August 07, 2002
Entry #: 53
Dear Diary,
I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I left Port
Charles. But what's even more hard to believe is that it still hurts to
think about Zander. Sometimes I can have my mind on other things and then
*BOOM* something comes out of nowhere and reminds me of him. Grape Pixie
sticks, dancing, street lamps, even 'Slide' by the Goo Goo Dolls. And then
he's all I can think of.
I shouldn't be so wrapped up in him. I should move on. He has, I'm
sure of it. And I'm glad he has, I am.
But if I'm so glad then why does it hurt to think about him with
another girl?
-Emily Bowen Quartermain
Emily Quartermain shut her diary and pulled her blanket up over her. It did hurt to think of Zander with anyone but her. But she had to move on. She had to get on with her life and then maybe, just maybe, the pain will stop.
In Port Charles Zander Smith sat looking out the window and just wrote. He wrote down everything that he was feeling.
8/7/2002
So much has happened in such a little amount of time. I shot Elizabeth. Just hours ago I shot her. I cannot believe I did that! Elizabeth could of died. Kristina did die. I cannot believe this! I never thought I would ever pull a trigger on a gun unless it was self defense. Like when I stole the gun from Sonny to protect Emily last year. If anyone were to try to hurt her I would have killed them in an instant. God, Emily. I miss her so much. And maybe I'm using Elizabeth as a replacement for her. What if Emily had been there insted of Elizabeth? I still feel so horrible for the bus accident. If it wasn't for me she would still be here and she would be walking, having fun. But she's not. All because of me.
Zander shut the book, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He'd been writing his feelings down in a book for two years. Since he first met Emily. It was her idea actually. Sometimes he wrote songs, whether it be original songs or lyrics to whatever song described him at that moment, sometimes he just wrote his feelings.
He re-opened his eyes and saw, to his amusement, the first shooting star of his life. "Star light, star bright the first star I see tonight..."He said out loud "...I wish I may, I wish I might. Have this wish I wish tonight"Emily said from her porch
And at the same time unknown to either of them they wished for the same thing: "I wish I could go back and make everything different."
The next morning Emily opened her eyes and saw that she was back home, in her old room. 'Oh my god!' She thought 'It came true! My wish came true!'
She threw the blanket off of her and moved her legs. It felt so good to be able to move them again. Really move them. She hurried over to her desk and looked through her organizer to see what day it was. And then she saw it: July 3rd, 2000.
The Rave was tonight. She couldn't go. She came back to make everything different and it was going to be. It was going to be so different this time around.
"Emily?"Her grandfather asked knocking on her door, "Are you awake?" "Yes grandfather." "Elizabeth Webber is here to see you." "I'll be down in a minute."she told him
She went to her closet and picked out a baby blue halter top and a denim skirt covered with sparkles. She slipped on a pair of white sandles, pulled her hair into a ponytail and hurried downstairs.
"Hi grandfather. Hi Elizabeth."she said trying to hide her giddyness.
"We were starting to wonder if you had died up there or something."Elizabeth joked "So, what's going on?" "Well, I've got some time to kill before I have to get to work and I was wondering if you wanted to go shoping with me." "What the hell. Sure. Let me get my purse."
Emily ran up to her room grabbed her purse and hurried back downstairs. "I'm ready to shop."She announced.
At Kelly's Zander sat drinking his third cup of coffee trying to understand exactly how he had gotten there. He had always hoped in the back of his mind that wishes came true but he never imagined that a wish like this would come true. But he had to make sure that he made part two of his wish happen. He was going to change everything, starting tonight.
He wasn't going to go to go to the Rave. And he knew that he wasn't going to meet Emily, but he knew that if they were destined to be together they would meet some other way.
Just then a flier, sitting on the counter caught his eye. "Attention!" it read, "Think you have what it takes? Musicians 18-25 come to Jakes Monday July 3rd, 2000 for our Band Battle. Sign up starts at 8:00 pm. Only a limited amount of spot's open so come early and come prepared with three songs. Winner(s) recieves $250."
This was just what would keep his mind off of everything. Now all he had to do was decide what songs to perform.
Later that afternoon Emily sat outside of Kelly's writing in the new journal that she had boughten earlier.
