Heartbeats (Part 3 - The Road Back)
by Valma
At first it felt like he was swimming underwater --- in the dark. Or maybe it just seemed that way because his eyes were closed? There was a definite sensation of pressure on his limbs. It was like he was in a pond and there were reeds and other vegetation that he kept getting tangled up in. He tried to break free of them, but he just couldn't. His chest was beginning to hurt too. He knew he had to get to the surface soon to get some air --- if he could just --- move his arms ---
"Niles --- Niles, I'm here, darling. Just like I promised."
That voice was like a rescue line, thrown into the water to pull him to safety.
"Open your eyes dear --- but don't try and move, it's much too soon."
A familiar scent of cherry bark and almonds drifted into his consciousness. Niles felt a pair of warm, moist lips graze his forehead. The kiss rushed through him like a surge of electricity. Slowly he forced his eyes open. Daphne's face came into focus as he surfaced from his drug-induced slumber.
"Daphne," he whispered hoarsely. His throat ached fiercely. It was like a thousand, no make that two thousand needles had been thrust into his esophagus. He reasoned that it must be from the post-operative tube that had been recently removed by a merciful nurse probably just before he woke up.
Daphne reached out and gently stroked his cheek, chuckling softly.
"That's one of the last things I heard you say before you went into surgery, Niles," she said tenderly. "You're going to have to think of something else to say, or this is going to start to get boring."
Niles closed his eyes and willed his mouth to turn up at the corners and smile to show his appreciation of her joke. He wanted to comeback with a witty reply but he just couldn't. Everything hurt too much.
He felt her cool hand cover his, as it lay motionless on the bed.
"I want you to know that everything turned out fine, darling," Daphne reported. "They are going to keep you in here for a while yet, but the operation was a complete success. You're going to be all right. You relax now and get some rest. I'll be back later."
Niles opened his eyes up again, sending a silent plea for her to remain.
"Niles, you need your rest. I promise you, I'll be back in a little while," Daphne reiterated.
"Please --- please stay --- Daphne."
That plaintive entreaty came at the expense of another piercing pain in his windpipe. A tear slid down his cheek. Niles sighed. It was humiliating to be so helpless.
Daphne quickly wiped away the salty stain on his face.
"Is it all right if I do?" he heard her whisper to an unseen nurse who was obviously standing guard over his bed.
No audible answer was evident, but Niles knew his request had been granted as Daphne nodded in gratitude and then looked down at him.
"Of course," she said patting his hand. "Now close your eyes and don't say another word. I want you to regain your strength and get out of here as quickly as possible and home where you belong. And you can't do it if you keep on talking."
He obediently followed her instructions, comforted by the slight squeeze of her hand around his fingers.
True to her word, Daphne stayed until his quiet rhythmic wheezing told her that he was in a state of deep repose.
When Niles next opened his eyes, the morning light was streaming through the slats of the window blinds like the tines of a fork.
Cautiously he moved his head and looked around the flower-filled room. His eyes were finally rewarded with the desired object of his search. There was Daphne slumped in the chair across the room, her feet propped up on a matching seat, which she had requisitioned as a footstool, her long black sweater-coat wrapped around her reclining form.
Niles smiled and boldly decided to sit up to get a better view of his sleeping beauty.
Bad idea! Agony gripped his chest causing him to let out a low moan and collapse back onto the bed.
Upon hearing that utterance Daphne roused from her sleep and swiftly came to his bedside.
"Niles," she said with a definite tone of agitation. "Niles, are you all right? Do you want me to fetch the nurse?"
Niles shook his head. "No," he said weakly. "I think I just found out an important lesson, that's all. No sudden movements --- and that includes sitting up for right now."
He smiled up at her and she bent low to greet him with a kiss.
"You look and sound much better dear," Daphne said.
"My mouth is so dry it feels like I have been chewing on sandpaper."
"When were you ever chewing on sandpaper?" she inquired with suspicion.
He rolled his eyes and then came back with "All right - how about one of your corn muffins."
"Sense of humour back to normal, I see," Daphne counterpointed. She sat down on the edge of his bed and gathered his hand in hers.
"So how are really you feeling? I mean, besides from your discovery that sudden movements were out of the question for right now."
