Part 10
It was about the time she reached the undergrowth that Kagome heard Sango's distinctive voice enunciating the word 'hentai'. It seemed to echo across the darkened rice fields before being absorbed into the forest. With a shake of her head and a half smile, the Shikon no Miko pushed back a low branch and entered the forest.
There had been a time when she feared the dark and would never have gone off alone into a forest. Even after coming through the well a number of times, Kagome still did not trust her surrounding enough to go into the forest at dark, especially not with the immature, unpredictable, and possibly dangerous half-demon Fate had thrown her into association with hanging around. It was not until after Tetsusaiga had come into the picture that she'd started to settle down and accept her destiny.
What is you destiny, a silent voice asked. Are you supposed to be here, searching with him for the jewel, or is there a reason for what's happened? She stopped for a moment with this question in mind. If I was meant to see InuYasha and Kikyo together then it must be wrong for us to be together. For me to stay here. Her own words to Kaede, Sango, and Miroku came back to her. She wasn't supposed to stay in the past, her life and future were in modern times, and she had to get this through to InuYasha then get Hojo home. Kagome could picture his face with its strong lines and handsome features perfectly. Standing there she could become lost in his eyes and imagine how it would feel to be hugged, even kissed, by him.
A soft breeze whispering through the forest carried her scent along the ground, swirling around a figure that sat hunched beneath a huge Goshinboku tree, before lifting and disappearing into the canopy overhead.
InuYasha looked up at Kagome's approach, though without his demon senses, he could not clearly distinguish who it was. He focused on the shadowed face for a moment then recognized his miko. She climbed the roots and sat next to him, not too close he noticed, with her back to the trunk, watching the forest as he did.
The silence that is not really silent returned, her addition to the scene changing little. She didn't even look at him. InuYasha was not sure what he was supposed to do, say, or how to act. He had defended his own and was not ashamed or sorry for attacking the guy. Hell, he was still praying the bastard would die, then things could get back to normal. But that was the problem with it. Kagome didn't know that Kikyo had betrayed him, stealing the shards, and putting them back to where they were before Kagome had left. Kikyo had only taken a few shards, not the entire chunk Kagome had, but it still ached knowing she been acting the entire time.
InuYasha looked at his human hands. There were scratches from where he'd taken his anger out on a sapling, after having lost his demon strength, and they were dirty, a possible aftereffect of his earlier fight. He could remember only a few days past when he'd held Kikyo's in these hands, that he'd kissed her and touched her face with the greatest of kindness, that he'd imagined his hands on her throat, squeezing the undead life from her, returning the lost souls to that nameless, placeless enigma from whence they came. She'd been cruel too, saying the entire time she's known Kagome was there, faking her emotions and telling InuYasha everything he wanted to hear.
Just remembering sent waves of hot anger and raging hate through his veins. That Bitch will get hers, I promise...
"She only stole a few shards, InuYasha. We'll get them back." Kagome's voice was a sort of soft rain on his burning fire. It took him a minute to realize he'd spoken his last thought out loud.
"Umm, ya..." He looked at his hands for a moment more then turned to her. "Why did you stab the tree?"
Kagome flinched visibly, even in the total darkness. She didn't really want to talk about it and had been eternally grateful to Hojo for never asking.
"Well, I was pretty mad at you, because of what I saw and that you didn't come all night."
She paused long enough for him to think that was the only explanation he would get, but then it all seemed to change, the mood, his surroundings, their relationship... because when she continued InuYasha could hear the pain she felt, could imagine how it all would appear in her mind and through her eyes, and understood what she was asking.
"That morning, after you didn't come, I looked at the tree and instead of having a happy feeling, a relieved and protected feeling, I was alone. You'd chosen her and you knew I knew and I felt like you didn't care. It seemed that you knew what I felt for you and you purposely turned away from me because I wasn't her, because I was only the reincarnation. And then I stabbed the tree because... well, it's stupid, really," she said, her voice taking a bashful tone.
He closed his eyes, willing tears not to come, not wanting to hear her but needing to know. "Tell me," he croaked, tell me what I've done, what I've destroyed...
Kagome swallowed, the annoying lump in her throat making it hard to talk. "I started loving you when I removed Kikyo's arrow, and, I thought, if I put the arrow back, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much."
"That maybe you'd stop loving me?" It hurt to even think, but it had to be said. He reminded himself again that he'd created this.
Kagome stood and turned to face the tree, her hand reaching out and passing over the rough scar.
"InuYasha, what do you want? I need to know, so...."
He raised his head, focusing on nothing in particular. "I want things to be the way they were, I want normalcy."
"Normalcy...", she echoed, "is there really such a thing?"
Before the silence could end the conversation completely, InuYasha stood and turned to Kagome. He watched her for a moment, the way her hair caught the breeze slightly and her eyes reflected tiny amounts of starlight. She was magical and she had been, possibly still was, in love with him.
"There was for me, after I met you and before I ruined it." Kagome's head snapped and her gaze locked with his. "I didn't know what I had until I couldn't have it. Even with Kikyo it felt wrong and I believe that for you, being with that bastard human is wrong." His voice had risen in volume and intensity as he spoke. He gave a growl, his hands fisted at his side.
Though he couldn't see it, Kagome's expression spoke volumes about the fury his words had invoked. She stood stone still, watching the half-demon fuss and fume, cursing the human side of his heritage, and silently containing her temper. She dropped her hand, crossed her arms over her chest, and leaned on the tree. The dog demon continued to complain about being human.