July 03, 2000 Entry #: 1.
Dear Diary, This is going to sound weird and I know if anyone gets a hold of this they will definetly have me commited but I have to get this out in the open. I came back from the future. And I know! I know that sounds so fake and corny that I hardly believe it myself but it's true. It's true. I came back to change everything that's gone wrong over the past two years. Like being with Juan. Worst mistake I've ever made. And as soon as I see him I'm going to change that. He is part of my past. He's just a bad mistake. Something that belongs to the "old" Emily. The Emily who would go to a rave that she never even wanted to attend in the first place, and leave with a stranger that she didn't even know. But that is a part of me that I never want to revisit. But something good did come from it. I met my soulmate: Zander Smith. It's weird too how we went from me being his hostage and him being my kidnapper to being soulmates. But we were, we were everything to each other. We were each others everything. I never stoped loving him. Never. Sometimes I still write Mrs. Zander Smith or Emily Bowen Quartermain- Smith when I write in my journals. It was always a fantasy of mine that I would marry him. And it would always be the same way: Him and me in a small private ceremony where no one could tell us that it was wrong. Just him, me, a minister and a witness. Zander and I would recite our own vow's. And then we would exchange rings and perminently be Mr. and Mrs. Zander Smith. It's a silly thought though. It's never going to happen. Like I said the rave was the only way I was going to meet him and now since I'm not going I'm blowing all chances of meeting him. But I have hope that if we are destined to be together we will find a way. -Emily Bowen Quartermain
Emily shut her diary and put it in her bag. She then put her head in her hands. She was going to find Zander and have him fall in love with her no matter what. Only this time they would play by their own rules. Nobody elses.
She knew that Juan was the safe choice. He would never kidnapp her, or get her shot at, or be partly responsible for her nearly getting killed so many times she had lost count, but some how, she felt like she needed all of those things. Love was like a carnival ride, the faster and more dangerous love is, the better it gets.
"Hey Em. What's going on?"Lucky asked coming up to the table. "Not much."She said with a sad tone in her voice "Emily, I know you. What's wrong. Does this have something to do with Juan? Did he break up with you?"
She let out a small chuckle. "That's funny."she told him."No, Juan didn't break up with me. Actually I--umm--I'm going to break up with him." "Your kidding!"Lucky said in shock."I'm sorry." "Don't be. I never really loved him anyway." "Never really loved him? Em, just days ago you were saying that you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. What happened?" "Things change. People change. I changed. I'm not the same person I was when I met him." "Met who?"Someone asked from behind them.
Emily turned around and felt her stomach get knots in it. It was Juan. She could hear her heart tell him that he was who she was talking about. Her head however was screaming at her to lie to him.
"You know what? I think I'm going to go inside. Leave you guys alone to talk."Lucky said standing up. "Lucky wait."Emily said grabbing his arm. "Thank you for listening." "It's no problem. I'll talk to you later."he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Bye." "What the hell was up with that?"Juan asked. "What do you mean?" "With you and Lucky. And don't give me the whole 'we're friends' line okay." "Lucky and I are friends. And if you were a real boyfriend you would see that." "A real boyfriend? What is that supposed to mean?" "It means that we're over."
Emily grabbed her bag and stood up. She took a deep breath and told him, "Goodbye Juan. " Juan grabbed her arm and dug his nails into it. "You aren't leaving me." "Excuse me?"She asked pulling away "We aren't over." "Yes we are." "You're sleeping with him aren't you?" "Who?"Emily asked completly perplexed. "Lucky. You're sleeping with him." "Oh my god Juan! Get over yourself. I would never sleep with my best friend's ex."
Zander made his way around the corner and froze when he heard Emily say those words. Hearing her voice was painful enough but hearing her say those words hurt so much more. He did that. He claimed to love her, to always love her and then he slept with her best friend. She didn't deserve him. He went back around the corner and nearly sprinted to his car.
Later when he was in the privacy of his own apartment he tried his hardest to stop feeling horrible about earlier.