"I feel," Niles began, "I feel --- lucky to be alive."
"Well, things are going to have to change, you know," she warned stroking his cheek softly. "You're going to have to give up your wicked, wicked ways. I have a whole list of demands - more walking, less fatty foods and regular check-ups. You have to start taking better care of yourself."
"Yes, yes, all of that for sure," he quickly agreed. Niles paused for a brief moment and then haltingly said, "Daphne --- it was a very frightening experience. I don't think I have ever been so --- so terrified in all my life. I can't believe that I have been given a second chance. I --- I --- "
His wife leaned forward and hugged him as best she could, navigating around the cords and tubes that still surrounded him.
"Shhh, it's all right darling."
They sat there for several minutes silently drawing strength from each other. He desperately wished he could put his arms around her, but for right now he would have to be content being the inert recipient of her love and affection.
"Niles --- it's over. You're going to be all right. I know it will take a while for things to go back to being normal, but it will happen. We just have to be thankful that the operation was successful and move on from there. Now, let's open up some more of your cards and letters ---"
Niles smiled weakly in affirmation and watched her, as she got up and started flitting about the hospital room with a cheery optimism that seemed determined to drive away any lingering doubts. But deep inside him there was still an element of fear that just would not disappear. It sat there in the pit of his soul like a stone in his shoe. The psychiatrist in him knew he would have to deal with it eventually, but for right now he wiggled his subconscious around the uneasiness and decided that he would put on a brave facade. Maybe if he repeated those shop-worn clichés about learning from this experience and having a new lease on life enough times they would drown out his apprehensions. It was easier than facing it, at the moment, scaring both Daphne and himself with all this gloomy talk.
"You just relax, darling, I'll read them to you," Daphne said jauntily as she donned her glasses, pulled a chair close to his bedside and grabbed a pile of envelopes. "Oh --- this one is from --- Mel."
Daphne glanced up over the rim of her glasses waiting for a reaction before preceding any further.
"Mel?"
Niles hadn't spoken to her since the night she left Frasier's pre-opera party in a royal flurry, declaring that she wanted a divorce. And she had been true to her word, this time. No delays, no tricks, no more torturous subterfuge - just a quick, clean divorce handled through their respective lawyers. For the best really, considering the ugliness that had swirled around them once ---
"Niles, do you want me to open it?" Daphne asked.
Niles briefly contemplated taking the easy way out and tossing it in the garbage pail, but then his conscience took over. He should at least listen to whatever she had to say --- maybe she would be surprisingly compassionate and put aside her hurt feelings.
"What will it be Niles?" Daphne persisted. "Are you up to it? It's totally your decision."
"Yes, yes, read it --- I guess it would be the right thing to do," Niles said pensively.
Daphne obediently slit open the envelope and pulled the card out. She paused and then closed the card.
"I don't think we'll read this just now," she said protectively. "It isn't really appropriate --- not the sort of thing that you want to hear this morning."
"Daphne," Niles replied. "They're only words. She can't really hurt us now. And --- and in a way I still feel I owe her a bit of leeway. I gained so much when I found you and she lost something she was never expecting to. Even though I didn't mean to, I was very deceptive in my relationship with her and that just wasn't right. It must have hurt her."
All right," Daphne reluctantly agreed and took a big breath to steady herself. "Dear Niles, I guess we are finally even - we both have a scar on our hearts now. Here's hoping that yours heals quicker than mine did. Take care, Mel."
Niles watched as she folded the crisp parchment and returned it to its wrapper.
Daphne tapped the edge of the envelope on her knee, waiting for Niles to say something before commencing with anything else.
"I see --- " Niles simply said as a petulant look crept across his face.
Daphne laughed and patted his hand. "Look on the bright side - she did wish you a speedy recovery."
"I suppose ---" Niles brooded.
"Oh, darling, never mind that, " Daphne said brightly, coming to his emotional rescue. "Let's open the next one ---"
And so for the rest of the visitation they sat together, Daphne reading the get-well wishes, while Niles lay listening to her melodic voice drift over him like a soothing bath. It was going to be a long road back, but Niles felt good he had started that journey with Daphne by his side.
