Considering there has been neither whisper nor word on the whereabouts and
happening of our two esteemed heroes for a matter of many moths I feel it
necessary to edge you gently back into this terrible tale. So consider this
a bridge chapter.
~*~
M opened his eyes slowly. Something was not right, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He felt very strange. His body was tingling and his chest felt awfully heavy. "I say, what's going on?" he whispered meekly, voice croaking. "Ah Mrs M, you're finally awake! How do you feel?" inquired a man garbed in a long, white jacket. "What? Huh? Oh I feel. fine. Where am I," M paused suddenly "Did you just call me 'Mrs M' because I am a man you know," stated M pointedly. The man in the jacket laughed softly. "Not anymore my dear." "What?" "You see you're a women now M. I'm afraid the Ministry felt they should move with the times and drop their frankly out of date, chauvinistic attitudes towards women in positions of power. But, you see, rather than go to all the trouble of appointing a new M, which would take time and money, they just gave the old one a sex change." "Is this some kind of sick perverted joke?" M hissed. He moved his hands behind him and pushed himself up into a sitting position. The man in the white jacket quickly moved away from the bed, revealing a full-length mirror behind him. M vaulted from the bed as best he could and stopped dead in front of the mirror. "Oh my god."
~*~
In the very bowels of the MI6 building, way past the arsenal, there lies a room. It is by far the hardest room to reach in all the world (even more difficult to reach than bathrooms in restraints). In order to get there one must face numerous perils the like of which make double O agents wet their pants. There are crocodiles, lions, tigers, and enraged elephants. There are gangs of thugs and hit men prowling the route, ready and willing to attack. There are monkeys; all equipped with Q's Omega watches with laser beams. There's even a group of Russian commandoes, which escaped the training grounds of the MI6 only to find themselves stuck in this hell. The perk is a man who sells peanuts for a very reasonable sum. Anyhow, inside this room there is a huge, round oak table. At this very moment, six suited gentlemen are seated there discussing something very dire indeed. "Now all I am saying is that, yes we are quite modern, but not nearly modern enough!" said one of the gentlemen, slamming his fist onto the table rather dramatically. "But we just made M have a sex change! How more modern can you get?" whined another. "Yes he, no she was a stroke of bloody brilliance! But we can't just leave it there. One strike will not win the war, we require further action. Therefore, I have drawn up a little plan." The man handed five gleaming folios to his counterparts with a smug sort of smile on his face. The men glanced at the folios in a stunned sort of fashion. "It says here all employees should attend more exhibitions and take classes in interpretive dance and poetic appreciation," recited one of the men. "Yeah and it says here that M should attend mime classes, wear a beret and always walk around with a giant coffee cup in her hand. Don't you think that might be asking a little too much?" "Nonsense! Now listen here. These suggestions will be enacted, or else." ~*~
It was eight o'clock in the morning and time for Mrs M to start work. Deciding that she could not take the shame, she went to work wrapped in a dark, heavy cloak. She had gotten some very peculiar looks from her work mates as she walked up the grey steps to the MI6 building. Once inside she was at once pounced upon by a gang of suspicious guards. "Owww! What are you doing? Get off me you little whipper snappers!" One of the guards toted his shiny SD Barretta, pointing it at M's heart. "I suggest you explain yourself you suspiciously cloaked individual," said the guard coolly. "It's me! M! Now let go of me!" whined M. Another of the guards ripped of M's hood and screamed in surprise. The guard with the gun tightened his grip and released the safety catch. "M is a man and you are not, so you are coming with me matey-" The guard was suddenly cut off by Money Penny hurtling down the stairs towards them. "Um I guess you guys weren't told.. M has had a sex change. It's now Mrs M." said Money Penny sheepishly. The guards released M quickly, jumping to their feet and, shocked expressions on their faces. "Ah, sorry sir. I mean Ma'am." The guards turned around and hurried off leaving M sprawled on the ground. M got up fixing his cloak and hurried off to his office. And there he sat when 00David Beckham walked through the door. Beckham took one look at M and screamed in horror. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's a ring wraith! Help me!" David cried, dropping to his knees. "What?" M hissed. "Just take my damn ring, I never liked it anyway!" David ripped his wedding ring off and threw it at M, squawking wildly. "I think it's going to be a very long day." ~*~ Yeah, that chapter did take a while and there really wasn't much about Bond or Beckham it was pretty much just an in-between chapter. We will return to normal viewing soon (I'm on holidays now, so it won't take another eight months for another chapter to appear!) Thanks a bunch for your reviews people - I probably wouldn't have started this story up again without 'em.