My Emily
It hurts when I see you hurt I wanna die when I make you cry The things I did make me feel like dirt I give anything for you not to have said "good-bye"
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
I saw you today You took my breath away And you said something that hurt And I wish somehow I could pay Pay for the crap I put you through
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
I wake up some nights to the telephone ringing I think I hear you one the other line My heart skips a beat, 'till I relize that I'm just dreaming. And as hard as I try to convince myself, I will never again be fine
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
My Emily...
Emily Quartermain shut her diary and pulled her blanket up over her. It did hurt to think of Zander with anyone but her. But she had to move on. She had to get on with her life and then maybe, just maybe, the pain will stop.
In Port Charles Zander Smith sat looking out the window and just wrote. He wrote down everything that he was feeling.
8/7/2002
So much has happened in such a little amount of time. I shot Elizabeth. Just hours ago I shot her. I cannot believe I did that! Elizabeth could of died. Kristina did die. I cannot believe this! I never thought I would ever pull a trigger on a gun unless it was self defense. Like when I stole the gun from Sonny to protect Emily last year. If anyone were to try to hurt her I would have killed them in an instant. God, Emily. I miss her so much. And maybe I'm using Elizabeth as a replacement for her. What if Emily had been there insted of Elizabeth? I still feel so horrible for the bus accident. If it wasn't for me she would still be here and she would be walking, having fun. But she's not. All because of me.
Zander shut the book, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He'd been writing his feelings down in a book for two years. Since he first met Emily. It was her idea actually. Sometimes he wrote songs, whether it be original songs or lyrics to whatever song described him at that moment, sometimes he just wrote his feelings.
He re-opened his eyes and saw, to his amusement, the first shooting star of his life. "Star light, star bright the first star I see tonight..."He said out loud "...I wish I may, I wish I might. Have this wish I wish tonight"Emily said from her porch
And at the same time unknown to either of them they wished for the same thing: "I wish I could go back and make everything different."
The next morning Emily opened her eyes and saw that she was back home, in her old room. 'Oh my god!' She thought 'It came true! My wish came true!'
She threw the blanket off of her and moved her legs. It felt so good to be able to move them again. Really move them. She hurried over to her desk and looked through her organizer to see what day it was. And then she saw it: July 3rd, 2000.
The Rave was tonight. She couldn't go. She came back to make everything different and it was going to be. It was going to be so different this time around.
"Emily?"Her grandfather asked knocking on her door, "Are you awake?" "Yes grandfather." "Elizabeth Webber is here to see you." "I'll be down in a minute."she told him
She went to her closet and picked out a baby blue halter top and a denim skirt covered with sparkles. She slipped on a pair of white sandles, pulled her hair into a ponytail and hurried downstairs.
"Hi grandfather. Hi Elizabeth."she said trying to hide her giddyness.
"We were starting to wonder if you had died up there or something."Elizabeth joked "So, what's going on?" "Well, I've got some time to kill before I have to get to work and I was wondering if you wanted to go shoping with me." "What the hell. Sure. Let me get my purse."
Emily ran up to her room grabbed her purse and hurried back downstairs. "I'm ready to shop."She announced.
At Kelly's Zander sat drinking his third cup of coffee trying to understand exactly how he had gotten there. He had always hoped in the back of his mind that wishes came true but he never imagined that a wish like this would come true. But he had to make sure that he made part two of his wish happen. He was going to change everything, starting tonight.
He wasn't going to go to go to the Rave. And he knew that he wasn't going to meet Emily, but he knew that if they were destined to be together they would meet some other way.
Just then a flier, sitting on the counter caught his eye. "Attention!" it read, "Think you have what it takes? Musicians 18-25 come to Jakes Monday July 3rd, 2000 for our Band Battle. Sign up starts at 8:00 pm. Only a limited amount of spot's open so come early and come prepared with three songs. Winner(s) recieves $250."
This was just what would keep his mind off of everything. Now all he had to do was decide what songs to perform.
Later that afternoon Emily sat outside of Kelly's writing in the new journal that she had boughten earlier.
July 03, 2000 Entry #: 1.
