Heartbeats (Part 4 - Detours)
By Valma
"Doesn't it feel good to be home, Niles?" Daphne prodded gently as they made their way out of the elevator at the Montana.
Niles glanced over at his wife and smiled weakly, but said nothing, as he stepped cautiously into the short hallway leading up to the entrance of the apartment.
Deftly shifting his overnight bag in her one hand, Daphne unlocked the front door of their abode with the other.
"I asked Mum to give us a bit of time to get you settled, so she went out shopping and shouldn't be back until dinnertime."
She paused, waiting for a response, but when none was forthcoming, she continued, "I've got everything ready for you. Mum gave up the guest bedroom so you don't have to climb the stairs until you're strong enough. I've got a good selection of your books in the room and I moved the portable CD player in there, as well with a rack of your favourite discs for you to listen to."
Niles nodded in approval but still remained uncharacteristically mute.
Daphne had noted that he had said very little since she had picked him up at the hospital that morning upon his release from the cardiac care unit. When she slipped into his room just shortly after 9:00 a.m. she found him there, sitting on the edge of the bed, immaculately dressed in the clothes she had brought for him the night before, after the doctors had finally cleared him to go home. But he didn't seem eager at all for someone who was about to go home after nearly two long weeks of recovering in the hospital from his heart surgery. In fact, his whole demeanor, shoulders stooped slightly, eyes downcast and hands folded neatly in his lap, was one of resignation more than enthusiasm. When she called out his name, he brightened up and smiled bravely for her benefit, but she could tell he was deeply troubled by the whole circumstance he found himself in.
The doctors had warned Daphne that there would be a psychological aftereffect from the surgery. "A period of adjustment" they had called it. They said that often the physical scars after a bypass procedure heal much more quickly than the injuries to the mind. Clinical depression was very common in cases like Niles', but just how long it would last was not exactly known though. It depended on the individual - some people quickly recovered from the trauma of such a life-threatening experience, while others took much longer to realize how best to get back into the swing of everyday life. All the physicians and counselors that Daphne had consulted with, advised her to just take it easy on him for the next little while and let him find his own pace at which to re-enter into the hustle and bustle of normal existence.
"Is there anything else you'll need, darling?" The question hung for a moment in the air, while Niles' eyes ran distractedly over the spines of the books on the shelves near the bed.
"Were you looking for a particular book? I wasn't quite sure that I got all of your favourites? Niles---"
"No, no, you didn't forget anything, Daphne," Niles interrupted. "You've done a wonderful job. I couldn't have done better if I had picked them out myself. Thank you, my love."
Daphne reached out and caressed his arm with her fingers, "You can thank me better than that, can't you?" she teased, turning him slowly around to face her.
"Oh, yes, of course," he stuttered as he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the mouth. His lips were dry and there was a faint "hospital" odour about him.
"Niles," Daphne said cautiously, "do you feel like taking a nice warm shower? I'll set the water at just the right temperature the doctors recommended for you. I think it would refresh you and might help you feel more comfortable. Mum won't be back for a while yet and we could relax together, you know --- have a little welcome back celebration just for ourselves."
Her hands meandered down his front as she began to unbutton his shirt, like she had done countless times before. Daphne felt his spine suddenly stiffen and he backed off a step, turning away as he spoke in a rush, "Please, Daphne, I --- I can do that myself, you know --- I --- I'm not helpless!"
Daphne bit her lip as she reached out and stroked the hair on the back of his head, "Niles, what's wrong? I've never known you to pull away from my touch before."
"N ---nothing," he stammered. "It's --- it's just I still feel sore and very tender around the s ---sutures. And --- and it's --- well, to be honest - it's not a pretty sight."