To be continued (Part 4 to follow)
by Valma
At first it felt like he was swimming underwater --- in the dark. Or maybe it just seemed that way because his eyes were closed? There was a definite sensation of pressure on his limbs. It was like he was in a pond and there were reeds and other vegetation that he kept getting tangled up in. He tried to break free of them, but he just couldn't. His chest was beginning to hurt too. He knew he had to get to the surface soon to get some air --- if he could just --- move his arms ---
"Niles --- Niles, I'm here, darling. Just like I promised."
That voice was like a rescue line, thrown into the water to pull him to safety.
"Open your eyes dear --- but don't try and move, it's much too soon."
A familiar scent of cherry bark and almonds drifted into his consciousness. Niles felt a pair of warm, moist lips graze his forehead. The kiss rushed through him like a surge of electricity. Slowly he forced his eyes open. Daphne's face came into focus as he surfaced from his drug-induced slumber.
"Daphne," he whispered hoarsely. His throat ached fiercely. It was like a thousand, no make that two thousand needles had been thrust into his esophagus. He reasoned that it must be from the post-operative tube that had been recently removed by a merciful nurse probably just before he woke up.
Daphne reached out and gently stroked his cheek, chuckling softly.
"That's one of the last things I heard you say before you went into surgery, Niles," she said tenderly. "You're going to have to think of something else to say, or this is going to start to get boring."
Niles closed his eyes and willed his mouth to turn up at the corners and smile to show his appreciation of her joke. He wanted to comeback with a witty reply but he just couldn't. Everything hurt too much.
He felt her cool hand cover his, as it lay motionless on the bed.
"I want you to know that everything turned out fine, darling," Daphne reported. "They are going to keep you in here for a while yet, but the operation was a complete success. You're going to be all right. You relax now and get some rest. I'll be back later."
Niles opened his eyes up again, sending a silent plea for her to remain.
"Niles, you need your rest. I promise you, I'll be back in a little while," Daphne reiterated.
"Please --- please stay --- Daphne."
That plaintive entreaty came at the expense of another piercing pain in his windpipe. A tear slid down his cheek. Niles sighed. It was humiliating to be so helpless.
Daphne quickly wiped away the salty stain on his face.
"Is it all right if I do?" he heard her whisper to an unseen nurse who was obviously standing guard over his bed.
No audible answer was evident, but Niles knew his request had been granted as Daphne nodded in gratitude and then looked down at him.
"Of course," she said patting his hand. "Now close your eyes and don't say another word. I want you to regain your strength and get out of here as quickly as possible and home where you belong. And you can't do it if you keep on talking."
He obediently followed her instructions, comforted by the slight squeeze of her hand around his fingers.
True to her word, Daphne stayed until his quiet rhythmic wheezing told her that he was in a state of deep repose.
When Niles next opened his eyes, the morning light was streaming through the slats of the window blinds like the tines of a fork.
Cautiously he moved his head and looked around the flower-filled room. His eyes were finally rewarded with the desired object of his search. There was Daphne slumped in the chair across the room, her feet propped up on a matching seat, which she had requisitioned as a footstool, her long black sweater-coat wrapped around her reclining form.
Niles smiled and boldly decided to sit up to get a better view of his sleeping beauty.
Bad idea! Agony gripped his chest causing him to let out a low moan and collapse back onto the bed.
Upon hearing that utterance Daphne roused from her sleep and swiftly came to his bedside.
"Niles," she said with a definite tone of agitation. "Niles, are you all right? Do you want me to fetch the nurse?"
Niles shook his head. "No," he said weakly. "I think I just found out an important lesson, that's all. No sudden movements --- and that includes sitting up for right now."
He smiled up at her and she bent low to greet him with a kiss.
"You look and sound much better dear," Daphne said.
"My mouth is so dry it feels like I have been chewing on sandpaper."
"When were you ever chewing on sandpaper?" she inquired with suspicion.
He rolled his eyes and then came back with "All right - how about one of your corn muffins."
"Sense of humour back to normal, I see," Daphne counterpointed. She sat down on the edge of his bed and gathered his hand in hers.
"So how are really you feeling? I mean, besides from your discovery that sudden movements were out of the question for right now."