~*~
M opened his eyes slowly. Something was not right, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He felt very strange. His body was tingling and his chest felt awfully heavy. "I say, what's going on?" he whispered meekly, voice croaking. "Ah Mrs M, you're finally awake! How do you feel?" inquired a man garbed in a long, white jacket. "What? Huh? Oh I feel. fine. Where am I," M paused suddenly "Did you just call me 'Mrs M' because I am a man you know," stated M pointedly. The man in the jacket laughed softly. "Not anymore my dear." "What?" "You see you're a women now M. I'm afraid the Ministry felt they should move with the times and drop their frankly out of date, chauvinistic attitudes towards women in positions of power. But, you see, rather than go to all the trouble of appointing a new M, which would take time and money, they just gave the old one a sex change." "Is this some kind of sick perverted joke?" M hissed. He moved his hands behind him and pushed himself up into a sitting position. The man in the white jacket quickly moved away from the bed, revealing a full-length mirror behind him. M vaulted from the bed as best he could and stopped dead in front of the mirror. "Oh my god."
~*~
In the very bowels of the MI6 building, way past the arsenal, there lies a room. It is by far the hardest room to reach in all the world (even more difficult to reach than bathrooms in restraints). In order to get there one must face numerous perils the like of which make double O agents wet their pants. There are crocodiles, lions, tigers, and enraged elephants. There are gangs of thugs and hit men prowling the route, ready and willing to attack. There are monkeys; all equipped with Q's Omega watches with laser beams. There's even a group of Russian commandoes, which escaped the training grounds of the MI6 only to find themselves stuck in this hell. The perk is a man who sells peanuts for a very reasonable sum. Anyhow, inside this room there is a huge, round oak table. At this very moment, six suited gentlemen are seated there discussing something very dire indeed. "Now all I am saying is that, yes we are quite modern, but not nearly modern enough!" said one of the gentlemen, slamming his fist onto the table rather dramatically. "But we just made M have a sex change! How more modern can you get?" whined another. "Yes he, no she was a stroke of bloody brilliance! But we can't just leave it there. One strike will not win the war, we require further action. Therefore, I have drawn up a little plan." The man handed five gleaming folios to his counterparts with a smug sort of smile on his face. The men glanced at the folios in a stunned sort of fashion. "It says here all employees should attend more exhibitions and take classes in interpretive dance and poetic appreciation," recited one of the men. "Yeah and it says here that M should attend mime classes, wear a beret and always walk around with a giant coffee cup in her hand. Don't you think that might be asking a little too much?" "Nonsense! Now listen here. These suggestions will be enacted, or else." ~*~
It was eight o'clock in the morning and time for Mrs M to start work. Deciding that she could not take the shame, she went to work wrapped in a dark, heavy cloak. She had gotten some very peculiar looks from her work mates as she walked up the grey steps to the MI6 building. Once inside she was at once pounced upon by a gang of suspicious guards. "Owww! What are you doing? Get off me you little whipper snappers!" One of the guards toted his shiny SD Barretta, pointing it at M's heart. "I suggest you explain yourself you suspiciously cloaked individual," said the guard coolly. "It's me! M! Now let go of me!" whined M. Another of the guards ripped of M's hood and screamed in surprise. The guard with the gun tightened his grip and released the safety catch. "M is a man and you are not, so you are coming with me matey-" The guard was suddenly cut off by Money Penny hurtling down the stairs towards them. "Um I guess you guys weren't told.. M has had a sex change. It's now Mrs M." said Money Penny sheepishly. The guards released M quickly, jumping to their feet and, shocked expressions on their faces. "Ah, sorry sir. I mean Ma'am." The guards turned around and hurried off leaving M sprawled on the ground. M got up fixing his cloak and hurried off to his office. And there he sat when 00David Beckham walked through the door. Beckham took one look at M and screamed in horror. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's a ring wraith! Help me!" David cried, dropping to his knees. "What?" M hissed. "Just take my damn ring, I never liked it anyway!" David ripped his wedding ring off and threw it at M, squawking wildly. "I think it's going to be a very long day." ~*~ Yeah, that chapter did take a while and there really wasn't much about Bond or Beckham it was pretty much just an in-between chapter. We will return to normal viewing soon (I'm on holidays now, so it won't take another eight months for another chapter to appear!) Thanks a bunch for your reviews people - I probably wouldn't have started this story up again without 'em.