Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ER 'gang'

Authors Notes: Thanks to Laura for her help on this chapter

Miscommunication (John)

'Abby', I shout after her but she keeps on walking.

If she wants to play it like that then that's her perogative.

'Carter get out of here'

'What?'

'Go get a coffee or something, to be honest I don't care what you do just go and calm down'

That was half an hour ago, now I'm at the river. I've calmed down physically but my heads been all over the place, it still is. So many different emotions: anger, disappointment, guilt, fear, self-disgust etc.

She doesn't know about Chen but I still don't understand, I was being a friend to Chen, helping her through a tough time; I did that for Abby when she was with Luka. Double standards.

She doesn't know as much about me as she thinks. I'm lying. She knows a lot, more than a lot of people but she only believes what she wants to. And I know a lot about her, not as much as I'd like. I wish she'd trust me and tell me when she was hurt - I used to be able to tell, she let down her barriers for me but now, now shes built them back up. So much has changed since then, she used to be my friend, my best friend, now shes something else, something more.

To be honest I think she knows, she chooses not to admit it. I think she feels the same, it would explain her comment about Chen. That shocked me. In any other circumstances that would've almost been funny but today wasn't a joke. Today, something happened, something that could change everything.

I think back to earlier, the part when I realised so much had changed

'Can't you see it is already bad'

A great friend I am, I should've seen it coming. She felt so bad she had a drink, not just 1 or 2 enough to get drunk, enough to start it all again. Not only did I fail to notice that she felt that low, not only did I not notice she was drinking but when she tell me I preached.

I should apologise. I had no right to say that to her, so hypocritical. I have to apologise and now.

I walk back to County, it's only now that I realise how cold it actually is.

It's unusually quiet as I walk through the door. Kerry's just got in the elevator, Pratt and Gallant are arguing in the corridor and the rest of the staff are crowded around the admit desk. I cant see Abby, she might be in the lounge. Just before I reach the lounge I hear her voice behind me. Shes not talking to me shes talking with everyone else. Everyone but me. I decide to join the conversation or at least try to listen to it. I grab a chart from the rack so that my involvement doesn't seem too desperate. No- one looks up but Susan.

'Carter, are you going to join us at the lava lounge?'

I make it look as if I've only just been acquainted with the conversation, hopefully Susan won't notice.

'Who's we?'

I need to know if she's going.

'Me, Malik, Chuny, Luka.'

'Um, you know I don't think so'

'Ditching your friends hey?'

That's ironic - didn't think I had any left.

'No, I'm just not in the mood'

Susan raised her eyebrows and turned her attention to Abby.

'What about you Abby?'

I'm watching her so hard I'm surprised I haven't burnt a hole in her arm. She looks at me, square in the eye, her eyes look different, not cold but desolate.

'Yeah, why not'

I cant quite make out whether she did it because she honestly wants to or whether she said it to spite me. Whichever one it was I don't want to be near her now. I take the chart and walk into Curtain 1.

My initial reaction was shock I couldn't believe she was going to set herself up all over again, but, after being with a few patients I just wanted to know why. But she wont talk to me, I've tried several times. I'm off now though it can wait till tomorrow.

Maybe it wont, shes standing in the ambulance bay talking to Gallant. I could talk to her or I could just say goodnight, I'll talk to her, I wont be able to sleep if I don't, anyway, what have I got to lose.

I walk out the doors hoping she'll notice me, if I have to start I'll say something I'll regret. Gallant sees me. He says goodbye to me and Abby, alerting her of my presence and then he goes back through the doors.

'Come to warn me about another one of my vices'

I need to lighten the tone, make it tolerable.

'I have vices too you know'

That came out wrong

'Really? I'd never have guessed that. That makes you a hypocrite as well as a preacher'

'Why are you so angry at me?'

She let out a sarcastic sigh.

'All I wanted to do was help you'

'Help me, fix me, same difference'

'Why wont you let someone help you?'

'You mean why wont I let you help me'

She was right. I didn't want just anyone to help her, I wanted to help her.

'Your right, that is what I meant, but surely the answers the same'

'I'm not your problem to solve'

'Why wont you help yourself then?'

Our voices were rising again.

'I..'

Her voice was faltering, she didn't know what to say.

'Uh, I.'

She was about to cry. I knew she wouldn't, not in front of me anyway.

'You have no idea what I've been through'

'Whats that then? Desperation? I've been there. Vicious circles? Done them too. Realising your best friend doesn't talk to you anymore? What do you think we're doing now'

I didn't just say that.

She looks up at me, I see her eyes change, that look of sadness, that look from in the lounge return.

She bows her head again.

'Realising my best friend doesn't need me anymore'

She's turned and started to walk before it hits me what she said.

'I do need you. More than you think'

Yey!! I've updated all of my current fics (I think) this week. Hopefully there'll be some more updates over the next few weeks. Another mention to Laura is required as she helped a lot with this chapter. Please review I know I need the feedback!!!!!! Luv Hna xXx