Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER 'gang'

Wasted (Abby)

Well, I think it's safe to say I was completely wasted - but unusually I can still remember what happened. Or at least I will be able to when my head stops pounding long enough to think. I'm currently lying on my bed, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I look across at the clock, 10:00 - I have an hour of so-called freedom

I remember watching Carter and Chen walking around the ER. He had his arm around her. I remember going to the toilets and throwing up. I remember walking back out to see them leaving the ER together.

I told Weaver I didn't feel to good and she told me to go home. I left the ER but I didn't go home. I spent most of the evening in some bar. Drinking beer and wine - so much for not mixing my drinks. I wanted it to go away - I wanted to wake up and have none of this happen. I wanted to be someone else and you know what I didn't - I felt like me. No matter how much I drunk I felt let down, empty and betrayed. When the bar closed I went to the liquor store and bought a 6 pack of beer. By 2 o clock this morning I'd drank all of them but 1 - it's in the kitchen somewhere. I don't know how I managed to crawl into bed but I kept on seeing that image - them leaving together.

All the time I thought something was there but it wasn't he wanted to be with Chen. I never saw anything there but maybe I was looking through rose- tinted spectacles. I wanted to be with him so much but I kept pushing and pushing and in the end I must have pushed to hard. But honestly if he was that quick to get with someone else then maybe he didn't care as much as I thought. In fact looking back he pushed me away - he was determined that was still hung up over Luka - it was like he wanted me to be.

I crawled off my bed and had a very long shower not that it made me feel any better but then again neither did the painkillers. Somebody up there must really hate me - I have a drinking problem, my family's screwed, my so called best friend spends all his time comforting other people - you know the type of people that you just happen to be present at the birth of their child AND I work shifts.

I make my way through several cups of coffee and walk the all too familiar route to County. Unlike usual I don't stop at Magoo's on the way in - I don't think I could face Carter or Chen in a 2 to 1 situation. I know it's unlikely that I wont see them but in the ER there's more opportunity to escape.

I walk straight past the lounge, instead I go to the nurses station. As per usual the conversation is trivial.

'Morning Abby'

I put on a fake smile

'Hey'

'You alright girl you look'

'Hung over?'

'I wasn't going to say that but now you mention it!'

'Don't worry about it but I look better than I feel'

'Feeling kind of low then'

'Thanks Malik'

'That's not what I meant'

'Don't sweat it'

I turned to walk into the lounge - I had 5 minutes to get coffee.

I was at the coffee machine when I heard the door close behind me.

'Is it true?'

It was an all to familiar voice - a voice I didn't think I could cope with.

'Is what true?'

I turned to face him

'That you're hung over'

'Carter don't start'

'Is that where you went last night? To a bar'

'Is that any of your business?'

'Probably not but I want to help you'

'Yeah, right'

'You know how this could spiral don't you? You ought to go to a meeting before it gets too bad'

'Carter just shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. Can't you see it is already bad. Just shut up'

By this point I was yelling. He just looked at me. I wish I could just pull those eyes out of his sockets and give him one that didn't look at me like that.

I composed myself and said in whisper, 'Just go back to Chen'

I put my coffee down and headed to the door but he blocked my path

'Is that what this is about?'

'Let me past'

'Why wont you talk to me?'

It was at this point I thanked God for nosy nurses especially Haleh

'Is everything Ok in here'

I shook my head and left. I heard him call my name but didn't turn around, I couldn't.

Hmm, I quite like this fic but the question is do you?!?!?!?! Feedback always welcome/NEEDED. As before I need some background info on Gallant if anyone has any and I'm also looking for some other sites to post my fiction on so to get more feedback.