CHAPTER NINE: Ansem FINALLY gets some fanart!

Oh yeah! The great Patches has answered to my plea and made some Ansem fan art! Check it out, NOW!!! And be sure to compliment her(?)for her "mad MS Paint" SKEELZ!

http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~rzepczrs/sd-an.jpg

http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~rzepczrs/sd-an2.jpg

BOW DOWN TO IT'S CUTENESS! And thank Patches for making it! Thank you very much!

As for something to do when you're bored: Watching Aerith's death while Eminem's "Kill You" is playing is hilarious. Try it :)

Disclaimer? Yep, go to chapter two, it's written in bold and italics!

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"I'm hungry!" Sora whined for the twenty-sixth and a half time. Riku nodded. "We want food!"

Alice rubbed her temples and glared at the hostages with immense hate. The hate practically radiated off of her in waves and smacked Riku and Sora right in the face. Riku just stared at her with as much hate as a Jenova/Cetra child could muster, and Sora was just confused.

Cloud was munching away at his cookie, glad that the author was being nice to him... or was she?

"AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!" He screamed. "THE MAKO!! THE MAKO!!!" Cloud reverted back to his normal stupid FF7 self, rolling on the ground in immense, Mako-induced PAIN!

Alice rose an eyebrow, but decided not to ask. All that mattered was getting her hostages to shut up.

"FOOD!" They chanted together. "FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD!!!!"

"SHUT UP!!" Alice roared.

The combination of Cloud squealing in pain, Riku and Sora screaming "FOOD!" just as loud, and Alice yelling "SHUT THE F*** UP!" would prove quite useful to our adventurers...

~~~~

"Hey, do you hear something?" Yuffie looked to the east, very confused. They had just stepped out of Aerith and Sephiroth's house and already they could hear the constant screaming and wailing.

"Sounds like hell has broken loose..." Leon muttered. He quickly searched the sky for the fire and brimstone. To his relief, there was none.

"Oh, no, Seph and everyone else will be doing that the next millennium, they couldn't do it last year, Kefka was drunk... " Ansem explained, earning scared glances from his comrades. "I mean, I honestly have no clue..." He corrected himself, whistling and trying to act as innocent as a 25 year old (hot) villain can.

"Whatever."

"Ha! Squall's typical response!" Yuffie laughed, hitting him on the back. Leon rolled his eyes and mumbled "It's Leon..."

The trio of all that is dysfunctional and immoral trudged east, glad that they had the constant screams and shouts to guide then. However, the next set of events would seriously make them question what the hell was wrong with the Destiny Islands Government.

"ANSEM! LEON! YUFFIE! HEY!!"

The sound of Cid's hoarse voice (no doubt caused by the countless night he'd been screaming profanities at random people) made them all snap their heads automatically to the left.

Yep, there was Cid, waving stupidly and glad that he beat the system for the umpteenth time. All thee automatically rolled their eyes and wondered how the hell Cid did it.

"Damn you Cid! You always get lucky, I have to feign death or injury..." Ansem complained.

"Practically every villain has. Can't they get original?" Yuffie remarked.

"Nope! Have to uphold the typical 'silver-haired evil stereotype'."

"Well, good ta &^%(( see you! Be about a month 'fore I can go back to Traverse Town, mwahahahahahahaha!" Cid laughed. Ansem suddenly had "Criminal" playing in his head, and he couldn't shake it off.

"AAAAHHHH!! THE MUSIC!!!" Ansem blinked. Them too?

"Leon, the damn music!" Yuffie whined, covering her ears.

Leon suddenly had a wonderful idea to keep Yuffie occupied and started making out with her.

"Ummm... anyway, Cid, have you seen Sora and Riku?" Ansem asked, ignoring the two newlyweds.

"Yeah." Cid lit up a cigarette, ignoring the author's cry of protest and her speech about how bad drugs were and how this was a Disney game so he shouldn't be smoking anyway, and other moral stuff that Cid could care less about.

"Cloud was carrying them, they were whining and complaining. Cloud said that they were the key to make Aerith marry him. Two days, then he's gonna ship Riku off to Hojo, I have NO damn clue what he wants with Sora. His little sister, bitch in the dress, said that they would cut his throat and dump him in some shady alley."

Ansem took a moment to absorb this in.

"Shit." Was all he could say. Yay for lack of censorship!

"Errr... the little girl he was with is his sister, right?" Cid asked, with shifty eyes. The author did not want to know what Cid was thinking and decided not to elaborate.

"No. And Cid, you need help." Ansem poked Leon on the back of the head. "Damn, you two have to breathe sometime."

Leon and Yuffie parted and glared at him for breaking up their "moment".

"Hmph!" Yuffie haughtily replied, and shouldered her Conformer, walking with her nose in the air. Leon chuckled and followed after his young wife, while Ansem wondered what the hell is wrong with the Destiny Island Government. Ah-ha! My prediction was right!... Almost.

~~~~

"DO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN, THE MUFFIN-"

"CLOUD!" Three teenaged angst filled the room, begging the stupid spiky haired imbecile to shut up.

"But I wanna sing..."

Before Cloud could let another stupidity infested sentence out of his mouth, Alice grabbed the Ultima Keyblade and smacked Cloud upside the head.

To everyone's relief, his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fainted in a crumpled heap. Now the author cannot bash Cloud, for Cloud is currently not giving her any reasons too. Good riddance.

Alice kicked the (unfortunately) still living body to the side and turned to the two other boys, now scared beyond their minds.

"DOES ANYONE ELSE WANNA SAY SOMETHING???" Alice roared once more, raising the Ultima Weapon and ready to slice Sora in half.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Sora screamed.

"Oh, don't worry..." Riku reassured him. "Either you die a horrible death and my back gets stained with blood, or the blade will fall and cut the ropes, given the nature of the story."

THUD!

"Open the door, Pizza's coming!"

Alice stopped in mid-swing.

"Excellent! The pizza is here!" She threw the Ultima Weapon on the table and looted Cloud's wallet, the answered the door.

"...Hades??"

"Shut up!" The not-so-great Lord of the Underworld groaned, thrusting the pizza to Alice's face. "Just pay so I can get the hell out of here."

Glee lit up her face as she scanned the Pizza Hut uniform, and then she laughed. Oh how she laughed! She had to drop the pizza for she was laughing so hard. She was in danger of rolling on the ground with laughter.

"I said just SHUT UP!" Hades yelled, face glowing a dangerous shade of red. The flame on his head incinerated the helpless Pizza Hut cap on his head. He angrily snatched the 20 dollar bill from Alice's trembling hand and he drove off, sand spraying everywhere.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Oh...HAHAHAhahaha... It's so...funny... Hahahaha... they all....ha ha...suck!" Alice chortled, taking the pizza and throwing two slices at Sora and Riku. They eagerly devoured the pizza, despite the fact that it landed in a mound of dirt. Yay for bad hygiene!

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I have a bad case of writer's block. X( I also have the stomach flu... DOES THAT STOP ME FROMM WRITING? NOPE! :) It sure hinders it though... Sorry is this chapter wasn't funny...