. ah, yea, that be tight, yo AND Tricky, tricky, this be off da chain])
Announcer: And....should Eminem win? (you hear silence, with an exception of crickets in the background)
(Eminem runs off, crying like a little girl)
(Scene blacks out in the parking lot, Eminem is walking to his car, which is a shopping cart.)
Eminem: I'll never rap again. Maybe I can become an actavist or something.
(He notices something in his cart...a silver tube. He opens it and a pair of sunglasses pop up. He puts them on, a voice is heard through the glasses.)
Voice: (Sounds like...Anthony Hopkins)Your mission, should you choose to accept it, Mr. Eminem, is to get better rhymes and find a more populated club to play at...That will get this movie showing at the box office. Not for you to become a fucking actavist...GOD DAMN! Anyway, this message will self destruct in five seconds.
Eminem: (to the voice) Common, can I please keep the glasses? I mean, they're really cool and I---(The glasses explode on Eminem's face, he falls on the ground, appearing to be dead)
To be continued...
(Oooh, nice cliffhanger, huh? Well, since it's "To be continued" we know he's not dead. Since the movie is all about him, of course. But the explosion had a good impact on his face...and his bleach BROWN hair. So what will happen? Does anyone care? Read and review...tell me what YOU think should happen.)