Nobody Knows
Part 2~ Goodbye to You
Okay, so I lied. I really wasn't going to continue this, but lately I've gotten a bunch of e-mails asking me to continue. I've actually had half of this part written for a couple of months, pretty much since I wrote the first part, but I couldn't figure out where I was going and I got frustrated and didn't like it so I gave up. But then I found a song I really wanna use for the next part, so I decided to go ahead and finish this. And if the reason Monica left is stupid it's because I started this not intending to give an actual reason, I just wanted it to be that she left. And I don't remember if I ever said that I don't own the characters, but I don't. And the song's by Michelle Brach, so I don't own that either.
Monica paused, not believing what she was about to do. Squeezing her eyes shut, she refused to cry. She would not cry.
She just had to get this over with. She wasn't being fair to him. She wasn't being fair to herself. She'd been thinking about this for awhile now, and since nothing had changed, she was going to do it.
Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get this over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
This wasn't the life she had dreamed of. She wasn't sure what was, but she knew that she wouldn't find it staying here. Her life was just…monotonous. The same. Everyday, the same. It was comfortable, but she wasn't ready for just comfortable. And their relationship wasn't really going anywhere. Maybe if it was going somewhere, and then they got comfortable, it'd be okay.
Sighing, Monica sat down on the bed, watching Chandler sleep, slowly breathing in and out. She took a deep breath, wondering if she really had the will power to start all over again.
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said…
Monica looked down at the piece of paper in her hand. She didn't even have the guts to say it to his face, and that was what disgusted her the most with herself. Not the fact that she was leaving, but the fact that she was leaving him with a note. But it wasn't just that she didn't have the guts to tell him to his face, she didn't know what she'd say to him. What reason she could rationalize in words that he could understand.
Unfolding the piece of paper, Monica slowly read over the words she had written, rereading one line more that once.
'If we're not going anywhere, I'm not going to stay.'
She usually wasn't good with the whole wax poetic thing, but that line sounded good. And she hated it. It was going to break his heart, and she knew it. She'd also written down the phone number and address of a friend of a colleague she was going to stay with until she found someplace to live, but asked him not to call her, not to come after her, saying that she needed to let go.
Monica placed the note down on the nightstand next to the alarm clock so that he'd see it when he woke up. Leaning down, she gave him a soft kiss on the lips, resisting the urge she had to make it last longer as she didn't want him to wake up.
"I love you," Monica whispered as she stood up.
She slowly walked over to the door, grabbing her bags and looking back at him once more before turning to leave, leaving him alone in her bed with nothing but a note.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
*Six months later*
Monica quickly pulled her shirt on when she heard the knock on the door, running to answer it. 'The one time she's early and I'm not ready,' she thought, but opening the door, she realized just how wrong she was. "Chandler."
"Look, Mon, I-I think I have some stuff I need to say," he started hesitantly, as if he thought she'd slam the door in his face.
Monica stepped aside, letting him come in out of the rain before closing it behind him.
"I love you," he started, looking her in the eye, "I realize that I never said any of the right things or did any of the right things and I don't know if you ever knew how I felt and I don't know why it took me six months without you to realize it for myself, but, Monica, I'm in love with you," he paused, "And I'm sorry that I screwed up, but, Mon, I need you…I'll give you the world if you give me a second chance."
He thought it was his fault. He thought that she left because of something he did, or something he didn't do. No other reason, just him.
Monica stared back into his eyes, trying her best not to get lost in them, but it was no use. The second she'd made the mistake of looking into them, she was gone. Tearing her eyes away from his, she looked toward the ground, squeezing her eyes shut.
Every instinct she had told her to take what he was giving her, Tell him all was forgiven, tell him that he was all she ever thought of, tell him that she could hardly live a day with out him.
But that wasn't right.
Monica finally took a deep breath, looking back up to meet his gaze.
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day
Without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my
Thoughts away
To a place where
I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Monica looked back up at Chandler, the pleading look he was giving her killing her inside.
"I-I think I have somethings I need to say, too," Monica started. "I didn't leave because of you," she said quietly, looking back down.
"What?" Chandler looked at her, confused.
"I didn't leave because of you…I left because of me," she looked back up, "I just, I wasn't happy…I-I needed something else."
"And you couldn't have told me that then?"
"What?"
"I've spent the last six months feeling guilty because I thought that I made you leave. I thought that I somehow managed to fuck up once again and it was my fault that you left."
"Chand-"
"I'm not done," he snapped, cutting her off. "Screw everything I just told you. I've felt like shit for the past six months because I was missing you and I thought that it was all my fault," he paused, walking toward the door. "Leaving because I screwed up I could at least understand. Leaving for your own selfish reasons and letting me think it was my fault I can't."
"Chandler, wait," Monica finally said, moving in front of the door. "I do love you," she whispered, trying to hold back the tears that were now threatening.
"Well you left, not me," Chandler said bitterly as he walked past her and out the door.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
Monica watched him get about halfway down the block before running after him. "Chandler, wait," she repeated, running to catch up with him, "Chandler."
"Monica," Chandler sighed, finally stopping as Monica caught up.
"Please don't leave," she pleaded.
"Why, does something give you the monopoly over leaving?"
"Chandler-"
"I was stupid to come here when you told me not to, I don't know why I did," he started to walk away again.
"I want to let you go and I want to make you stay and I want to go after you, but I don't want to hurt you again," Monica said quietly, barely audible over the still falling rain.
Chandler once again stopped, turning to face her. "What do you really want so bad that you had to leave to find it?"
Monica shrugged, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're all I've thought about for the past six months…I thought that if I got away from everything, I could figure out what it was that I really wanted," she paused, "But as it turns out…I want you."
It hurts to want everything and
Nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
Monica stood, waiting for Chandler to respond. He finally looked up, still not saying a word, but he finally made eye contact.
"Um, do you, uh, do you want to come back in for awhile? Dry off…warm up?" Monica finally offered hesitantly, not sure of how to feel if he rejected.
Chandler still didn't say anything, but walked back toward her, and Monica couldn't help but smile as they walked back to her door.
And when the stars fall, I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
Sooooo, do you people still want me to keep going? Let me know…