"Calm down will you?" Kagome said, her voice controlled and even.
InuYasha stopped his ranting to regard her and finally noticed her thinly suppressed anger. Something he'd said had pushed a button, and he mentally kicked himself for sticking his foot in his mouth again.
"You know," she began, "I came out here to see if we could work out something so that we could continue collecting the shards without being awkward around one another, and to possibly salvage whatever it is that remains of our relationship." InuYasha flinched at her mention of their relationship. He opened his mouth to speak, but Kagome held up a hand, effectively silencing him.
"I guess I should have also asked if you were planning on listening to me at all or just nodding along and then doing whatever you want." She shoved away from the tree, climbed down to the ground, and began walking, stomping almost, back towards the village.
"Kagome," InuYasha called. She didn't stop. "Dammit, Kagome, were not done talking."
"Oh, yes we are," she replied without slowing. "I cannot believe I actually thought I might get through that thick skull of yours or that you might just be understanding. Talk about great expectations..."
"Wait, Kagome, let me finish." He caught her arm, spinning her to face him. "I want to apologize..."
Her eyebrows went up so high they disappeared under her bangs. "Apologize? You never..."
"Well I do now! But you owe me an apology too, and then we can get back to normal."
"What do I..."
"For getting with that guy. If I'm going to say 'I'm sorry' about Kikyo, you have to also for him."
Kagome wrenched her arm from his grasp and took a step back. Some scattered starlight fell across her face and InuYasha could hardly believe his eyes for what he saw. She wore an expression that crossed between horror and pity.
InuYasha tensed, trying to determine what she was focused on. His hand was on Tetsusaiga's hilt before he realized Kagome was giving him this look. Something in his stomach, that strange panic he'd felt a week before when he'd watched Kagome and the human man under the tree, rose up his throat and almost choked him.
"What?" he asked in a small voice.
Kagome took another step back, beyond his reach. "You think I did this, that I let Hojo comfort me just to get back at you?"
InuYasha shrugged, "well, you said so yourself that you were angry with me."
She gasped in amazement, tears of rage forming in her eyes. Kagome had to look at something else, anything else, before she lost control and hit him.
"Wow," she whispered. "You know, I thought we'd been together long enough to kind of know one another, to be able to understand how the other thinks."
"We do know each other, Kagome, that's why we can just apologize and go back to normal..."
"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!," she screamed.
"OF COURSE I KNOW YOU," he shouted back. "IT'S KIKYO'S SOUL IN THERE AND SHE'S MY SOUL MATE!!" InuYasha's voice drifted out into the forest, echoing for a brief measure before becoming part of the silence.
He had never really seen Kagome lose her composure. She was standing before him, just beyond arm reach, with tears streaming down her cheeks, and seething with anger. He could see her hating him, could see her trying to control her temper and her hurt feelings at the same time, could feel her leaving him with each passing second.
"Gods, Kagome," InuYasha took a cautious step forward, sorrow in his posture. "I...I don't, I mean, I'm..."
"Go to Hell"
She turned her back on him and began towards the village at a faster pace than earlier. The pain inside her blended with the hate she was currently feeling towards InuYasha causing her to be strangely numb. It was euphoric, calm, and wrong all in the same instant. Overall it made her want to hurt him back, to SIT him straight to Hell and then again, to tell him something that made him feel the way she felt. Empty, worthless, and alone.
Miroku and Sango were still outside Kaede's hut though now sitting a fair distance apart. In the dim starlight, Kagome could tell that the priest was sporting a few new bruises and that the demon huntress was still had an eagle eye on the man. She nodded to them as she passed, went through the forward room to where Hojo still slept, and then finally collapsed in a dark corner where she could see both her wounded friend and the door. Silent tears rained down her cheeks and Kagome just let them. She didn't care.
InuYasha approached Miroku and Sango, who were now standing next to each other; gazing at the door Kagome had just disappeared into.
"What happened?" Sango asked.
Miroku shrugged and then they both jumped when InuYasha, whom neither had heard approach, spoke.
"I fucked it up." He sighed in the eyes of his friends, letting his shoulders slouch and his eyes tear. "I told her..." Miroku looked expectant and Sango looked annoyed. "I told her that I knew her because her soul is Kikyo's and I know Kikyo."
Neither would meet his gaze when he asked them for advice. The priest and huntress both just shrugged, not exactly indifferent but rather unable to tell him anything. They had never experienced what he was going through so they didn't know how to help him fix the huge mess that had been created.
Finally Miroku stretched his back and slapped InuYasha on the shoulder.
"Let's sleep the night and see what we see in the morning. Something might change by then if we all just get some sleep." He nodded at Sango, checking her out head to toe, before asking if she would go check on Kagome.
She seethed mildly at him then turned and entered the hut.
"Go on," the priest said, giving the half-demon a little shove in the general direction of the door. As he entered, Miroku turned back to look out at the night. The strange light hovered over InuYasha's Forest. Kaede had said once that while InuYasha was imprisoned at the Goshinboku tree there had been such a light over the forest though it had originally disappeared when Kagome revived him. Miroku had chewed on reasons for the light's reappearance, especially since InuYasha was free and the general aura of the forest was not overly evil. The light made little to no sense at all.
He sighed in exhaustion and ducked inside the hut. InuYasha sat with his back to a corner facing the door and Shippou was still curled into a ball near the fire pit. Both demons were making slight snoring noises. Miroku half-smiled, stretched, said a small chant to establish a barrier of protection, and then settled himself for the rest of the night. No one dreamed.