"Niles, Niles look at me darling," she gently insisted. Daphne led him over to the bed and sat down beside him on the firm mattress. "I love that scar, Niles. It is a reminder of how precious you are to me." As she talked she slowly unfastened the remaining buttons on his garment exposing his torso in the process. "If it wasn't for that scar, you would have never had your operation and then I would have lost you. That scar is a symbol of how much we love each other, an emblem of our complete devotion to each other. I know going through that operation was a scary thing for you, but you braved all the pain and the soreness for me --- for both of us, so that we could have a lot more lovely years together. It's like a wonderful gift to me, an offering of your love. That is what your scar means to me."
She bent down and kissed his chest tenderly.
"You --- you don't think it is ugly and repulsive?" he asked tentatively glancing down at the bandage covering the large scar that ran the length of his sternum.
"How could I ever think that way about something that represents the sacrifice you made for me?" she whispered, looking into his tearfully anxious eyes. "I'll thank God every day that that scar is on your chest and you are safe at home in my arms."
Daphne found herself wiping away some tears, despite a valiant effort to contain them. She raised herself up beside him again and cradled him in her arms for a few moments longer. Finally she broke the silence.
"Come on," she said softly. "Let's get you into that shower. I'll change your dressings after and then you can lie down for a bit before dinner. We don't want you overtaxing yourself on your first day back home."
"They said it would fade over time, didn't they?" Niles asked apprehensively.
"Yes, dear," she replied patiently as she walked with him into the adjoining bathroom. "And I married such a hairy beast that I'll bet in no time flat hardly anyone will be able to see it and it will be our little 'love secret'."
Daphne paused and giggled in the doorway. Niles looked at her with appreciative eyes.
"Are you all right to do this on your own, or would you like me to help you out?" she offered.
"You go pop the cork on the sparkling cider and I'll manage this on my own Daphne," he said with a relieved smile. "And maybe after you change my bandage, could you massage my leg? The spot where they harvested the vein is throbbing and I just can't face putting that damned support hose that the hospital gave me, back on."
"Anything for you, my pet," she cooed softly as she kissed him on the cheek. "See you in a bit. Just get your jamies on and lie down on the bed after your shower and I'll be in shortly to make you feel clean and cared for."
"This is a much better hotel than the last one I was in," Niles joked.
Daphne responded with a grin.
"Welcome home, Niles."
It was good to see him in a livelier mood. As she shut the bathroom door and headed for the kitchen she silently patted herself on the back for the masterful way in which she had helped him over the first major hurtle of his "period of adjustment". Perhaps this recovery thing would go more smoothly than anticipated.
Little did she know at the time, how wrong she was.
Niles actually did feel more upbeat after Daphne reassured him that the scar was no great disfigurement. He allowed himself to relax finally and enjoy the water rushing over his body. He had grown tired of sponge baths by a parade of various nurses, given to him while he stayed in the cardiac care unit in the hospital. He never really felt completely clean after one of those and he longed for the comfort of a familiar shower in his own home. It was almost cathartic in nature, purging him of the lingering effects of his incarceration in the hospital. His mind drifted amid the clouds of moist steam --- he found himself thinking about Daphne and the warm comforting feel of her arms around him. As he lathered himself up with soap, his thoughts became instinctively more erotic. How long had it been since he and Daphne had made love to each other? At least three weeks his groin calculated. A tingling sensation enveloped him as he felt his hardening erection --- yes, it had been a while. The doctors had recommended another two weeks of abstinence due to a delay in the healing of his incision caused by an infection that developed during his hospital stay. Niles closed his eyes and groaned, his breathing became ragged as he sought relief. But about half way through his carnal preoccupations he felt a painful twinge in his chest. He leaned against the ceramic wall for support, as the twinge became a stabbing invasion in his body. Hysteria overtook him.
"My God!" he thought in a complete frenzy. "I'm about to have a full blown heart attack masturbating in the shower!"
He shut off the water quickly, tore back the curtain in alarm and stumbled out of the shower. All previous lustful imaginings had rapidly taken flight as he flaccidly sat down on the toilet.
"If I die," he hyperventilated. "Daphne --- Daphne will find me naked --- and dripping all over the floor slumped on the commode! How undignified!"