"I feel," Niles began, "I feel --- lucky to be alive."
"Well, things are going to have to change, you know," she warned stroking his cheek softly. "You're going to have to give up your wicked, wicked ways. I have a whole list of demands - more walking, less fatty foods and regular check-ups. You have to start taking better care of yourself."
"Yes, yes, all of that for sure," he quickly agreed. Niles paused for a brief moment and then haltingly said, "Daphne --- it was a very frightening experience. I don't think I have ever been so --- so terrified in all my life. I can't believe that I have been given a second chance. I --- I --- "
His wife leaned forward and hugged him as best she could, navigating around the cords and tubes that still surrounded him.
"Shhh, it's all right darling."
They sat there for several minutes silently drawing strength from each other. He desperately wished he could put his arms around her, but for right now he would have to be content being the inert recipient of her love and affection.
"Niles --- it's over. You're going to be all right. I know it will take a while for things to go back to being normal, but it will happen. We just have to be thankful that the operation was successful and move on from there. Now, let's open up some more of your cards and letters ---"
Niles smiled weakly in affirmation and watched her, as she got up and started flitting about the hospital room with a cheery optimism that seemed determined to drive away any lingering doubts. But deep inside him there was still an element of fear that just would not disappear. It sat there in the pit of his soul like a stone in his shoe. The psychiatrist in him knew he would have to deal with it eventually, but for right now he wiggled his subconscious around the uneasiness and decided that he would put on a brave facade. Maybe if he repeated those shop-worn clichés about learning from this experience and having a new lease on life enough times they would drown out his apprehensions. It was easier than facing it, at the moment, scaring both Daphne and himself with all this gloomy talk.
"You just relax, darling, I'll read them to you," Daphne said jauntily as she donned her glasses, pulled a chair close to his bedside and grabbed a pile of envelopes. "Oh --- this one is from --- Mel."
Daphne glanced up over the rim of her glasses waiting for a reaction before preceding any further.
"Mel?"
Niles hadn't spoken to her since the night she left Frasier's pre-opera party in a royal flurry, declaring that she wanted a divorce. And she had been true to her word, this time. No delays, no tricks, no more torturous subterfuge - just a quick, clean divorce handled through their respective lawyers. For the best really, considering the ugliness that had swirled around them once ---
"Niles, do you want me to open it?" Daphne asked.
Niles briefly contemplated taking the easy way out and tossing it in the garbage pail, but then his conscience took over. He should at least listen to whatever she had to say --- maybe she would be surprisingly compassionate and put aside her hurt feelings.
"What will it be Niles?" Daphne persisted. "Are you up to it? It's totally your decision."
"Yes, yes, read it --- I guess it would be the right thing to do," Niles said pensively.
Daphne obediently slit open the envelope and pulled the card out. She paused and then closed the card.
"I don't think we'll read this just now," she said protectively. "It isn't really appropriate --- not the sort of thing that you want to hear this morning."
"Daphne," Niles replied. "They're only words. She can't really hurt us now. And --- and in a way I still feel I owe her a bit of leeway. I gained so much when I found you and she lost something she was never expecting to. Even though I didn't mean to, I was very deceptive in my relationship with her and that just wasn't right. It must have hurt her."
All right," Daphne reluctantly agreed and took a big breath to steady herself. "Dear Niles, I guess we are finally even - we both have a scar on our hearts now. Here's hoping that yours heals quicker than mine did. Take care, Mel."
Niles watched as she folded the crisp parchment and returned it to its wrapper.
Daphne tapped the edge of the envelope on her knee, waiting for Niles to say something before commencing with anything else.
"I see --- " Niles simply said as a petulant look crept across his face.
Daphne laughed and patted his hand. "Look on the bright side - she did wish you a speedy recovery."
"I suppose ---" Niles brooded.
"Oh, darling, never mind that, " Daphne said brightly, coming to his emotional rescue. "Let's open the next one ---"
And so for the rest of the visitation they sat together, Daphne reading the get-well wishes, while Niles lay listening to her melodic voice drift over him like a soothing bath. It was going to be a long road back, but Niles felt good he had started that journey with Daphne by his side.
To be continued (Part 4 to follow)