CHAPTER SEVEN: YES!! TIFA AND RENO!!!

Whooo!!!! You people pay attention to what I write! Yes, I decided to make Sora's parents Tifa and Reno.

And why does no one like Ansem? He's NOT a rapist, I already started a campaign for Rufus about this! At least Snowri just made him extremely cruel to fit the Scrooge character!! Y'all should treat Ansem better, it's not HIS fault he's a Sephiroth rip-off!

You want a disclaimer, go look in the other chapters, evil lawyers. It's right there.

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"Tifa?" Ansem stuck his head out from under the bed, and immediatly did what every male has done upon meeting Tifa: stare at her chest.

Tifa ignored the impudent male and went back to cuddling Sora. A man with spiky, messy red hair and a blue suit quietly checked in and tried to escape with making a sound.

"Reno, you have some explaining to do." Tifa sounded stern. Reno sheepishly grinned and was quickly searching for excuses.

"You KNOW I was working overtime at the hospital, and YOU had the day off... Don't lie, Rufus called me and said so. Why did you leave Sora alone?"

"I... um... well...see..."

Ansem snickered. Riku shot a glare at him and Ansem returned it. Family or not, they still hated each other since that little incident at Hollow Basiton.

"Daddy, are we gonna get in trouble...?" Sora asked, added the huge Bambi eyes for effect. Reno chuckled again.

"No, Sora, no one is getting in trouble... well, except maybe Seph for kicking three people under various beds..." he answered. Ansem smiled with glee and Riku sighed, and got up from the bed, purposely kicking his uncle in the head. Another series of curses were heard.

"OK, time to go to breakfast, everyone!" Tifa clapped her hands together. Reno, Sora and Riku rushed down the stairs, but Ansem refused to leave.

"Hey, Ansem, are you gonna eat? It's not that bright, Aerith has the shades closed..."

"It's not that!" Ansem whined. "No one likes me! Not even my own brother! Not even my mommy, no one paid attention to me, they always liked Sephiroth better! They worshipped him, gave him a part in Kingdom Hearts, which was supposed to be MY GAME, NOT HIS, and I was beaten by a twelve year old kid with a giant house key, a duck that needs anger management and a freaking retarted DOG, Tifa! I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE AND WASTE AWAY MY MISERABLE LIFE!!!"

Tifa was going to protest, but unfortunatly, what Ansem said was true.

"Not to mention I'm often depicted as a rapist! AND a child molester... or sometimes just a really mean person who likes to throw employees against the wall before firing them..."

Again, Tifa was at a loss for words.

"EXACTLY TIFA!! No one cares about the dysfunctional younger kids! Not to mention Sephiroth left my contacts on and I think they have permanatly fused with my eyes. Ow, the pain, the pain...."

And so, our poster "adult" of misery slid out from under the bed, blinked, and stumbled down the stairs. Tifa just shook her head and made a mental note to hit Sephiroth for being so mean to his little brother.

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"HEY, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"

"Good morning to you too." Leon greeted Sephiroth, who was confused on why there were so many guests in the living room.

"Aerith invited us here to stay for awhile. Tough luck." Ansem snorted, flipping pancakes. One of the benefits of living alone was that he could cook, and not kill everyone with the end product.

"See, Seph, you never treat ME to breakfast." Aerith teased, but she knew what the consequences were. Last time Sephiroth cooked, the oven exploded and the microwave hit Cloud on the head, turning him from an aspiring assassin to a man with the intelligence of a 2 year old.

Speaking of Cloud...

"HI!!! I'M SORRY I BLEW UP THE RESTERAUNT! I JUST WANNA GIVE YUFFIE AND LEON MY PRESENT!" Cloud kicked open the door and threw the present at high speed to Yuffie. It smacked her square on the face. Blinking, she opened it up and saw it was...

...A .357 Magnum.

"WHEEEEE! A GUN!!" Yuffie cried, hopping up and down. She petted it, filled with much glee.

Cloud happily left to report this to Alice.

~~~~

So where was Alice? Enjoying her life in an outdoor cafe, glad that her problems would soon be over... Or would they?

"So, Cloud, did you use the gun?" Alice asked, sipping her milkshake. Since her plans were always ruined by Cloud, she abandoned logic and tactics and went for senseless, random violence, which works 75.6% of the time.

"Yep. Gave it to Yuffie, then I left, like you said!" Cloud smiled.

Alice nearly fell out of her chair. Actually, she did, and hit the floor. But none of that mattered. All that mattered now was getting within choking distance of the spiky-haired imbecile known as Cloud.

"I TOLD you to SHOOT them, NOT GIVE THEM THE GUN!!!!"

Alice feebily tried to get her hands around Cloud's neck, but he was too tall and just watched Alice pitfully try to jump up and grab his next. Most people thought of this as a cute act of a child trying to hug him, and so no one noticed. Cloud scratched his head in confusion.

"GARRGGGHHH! Why am I so short?? WHYYYY??" Alice cried in aunguish, then fell into dispair, sobbing and weeping. Cloud stole her milkshake and drank it himself, too stupid to know why Alice was crying, and much too stupid to care.

"I must devise a better plan, one that must work, plus get through Cloud's pea-sized brain!" Alice mused. She turned around to see Cloud finishing off her milkshake. She whacked him lightly on the head... and soon paid dearly for it.

"AUGH!!! MY HAND!!! THOSE SPIKES ARE LIKE STEEL!" Alice cried, stealing Cloud's Restore Materia and healed her hand. She threw it at his head in rage, but it got embedded in one of the spikes, Mako oozing out of the broken sphere. It tried to absorb into his skin and infect his brain, but Cloud had a shield of stupidity as well, MUCH stronger than Sora's. The Mako cried.

"KKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!" Alice screamed, all sanity lost. She grabbed a random AK-47 and unloaded it onto the helpless customers, enjoying the screaming and bloodshed.

Cloud grabbed the milkshake off the dead customer next to him and savored the chocolate goodness, ignoring the blood splashed all over the glass.

~~~~

Yuffie was still dancing around with her new .357 Magnum. Leon had asked her plently of times to stop, as she could "shoot her eye out."

"Leon, the dang thing ain't even loa-"

BANG!

"AUGH!!!! MY LEG!!! GODDAMMIT!!"

Ansem fell to the ground, screaming and ranting and cursing worse than before.

"MOTHER****! SON OF A B**** IT HURTS! DAMN YOU, YUFFIE, WATCH WHERE YOU F****** POINT THAT PIECE OF F****** S***!! WHY THE HELL ARE HALF MY F****** WORDS CENSORED??"

"Ansem! You're getting blood all over the floor, stop bleeding!" Sephiroth commanded.

Everyone stared at Sephiroth, inclusing Ansem, who had ceased all screaming.

"Sheesh, and they thought I was Heartless." Ansem grumbled, then shot a dirty look at the author. The author just smiled back.


"Yuffie, give me the gun." Aerith sweetly asked. Yuffie handed it to jer, Aerith cocked it, then shot Sephiroth in the leg as well.

"GAH!!!"

Tifa and Reno just sat back and watched these antics.

"I'm glad I'm not part of THAT family." Reno commented. Tifa smacked him upside the head, and went to help Aerith.

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To tell you the truth, the gun part just came at random. There comes a time in each story where random violence is needed. Just ask the Looney Toons.