As he leaned forward, propping his head up in his hands, he noticed the pain was subsiding a bit. He braced himself against the counter of the basin and tried to breathe deeply. With each passing second he felt less discomfort.
"Niles?" Daphne tapped on the door as she spoke with an indication of concern. "Niles? Is everything all right?"
His head snapped back with a sharp intake of air.
Niles felt suddenly very foolish. He had brought this upon himself with his overly libidinous desires. He imagined Daphne prudently reminding him that the doctors had recommended a slow and cautious pace in matters of a sexual kind.
"Yes --- yes, everything is just fine, Daphne!" he exclaimed with a tad too much tension in his voice to be totally convincing.
"You're sure?" she probed again for good measure.
"Yes, darling," he responded with a more measured ebullience. "I'll --- I'll be out in a minute."
He held his breath wishing fervently that she would accept his statement of wellness.
"As long as you are sure," she commented. "But I'm coming back in five minutes with the massage oil and I want to see you on that bed flat on your back."
Niles let out his breath with a sigh as he heard her footsteps fade across the room. He was convinced that he had just experienced what was known in the vernacular as a "close call". He decided there and then that he would just lower his risks and take things very, very slowly until he was absolutely sure that he was all right. No more letting his cravings get the better of him. He would change his outlook towards life! He would accept a more serene and distanced approach towards things. That would help slow things down until he had completely recovered. It wouldn't be easy, he would have to subjugate a lot of emotions to maintain this even plane, but he would just have to do it. He didn't have a choice if he wanted to live. Death was a scary alternative. For now though, he would mask any outward fears he had, so as not to worry Daphne unduly. There was no way he was going to put Daphne through the emotional stress of fretting about his health again so soon after what she had just endured. He was determined not to allow the panic he felt today creep into his and Daphne's lives and take over.
"In the long run," he rationalized. "It will be better for Daphne and me all round. When I am completely sure that I have recovered I can go back to all my normal routines and risks."
With that pronouncement in place, he dried himself off, dressed in his pajamas and went out to face the brave new world he was about to create.
To be continued (Part 5 to follow)
By Valma
"Doesn't it feel good to be home, Niles?" Daphne prodded gently as they made their way out of the elevator at the Montana.
Niles glanced over at his wife and smiled weakly, but said nothing, as he stepped cautiously into the short hallway leading up to the entrance of the apartment.
Deftly shifting his overnight bag in her one hand, Daphne unlocked the front door of their abode with the other.
"I asked Mum to give us a bit of time to get you settled, so she went out shopping and shouldn't be back until dinnertime."
She paused, waiting for a response, but when none was forthcoming, she continued, "I've got everything ready for you. Mum gave up the guest bedroom so you don't have to climb the stairs until you're strong enough. I've got a good selection of your books in the room and I moved the portable CD player in there, as well with a rack of your favourite discs for you to listen to."
Niles nodded in approval but still remained uncharacteristically mute.
Daphne had noted that he had said very little since she had picked him up at the hospital that morning upon his release from the cardiac care unit. When she slipped into his room just shortly after 9:00 a.m. she found him there, sitting on the edge of the bed, immaculately dressed in the clothes she had brought for him the night before, after the doctors had finally cleared him to go home. But he didn't seem eager at all for someone who was about to go home after nearly two long weeks of recovering in the hospital from his heart surgery. In fact, his whole demeanor, shoulders stooped slightly, eyes downcast and hands folded neatly in his lap, was one of resignation more than enthusiasm. When she called out his name, he brightened up and smiled bravely for her benefit, but she could tell he was deeply troubled by the whole circumstance he found himself in.
The doctors had warned Daphne that there would be a psychological aftereffect from the surgery. "A period of adjustment" they had called it. They said that often the physical scars after a bypass procedure heal much more quickly than the injuries to the mind. Clinical depression was very common in cases like Niles', but just how long it would last was not exactly known though. It depended on the individual - some people quickly recovered from the trauma of such a life-threatening experience, while others took much longer to realize how best to get back into the swing of everyday life. All the physicians and counselors that Daphne had consulted with, advised her to just take it easy on him for the next little while and let him find his own pace at which to re-enter into the hustle and bustle of normal existence.