Dear Diary, This is going to sound weird and I know if anyone gets a hold of this they will definetly have me commited but I have to get this out in the open. I came back from the future. And I know! I know that sounds so fake and corny that I hardly believe it myself but it's true. It's true. I came back to change everything that's gone wrong over the past two years. Like being with Juan. Worst mistake I've ever made. And as soon as I see him I'm going to change that. He is part of my past. He's just a bad mistake. Something that belongs to the "old" Emily. The Emily who would go to a rave that she never even wanted to attend in the first place, and leave with a stranger that she didn't even know. But that is a part of me that I never want to revisit. But something good did come from it. I met my soulmate: Zander Smith. It's weird too how we went from me being his hostage and him being my kidnapper to being soulmates. But we were, we were everything to each other. We were each others everything. I never stoped loving him. Never. Sometimes I still write Mrs. Zander Smith or Emily Bowen Quartermain- Smith when I write in my journals. It was always a fantasy of mine that I would marry him. And it would always be the same way: Him and me in a small private ceremony where no one could tell us that it was wrong. Just him, me, a minister and a witness. Zander and I would recite our own vow's. And then we would exchange rings and perminently be Mr. and Mrs. Zander Smith. It's a silly thought though. It's never going to happen. Like I said the rave was the only way I was going to meet him and now since I'm not going I'm blowing all chances of meeting him. But I have hope that if we are destined to be together we will find a way. -Emily Bowen Quartermain
Emily shut her diary and put it in her bag. She then put her head in her hands. She was going to find Zander and have him fall in love with her no matter what. Only this time they would play by their own rules. Nobody elses.
She knew that Juan was the safe choice. He would never kidnapp her, or get her shot at, or be partly responsible for her nearly getting killed so many times she had lost count, but some how, she felt like she needed all of those things. Love was like a carnival ride, the faster and more dangerous love is, the better it gets.
"Hey Em. What's going on?"Lucky asked coming up to the table. "Not much."She said with a sad tone in her voice "Emily, I know you. What's wrong. Does this have something to do with Juan? Did he break up with you?"
She let out a small chuckle. "That's funny."she told him."No, Juan didn't break up with me. Actually I--umm--I'm going to break up with him." "Your kidding!"Lucky said in shock."I'm sorry." "Don't be. I never really loved him anyway." "Never really loved him? Em, just days ago you were saying that you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. What happened?" "Things change. People change. I changed. I'm not the same person I was when I met him." "Met who?"Someone asked from behind them.
Emily turned around and felt her stomach get knots in it. It was Juan. She could hear her heart tell him that he was who she was talking about. Her head however was screaming at her to lie to him.
"You know what? I think I'm going to go inside. Leave you guys alone to talk."Lucky said standing up. "Lucky wait."Emily said grabbing his arm. "Thank you for listening." "It's no problem. I'll talk to you later."he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Bye." "What the hell was up with that?"Juan asked. "What do you mean?" "With you and Lucky. And don't give me the whole 'we're friends' line okay." "Lucky and I are friends. And if you were a real boyfriend you would see that." "A real boyfriend? What is that supposed to mean?" "It means that we're over."
Emily grabbed her bag and stood up. She took a deep breath and told him, "Goodbye Juan. " Juan grabbed her arm and dug his nails into it. "You aren't leaving me." "Excuse me?"She asked pulling away "We aren't over." "Yes we are." "You're sleeping with him aren't you?" "Who?"Emily asked completly perplexed. "Lucky. You're sleeping with him." "Oh my god Juan! Get over yourself. I would never sleep with my best friend's ex."
Zander made his way around the corner and froze when he heard Emily say those words. Hearing her voice was painful enough but hearing her say those words hurt so much more. He did that. He claimed to love her, to always love her and then he slept with her best friend. She didn't deserve him. He went back around the corner and nearly sprinted to his car.
Later when he was in the privacy of his own apartment he tried his hardest to stop feeling horrible about earlier.
My Emily
It hurts when I see you hurt I wanna die when I make you cry The things I did make me feel like dirt I give anything for you not to have said "good-bye"
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
I saw you today You took my breath away And you said something that hurt And I wish somehow I could pay Pay for the crap I put you through
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
I wake up some nights to the telephone ringing I think I hear you one the other line My heart skips a beat, 'till I relize that I'm just dreaming. And as hard as I try to convince myself, I will never again be fine
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?
My Emily...