"Is there anything else you'll need, darling?" The question hung for a moment in the air, while Niles' eyes ran distractedly over the spines of the books on the shelves near the bed.
"Were you looking for a particular book? I wasn't quite sure that I got all of your favourites? Niles---"
"No, no, you didn't forget anything, Daphne," Niles interrupted. "You've done a wonderful job. I couldn't have done better if I had picked them out myself. Thank you, my love."
Daphne reached out and caressed his arm with her fingers, "You can thank me better than that, can't you?" she teased, turning him slowly around to face her.
"Oh, yes, of course," he stuttered as he leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the mouth. His lips were dry and there was a faint "hospital" odour about him.
"Niles," Daphne said cautiously, "do you feel like taking a nice warm shower? I'll set the water at just the right temperature the doctors recommended for you. I think it would refresh you and might help you feel more comfortable. Mum won't be back for a while yet and we could relax together, you know --- have a little welcome back celebration just for ourselves."
Her hands meandered down his front as she began to unbutton his shirt, like she had done countless times before. Daphne felt his spine suddenly stiffen and he backed off a step, turning away as he spoke in a rush, "Please, Daphne, I --- I can do that myself, you know --- I --- I'm not helpless!"
Daphne bit her lip as she reached out and stroked the hair on the back of his head, "Niles, what's wrong? I've never known you to pull away from my touch before."
"N ---nothing," he stammered. "It's --- it's just I still feel sore and very tender around the s ---sutures. And --- and it's --- well, to be honest - it's not a pretty sight."
"Niles, Niles look at me darling," she gently insisted. Daphne led him over to the bed and sat down beside him on the firm mattress. "I love that scar, Niles. It is a reminder of how precious you are to me." As she talked she slowly unfastened the remaining buttons on his garment exposing his torso in the process. "If it wasn't for that scar, you would have never had your operation and then I would have lost you. That scar is a symbol of how much we love each other, an emblem of our complete devotion to each other. I know going through that operation was a scary thing for you, but you braved all the pain and the soreness for me --- for both of us, so that we could have a lot more lovely years together. It's like a wonderful gift to me, an offering of your love. That is what your scar means to me."
She bent down and kissed his chest tenderly.
"You --- you don't think it is ugly and repulsive?" he asked tentatively glancing down at the bandage covering the large scar that ran the length of his sternum.
"How could I ever think that way about something that represents the sacrifice you made for me?" she whispered, looking into his tearfully anxious eyes. "I'll thank God every day that that scar is on your chest and you are safe at home in my arms."
Daphne found herself wiping away some tears, despite a valiant effort to contain them. She raised herself up beside him again and cradled him in her arms for a few moments longer. Finally she broke the silence.
"Come on," she said softly. "Let's get you into that shower. I'll change your dressings after and then you can lie down for a bit before dinner. We don't want you overtaxing yourself on your first day back home."
"They said it would fade over time, didn't they?" Niles asked apprehensively.
"Yes, dear," she replied patiently as she walked with him into the adjoining bathroom. "And I married such a hairy beast that I'll bet in no time flat hardly anyone will be able to see it and it will be our little 'love secret'."
Daphne paused and giggled in the doorway. Niles looked at her with appreciative eyes.
"Are you all right to do this on your own, or would you like me to help you out?" she offered.
"You go pop the cork on the sparkling cider and I'll manage this on my own Daphne," he said with a relieved smile. "And maybe after you change my bandage, could you massage my leg? The spot where they harvested the vein is throbbing and I just can't face putting that damned support hose that the hospital gave me, back on."
"Anything for you, my pet," she cooed softly as she kissed him on the cheek. "See you in a bit. Just get your jamies on and lie down on the bed after your shower and I'll be in shortly to make you feel clean and cared for."
"This is a much better hotel than the last one I was in," Niles joked.
Daphne responded with a grin.
"Welcome home, Niles."
It was good to see him in a livelier mood. As she shut the bathroom door and headed for the kitchen she silently patted herself on the back for the masterful way in which she had helped him over the first major hurtle of his "period of adjustment". Perhaps this recovery thing would go more smoothly than anticipated.
Little did she know at the time, how wrong she was.
Niles actually did feel more upbeat after Daphne reassured him that the scar was no great disfigurement. He allowed himself to relax finally and enjoy the water rushing over his body. He had grown tired of sponge baths by a parade of various nurses, given to him while he stayed in the cardiac care unit in the hospital. He never really felt completely clean after one of those and he longed for the comfort of a familiar shower in his own home. It was almost cathartic in nature, purging him of the lingering effects of his incarceration in the hospital. His mind drifted amid the clouds of moist steam --- he found himself thinking about Daphne and the warm comforting feel of her arms around him. As he lathered himself up with soap, his thoughts became instinctively more erotic. How long had it been since he and Daphne had made love to each other? At least three weeks his groin calculated. A tingling sensation enveloped him as he felt his hardening erection --- yes, it had been a while. The doctors had recommended another two weeks of abstinence due to a delay in the healing of his incision caused by an infection that developed during his hospital stay. Niles closed his eyes and groaned, his breathing became ragged as he sought relief. But about half way through his carnal preoccupations he felt a painful twinge in his chest. He leaned against the ceramic wall for support, as the twinge became a stabbing invasion in his body. Hysteria overtook him.
"My God!" he thought in a complete frenzy. "I'm about to have a full blown heart attack masturbating in the shower!"
He shut off the water quickly, tore back the curtain in alarm and stumbled out of the shower. All previous lustful imaginings had rapidly taken flight as he flaccidly sat down on the toilet.
"If I die," he hyperventilated. "Daphne --- Daphne will find me naked --- and dripping all over the floor slumped on the commode! How undignified!"
As he leaned forward, propping his head up in his hands, he noticed the pain was subsiding a bit. He braced himself against the counter of the basin and tried to breathe deeply. With each passing second he felt less discomfort.
"Niles?" Daphne tapped on the door as she spoke with an indication of concern. "Niles? Is everything all right?"
His head snapped back with a sharp intake of air.
Niles felt suddenly very foolish. He had brought this upon himself with his overly libidinous desires. He imagined Daphne prudently reminding him that the doctors had recommended a slow and cautious pace in matters of a sexual kind.
"Yes --- yes, everything is just fine, Daphne!" he exclaimed with a tad too much tension in his voice to be totally convincing.
"You're sure?" she probed again for good measure.
"Yes, darling," he responded with a more measured ebullience. "I'll --- I'll be out in a minute."
He held his breath wishing fervently that she would accept his statement of wellness.
"As long as you are sure," she commented. "But I'm coming back in five minutes with the massage oil and I want to see you on that bed flat on your back."
Niles let out his breath with a sigh as he heard her footsteps fade across the room. He was convinced that he had just experienced what was known in the vernacular as a "close call". He decided there and then that he would just lower his risks and take things very, very slowly until he was absolutely sure that he was all right. No more letting his cravings get the better of him. He would change his outlook towards life! He would accept a more serene and distanced approach towards things. That would help slow things down until he had completely recovered. It wouldn't be easy, he would have to subjugate a lot of emotions to maintain this even plane, but he would just have to do it. He didn't have a choice if he wanted to live. Death was a scary alternative. For now though, he would mask any outward fears he had, so as not to worry Daphne unduly. There was no way he was going to put Daphne through the emotional stress of fretting about his health again so soon after what she had just endured. He was determined not to allow the panic he felt today creep into his and Daphne's lives and take over.
"In the long run," he rationalized. "It will be better for Daphne and me all round. When I am completely sure that I have recovered I can go back to all my normal routines and risks."
With that pronouncement in place, he dried himself off, dressed in his pajamas and went out to face the brave new world he was about to create.
To be continued (Part 5 to follow)